FURRYMITN,<p>How long has it been that you and your W are separated? I think you allude to one month in your previous post. If that is the case, you might want to stay in Plan A longer. Plan A will help you to learn how to be a good mate and also help you to establish a good "track record" of new behaviors with your W. Plan B is when you just can't go anymore - the affair is continuing in your face, you are losing all love for your W, etc. Plan B is hard to implement with kids and is drastic in a sense, so you need to be ready before you go there.<p>As for Plan B letters, there are some out there. I am not exactly sure where. Someone else, please provide the links if you know where Plan B example letters are. Thanks,<p>Desiree

Furrymitn: Yes, Plan A is hard to implement with kids. I have a child and it's almost impossible to carry out. With plan a (at least in my situation), I feel as though I am treading water. I am supposed to talk with Steve tommorrow about my situation.<p>RMA: My son had a very bad day in school yesterday. It is obvious that he is unhappy and is busting out with rage. I think my wife has really screwed up big time.My mother is very upset with the situation with my son. He goes to see a counselor today.

RMA: How do I eliminate some of my pages on my messgae board?<p>Thanks.

I think I was a little at my wits end previously(read: overwhelmed). After my appt with a counselor, I feel so much better. And a long talk with a friend that is totally on the outside was another eye-opener. I am going to do my best to plan A, but with minimal contact. I'm not going to go out of my way to contact her, unless it's something needed.
My head is at least in a better place. Going to continue with the counselor, see what I can do to get myself(ME ME ME), going strong.
ah, I have a new focus.
RMA, thanks for the minor 'shake-up'. It's the same thing my counselor and friend said. It hasn't been very long(in the big picture). I tend to get a grim outlook and pessimistic on a moments notice.

Petvet,<p>Sorry, I am not as techno-saavy as others here. I don't know how to eliminate pages. You can edit your old posts, however. Click on the pencil on a particular post, and then you can edit only that particular post.<p>Sorry your son is having a rough time of it. I just am not surprised. How can your W expect him to underrstand why she needed to move away from him?? All I can say is to support that you are doing the right things. You really are, Petvet.
How are YOU hanging in there since she is pushing the divorce??<p>furrymitn,<p>Glad things are better for you since you went to counselling. I always felt better after my sessions. I went weekly for almost a year. I also did counsel a brief time with Steve H, but really we had nothing to work with. Yes, you do need to focus on yourself. One of the manifestations of betrayal is that the BS almost always portrays their sadness, grief and other traumatic expressions of the affair. The "kicker" is that these emotional outpourings almost always drive the WS further away from the BS. It just makes our situations even harder to deal with. Then, if you focus as much energy as most do in trying to restore your marriage, all you do is give and give and hold so much back because you can't deal with it and preocess it right now, and your spouse can't handle you dealing with it, etc. You just end up spent - 100% spent emotionally and often physically diminished, too.<p>Plan A at least lets you focus on positive things. How to be a good mate; how to be a good friend. Think less about whether your W desrves a good mate or a good friend, right now. Focus more on learning to BE one. Treat yourself and your daughters well. They will look to you as the stable parent in their lives. This is so confusing for them, too. It is hard to focus on yourself and positive aspects of your life when you are hurting so much and mostly just wanting answers to WHY????? But even if you had all the answers, the events have happened and they can't be taken away. <p>Try to keep focused forward, furrymitn. Your daughters need you and you deserve happiness, too. I have your family in my prayers,<p>Desiree

RMA: How am I doing? Not very well. I have a lot of frustration and anger again. Maybe because the divorce process in on hold until I get served papers so my attorney cannot do anything or I am just having a tough time of it. I have a session with Steve today but I do not expect much. I don't think there's anything to work with. I really really don't want to deal with W. My mom is giving me a hard time because my W is not doing right by our son. She does not call son when she has told son she will call, etc. How do they expect me to explain why she won't do this or that? Yesterday, I took son to counselor. It was very sad to the point of me crying. He gets very little of the situation and he appears to be in no man's land. He talked more than the counselor expected. He is having difficulty sleeping, etc. No one outside of you guys and my counselors understand my pain and my son's pain. Unless Steve can offer some sort of hope, I just want my attorney to get as much as possible for my son and I from this marriage and to bring this thing to an end. I HATE HER; I ABSOLUTELY HATE WHAT SHE HAS DONE TO MY FAMILY. I HATE HER; THAT'S JUST WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW. The more I see my son have difficulty the more I hate her. <p>That's just where I am right now.

