Hello all, <p>I am new to this site, but I am not new to your situation, as I am going through almost the exact same situation for the most part.<p>I hope you don't mind me posting here. <p>My situation started last October.
October 27, 2001 to be exact. <p>That is when my STBX walked out on me. Maxing out all my credit cards, cleaning out my bank accounts and a host of other things.<p>She would not communicate with me for over 6 weeks. We have 3 children, and she made no attempt to contact them either... it's a sad situation.<p>I finally filed for divorce, thinking that it was the end of the marriage. <p>Well to make a long story short, we got back together one week before Christmas. This was because my daughter called her at her work.<p>She told my daughter that, "she had received the divorce papers, and was I really going to go through with the divorce"? <p>When I arrived home from work, my daughter told me that "Mom" was on the phone, I asked to speak to her. We talked... met for dinner... talked about what we could do differently, (with a lot of promises made by her, that were later broken) and she moved back in to our house that night... end of story? <p>ahhh, no.<p>She left again on April 19, 2002 with about $1700.00 in cash and a trail of forged checks on my bank account, and a lien on our house, because she went out and filed bankruptcy. I have just paid $10,000.00 to the courts, to have the lien removed. <p>One week prior to her leaving, I found an unused condom in our bedroom and stains on our bed (disgusting to say the least). I didn't say anything to anybody about it. I just cleaned everything up, and started to look for the smoking gun (pardon the pun).<p>One week after that, without saying a word to anyone... she left.
As I write this, no one in our family has heard one word from her. (three weeks and counting).<p>My youngest daughters birthday came and went, without a single telphone call from my STBX to even wish her a Happy Birthday. <p>That was the straw that broke the camels back.<p>I started the divorce proceedings back up. The sad part is, I still love her very much, but I can't live like this anymore. I'm not going to put my children through this any longer. <p>We have been married for 23 years, the last two years, have been pure hell, and still is. That is how long I have been trying to salvage our marriage. <p>I read all of your posts, and I thought it was somebody talking about my life. There are some major differences though.<p>I had hoped that we could work out our differences. It appears she has been unfaithful, as I just recently found out (Stains on the bed were a give away). She also lies and steals at every twist, and turn she can take. She has been a liar and a thief for most of our married life.
(She has been seeing a shrink for years and because of her actions, so have I.) <p>If I told you all the specifics, you wouldn't believe it.
I am having a hard time believing it myself... it's that overwhelming.<p>I know I'm rambling all over the place, and I am sorry for that. My mind is like scrambled eggs.<p>I don't have any answers for anyone... wish I did.<p>I can't give any advice... because I'm all messed up at the moment.<p>Just wanted to let you know, that your not alone, and my heart breaks for you, because I know how you feel. <p>It tears at the very fabric of your soul. <p>Hoping that things were different, and wondering, how in the hell did I get into this?/ and how can I get my marriage back on track and make my family whole.<p>I tried Plan A, and as you can see, I'm into plan B. <p>Hell, I'm not sure where I am right now. <p>Well, just wanted to vent a little. Hope you don't mind.<p>Also, pardon my spelling, and grammer usage, I'm not thinking very clearly at this point in time.

Boy!! Wallace, I'm speechless after reading your story from hell. After reading your story, my story looks like a cinderella novel. I'm serious as a heart attack; I am honestly speechless. I hope you are still getting counseling. Look, me and the others on these posts are here to support you. It has help me tremendously. One thing I have learned real quick from reading your story is that I am going to stay firm and all business legally with my W. What in the hell is going on with these women who are leaving their families? Is this becoming an epidemic? I'm being nice to W but hard as a rock when it gets to holding W accountable. Wallace I hope you have one hell of an attorney working for you. You have my prayers. Stay in touch with me. By the way, how are your kids doing?

