What kind of person my VSTBX is...<P>Yesterday I received her "Bill of Complaint" (the irony is not lost on me) Right after I got off the phone with my attorney, she calls. Her car has broken down & she and my son are stranded. Could I come and get her, and oh, by the way, loan her the truck till her car is repaired?<P>And of course, I did.<P>So, where was Mr. Wonderful? I hope she doesn't think I'm going to bail her out every time something goes wrong. That's someone elses responsibility now. Looks like he's not up to the task. Pity, but she's a high maintenance item with a huge requirement for bailouts. He's going to be one busy boy scout.<P>Any doubt I ever had about her character is now completely removed. I cannot wait until this is over.<BR><P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

cOOker,<P>Good attitude, glad you seem to be taking it with some humour.<P>It sounds like you are well up the road for recovery, my journey is just beginning. Wish I could speed it up some!

Cooker,<P>Since the son was stranded too, I'd say this one was your responsibility. At the least to go pick up the son and say see ya later, stbx, I'm sure the O/M will be here soon for you.<P>Take care.<P>ANNA<P>

Kind Sir Nick - I would say you took the high road here and did the thing most admirable. But such a knight in shining armor as you would do no less. <P>By the way, when are you cycling over to help me with my yard? I could offer a steak, baked potato, salad, and wonderful dessert not to mention a great rub down for those tired muscles.

c00ker,<P>I think you did well in helping..it shows your character<BR>and strength..not just that it was to help your son..but <BR>that she knew you were dependable and trustworthy to be <BR>there to help her..(something that she will look back on<BR>regret leaving behind) It also took great strength on<BR>your part to not mention OM during this time..and ask <BR>why she didn't call on him to help..even though I am sure<BR>you wanted too.. and I know it doesn't mean much to you..<BR>but I am Proud of you for that..(especially my having been the WS, but then I am not used to having someone there to call on when I need help with things..not even emotional support) So to me it means alot to know that there really are others out there like that..who will help even when it's not convient for them to do so..or even painful to help..<BR>I have always done that..helped even when it wasn't the best time for me..or when it was painful to do so, even when it wasn't financially feasable to do so, I went without a lot of things to make sure that my stbxh had money while he was gone even after he drank all his away, and our kids did w/ out a lot because of it, so seeing others like that is actually helpful to me..<P>But, it is very encouraging for me to know that some men are like that..thank you...<P>

Nina-<P>I am on the road to recovery. Mostly I'm there, but it takes time to get over the anger and frustration I feel over her incredibly selfish behavior. And you can't speed up this journey. It only goes at it's own slow, painful pace. But it does go on, and it does get better.<P>Anna-<P>I guess what shocked me is her belief that we can just be "friends" after all she has done. Her gall and sense of timing are just unbelievable.<P>Cinderella-<P>Sorry, but it seems current events are going to put a major damper on both my cycling and yardwork. I'm looking into a yard service to backstop me when I need to be out of town, which, unfortunately, looks to be rather substantial for the near future.<P>Rose-<P>Thank you for the kind words. My bailing her out was just who I am. I suspect I'd be less likely to have responded so quickly, had my son not been there, but it honestly amazed me that she'd call. Had our positions been reversed, I'd have never considered calling her. The fog she is in is still very thick indeed.<P>Anyhow, this little event showed me that I'm even more over her than I thought. But it is obvious that she just doesn't "get" any of this. She has absolutely no concept of what she has done to me and our son. I cannot believe that this is the same person I married.<P>Take care...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

I liked Nina's response.<p>[This message has been edited by Purple Tang (edited September 20, 2001).]

Cooker,<P>You are right, she has some gall. It sounds pretty good though. Just love to tell my STBX, hey, I don't want you as a hub anymore, but you can still come over and fix the plumbing, mow the lawn, change the light bulbs....lol Well, I'd make sure I was far, far away when I said it. Hey BTW, you don't live in my area do ya. I'll let ya be my friend. <P>Which btw, why did everything have to break after he left? My shower, the kids toilet is stopped up and two lights went out that over 15ft high. GEEEZ!!! Well, the house could fall down around me and I still wouldn't want him home. <P>Take care Mr. Rescue dude.<P>ANNA

c00ker,<P>Ya did great! In putting your son first, you showed some real moxey. If the marriage is over, it is time to start looking to create enough good will so that you and your vstbx can work together to raise and educate your son.<P>My hat is off to you.<P>Prayers and stuff,<P>Bumper

{{{Nick}}}<P>Tried to answer yesterday but my computer was acting up. I understand you and your feelings so much! It does hurt to have to go rescue someone who has had so little regard for you, but as bumper said, you've got to be commended for doing the best you can to keep the good will. I don't think she is right, and I feel your frustration. <P>It is hard to believe it has been over a year that our STBX's walked out. I am glad to see that you and your stbx can at least converse. I just had to file a police report on mine as he violated court orders and is back to causing more grief.<P>Well, need to get some sleep, but wanted to try and let you know I was thinking of you! Take care of yourself, you are a special guy.<P>Lori

Hey Nick,<P>long time no speak!!<P>I just knew that is the kind of guy you are....<P>One day, she will think back to what she has thrown away, but by then you will be so long gone.<P>Can I have your phone number so when I break down you'll come and rescue me too??? We could even 'double' on the bike!! Or can I borrow your car???? God, it would be so nice to live near some of you guys. Imagine the Friday night get together's we could all have. Wooohooooo. Oh well, it's nice to dream.<P>take care<P>love and hugs friend<P>Jo

((((((((((((((((((((((((Nick))))))))))))))))))))<P>I bet you are looking at the prospect of a long trip 'out of town'. What's your status in this mess?. I know you work for a defense contractor and that you deal with naval (?) aviation. <P>I will confess to having called the x when children needed something. Ride home from school, something like that. But not for myself except once about 6 months after he moved out when air conditioning or heating system went out in the house he was partial owner of and in which the children still lived.<P>Anna2000, have I got the book for you! Reader's Digest's book on home repairs. I have used it to repair my own clothes drier, dishwasher, and to remove, replumb, and reinstall a toilet. All of which I have done with basically minimal tools. I am now slowly buying my own. Have a ratchet driver set. Drill bits - I retained custody of one drill. Screw driver set. And about 5 hammers he took when he moved. I need saw(s) and some more things. Man, I could use that drill press right now, though - too bad he took it.<P>Oh, yeah, I even like the power tools including the sewing machine which I have used to sew my very own black silk pjs.

Cinderella,<P>What month and year was that readers digest article on home repairs??? I desperately need that.<P>BTW, I fixed the toilet. I poured four gallons of bleach in the toilet over the last three days. I let this sit over night then poured buckets of water in the toilet. I have done this before when the toilet backed up but somehow this one was a doozy!!! I thought it would never unstop. I just wonder what the kids stuck down there that needed so much Chlorox.<P>ANNA<BR>

It's a whole book!!! with great illustrations. And between the book and the instructions with the parts, I, seriously, was able to take that toilet apart, unseat and then reseat it, and replumb it and everything worked perfectly. I was so proud of myself!! <P>It's something like "Reader's Digest How-To-Fix-It-Yourself Book". I'll try to find out the title and post it here on Monday. It's a great book. You can get it for $25-30 at a bookstore. Well worth the investment. Talks about appliances and house stuff. Electical, mechanical, plumbing. All sorts of stuff. Big ole' book.<P>But it sure would be nice to have a studly man who loved me do some of these jobs.