Sorry court didn't go to well... Hang in there, things will get better one way or the other, long weekends are always tough. What is new with your situation/ WS??<p>Take care,
Dave

Hey all,<p>Petvet,<p>I got a letter from attorney the other day. he has got everything all messed up conerning this D. So I had to spend a good chunk of my day revising it all. He is giving away the farm to the WW the way he had it set up. Almost seems like he is working for her. Anyway I know the feeling... it is all crap... I just want it over with.<p>Going on 6 weeks and still no word out of her. It all gets very old, real quick.<p>Dave,<p>Hope things are going well for you!<p>Stay Strong!<p>Wallace

Thanks Wallace, I am off to Germany for 4 days starting tomorrow. Things are still going well, hardest part for me is to take things slow but I am trying, it has been so long, I want so much to be a family and husband/wife again, but one day at a time. Hang in there, Dave

Wallace: As far as attorneys are concern, it amazes me that you can talk to these folks and they still appear to screw things up. I have learned that you have to micro manage these folks. I think that they have so many cases that they have trouble managing their case load. As far as W goes, she showed up at the house yesterday under the guise that she wanted my son to see me. She engaged in a conversation with me and was sociable. Her visit was of sort odd to me; kinda weird. <p>How is your son? I guess your W has fallen off the face of the earth for now.Do you really want to know where she is? If your answer is yes, a PI can probably locate her.<p>Dave: Is you family going to Germany with you? Do you travel a lot? I hope things continue to go well.<p>By the way, has anyone heard from RMA? She has disappeared.

Petvet, no, I am going to Germany on business by myself, I will be back late Friday night so its not too bad. In my old job I traveled alot, about 50% of the time, that was one of the reasons that I could not meet my W ENs. I changed jobs in Dec of last year, now it is only about 15% of the time so it is much better but in sales there is going to always be some travel.<p>I view your W showing up as a very good sign, she is still thinking about what she is missing out on. I also noticed alot of strange behaviour, besides the fog, before my W came back. Keep to Plan B but Plan A when you must have contact but no initiate anything with her. Keep it up, if she is coming around it is working.
Take care,
Dave

Petvet,

I have to agrre with Dave... I think it's a good sign your W showed up as well. She may be rethinking her position... Sounds postive... stay the course.

Dave,

It sounds like things are going pretty good for you as well. Are you going to be able to post from Germany, or are going to be MIA for awhile/

Nice move changing jobs to be with W... great idea.

I'm in my office today so I am going to do just that... micro manage this D. I pretty much have been from the start, and they still find a way to mess up all the paper work.

S is doing well, he is off from College right now, and has started work, so he is going to be O.K. The hospital did an excellent job on him... you can't even tell he was in a car wreck.

In regards to hearing from WW. No we don't really want to hear from her. The only reason why I need to speak with her, is to come out with a final agreement for the hearing. But being the coward that she appears to be, it appears that we are going to go in without an agreement. We believe she will be a no-show at the hearing... which is what we don't want. We want an agreement with her prior to going into the court room.

Keep up the good work guys.

Stay strong!

Wallace

Wallace: Damn! You are in a pickle. Now, it just occurred to me why you want some agreement prior to court because the judge will probably split 50/50 sight unseen just to get matter out of his/her courtroom. Does your W work? It may be beneficial for you to go ahead and hire a PI if you can afford it. A PI may be able to find her in a short period of time. There are attorneys and PIs that are call "skip tracers". They are call that term because they specialize in finding people who are trying to avoid paying debts or the law. One of these guys may be able to find your W. If you can afford it, set up a budget to go towards a PI. You have to find a way to drag her out into the open. Are you sure her attorney does not know where she is? I cannot believe that she has disappeared without a trace. The longer you wait the colder the trail will get. I do not want you getting screwed. You must be aggreesive Wallace! You do not want everything you have worked so hard for to go to your W especially after she abandoned your family. You will only get one shot at this. You will have kids to take care of and that will take money. Is your attorney good? <p>Dave: That's the reason I asked about your travel because you do not want to be away from home too much and not meet W's needs.