W called me yesterday, TOLD me that our girls were staying the night with her. NO discussion, nothing, just told me. I never called back, but waited until end of day to stop by and talk with her. I am so proud of myself for keeping my composure. Told her she was forcing me to take action if they were not home by 7:30p. Before I walked out, I kissed the girls, and it broke my heart when both girls started crying, saying they wanted to go home, they wanted to leave with daddy. I could have died. W basically yelled at them, told them NO!. I had to run out, I wanted to just snatch them up right there, and run with them. Later as I reflected, my feelings turned to rage, and I can't believe she is doing this to our children. I can't believe she is basically putting them in between us and almost using them as a proxy to hurt me. How can anyone in their right mind USE thier children and willingly hurt them, especially when it's not in their best interests. I also had asked her about the guy that's living in the basement, said there was big thoughts on whether something was going on between her and him, and I didn't want the girls around that, not now. She never defended herself, wouldn't even swear on it. <p>I am really starting to get some anger towards her. But I still have the feeling of reconsiling. I still want her, our family. But how can I knowingly put my girls in that environment? <p>petvet: your outrage is not unwarranted, I know how you feel.<p>She ended up calling me at 7:24p, and saying the girls were ready to come home. hehe. felt better. Either something I said made sense, or she got scared with me saying I'd have to take action.(I never specified legal or otherwise)

Petvet,<p>I can totally identify with your anger and extreme feelings of hate. I did go through a phase of feeling that way myself, although it was very brief (the extreme hatred part). I think it is normal to hate that which threatens your family and is literally ripping it apart. I am so glad you have this place to come to - a safe place to vent those awful feelings. I truly do wish I could take this pain away from you. Do your best to "feel" your emotions and then do your best to try to release them. Acknowledge the feelings and then tell yourself you WON'T be beated down. You WILL survive this, no matter what is the outcome. It is hard to be in a marraige where the mates are not partners and really just pulling against each other. Know that we CARE about both your and your son's feelings. I know you have to wait to be served, and just try to remain calm. You are on a ride you never signed up for; but you are on the rollercoaster nonetheless.<p>Prayers and hugs, Petvet.<p>furrymitn,<p>Well, too bad she wanted to take the girls despite their crying and wanting to go with you. Look, your W is not one to fight for anything that is hard. The girls wanted to go home, and each time they do, even though she wants them to be with her, she sure does not fight too hard to try to get them to stay. Nope, she uses the easy way out and just calls furrymitn to the rescue - come and get the girls.<p>I see this as a sign of immaturity in your W. How old is she? I kinow you are frustrated by her lack of care and concern for others. Obviously, she is very self-focused right now. There is not much you can do to change that, either, furrymitn. It is almost a unilateral thing - few WS's put much time and effort and energy into their family and their children when they are knee deep into an affair. It is just a time of "self" and "it's my turn" for the WS. Don't expect her to be concerned with what is "right" and what is "fair" for eveyone else at this time, 'cause it "ain't gonna happen" right now.<p>My advice is to have boundaries, and be as nice as possible. No matter how things end up with the marriage, you guys are still going to be the parents of those girls and have to interact on certain levels for their benefit. Pray for everything and expect nothing. It is early for you, furrymitn, and time will tell how things will end up. Continue to concentrate on yourself as a person and your role as Father to the girls. None of those efforts will be wasted, no matter how things turn out with your W.<p>Prayers and hugs to you, too.<p>Desiree

RMA: Thanks for your concern. I spoke with Steve yesterday and he helped a lot. He told me to keep my interactions with her strictly business and try not to get personal with her. That's pretty much what I have been doing lately. It's safe for me at this distance. Since she does not want to be part of the team (our marriage), my son and I have to move on without her. I don't want nor do I need anyone who is not committed to the team and want to work hard. That's why the committment part of marriage or any kind of team situation is so important. Think of a football or job related team and I know that all of us can relate when there is someone who does not want to put forth the effort, it brings the team down. I am going to let my attorney handle things going forward. My attorney is vicious(I am serious);she scares me and I am her client. Steve told me that in between now and D day, W will have a number of reality check situation (she is in store for many reality checks she has not bargained for)that she will think things through(marriage or divorce). Outside of that the situation will take its course to the end. Last night when W came to pick son up, she told me that she wanted to speak to me when our son is not around. Granted I don't know what she wants to talk about, but I am not settling anything at this point and I am going for custody of my son. Period end of story. Yes RMA, I will be nice and respectful but ALL BUSINESS.

