Hi all! RMA & Dave, thanks for your wonderful posts. I agree with them totally. I think that most WS hit rock bottom after they realize that the euphoria of the A has worn off and they realize what they have given up. Also, embarrassment plays a part in all this. I can't tell the negative comments I have received from women who know about my situation towards my W. The WS behavior is not something you brag about unless you are Jennifer Lopez. Most decent people will frown on such behavior even if the WS tries to blame their BS. Many people still don't know what is going on between my W and I, but I am getting more and more questions.

Wallace: I cannot believe that your W can substain this type of lifestyle and enjoy it over the long term. The OP is going to dump her sooner than later. I still think that something is up with the MIL. Your W may want to use your MIL as a barometer to see we your mindset is. MIL is calling for a reason. Do you know whether OP is still around?

Avondale: Don't worry about this (Easier said than done). Concern yourself with what you can control not him. Keep in mind that many of your husband's respones are influence by the OP feeding your H ego. She is in the background helping to push the buttons. It is a control thing for the OP as well because they have someone who really values them and depends on them even though they are creeps as well. Your H does not see that because he is busy trying to escape his marriage. Keep your head up! Oh! I just forgot. Keep your eyes on the your marriage until its end. I know it is easy to want someone else because it is a natural feeling to want someone to love you. Take care of YOU internally. Make yourself better.

Me: I pull into the driveway yesterday after work and guess who was at the house? Yep, you guess it wifey sitting on the livingroom floor
playing with kid.

Later.

Petvet, your story is starting to sound like where mine was in May... W could not come into the house as she didn't have a key but I would come home from work and W and kids would have jumped the 4ft fence to the backyard and be playing on the swing set. The calls, the snooping around, coming in, all sound familiar to me...

I was going to send this and just asked W what coming into the back yard and playing meant.. she replied that she missed her life and this was part of slowing trying to come back... coming back meaning all internal to her.... part of HER recovery, not ours....
Take care,
Dave

Dave: You and Wallace are more optimistic than I am. Things may be hopeful, but I will believed it when it happens. In my opinion, W has too much pride to admit that she was wrong. That's her trademark. I don't think she can change; it's too below her. She would say, "you've got to be kidding". It would mean reality. It is much easier to continue the fantasy. I'm not going to get my hopes up.

Later.

Petvet,no,I don't think you should get your hopes up,you have come too far, just keep going,if it happens and you want it then great but don't let yourself get hurt. I am optimistic for you.Hope you had a good weekend.
Dave

Hi All,
My MIL called me yesterday, and I decide to answer the call.
The conversation consisted of this... "She wanted to pay me for the time it took me to fix her plumbing... nothing more, nothing less.
STBXW and the ending of my "M", my children, never came up during the telephone conversation... nothing.
So that was it... I told her to keep her money, I didn't need or want it.
My "BIL" evidently had called her and told her she had a lot of nerve... lying to me about talking to STBXW and then calling me up to come fix her plumbing. I guess this is how this all got started.
There is nothing more to be read into it.
On October 22nd, my "M" will be over... there is no doubt in my mind.
Petvet... to answer your question about OP still being around?
I believe that not only is he around I believe that she is living with him.
This is pure speculation on my part.
I base it on the statement that my MIL made while I was fixing her plumbing, "She has a lot to answer to God to".
This was spoken from a person who doesn't even believe in God. So "WW has to be up to something pretty bad for her to say something like that.
I could be wrong about this, but I'm going with my gut feel on this one.
I personally think I will never hear from her again.
Petvet... I think your "W" wants to come back home.
She probably will not admit to her mistakes, but that is not going to stop her from wanting to come back home.
Only you can stop her from that... the ball is in your court.
How are you going to play it?
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Wallace,
Are you at least glad to hear that "explanation" re: MIL and plumbing? Is it possible your MIL didn't know what else to say (some family members feel awkward or don't want to take sides sometimes, right)? It seems your in-laws are split as to whose "side" they're on, is that correct? It's good your BIL stood up for you!

I'm sorry you have that date looming in front of you...be sure to take your own advice and Stay Strong! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Avondale,
How are you doing?
You sound like you are doing well under the circumstances.
Anything new happening on your end?
To answer your question as far as my MIL's reason for calling... I found it rather insulting.
I went up to fix their plumbing because I wanted to just help them out as just a nice gesture.
I never expected any compensation from them for it.
I took it as a slap in the face.
After that insulting call, I would never go up there and do anything of the kind for them ever again... they can hire a plumber next time.
There is a split amongst my in-laws concerning my situation.
My "BIL" is in the midst of losing his "M", because he informed me of one of my STBXW's "A's"... he was told to leave his home because he infromed me of the "A".
As far as Staying Strong, thanks for the reminder Avondale.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hi guys and gals, I had an interesting weekend. My exw sent me an email stating she has not recieved papers yet I sent, it's been more than 1 week. I haven't held any conversation with her since May, if I've spoken to her its quick to the point in which I've only had 1 phone conversation with her since may. Well she sends me an email telling me what D's are upto she don't know OD sent me a letter. Well any way she tells me in part of the email she saw my niece picture on the internet who is 14, I asked where, I get no response. I then ask my sister the next day if she knew about this, well things kinda hit the fan in that house, oopss, hope my niece will forgive me.

