RMA: Thanks for your kind words. Yes, I am not agreeing to anything with out my attorney's advice and serious thought on my part. She makes hasty decisions. Not surprisingly she is angry, she has not called the house since she asked me to meet her. I am so glad that I don't have that evil in my house. I am grateful for what I have. I have my kid. Being a single parent has been tough, but I am grateful and can say thanks. I am looking forward to vacations with kid this summer. I am thankful and it's even better because I have peace in my life. I look forward to coming home now. My future is bright and the kid will be better too once he gets stability. I don't need or want evil in my life.I'm going to let the legal process take its course. It will be over sooner or later. If she comes around (I doubt it), I will cross that bridge will I get to it. Until then, I am staying the course. I have
peace now. <p>Wallace: Buddy, it appears our marriages are headed to the same end. I should be getting discovery soon from my w's attorney. I am going to be happy to disclose what I have on my wife. After that, it will only be a matter of time. I do not know about you; I am going to come out of this better than when I arrived. I have decided to spread my wings and soar high into the sky. All I want out of my situation are the things of value. My losses. When we made our vows before God, as I remember the phrase "for better or worst etc etc etc" "through sickness etc etc" it are times like these when you know whether you have a spouse who has value. My point is we might not have had anything of value in the way of wives in the first place. I know it's a harsh statement, but you and I have to face consequences for our choices for wives. What kind of woman would abandon the marital home and their children? A woman? On the web site divorcebusting.com, these women are refered to as "walkaway wives". Our wives may come around at some point, but I am not waiting for mine to change her mind. Throughout life, we have to sometimes drop people from our lives who prove to be dangerous to our well being. You and I are at that point.<p>Dave: apparently, you have a wife of value. She has a backbone. I hope it works out. What gets my attention is that she has repented. That took guts. She is making the right moves. Value and values!<p>All: I have peace at home, now; what a feeling. I decided to take a right turn.

Wallace/Petvet:
You and your families are in my prayers, I don't know what else to say, you both are doing great and will be stonger for going through this. I am sorry for your pain... When my W left me for the third time for OM, I also gave up, we were legally seperated and heading for a divorce on Aug 04. She came back and I crossed that bridge when I got to it. Some times you have no choice but to let go and I know from reading alot of other posts on MB that sometimes letting go is what gets them back, and if not then you have started your healing/recovery process.
Stay stong,
Dave

Petvet,

I can only pray for you and your W, that your situation does a major turnaround.
I have to agree with Dave, that sometimes going through the D, sometimes sets reality more into focus... and people start to realize just what they are giving up and where their life is headed for... Only time will tell.

In my situation, I'm not looking for any turnarounds to happen. I believe it will go all the way, and unfortunately it will end that way.

I am mentally ready to move on. I believe ofcourse that there will be set backs. But, you pick yourself back up again, and continue your journey.

I'll keep you in my prayers, because I know your situation.

Dave,

Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers, you don't know how much that helps. keep up the good work, you earned it.

RMA,

Your kind words have helped me greatly, and for that I thank you.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

My computer is double posting again.<p>[ June 14, 2002: Message edited by: Wallace ]</p>

Hi Wallace, RMA, Petvet: Have not heard from you much this week, hope all is well. I will be out of town until Monday. Hope everyone has a great weekend. You are in my prayers.
Take care,
Dave

Dave: I hope things are still going well with your family. Nothing has changed on my end. I'm just waiting for D day. Have a nice weekend.<p>Wallace and RMA: I hope things are going well.

Hi All,

Well a little has changed on my end.

My attorneys seem to just be spinning their wheels and wasting my money for the moment concerning the D.

I put them on hold. I asked them what good is all this if we can't locate her, or she doesn't show up for court? They said the outcome would probably be worse. They would prefer to have her get an attorney and a get the process moving and show up for the final hearing.

They stated it would work to my advantage if she would grow up and get this over with. They don't understand her thinking. I'm not sure if anybody understands her thinking... including herself.

They said just sit on it, and let her make the next move, and then we will counter.

This could be a long wait, but I'm sure she will come around and file a motion for D.

That is about it for the moment on my end.