Thanks! PETVET for the reply,<p>My children are doing O.K., under the circumstances. <p>It has been real tough on them, as well as myself.
They have a lot of resentment against their mother right now. They are all old enough to see what has happened, and how their mother has just tossed them aside with reckless abandon, with no concern for their feelings whatsoever. Unfortunately, she turned out to be a real piece of work.<p>I haven't had time yet to go see my therapist, since the stbx has left. But that is on my "things to do list". <p>There is so much to do, with so much going on (turmoil mostly). It feels like a whirlwind that just keeps raging out of control. <p>I appreciate the support, it has been quite an ordeal so far. I don't expect it to get better anytime soon.<p>I have good attorney's, but we have one problem. No one can locate her to have the divorce papers served. So that is possibly going to go against myself and my children when it comes time for the Court proceedings to continue.<p>She did not respond to the preliminary Court proceedings, either by mail or through her attorney, so right know she is in default, and I was granted temporary orders for the time being, Child custody, etc.<p>But since this is a no-fualt divorce State, the Judge could grant her half of everything, if she is a no show for the trial date. The attorney's say it's doubtful, but they said you never know what a Judge is going to do at any given time, when making a final decision.<p>It just kills me, that someone like this can go out, lie, cheat, and steal, from their own family to benefit themselves.
Without any concern for anybody else, or their feelings. <p>Destroy a whole family, and be rewarded with half of everything you have worked for, for your family, and have it all turned inside out, because someone thinks "the grass is greener on the other side". It just makes me ill to think about it.<p>For the last two years I've held back from divorce, because I didn't believe in it. I feel I was forced to make this move. <p>I love my stbx very much, just as I can sense that you love your W.
I hope and pray for things to be different, for you and for me. I truly know what you are feeling.
I hope That maybe my stbx will come to her senses, and come home, to try to put our marriage and family back together... but, the nightmare continues.<p>I waited for her to come to her senses and tried to be the best H that I could be, but it just became too much. When we got back together this last time, I was determined to make it work, but to no avail. She started right back up within about 5 weeks... not very long.<p>She would reassure me, "that she would never do any of those things again", and told me repeatedly how much "she loved me and the children"... and she would "never ever leave again"... "till death do us part", she would say... it was all lies.<p>So much has happened, that I can't possibly see how our marriage could be put back together. <p>When you lose trust in a marriage, and in your spouse, it's very difficult to heal those wounds. Though nothing is impossible, if all are willing to overcome the obstacles. It's a two way street,
that both spouses must be willing to travel. <p>I hope and pray that your situation doesn't fall in the direction that mine has. If given the opportunity by your W to make things work, do your very best to try to come to a equitable resolve to try and maintain your marriage.<p>By reading your posts, IMHO you have an up-hill battle on your hands such as I felt I did, when we got back together.
But I feel it is workable if both of you can truly commit to each other and trust each other. The trusting part, after everything that has happened is the hard part. Without it, it's destined for failure. <p>Ironically, I still hold a faint glimmer of hope that someday my marriage will all work itself out, but, I'm not very optimistic.<p>I know that myself and my children can no longer live with this type of person any longer. I don't even know who this person is anymore, and I have been married to her for 23 years.<p>Again, thanks for the post. I'll be in touch.<p>Wallace

Hi RMA, I hope your Mother's Day went well. How was the cookout? I attended church and dinner with W, kid, and inlaws. She was social and still critical of me to the point of being corrected by her father.She has been telling me for the last couple of days that she wants to speak to me , yet she has not told me anything. She is still living in a fog.<p>Oh! please read Wallace's story. Very sad.

Hi Wallace, I am very sorry for your situation.
It is obvious that your WS problems go much deeper than your marriage. Until she works out her issues I don't believe there is much of a chance of her working on the marriage or even beening a good parent. I think Plan B is right for you, do not give her any support, emotional or financial. Go to your laywer and protect yourself and your kids, I would also try to get 100% custody of the children. At this point in her life she is obviously not a good influence on them. Make life/reality as tough as you can on her. Don't give her a penny extra and have no contact. I think your best bet is to try to force her to hit bottom, only then will she want to start working on herself, and only she can do this. So a very strict Plan B with not contact my help her get there alittle quicker. In the mean time go and see your IC, work on and protect yourself and your family from her. I am sorry for your pain. Keep posting.
Take care,
Dave

Hello all,

Hi, Davepr,

Thank you for the advice.

I have had no contact with her since she left. No one in our family has, but that has been by here choice. I really don't want to see or talk to her right now... I'm so devestated by what has happened, I'm not sure what I would say. I'm speechless.

She knows our home number, and does not call to check on the kids, or anything... I think it is a pretty hopeless situation.

Ove the weekend, I got hit with some pretty heavy news. She may have ended up pregnant from her A with the OM. Also heared that she may have had an abortion. Plus a couple of other items, I can't discuss right now.