Well I find out the site is kinda ronchy....Strange part is, my exw would have had to do a search on the state,age range,gender, etc...then look at every id and profile that appeared, she stumbled on my niece, my niece said she did that a year ago, they currently suspended kids internet service 1 year ago.

Funny part is exw wouldn't tell me where she found her picture, I think it's because she was somewhere she shouldn't be, I wouldn't put it past my xw that her own picture is posted up in dirty way, this is the same kinda stuff I dealt with when all the affairs were discovered. She made her breast larger through photo manipulation I remember in one internet bust that happened.

She's searching for things in the State I'm in 1,200 miles away. Makes me wonder. This is where she is from, sometimes I wonder if she'll ever move back since OD is out of the house and YD has about 1 1/2 - 2yrs before shes on her way out.

I'm not looking for her but where she is she's by herself and YD, no family or real friends besides OM.

In her emails she's trying hold a conversation but I give a 4 word response and mention nothing about me or ask any questions about her, such as she said, Oh I've been so busy lately traveling at work and things....I say nothing, I don't ask where she works, nothing...

So there's something happening, I feel her trying to make more contact....I remember In late 2001 she was secretly job searching in the state I live in.

Now I'm trying figure why is she searching profiles of female youth?

Hi all!

Wallace: Sorry to hear that our speculations were wrong about MIL.I guess there's not much to say. I guess you know your W better than anyone. Your BIL must be a morally grounded person. Not many people would have done what he did in informing you about the A's. By the way, how did he find out about your W's A's? How are you going to get CS from W if you cannot find her?

EC: Your ex W really many issues does she?

Me: Wallace, I am not going to speculate on my situation. No, the ball is not in my court; the ball is in her court. If she tries to return, I will pray on it. Change has to be in order. Her pride is too great for her to return. That's my opinion.

Later.

Everlasting - all the reasons I can think of are not ones suitable for printing here...it sounds like something out of a TV show. (of course, all our dramas sound like they are fodder for tv <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> )Perhaps the OM was searching the site and she noticed and was curious as to what it was? Or maybe your niece confided in your XW (or other family member) about posting her pic. That's about as innocent a reason as I can come up with.

Petvet...
You're "W" sounds very much like mine as far as having too much pride to want to come back.
I don't know about your "W", but mine doesn't have very much at this point to be proud of.
I would agree with you as far as "change needs to be in order", concerning your "W".
Why would you want to start over again, only to find out that nothing in the relationship has changed. You would only be setting yourself up for another fall.
I would let God lead your way on this one.
My "BIL" found out about my STBXW's "A's" through a conversation he overheard between his "W" and my "MIL" at his house.
While they were talking, they thought he was sleeping on the couch in the family room they were in.
Guess what... he was only pretending... he wasn't asleep at all... he heard everything.
The sad part of it all, is I already knew about what my "WW" was up to. He just added a little more to the mix.
He is paying a heavy price for it though, because now his "M" is on the ropes.
He moved out becasue they (MIL lives with them) told him to get out of the house, and no one knows where he is right now.
He was staying with me for awhile, but his "W" found out some how, so he felt it best that he leave.
As far as the child support goes... there is a child services center that is run by the State that can locate where "WW" lives, works, etc., and they can garnish her paychecks, once we get the court order to do so.
EC...
It sounds like you have got some pretty wild things going on?
Who put your niece's picture up on the internet?
I'm having a hard time following that one.
Your "W" seems to have some real issues going on.
How do you know she is trying to come back to the State your in?
Have you been in contact with her through various emails?
It does soundS like you had an interesting weekend.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hi Wallace and everyone,

Thanks for your thoughts, I don't know what to make of her internet searching, I could see that happening if my D's were on the net and you want to monitor what might be happening, but they don't even have a phone in the house, xw wife is at work surfing.

I can't say she's looking to move here, thats a wild, wild guess and me just trying to let go, you always wonder sometimes, I just remember late 2001, her making mention of places here and how the job market was in the State where I am and told me who was hiring, I was looking for work at the time. I am only guessing because she will be by herself soon, no family or friends there,just OM, she's not the type that can be alone for too long.

My thoughts were if she's searching profiles in this State and appears she hasn't changed, she might still be up to her old tricks. I'm sure she's cheating on OM.

Well anyway my imagination could just be running wild making more of something than it is.

Hello all,

EC, I don't even want to guess what your W must have been up to in order to find those pics. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

avondale, you sound like you are weathering the storm OK. You are in my prayers.