Dave:

Glad to hear things are still in good shape, keep up the good work.

Petvet:

Sorry to hear that nothing has changed on your end. Hang in there, I know how you are feeling.

RMA:

How is everything going for you?

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi Dave, Wallace, RMA: How are things going? It seems as though things have really calm down quite a bit among ourselves.

Dave: How are things going with you? By the way, what kind of visitation schedule for kids did you have in place during your separation? I recently tried to implement a everyother weekend deal with wifey, and she went crazy. She does not think think that anything should be done until a ruling comes down from a judge.

Wallace: How have you been doing? Has there been any changes?

RMA: What's up with you?

Me: Same old stuff. I have a child support hearing next month to get support from W. I think she is unrealistic about the consequences that she is going to face.

Later.

Petvet, davepr and Wallace,

I have been on vacation. Also, just enjoying the summer alot. Not getting here as often. You guys are in my daily prayers. Just know that one day all of this will unrest will be settled. It is a tough time for you all (even you, davepr, in the beginning of recovery) but you will survive it all and happiness will be a part of your daily life once again, if you let it.

God bless you all - RMA

Hi RMA: I'm glad you are enjoying your summer. My garden is doing pretty good. It is producing string beans like crazy. Based on your experience, is every other weekend is the normal visitation rule? I was just wondering.

Hi Petvet, Dave, RMA,
Sounds like gardening is the in thing to do. I didn't plant one this year... first year ever in 23 yrs.
Nothing really new on my end. Still moving very slowly on the big "D".
My BIL saw my "I don't know when she will be my ex-wife". drive past our house yesterday. Going on 2-3/4 months and still no contact from her.
I wonder if there is an abbreviation for a STBXW, that you could use in my case... since who knows when this "D" is ever going to get over with.
I'm hearing from a few people that she is really having a real wing-ding out there. Sounds like she has a new OM, in addition to her current OM. She is a real piece of work.
I have a question, maybe you can give me some insight.
WW knows there is a "D" pending, but she will not cooperate with my attorney by calling him and coming up with an equitable agreement. She has not got herself an attorney. She is just doing absolutely nothing but having a good time. I don't get it, could someone please possibly shed some light on this for me.
Oh by the way, MIL, has been in contact with WW since Day one.
BIL is now living at my house told me everything that he could about what he saw and heard about WW (he lived with MIL, his W wants a "D" as well). They threw him out when he discovered what was really going on.
BIL told me that my WW would call MIL everyday to see if I had called up there and wanted to know everything I said. MIL is helping WW with furnishing WW's new apartment.
MIL also lied, told WW that I have a new girlfriend which is a lie... lying seems to run on their side of the family.
Petvet,
Anything new on your end?
DAVE,
Hope things are going well for you and your W.
RMA,
Thank you for your prayers, hope your garden is doing well.
Stay in touch!
Stay Strong!
Wallace

<small>[ July 01, 2002, 10:03 AM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Hi Wallace: Boy, you have quite a mess on your hands. Did you and your MIL ever get alone? She is really going overboard in helping your WW.Could your attorneys just phyically serve her papers whereby she would only have a ceryain number of days to respond and if she does not, she loses the case? I find it interesting that she called your MIL everyday to see whether you had called. At least she is thinking about you? She is afraid to face you and the consequences of her actions. Are you sure the BIL is telling you the truth? Has you inlaws and their relatives always been this wacky?

I guess things are going well for Dave.

Me: Well, there has been really no change; however, I expect things could get a little exciting on July 18th because that is when I have a temporary child support hearing. I'm trying to get child support from her along with attorney fees because she is working a full time job but has given me nothing in the way of support for the kid and she has refuse any type of support request I have made. She is still coming to the house to wash clothes, using the phone while washing clothes, using a/c and fan, etc.

Later.