All in all, it was a very rough weekend for me and my children.

I have decided to let her go and hit bottom... I hear rumours that she is heavily drinking, maybe drugs as well, not sure. It's insane. I'm not sure how much more I can take of it.

I'm at work right now... my head is just whirling over it all. Having a hard time functioning at work to say the least.

I'm doing everything I can to soften the blow of all this for me and my family.

I wish I could just stop thinking about it, but I can't... it's maddening.

Well I hope all of you had a better weekend than I did.

Got to go back to work for awhile.

Thanks for the help!

Wallace

I keep trying to tell myself, "why should I love someone, who could care less about me or are family".

This is going to be a long road for sure.
Hope we land on our feet in the upright position... it's a real mess to say the least

Just a side not to all of this.

stbxw, doesn't know that I have all this info on her.

She thinks I only suspect OM, She has no idea, that I really have confirmed it.

The other info that I received, came by way of her so-called friends, as well as the trail of deceit that she left strewn all over.

She was very sloppy about the whole process.

Had I been looking for it, I would of discovered it a lot sooner.

My bad, I should of been more attentive.

Wallace

Petvet,<p>My Mother's Day was great. Had a big crowd over, as usual. They did a bang up job for me, although I had to do most of the cooking. Not a problem, though. Glad you all spent the day together. Your W sure is one mixed up puppy, Petvet. She does not act like a woman dying to get divorced from you!<p>Wallace, <p>What a story! I do hope things are not as bad as you fear. You, Petvet, davepr and others have similaritiesa in your stories, so you can all be of good support to each other. I have added you to my prayer list, which is most unbelievably and sadly long.<p>RMA

Hi, Roll Me Away.<p>Thank you for including me on your prayer list.
I think I'm going to need all the help I can get.<p>I'm very sorry to hear that your prayer list is so sad and long.<p>Yes, I do believe that Petvet, Davepr, and I have a lot in common concerning our situations.
I do have hope for their situations, They are communicating with their WS, which is a good sign. <p>I believe in order for there to be any sort of reconciliation, there must be some sort of dialogue going on between each other.<p>I, on the other hand, don't hold out much hope for my situation. I am however, open for any suggestions to help cope with my situation.<p>I hope I'm wrong about my worst fears, but I think the people that have given me this info on my stbxw are probably telling the truth.<p>A caring mother, just doesn't walk out on her children, and not to call to see how they are doing IMHO... I could be wrong though... but it just doesn't seem normal. Of course nothing at the moment seems normal.<p>Petvet, and Davepr, just wanted to say, that you need to make sure you keep the lines of communication open with WS for as long as you can, be it good news or bad news. If you lose that, then you are going to end up in my situation, and I would hate to see that.<p>Thanks again for allowing me to post.<p>Wallace

Hi RMA & all, this thing with W is a juggling act: plan a here plan b there. Who knows how my situation will in up? After spending a week with W(I should say off and on time whenever it fitted into her schedule), kid had big time difficulty with the switch back to normacy with me and his routine. It was very tough on me. Time will tell. <p>Wallace: I hope you have seen a doctor about your health. You sound depressed. I cannot imagine you not to be. You may want to speak with doctor about giving you some medication to help you. Your wife has really screwed up. Some of her actions would indicate she may be using drugs and is way "out there" lifestyle wise. She will hit rock bottom real quick. Has her so called friends tried to help you? It's amazing how "friends" to the WS act in situations like this. They are so two faced.

RMA, you are not going to believe this. W wants me to do her a BIG favor. I cannot believe it. Has she lost her mine? Then, when I did not give her a yes answer, she went storming off in anger. What a piece of work she is.

Hey all,

To answer your question Petvet, yes I am very depressed. Made appointment with IC, waiting to hear back from him,as to when I can get in to see him

Also her so-called friends are basically the same people that got her going in and on all this.

I don't know them personally... don't want to. They are all a bunch of losers, drugs heavy booze, they are some real low lifes. I think they got stbx to hang around with them (which she did, behind my back), because I think they were jeolous of her life style.

She had a wonderful family, house, etc., and you know the old saying "misery loves company".
But on the other hand, stbxw wanted to be what they are.
She is an alcoholic, through appearances she had kicked it, but it doesn't appear that she has. She put up a front evidently, she always stated to everyone with pride in her eyes, that she has been sober for "12 years" ... guess not, jokes on myself and my family.