Petvet,<p>Thank you for calling Steve. He can help you by being the unbiased advisor. I do agree with all that he told you. Ultimately, it will take TWO people to make a marriage. You have done so very much to try to get her to turn around and see you as a viable mate/partner, Petvet. The rest truly is up to her.<p>I am glad you have a strong lawyer. Because, if you don't get things settled in your favor now, chances are unlikely you will get them later. I do agree about you going for custody of your son, too. She left and perhaps she hasn't realized that is abandonment on her part. I am sure that she loves your son, too, but she certainly isn't displaying him as her primary concern right now.<p>I am now going to suggest something else to you. Think about getting a personal counselor, too, Petvet. You will need some extra support. Even wqhen people divorce, they generally still do interact for the sakes of the children. This does not always work out well, either. Games are played, even aftert divorce. So, even though some things are settled, so much conflict will still ensue, because you and her will still have different agendas.<p>I am proud of you, Petvet. You should be proud of yourself, too. You have given your W every chance and done a really good Plan A, in becoming a better person. Steve is right, though. When reality starts to sink in, your W is going to have some big home truths staring her in the face. It really isn't over until it is.<p>Try to have a good weekend, friend.<p>Desiree

Hi RMA, well I was served papers yesterday. She says that the marriage is irretrievably broken with noi hope of reconciliation. She is just trying to get out of this marriage anyway she can. She will regret this because she will get leveled by a ton of bricks. I am having no mercy. Recently, I saw her and just looked her in the face and said to myself, do I really want this thing? She looked like a wreck. Then I thought about what you had said to me about that defining moment when you looked at your ex and said enough of this. I don't know why that statement has stuck to my mind and has such meaning but it does. I think it may represent an overall assessment of where you are in relation to your spouse and whether you want to be associated with such a creep. Maybe that's it. My spirit is and has been on the upswing. Even more importantly, bad company forms useless habits. Maybe we don't want someone with all this baggage and trials
and tribulations.<p>By the way, how are things going socially with you? Just checking to make sure you are still happy. You have so much to give. Just the thought of having that love return feel so good just thinking about it. I have not had my love returned to me in four years. The thought makes me sad and bitter. Most woman would have been please with my plan A, but I guess her interest lie elsewhere. She has thrown her duty water (me) out the door.<p>Take care.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Roll Me Away:
<strong>furrymitn,<p> Look, your W is not one to fight for anything that is hard. ~Nope, she uses the easy way out and just calls furrymitn to the rescue - come and get the girls.
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I agree. I've always been there to pick up the pieces, and that's part of what my counselor wants to work on with me, to stop 'enabling' her to do things w/o consequence. Just knowing that my behavior has/had something to do with it has helped me. I'm doing a little more to 'stick by my guns' and not let her use me, but without making it seem like only my opinion matters. I'm trying. Think that plan A stuff is sinking in, with a little mix of plan Bish(distancing).<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>
I see this as a sign of immaturity in your W. How old is she? I kinow you are frustrated by her lack of care and concern for others. Obviously, she is very self-focused right now. There is not much you can do to change that, either, furrymitn. It is almost a unilateral thing - few WS's put much time and effort and energy into their family and their children when they are knee deep into an affair. It is just a time of "self" and "it's my turn" for the WS. Don't expect her to be concerned with what is "right" and what is "fair" for eveyone else at this time, 'cause it "ain't gonna happen" right now.
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Self-centered is more like it. It bothers me less her lack of consideration for others as it does her lack of caring/consideration for the best interests of our daughters. I can take a lot of damage inflicted on me, but the slightest harm to our girls' welfare, and i feel like going ballastic. That is something I will not stand for.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>
My advice is to have boundaries, and be as nice as possible. No matter how things end up with the marriage, you guys are still going to be the parents of those girls and have to interact on certain levels for their benefit. Pray for everything and expect nothing. It is early for you, furrymitn, and time will tell how things will end up. Continue to concentrate on yourself as a person and your role as Father to the girls. None of those efforts will be wasted, no matter how things turn out with your W.
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I'm doing much better at being cordial to her lately, and side-stepping nasty remarks and fight-starters she's said to me. I'm also doing my best to reach out from time to time, invited her to go to church with the girls and I(said no), gave her a referral on an excellent counselor, going to invite her over to make snowmen with the girls(we're in michigan). Little things, that don't force the issue, but also may get her thinking. I'm also doing a little here and there to kind of focus on her, not neccessarily on our marriage. Brought up the other day how painful her childhood and teenage years must have been for her(parents divorced, back and forth game), told her I could see the pain in her face - siad in a very caring manner, without relating it totally to our situation.<p>This much I know. The girls are my only focus now, and every choice I make they are in front of it. All plans revolve around them. By shifting my focus, I hope to relieve myself of some of the pain associated with W.

