I love my kids. They are gifts from God. I wanted so badly to raise them in a Christian home with two parents that loved them unconditionally.<P>They are 5 and 10 and their Dad moved out 5 months ago. <P>Yesterday, I smelled something burning and found them in the laundry room hall with every candle they could find. Boy, are these kids quick. 5 minutes before I had checked on them and they were watching Nic. <P>Anyway, I would have normally been furious because they know better than to play with fire, but something about their faces said Be Calm... <P>I asked what they were doing and my 5 year old son said, "We are praying that Daddy will come home".<P>This really has affected me. I made them put the candles out but I didn't even make them pick them up. <P>When their Dad came in this AM to take them to school, he noticed the burned matches in the trash. He was asking me about them and all I said was have Austin explain what they were doing. His son looked at him and said I was praying you would come home, Daddy. H just got quiet but never missed a beat. He did leave this AM without saying goodbye or the traditional sisterly hug. I will see him at ballgame tonight.<P>The last thing I wanted was for my children to be dragged into this. However, I felt he had the right to know that they wanted him home. He told me a couple of weeks ago that the kids understood what he was doing and that they were ok with it. I don't know how he formed this conclusion but I'm glad our son told him what he did this AM. <P>Now, I have to decide how to act at the game tonight. I have been playing it cool and letting him think all is well. Personally I feel taken advantage of, used, and neglected. How can I still love someone who is so cold-hearted and selfish?<P>I just wanted to share my story so I could get it out on paper(screen). It helps me to write. Thanks for listening and if you have any words of wisdom, please reply. I'm not feeling that strong today.<P>Lynn

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by peoplepleaser:<BR><B>Now, I have to decide how to act at the game tonight. I have been playing it cool and letting him think all is well. Personally I feel taken advantage of, used, and neglected. How can I still love someone who is so cold-hearted and selfish?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>(((((Lynn)))))<P>Children are amazing creatures full of pure unconditional love, that was so sweet of them. Anyway I say you just continue to play it cool. I don't know how or why we love these people when they treat us like they do but we do. <P><P>------------------<BR>Love, Bill<P>-There are none so blind as those who refuse to see!-<BR>-Stand up and do the right thing, even if your standing alone.-

That's a beautiful story. You did very well. I suggest you just stay cool but not hostile with h.<P>And good luck.<P>My children used to pray for their dad to come home. And I used to pray - and I still can - for the healing of our home. That doesn't state how many parents would be there. <P>(And x is never coming back and that's ok. I hope he likes his new wife.)<P>But I'm really proud of you for doing so well with the situation.

Hi Michele... That HAS to speak to him. Well, I'd say continue keeping your cool... make your home a place where you H is drawn to... a place he wants to be. Yes, he was likely convicted this morning but if he has an ounce of sensitivity he will re-think the whole thing. BUT, you must make your home a santuary - one where he feels welcome, loved for who HE is and not who he's expected to be. In other words, keep your GIVER in the forefront.<P>As for tonight... it's okay to not pretend everything is okay, you are sad... just try not to be angry. Anger is a secondary emotion that is a reaction to either frustration, pain or fear. So, try to identify your primary emotion and act that out instead of anger... it's helped me tremendously to avoid LBing behavior. Plan A is not *smile and everything is okay* type of pretense... it's just holding back LBs... you know that. Well, some LBs like your sadness or fear of the future or whatever are very natural to you. I don't think it's right to stuff that down. <P>Your kids are precious and I'm so glad you didn't stiffle their emotional response to this. It's truly unbelievable. Sometimes I think it's through the kids that spouses will wake up... I don't know.<P>Take care,<BR>Nicole<P>------------------<BR><I>"You will deceive yourself into believing that if people, circumstances, and events had been different, your pain would not exist...Your pain is the concrete way in which you participate in the pain of humanity."</I> <BR>~ Henri Nouwen ~

I was touched by reading what your kids did. I know my 3 kids have been very affected by H's affair and when he filed for D on me even though we are in recovery now.( long story!) When I mentioned to my oldest ( 14 yr old daughter) that H and I were having marriage problems she immediately asked if we were getting divorced and started to cry. I said, I sure hope not. She went to school and promptly flunked a math test there. There is NO WAY this doesnt mess up the kids- my H kept saying we could leave our 3 kids out of it- I told him our kids are in the middle whether he admits to it or not. Your H is probably in mid life crisis like mine has been. They only think about what THEY want. My mom gave me great advice when she told me 'You'll have to be the grownup for awhile.' Its hard. Take care lifeismessy