Okay gang. Another business trip is coming up in a few days--this time not to Utah, but the entire time he'll be with females. <P>Any suggestions? He is going to do what he is going to do, so don't worry about that. What I want to know is do you have any suggestions for me (other than sedative drugs and drinking)? Remind me of some of the stuff I can be doing for myself NOW, so that I'm not so nuts while he's gone and when he returns.<P>Thanks!!<P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

I have followed your posts with great concern about you and your H and your family. My prayers are with you daily. But to your current fork in the road - I can only say that you only have one option, tell him your concerns and let him prove what he is made of. If he wanders more, you have your answer - if he doesn't wander & provides the support you have requested before, during, and after the trip, then you have some building blocks to start re-building the marriage.<P>I know he will come through - and you will too!!!!<P>HA

Faithfulwife,<P>I understand your concern about his trip..because of his<BR>past affair..but you can choose to 1. trust him..or <BR>2. worry yourself sick over something you have no control over..(he's a grown man and will do what he pleases whether<BR>you like it or not) <P>would he tell you if he had another affair anyway??? <BR>Other than just to hurt you??<P>So, I'd suggest.. you call some girlfriends and go to dinner<BR>and movie..or if you like to skate then do that..or go to a measuem..or if there is a room in the house that you'd like to re-paint or decorate..then do it..if you live near the ocean go for a drive to the beach..or to the mountains..<BR>sit down and read a good book if you like to read (I think you do as much as you read all these posts..LOL)<P>Make a list of things that YOU like to do..and go do them..<BR>I like to rollerskate...so I bought myself some skates..and go skating w/ my kids occassionally...<P>But in the words of a wise little girl...(my now 9 year old daughter..she was 7 when she said this) If I keep waiting on dad to be here for me to do this (for her it was get baptisted) I'll never do it...so quit waiting on him to be around for you to do the things you enjoy doing..and just go do them..you'll feel better..and you'll like yourself better..and who knows..he may get jealous that your actually going off without him...I know that my stbx got angry when I stopped waiting on him to be around to go do the things I wanted to do..and insisted.."YOU JUST WANT TO BE SINGLE" <BR>He still doesn't get it..I'd rather have had him around to do these things with..but he was never here..and I got tired of staying home 24/7 w/ 3 kids..when they also wanted to go do things..we would take off on weekends and go to the beach..I got one daughter into dance, the other into basketball..(he even got jealous of the friendships I formed w/ the other parents) I went back to college, and put my son in pre-k which is something HE LOVED because he was with other kids and was in "school" like his sisters..but all the while stbx has insisted that I did all of these things all because I wanted to be single...<P>So..take it from someone whose been there..make a list of things that YOU enjoy and just go do them..meet new people..ask friends to go with you..or just go alone..and enjoy it..if you have caller ID..and he calls..look to see who it is thats calling..and DON'T ANSWER the phone if he calls..and when he call's back then you can answer the phone..if your home..if you live near a spa..take the day and treat yourself to a massage..and facial..and just go relax..<BR>

Have him chemically castrated before the trip and then you have nothing to worry about.<P>If that's not possible then like ThornedRose said, do something for CJ. You're right in saying that he's going to do what he's going to do and if he's been dishonest to you in the past there is nothing to say that he won't lie to you about this trip. Not all of us can turn water into wine and you just may be stuck with water.<P>So I say focus all your energy on you. Do something special for you.

Okay, okay. This goes along quite well with my post from my other thread that I have recently decided to just live my life and do the things that bring my joy, so I get that. On the last trip, while he was literally "in the lion's den" I showed at a dog show and I brought my daughter with me. It was an outdoor show, so we got to have picnics and groom the dogs in our bare feet, so I had a good time AND enjoyed connected with my daughter. <P>I was just hoping there was a pill I could take or something, you know. <P>While he's gone, I have to our old house ready for new renters, take my kids to their first couple days of school, get my son off to a "high school outing" so I will be VERY busy. For two of the days, it will just be myself and my daughter, so we should be able to have some great girl time. I'm already planning some of the "fun" things I want to do just because I enjoy them. <P>But some days, I just wish he would call the women on this business trip and tell them, "I LOVE MY WIFE. I WANT TO DO BUSINESS ONLY. I PICK HER AND I AM NOT GOING TO FLIRT WITH YOU!!" Know what I mean? It always starts off so innocently and friendly and then gets more serious and ...<P>I have GOT to get off this merry-go-round and back onto solid ground!!!<P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

CJ - what about a candlelit bath with nice music and a cup of tea - or a glass of wine? And maybe a good book.<P>Oh, I vote for a fingernail polish party with the daughter. <P>

CJ,<P>How long before this trip?? is it this weekend??<P>Don't know what your sex life is like with him at this point..but maybe take get a sitter the night before he leaves..or a couple nights before he leaves..and just have<BR>some adult time..BEFORE he leaves..maybe have some wild sex..that will give him something to think about while he's gone??? Just a thought..