Petvet,<p>So, she did go through with it and have you served. How sad for your family. However, I can relate 100% to your looking at her and not thinking she was such a great catch. Please don't use my standard as your own, Petvet. I felt that way and it was what helped me to finally and truly let go of my thenH. And, as I have said, I then filed for the D. <p>I am glad your feelings are on the upswing. Keep focused ahead, and try not to look behind, Petvet. You can literally drive yourself nuts with trying to figure out what is going on in the mind of your WS, who probably isn't 100% sure of her own feelings, either.<p>I do ask you to use Plan A techniques whenever you do have to deal with her. You can be firm legally and press for all that you want, including custody of your son. But, she is still his mother and you must not try to interfere with their relationship. Do your best during the D time and afterwards to be as kind and civil as you can muster.<p>I am continuing to do well, Petvet. I am still dating the same guy, and we get along really, really well. I am happy and I do not have regrets for my efforts at trying to restore my marriage. I do not understand it all, but I do feel that I am with a more stable man, now - one who will face his future trials and tribulations instead of running from them. That type of personality is super attractive to me since the affair.<p>You and your son are in my daily thoughts and prayers, Petvet. Hugs to you, Desiree<p>furrymitn,<p>You sound good. I know you are disappointed in your W's behaviors, but still you are trying to Plan A as best you can. Distancing is a good thing when all you get is grief back. Your primary charge right now is to self-care and self-nurture, furrymitn. You can not be a good partner or mate if you are so wrapped in your own pain and anger. Plan A is for you. <p>Your counselor has given great advice, too. Boundaries are super important at this stage. It is hard to separate enabling and supporting your WS. To me, it is a fine distinction. You must do it, however, to ensure you do not inflict even greater emotional damage to yourself. Boundaries and consequences are a natural effect of life, yet so many BS's want to protect their WS from the consequences of their own actions. I was 100% guilty of that, myself. And, the cost to me was to further damage my own sense of self and self-esteem. You sound like you have a good handle on this, though - sticking to your guns without letting her use you, but also letting her know that her opinion is important, too. WOW! You could be a poster child for Plan A, furrymitn!!<p>I do certainly understand how you feel about your kids' hurt in all of this. It is most horrible for them to be hurt. They are the 100% innocents in the entire mess, yet, they have to feel the hurt, too. Yes, do stick to your guns about your girls' welfare and their best interests.<p>You have done an excellent job of trying to re-engage your W. Asking and inviting her all those times and places is great. She may not go, but she will hopefully remember the kindnesses. I do hope that she will turn around and take another look at you as a viable partner for her, furrymitn, before it becomes too late.<p>God bless you and the girls, Desiree<p>[ March 06, 2002: Message edited by: Roll Me Away ]</p>

Hi RMA, I have an important question for you, a real gut redging question, a mind bottling question, a Harvard educated Cal-Berkerly type of question. Are you ready? After going through you trials with your ex including the dreaded D, did your ex ever acknowledge to you that he was wrong or apologize for what he did even after he was presnted with the facts that you knew what he had done? My reason for asking this question is I am trying to write this woman of my rador screen. I trying to force myself to accept the fact that this marriage is over. I cannot concieve the thought of being a friend to this woman who stab me in the back and betrayed me like one's business. Even though we have a child together and all things being equal, I would not associate with someone like that under normal conditions. I cannot call someone like that a friend after she has treated me in such a manner. Do you understand what I mean? This is serious business and I take my friendships very serious.

