Guys, it has been a good/bad weekend. I sold the house and am picking up the check today! Also, moved out over the weekend so things are stabilizing. Wife came over to drop off the kids and scavenged around the place just throwing stuff into the floor, got a few things, left the kids and walked out. Sunday, she had the gall to ask me for the washer and dryer, the christmas ornatments and some other things "she would like". Why do I feel like the buzzard is picking over the bones. Also, her parents cleaning lady knows my mom and told my mom that my wife and kids area of the house was a disaster area (took her 7 hours to clean). She also said, she quit working for my wifes parents because of that and the condition of the kids living area. My wifes parents have been traveling for the last 3 weeks and were not there during this time. Also, wife helped out last week with kids football practice but told me I was "killing her" because I needed her to drop them off tomorrow because I had a counseling appointment. I thanked her for last week, but I am tiring of her demands and her lack of commitment to taking my children to church. I have offered to get them every Sunday morning and keep them until 2:00 on Sundays so that they get there. This was in the agreement, but she has not kept it. The important thing is that they get there. That FAR outweighs my benefit should we go to divorce. I really dont recognize her anymore. I am doing WELL and feel great. Perhaps this will be the best money I have ever spent (as far as getting rid of her). I could understand if she were DOING something, but all she does is want, want, want. I think I need some stronger boundaries. I have not lovebusted, I have been nice, happy, cordial and moving forward. I have my sights on a new house in about 1 month and feel great. I have paid off about 11k in debt over the last 4 months and she has paid about 1700. I feel successful. She is really starting to get on my nerves.<P>Any suggestions? She always ask me about how much I got for the house, where I am moving, what I am doing, for favors, etc. I have asked about her general plans to help facilitate my move closer to the kids. Her response - I dont want to talk about it, none of your business. I am really getting irratated. I dont want to move closer then have her move further away. Frankly, i am getting pissed

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Any suggestions? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You are sounding so together and sensible, I wouldn't insult you by presuming to give you advice. You're doing great. Whatever instincts you're following seem to be healthy and true.<P><p>[This message has been edited by dabigtrain (edited September 17, 2001).]

RobC<P>hugs to you! I am beginning to feel the stirrings of pissedness (is that a word? It is NOW!!!) myself!!!<P>Okay, today I spoke to my H and, for the first time really couldn't care less. I know where you are right now. You give, give give and nothing's happening. You get sick of it.<P>Time for a time out!!!<P>Is the agreement for church arrangements a legal one? If so get something done about it. If not, ditto!<P>You don't have to share anything with her...she won't with you, why should you? Of course your concerns are the children.<P>How long is it that you have been Plan A'ing? I can't remember. But maybe it's Plan B time...that's how I feel, but my Plan A has been for (wow) 10 months now...I have been glibly saying six months, but I just worked it out.<P>((((((((((((((RobC))))))))))))))))))))))<P>You are a good person. At this time in her life, your w is not. Take heart, and remember you ar a valuable commited, worthwhile person, even if she never sees it.<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky

Big,<BR>Thanks! I needed to hear that. I feel wonderful and am moving forward. I guess I just dont understand why all of the things SHE is NOW doing were her reasons for leaving ME!? It is so IRONIC!. How are things going for you Big?<P>Jacky,<BR>Thank you too! It seems that you are making it and sometimes that is all we can hope for. I think it is time for a plan B for you. I have been plan A'ing for four months to no avail. I will be going to a plan a/b hybrid. No contact unless absolutely necessary, but nice and cordial at football/soccer games. Hang in there! It does start to get better. I tell myself each day that I dont NEED her and I will be okay either way. It must be daily. Then I set about my goals, dreams, and aspirations. If it works out, great, I will be a better man, and a better husband. If it doenst, I will be a better man and a better husband, just for someone else! God IS in control, even when we dont think He is. I take great comfort in THAT!

Rob,<P>My stbx and I can't get rid of anything or do anything with the items we possess until we have a property settlement which brings me to a question. Are you guys splitting everything evenly?<P><BR>Someone on here once said, "Don't argue over the little things, when splitting things up." I so agree with that, if it means more for her to have than you, just let her have it. They were so right. Why cause yourself stress in fighting over things you really don't care that much about?<P><BR>On the maid, this really has nothing to do with you, but if I knew that maid I would tell her "Shame on you! Shame on you! A maid should be discreet and should never gossip about someone's house. There is a code of ethics maids should have and you are resorting to idle gossip." If she were my maid and she told me someone else's house were messy I would fire her butt! (ok, whewww, I feel better getting that out.)<P>Ok, regarding your children's messy area's. You can not make your wife teach them how to be clean and to clean up after themselves. The only thing that you can do is on the days when you have them you can teach them how to be organized and clean up after themselves. You can teach them how to feel good about their living space. As a mom, I can say this is SUCH a hard job. The easy way out for me would be just to do it myself and not bother with the whining, moaning, groaning and the I am tooooooo tired, I have no time to play comments that I am always hearing, but how would this be helping my children. I think this causes low self esteem, when they aren't taught how to clean up after themselves or when they feel that the parent feels they are not capable of taking care of their living area and does it all for them.<P>Keep working on getting those kids to church. It is so good that you saw you can't make her do this and you need to take it in your own hands and get them there. You will succeed eventually in doing this, that I am sure of.<P>Good luck with everything! You seem to be getting it together!<P>Love,<P>ANNA<P>P.S.<BR>BTW, I want to see you post on my "what did you do for yourself today" thread!!!!<P>