Hi Petvet,
Did I ever get along with my MIL. Lets put it this way... there is no love lost between each of us. We tolerate each other.
She has been trying to break up my marriage for the last 23 yrs.. She has done that with all her children. She succeeded with one, and now she has two on the burners as we speak... mine and my BIL. MIL put her "H" in his grave at the age of 55. She is also a real piece of work.
MY BIL'S wife is wanting a "D" as well. Guess who is behind the curtains on that stage concerning my BIL's marriage... my MIL.
I use to call them the Asylum when I spoke about them... my wife hated when I did that. I should not of called them that... but, I was just calling it as I saw it. So to answer your question... yes they are all wacked out in the head. It's a genetic mutation that has infected them all, LOL.
We could serve WW papers if we could locate her, but that still doesn't mean she would show up. Some people are saying that she doesn't think she wants to get a "D", that she may want to work it all out, but she is too ashamed at what she did to come forward. I'm not sure if I'm buying that line.
Sounds like you have a real problem with your W and these custody issues. I have not hit that problem yet. At the moment I have full custody, and without WW showing up for anything... it doesn't look like it's going to be a problem.
Hang in there.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Wallace: There may be hope with your marriage. Your WW does not seem to much in a hurry to get a D. Your MIL should be ashame of herself. You guys may have to move away from her. She must be very controlling.

The reason why I say that things will get interesting after the hearing because she has yet to experience any consequences; she is still living like a single person without any responsibilities other than herself.

Later.

Hi Petvet,
Im not so sure if she doesn't want the "D" or if she has just blown through all the money and can't afford an attorney right now. Or, she could be perfectly content just to leave it the way it is.
She is living the single life, while I have all the headaches. So she just might be content to leave it that way.
I really don't see much hope for my "M".
I feel like I need to make the break, because I'm getting real tired of living in limbo, and I would just as soon get it over with.
How are you making out on your end? Anything new with the Custody issue's. I know it gets very frustrating at times... almost maddening.
Hang in there.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Wallace: Something has to give sooner or later in your situation. You may need to file a missing person's report or something. I thought you had located where she was. If you filed a missing persons' report, maybe your MIL would have to tell authorities where your WW is, but you cannot let her keeping your in limbo like this. You are letting her set the agenda and controlling things. I do not think I have a custody issue, but a financial one. She does not want to come out of her pocket.

Later.

Petvet,
We had located her, but she moved... and now we don't know where she is. I could put out a skip trace out on her, but she would just move again and not show up for court.
I know she is setting the agenda, but I don't know how to stop her from doing it.
I'm open for suggestions on how to turn this thing around.
So the final issue for you is financial at this point. That usually is the final sticking point.
Hang in there.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Wallace: I think once she is served papers if she does not show up for court she would be in contempt. Right? So she can move all she wants, but she would have been served the papers. Ask your attorneys. As far my situation is concern, I don't think money is a sticky point as much as I think that once she is hit with heavy financial consequences, she will sit down and think very serious about what she is doing. I will be away for a couple of days. Heading to Florida this morning. I'll be in touch on Monday.

Oh! by the way, what has happened to the other two folks?

Later.

Petvet,

Happy 4th of July! Have a safe trip and try to enjoy yourself!

Wallace,

I think your W is trying to duck the CONSEQUENCES of the divorce, more than the actual divorce. Chris123's W was missing for over 2 years and he was able to get divorced by doing what Petvet said - running it in the local papers. Also, from what I can recall, he did not fare badly out of this at all. If you want to know the particulars, you may want to start a thread addressed to him and I am sure he will explain what he did and what happened. Don't let her absence deter you, but also don't try to read more into this than may really be there. Your W is a hurt individual who has many serious issues. Your marital problems are only one portion of it. She has much to face up to and years of serious, hard work ahead of her. To me, she is not showing any signs whatsoever that she is willing at all to face anything about herself or your marriage.

Nonetheless, God bless you for your continued caring of her. Have a wonderful Fourth with your family....

RMA

Hi All,
I hope eveyone had a good 4th of July.
I'm back from a much needed rest... which I didn't get.
RMA... I believe you are exactly right on your assessment of my WW.
I am moving forward with the "D", she is going to be divorced... I am not pulling back.
She has done everything you could do the wrong way. She has very serious issues, of which I want no part of.
Thanks for the advice RMA, it is much appreciated.
Petvet, Dave,
How are you all doing? You still with us?
Stay Strong!
Wallace