Well, I am going to let her go her merry way, and I have to start rebuilding my life as well as my family's with her out of the picture... at least that is what I'm trying to do... not doing a very good job of it though. I'm in a hard plan B and D.

I am taking some meds right now, but I don't think it's working, as you very well could tell... I'm still depressed over the whole thing.

You know, when you stated that situation about you refusing to do your wife a favor, and you told her no,it reminded me of this.

About two weeks after my stbxw came back, she pulled up in our driveway with a new car, and asked me if I would buy it for her. She was out for a test drive in it. I looked at her in amazement (she had only been back for 2 weeks) and I told her no. She pleaded with me to buy it for her. I was very leary of her motives, so I stood my ground. To say the least, she was very upset. I don't regret the decision, especially in light with what has happened.

You never said what the favor was that she wanted. Hope it wasn't a new car.

Wallace

Wallace: she wanted me to help her find another job.

Petvet. You sound like your not doing too good today.

Hope your day is going well.

Wallace

Hey everyone, I am traveling this week so I can't post too much.. Petvet, gland you took a stand and said NO, good for you, another reality check for her. Wallace, as far as meds, Celexa worked wonders for me during my situational depression, I highly recommend it, I have no side effects except when I went off it I got headaches. Hang in there, keep up your good Plan B. I'll check back later,I had some big news, not unexpected though, I knew it was coming, I could just tell. Anyway step 1 again - ws ends it with om, lets see how long this time, atleast this time she did it without any pressure from me.
Dave

to all of you,<p>This thread is starting to turn into a soap opera! Whomever said that the truth is stranger than fiction wasn't lying.<p>Petvet, your W is amazing. She does continue to look to you for so very much. Again, my constant amazement that she wants a divorce, with how much she looks to you for support and entertainment. Keep your chin up, friend.<p>Wallace, I do hope that your W can come to grips with all that has happened. Pregnancy and a possible abortion - man, when she crashes, she does try to do it all in style, huh? Really, this is a terribly sad situation for you and her, and your family as a whole. Do know that others have had to accept that their W got pregnant by the OM, or BS whose WH's have fathered a child by the OW. Your marriage can survive even that if you two truly want to do the work to restore the relationship.<p>davepr, sounds like your W has waffled, again. I am hopeful things will be more stable and she will stay home this time. DON'T get yur hopes up too much, though. Isn't she mad at OM right now? If so, things could change again for her if they "kiss and make up"....BARF!<p>RMA

RMA: yes, it is amazing. I think she wanted an affair just to get out of the marriage, yet she wants my support, etc. She has all these so called friends she talks to, so I cannot figure out why she still wants anything from me.<p>Dave: Be careful. Stay firm and watch your back.<p>Take care.

RMA, she doesn't seem to be angry at OM, just sad.
I want to calll sooo bad and find out what is going on but I haven't... in fact the more I think about it the more scared I get... I am not going to call, she can call me...
Dave

Hi RMA, last night I had the weirdest dream. I hope telling you this does not bring me bad luck, but I dreamed that my W and I were getting back together. NO, I had not been boozing last night. It's very rare that I even have a dream. Just wanted to let you know.<p>Dave, I hope things work out.<p>Wallace, what's going on?<p>Later.

Hey all,

My son was in a bad car wreck the other night.

I was with him all day yesterday and the night before. He survived (God was with him on this one) and he is pretty banged up... a few stiches here and there. No broken bones or anything real serious at the moment.

He was just driving to work from school, and his car went out of control, hit a tree and then rolled down an embankment about 5 to 6 times. The Police are baffled, I asked the Police to look to see if there was any tampering to his car, and they said they would take a look at it. Car looks like it went through a salvage yard crusher... nothing left of it.

But all in all I think my son will be alright, and I thank God for that.

My two D and my stbxw's mother were at the hospital with us. WS's mother said she has no way of contacting WS. She told me that she has not heard from her in almost 4 weeks.

Tommorrow it will be 4 weeks for all of us that we last heard from WS... it' s a sad situation.

So that is why I haven't been able to post. Haven't had a chance to read posts yet either to get up to speed.

So I hope things are getting better for everyone.

Tommorrow it will be 4 weeks (1 month) of no contact with stbxw. Hard plan B with plan D in full motion. What a mess!

Will be in touch.

Wallace