Petvet,<p>My exH has never apologized to me. He did tell me that he was sorry I got hurt, but he directly said MORE THAN ONCE, that he was NOT sorry he had the affair. His perspective was that he deserved to be happy. You know, I agreed with him 100%. EVERYBODY deserves to be happy. However, I still feel that he should have severed his relationship with me and then gone on to find his own happiness, if he was that miserable. I honestly don't think that he was that miserable. He was dealing with a lot of conflict and pain within his own life - his brother died unexpectedly of AIDS (total shocker to us), his job was tenuous due to repeated layoffs at his firm, he turned 50, etc. I wasn't paying him alot of attention - busy with personal hobbies and work. He mets the OW at Daytona bike week and the rest is painful history. <p>I stand firm in my belief of one thing, Petvet. Many affairs are DISTRACTION TECHNIQUES used by people who are just unhappy with life and do not know how to resolve, face or accept things that make them unhappy. So, the WS gets all wrapped up into the affair and the hormones get surging and then they are all happy again and able to push life's problems to the backburner.<p>But, you know the old saying......you can run, but you can't hide forever. One day, things are going to crash for these folks, again, if they don't learn something out of all of this.<p>Ok, my 2 cents of philosophizing!<p>Desiree<p>[ March 06, 2002: Message edited by: Roll Me Away ]</p>

Oh no RMA, I do not consider what you said as philosophizing. You are just telling the truth base on your painful experience. I am going through the same pain along with a kid. I'm just trying to find a way to write this woman off mentally. I want you to know that you have been a great help to me. I do not mean to ask you question that bring up bad memories but I am fielding my way along with my son through this deep forest of hurt, pain, and abandonment and trying to figure out what the future holds for my son and I without the woman of the house. I am now father and mother. You know when I think about it WS are people who are stupid and use bad judgement. You cannot depend on them.<p>Thanks for your help.<p>Are you now working the night shift? I just noticed that your responses are coming at night now. <p>You know of someone who is a biker and goes to Bike Week every year and you can find just about anything down there. Many folks take the opportunity to be wild (drugs, drinking,etc.).<p>I can tell you are solid emotionally and well grounded. You appear to be firm and focused. I am proud of you being able to make it through the affair crap with your mind intact.<p>Take care.

Petvet,<p>No, I do not work nights. I just rarely have any time during the day to get to this site, so I mostly just check at night.<p>I am glad I have helped you. I am trying to "give back" a little. So many fine folks gave to me when I was here and in desperate need. No one else can understand how we feel except others who have gone through the same thing. Yes, I have held up well emotionally. But, I was totally devastated initially, Petvet. All one can do is go through the process and hope to come out OK on the end.<p>I hate that things look a bit bleak for you, Petvet. I had such high hopes for you and your W to recover your marriage. It is still not over, although she has officially filed. I still am praying for your family to be reunited.<p>All I can tell you is to give it your all, with boundaries,until it is done and over. It will still take you a long time to heal emotionally. Being divorced solves some problems, but certainly creates others. You will need all of your strength and best thinking to navigate the choppy waters ahead.<p>Please know that we care about you and your son. I am truly sorry for your marriage. Keep the faith - you WILL weather this storm.<p>Take care, Desiree

I'm back!
I've been struggling a little here and there, and barely seem to have time to do anything.
MY latest:
W, in the middle of getting nasty with me regarding how nasty she could get in a D, asked me not to file until she got a job and an apartment. I was floored by the arrogance. First thinking that it was my responsibility to file, second, that I should cut her slack and put my life on hold until who knows when she gets her act together when she won't even cut me slack on anything, even the girls. I told her that I basically didn't feel I had to do her any favors, especially when they aren't returned(boundary, kinda). That I couldn't keep going day to day without having some type of endpoint. She then told me it was over. And still won't even tell me straight out she wants a D, won't even say the word.
I'm feeling like I need to lay it on the line a little with her, site down and just tell her that I can't see putting my life and the girls'life on hold for the next year(she doesn't have a job yet, take some time to get a job history, and wouldn't be making more then $7/hr), when she is totally unwilling to even consider getting back on her medication or go to some sort of counseling, even if it's just for her own good, to make herself a better person. That she is in no position to provide or even care for the girls, and if she is so certain it is over, then why drag our feet? Why put things off when I sit there every night hoping and praying my W will someday come home, while I try to fathom what to say to the girls when they ask 'where's mommy' 'when is mommy coming home'. And if there really is no chance, then let's get the ball rolling.
To see what she'd say.<p>I'm so sick of it. I'm finding out things in couseling that are helping me so much, and help ME be ME, the ME I want to BE! And it's making me stronger, but it's also making me angry at my W. She seems unwilling to change, and that will be her own undoing. If she keeps up her behavior, the next guy is basically going to look at her like "you're a wacko". And that is now totally out of my hands.