Petvet,

You hit the nail right on the head, WHAM! That is exactly the reason we want to find WS. I thought about hiring a PI, but that doesn't mean she will appear to court even if we do find her. The whole crutch of this is to get an agreement going before we go to court, otherwise it is going to be a 50/50 split.

Attorney's are working hard on it. They think that they have enough on WS to have my family still keep the house, as well as make her responsible for child support.

Your right, I have worked hard for my marriage. She has been gone over the last 2 years, more than she has been home. So she really has not contributed very much since then.

Dave,

I have to agree with Petvet, you really don't want to be gone at this point in time if you can avoid it, I would try to concentrate as much as possible on your M for the time being. I understand though, that work situations sometime make that impossible.

Stay strong!

Wallace

Petvet,<p>I am back - been gone for several days on vacation. QWhat happened in court? I am anxious to know what was settled and what wasn't. You made it sound not too good, but I am not sure what that means. Are you divorced?<p>dave,<p>The guys are right about your time needing to be concentrtated on your W. For this reconciliation to be successful, you have to give it your all once again.<p>Wallace,<p>Glad all is well with your son. Too bad about your W being unavailable. But, sometimes you just have to forge forward and jus get things settled one way or the other.<p>You were all in y prayers while I was gone. Take care, Desiree

Roll Me Away,<p>Glad to hear from you! I was wondering what happend to you.<p>Thank you for your prayers, they are greatly appreciated.<p>Still moving forward in regards to D. With or without WS, nothing really new there.<p>I put it all in the Lords hands, I cannot fight this battle without him at my side.<p>I would of rather of had a different conclusion concerning my marriage, because I still do not
believe in D, but if it is God's will, then I will follow his lead.<p>My S is doing much better since his car wreck, he is almost as good as new.<p>Good to hear from you again.<p>Stay in touch.<p>Wallace

RMA: I am so happy that you are back.The guys and I really appreciate your input.As far as court was concerned, to make a long story short. Last month, I had to get another attorney because my then attorney took on a high profile position with the district attorney in the city too large to hate. As a result, she turned me on to another attorney she knows to take my case. Apparently, during this time, my w's attorney tried to sneak a request to go to trial without even asking us whether we were finish with discovery, etc. They told the court judge that we had turned down request to settle the case which was a lie. After officially transferring attorney's, my old attorney was to file a objection to trail at the 11th hour. A court hearing to hear objection is schedule next week, but the original court date was not cancelled, so we appeared anyway just in case. My attorney told me that she was going to request a temporary order, but my wife's attorney had a conflict. I was just taken aback by the whole atmosphere. Right now, my attorney is going to make a formal request for temporary custody, child support, and exclusive use of residence. I thought this had already been done through an agreement that me old attorney sent to my wife's attorney two month's ago, but my wife has not responded. My attorney said that she told my wife's attorney we would be asking for maintenance and he told her that we could have anything we wanted. (I cannot believe he said that in good conscious.) Yesterday, W showed up at the house to wash her clothes. On Monday, she showed up at the house under the premise that she wanted my son to see me. She is on vacation this week and has had son for the last couple of days. She just does not get it, does it she?<p>Wallace: Go guy! Your attorney's are heading in the right direction. I think eventually you are going to have to locate her especially if you intend on getting child support from her. If she does not want to appear, at least you can show the court that you have made the effort. You may be able to hit her for some attorney and PI fees. The scent is getting colder, colder.

Hi RMA, gland you back, hope you had a good time,
Recovery is going very well, W is moving back home at the end of June, we are going on a family vacation on July 04. She told me the A was the biggest mistake of her life, glad she finally came out of the Fog and sees what I saw 12 months ago.
Now I fighting my own internal battle - ie images of her with OM.... [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I am back to Plan A with her, I know that my EN are not going to be met from her for some time but we are working hard at starting as friends. Thanks for all her help, you and the others here certainly helped me win her back.
Take care,
Dave

Dave: I know what you mean about the images. It will take some time. They will probably always be in the back of your mind. I need to ask you something. What have you done about your divorce proceedings? Just curious. I'm glad things are going well.