furrymitn,<p>Glad you are back. Sorry your W continues to show her selfish side. I suspecdt she wants you to file because she doesn't even have enough money for the filing fee, much less attorney costs. She wants you to initiate it and hopefully pay for it all, too, I suspect.<p>I am so very glad you are in counseling. But, I want to give you a caution. I hear a large roar out of your Taker side. There is absolutely nothing wrong with boundaries - they are 100% appropraite for all of us in relationships, no matter what kind. But, try not to go overboard with your own wants and needs, lest you turn into a self-absorbed person like your W. Please do understand what I am trying to caution you about. Just as there is a fine line with supporting and enabling, I also think there is a fine line with boundaries and being selfish on our side.<p>I have no other pearls of wisdom for you. It is amazing to me to think that your W can abandon the kids, have no job nor special job skills, and still think she is going to be able to go off and then end up with the girls. Truly amazing! Just shpows there is not a lot of HONEST self-assessment going on in her head right now.<p>I will tell you what I have also just told Petvet. She may say she wants a D and she may be thoroughly convinced of it today, but saying so doesn't make it so. It isn't over yet, furrymitn. Try to continue with good boundaries, Plan A when interacting, and as you do so well - continue to look out for your girls' best interests. More time to see how this will all end up. <p>You and your daughters are in my continual prayers. Try to have a relaxing weekend. Do your utmost to just not allow yourself to think about it this weekend, if you can muster it at all.<p>Desiree

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Roll Me Away:
<strong>furrymitn,<p>Glad you are back. Sorry your W continues to show her selfish side. I suspecdt she wants you to file because she doesn't even have enough money for the filing fee, much less attorney costs. She wants you to initiate it and hopefully pay for it all, too, I suspect.
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I wouldn't doubt it, she expects a lot that she's not going to get, unless she starts to show that she's willing to return.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>
I am so very glad you are in counseling. But, I want to give you a caution. I hear a large roar out of your Taker side. There is absolutely nothing wrong with boundaries - they are 100% appropraite for all of us in relationships, no matter what kind. But, try not to go overboard with your own wants and needs, lest you turn into a self-absorbed person like your W. Please do understand what I am trying to caution you about. Just as there is a fine line with supporting and enabling, I also think there is a fine line with boundaries and being selfish on our side.
</strong><hr></blockquote>
I agree, and have been examining most everything I do and say to make sure it really is a choice I'm making for the girls, and not just something i'm doing to get back at the W and using the girls. In my opinion, i haven't gone there yet, although some things i've wanted to say were close, and i decided not to carry through.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>
I have no other pearls of wisdom for you. It is amazing to me to think that your W can abandon the kids, have no job nor special job skills, and still think she is going to be able to go off and then end up with the girls. Truly amazing! Just shpows there is not a lot of HONEST self-assessment going on in her head right now.
</strong><hr></blockquote>
Again, I agree. I don't see where she gets her arrogance from, but it's not my job to tell her the things she's doing wrong, only to make sure what i do is right.
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong><p>I will tell you what I have also just told Petvet. She may say she wants a D and she may be thoroughly convinced of it today, but saying so doesn't make it so. It isn't over yet, furrymitn. Try to continue with good boundaries, Plan A when interacting, and as you do so well - continue to look out for your girls' best interests. More time to see how this will all end up.
</strong><hr></blockquote>
Again, I agree. and it was funny, just as I was reading this part of your post, W came to drop the girls off, and I was an absolutely great actor. :-|
I just don't know how much frustration I can take from her, there's no reasoning with her, she'll only bring up things that really have no bearing on the situation, and things that have happened in the past, just to 'get my goat' it seems, and when i side-step a fight starter, she tries harder. The frustration is really starting to get to me, even though i'm doing my best to just push it off, but at the same time i'm trying to deal with my emotions without letting them take me over. I just think things would be easier if aliens would come get their deciple.
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong><p>You and your daughters are in my continual prayers. Try to have a relaxing weekend. Do your utmost to just not allow yourself to think about it this weekend, if you can muster it at all.<p></strong><hr></blockquote>
Thank you for the prayers. I'll do my best to have a good w/e, OD's b-day is tomorrow, and i'm having a b-day party at my house with all the relatives, etc. W will be here in the morning to help decorate, it'll be interesting to see how that goes. plan a plan a plan a, gotta keep my mind in that direction.