Hey all,<p>We think we located where the WS is. Not certain though, took a little time, but we are pretty sure we know where she is. The surprise is, is she is located about an hour out of the city where we live (completely out of character for her, but I don't know who this person is anymore anyway). Not sure why the move up there... makes no sense... OM is still in the city... but I'm sure It will all reveal itself in time. <p>Attorney's are pursuing it for our next court date, so that is a good thing.<p>Petvet,<p>Your court proceedings sound more screwed up than mine, WoW... hang in there, it has got to get better.<p>Dave,<p>I can only imagine how you feel (OM image), it probably is going to take a lot of work to put that all behind you. Stay the course though... I don't have any suggestions for you on that one. I only know what images I conjure up and it makes me ill. I try not to think about those things.<p>
Stay strong!<p>Wallace

davepr,<p>You wrote:Recovery is going very well, W is moving back home at the end of June, we are going on a family vacation on July 04. She told me the A was the biggest mistake of her life, glad she finally came out of the Fog and sees what I saw 12 months ago.<p>RMA response: Dave, please do adjust yor expectations! I say this to you because too often, the WS in the beginning of recovery still waffles back and forth and has difficulty in releasing the feelings for the OP. Your W has failed 3 times before to successfully give up the OM. Here eyes may indeed be "opened", but feelings are hard to die and fantasies are loathe to be given up for good. Just realize that she is still going to struggle an awful lot to be successful this time. Best of luck, though!!<p>Petvet,
What a mess!!! About all I can say is that I am glad you have an attorney now who will concentrate on your case. I think it fair and reasonable for you to get all that you are seeking. You have been a most decent man through this entire ordeal. What will likely happen is that you end up divorced and your W will be one of those who later really regrets it all big time., Too bad we can't give them a REAL glimpse of the future - showing them the long-term effects and ramifications of their decisions. Keep your head up, friend. Disappointments don't necessarily mean total disaster! Thing happier thoughts for you!<p>Wallace, glad your W has been found. Yes, it is strange she is 1 hour away when OM is still there. Perhaps he is also thinking of moving where she is? Who knos, but you can best believe they have some kind of plan, even if it is a screwy one. <p>I also wanted to tell you of a prayer that helped me. It is a modified serenity prayer: God give me the strength, courage and fortitude to accept Thy will. Help me to dig down really deep to find that strength, courage and fortitude when I need it the most.<p>When I was able to finally just accept the situation and put my life in God's hands, Wallace, I was finally able to truly let go of all my preconceived expectations for both my marriage and my WS. It wasn't for me to determine the outcome. I did my part and that was all I could do. I accepted that although things did not turn out the way I wanted and hoped, my faith in God and myself helped me to understand that my life was far from over. I still had to grieve and still hurt, but this faith allowed me to release myself as "victim" and become determined to find a happier life for myself.<p>God will give you the strength you need, once you stop praying for YOUR outcome and pray instead for peace and acceptance.<p>Blessings to all, Desiree

Roll Me Away,<p>I had written a nice post, but it didn't post, so here I go again.<p>Thank you for the prayer, it is appreciated. I will use it quite often.<p>Thank you for the insight... I must now pray for the well being of my family and myself, and not the outcome. I pretty much know the outcome, and it is not looking very good. Let it be God's will however it turns out.<p>You obviuosly can see my pain and angusish over it all... I wish things could of turned out for the best concerning my M, but unfortunatly it appears it is not going to. <p>In reagards to my WS moving an hour away, and the OM still being in town, I am most certain that there is a method to their madness. I am most certain that their A is far from over.<p>I am sorry that your M did not go the way you wanted the outcome to go... for that I am sad. It appears that through the Lord you grown and overcome most of the pain, and have moved on... and for that I am glad, it gives me hope as well.<p>If you lose your faith in the Lord, there isn't anything left... I will never lose faith in the Lord... for he is my pilot on my journey now.<p>There is much wisdom in your posts, and for that I am thankful that you share your knowledge... it helps a great deal, more than you can imagine.<p>May God Bless You always!<p>Wallace

RMA: Thanks for your support. You are right RMA it is a mess. I am going to be firm and micro manage my attorney; I have no other choice. Even though I wish for a better outcome, I am pushing forward to the end whatever the outcome is. This has been a long ordeal. I just want to get her out of my life the best I can. Yes, we have a child together, but I need to disasociate myself from her the best I can. I have set my mission and priorities going forward and I am going to stay the course. The future looks bright. I just want to get on with it.<p>Wallace: I'm glad you found your W. I knew she could be found if you had the right people looking for her. You are just like me; you just want this mess to end. I hope the OP is not helping your W obstruct justice. It sounds like she does not want to face the music. Stay strong and think of the future. You and your kids are going to be so much better off not having to deal with this junk. It takes up so much energy and resources that you feel so confined, but just think of how you are going to feel after this is over. The pressure in itself takes a lot out of you. I think about you situation everyday and pray that things get better for you.<p>Everyone: I have something funny to tell you. Speaking of PIs, I was jogging (it always happens while I am jogging)on a college campus on Wednesday and notice this car with its passenger and driver doors ( it was hot outdoors)opened parked on the campus facing some apartments across the fence. I
thought something was wrong; as I approach the
vehicle, I noticed this guy with a cam coder recorder some activity in the apartments. He saw me and waved me off. It goes to show you never
know who is watching you. OK,that's my PI story for the week. I am very observant as you can tell.<p>Dave: I would agree with RMA that you need to proceed with care. You have a long way to go yet but things appear to be moving in the right direction.

Petvet,

What a great PI story... I had to laugh after I read that... thanks for sharing that.

I think with everything we have been through, it has become second nature to us to become more observant... that's my obsevation on it anyway, LOL.

I agree with you 100%, lets just get it over with. I and my family would like to get on with our lives, without all this hanging over our heads... I'm sure you feel the same way... I know I'm tired of it. It sucks the life right out of you, as well as money.

Here is something interesting that happened last night.

My brother in-law called me. He said that my WS had called him at his house (my WS's mother lives at there house with him and his wife).

WS screamed at him acusing him of telling me where she was living now. He doesn't know where WS is living, I found out through other sources. But WS thinks he told me where she was living.

Anyway I found it odd that WS would call my BI to give him hell, unless WS has been in contact with her mother (who lives there with my brother inlaw). After I was done talking with him, MI got on the phone, and she started asking me questions about what had happened and why WS had left our home. I had previously had an earlier conversation with her about this, but she wanted me to go through it with her again. She still contends that she has not spoken with her daughter in 6 weeks, which is way out of character, but on the other hand she never once during our conversations over the last 6 weeks asked if I heard from WS... Odd? I think my MI has been in contact with her mother.

MI kept insisting that WS has not had an A. Asked if I planned on proceeding with the D, and I told her yes. She told me to write WS a letter since I knew where she was living, and I told her I was not going to pursue my WS... if she wanted to contact me, she could call the house. Told MI, that we need to come to an agreement, to finalze this D. She told me that if she was in contact with her, that she would let her know.

I also have to agree with you that my WS is hiding out, because of the forged checks, as well as the A (doesn't want anyone to see her).

It was a strange evening last night... just thought I would share that... don't know what to make of it.

Petvet, you stay the course, do not waiver, things will get better one way or the other... it has to. I know what your going through and it's no fun. Hope your attorneys get a good foot hold on your situation... you don't need anymore headaches. Stay on top of them... that is what I'm doing with my attorneys, and things are finally starting to move forward.

Dave,

Based on what I've read and knowing how you feel, be very careful. Each fall you take, (WS goes back to OM) hurts a lot worse than the last ones. It doesn't get any easier.

Like Petvet stated, be observant.

Stay strong!

Wallace

Petvet,<p>What a story! I guess there are PI's everywhere! I never did use one - wasn't necessary.<p>Wallace,<p>Maybe you shouldn't tell your MIL so much. If she is in contact with your WW, then your W is no longer "guessing" or wondering - she is getting the full scoop right from your MIL who got it all from you. Just something for you to think about, OK?<p>Dave,<p>Why is your W waiting so long to move back home and delay your reconciliation?<p>RMA

RMA,<p>Your right, I should not have told MI anything concerning the D or anything else for that matter.<p>My lips are sealed, it was a foolish mistake.<p>Thank you for pointing it out to me.<p>Wallace