Wallace, the story with your BIL is rather pathetic. What a thing for a marriage to break up - that he would get thrown out for telling you details of an affair you were already aware of. Your W's family does not sound like they value marriage very much.

davepr, how is the anger? How are you coping, friend?

Petvet, I agree the ball is in your W's court. You have done everything to let her know you are open to discussions of reconciliation. If she does indicate to you a willingness to try, I do think you have it "in you" to give her another chance. However, I agree that she must be the one to make the first move, or you would just be setting yourself up for a false reconciliation and more hurt.

Prayers and hugs all the way around...RMA

Hi RMA, How are things with you? Well, I think I am starting to let go of the past and put this behind me, I have a long way to go, but I feel that I am improving. Things are good with us, we are going to VA this weekend to visit W sister and family and then going white water rafting
in West VA, I have never been so it should be fun.
I think OM gave up, no attempts to contact us in
many weeks now.
Take care,
Dave

Hi RMA, I don't what she was up to, who knows....

Well today was the first time I had any lengthy conversation with her via email, she sounds like she's still arrogant as ever, but at the same time her world is crashing down, its like she's standing strong before the ship goes down, kaboom!!

I found out she no longer works at the same place but now making less and no overtime. So something happened. I found out at the time when her car was about to be repo'ed it wasn't running and needed major repairs.....its a fairly new car, I don't get it? I'm amazed since she launched out in all these affairs that her financial downfall has been unreal.

So looking back in June she must have lost her job and her car wasn't working or car stopped working so she maybe had to quit her job because job was an hour away, she had no way to get there......She's getting hammered big time....

I knew if her gods [job and car= money] would be shaken she would feel less powerful, she loves money real bad....When she left me, she felt on Top of the world like I was low life scum as if I had nothing to offer no one in life as she marched in my face with her affairs, man I'll never forget that.

I remember the we're diff now thing, you're no fun, just many things that a person would say and do only if they had extra money. I remember the secret conversations she had how well she was going to be doing away from me now and the new life and greener grass.

Having to tell her that her mothers things were stolen from storage is bothering her now she feels a great since of loss, she said that was all she had of her mother and the things she grew up with and now they're all gone now.

She is having it rough, all this within 2 months, OD left home, unplanned job change, financial issues and making less, 18 year marriage she cheated in and divorced, car messing up weekly, mothers things stolen, somewhere she's going to have stop and deal with herself.

Breaking communication with her has been the best thing for me, I'm glad I did that now, what a mess, she still has OM as she said in her email, but what he chased after is not what he's going to get in the end, she's going to be a broken down woman with a lot of baggage.

Hi all!

RMA: I'm feeling pretty good. Anniversary is tommorrow,and it does not bother me. I will not acknowledge it. I'm ready to move on. This has been a long ordeal,and I cannot be involve with someone who is against me. It will take a miracle to save my marriage. W has missed so many opportunities. I have noticed that after my attorney went through alot of evidence in my case, she became upset at how my W has treated me. As a matter of fact, attorney has notified W's attorney that W has until Friday to pay be all child support due or a contempt order will be filed with the court. W has brought so much trouble for herself. Kid told me this morning that I am the best dad in the world. To hear that makes the goal of a peaceful household all worth it.

EC: Oh yes! I remember the cocky proclamations from my W as well. I am no good, we were not meant for eachother, my best is not enough, no respect, etc. It would seem that your W should still be cocky. It's amazing what a reality check does to a beefed up ego.

Dave: I see you are getting there; slowly but surely.

Wallace: I will find out my court date later this
week. Both of our marriages will end soon. Let our wives find the lives that so much desire. You and I can watch them florish and live the lives of royality. Someone else can deal with them. How are you feeling? I am feeling pretty good right about now.

Later.

Hi All,
A good friend of mine died last night... so I'm not doing well at the moment. I will be attending his funeral on Friday.
When I heard the news... I started to think to myself... what is this all about?
Life! It's so short, and it's taken for granted by so many people.
"There is no guarantee for tomorrow".
If maybe people could just stop and realize how precious our time is here... things might be a lot different.
I said many prayers last night and this morning.
It really put things into perspective... what the important things in my life are.
I guess death is a reminder, that we should all hold dear everything that is importamt to us.
"All things must pass"... George Harrison's Album
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Wallace: Yes, life is too short and precious to be unhappy. One has to live life one day at a time because tommorrow is not promised to us. In times of lost of a love one, one can only sit back and reflect. I wish your friend a safe trip home. May the Lord be with him.

Later.

Petvet,
Thank you for the kind response... it does give you cause for pause when something like this happens.
You hang in there, I know what you are going through.
I'm sure tomorrow being your aniversary is going to be a little rough.
Petvet, I agree that both of our marriages will be over soon.
They will get to lead the lives that they evidently seemed so hell bent on living.
I don't plan on watching them live their lives... I hope you don't either.
Maybe when your STBXW feels the sting of "CS" she may realize how big of a mistake she really made.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Double posted by accident.
Wallace

<small>[ August 14, 2002, 05:06 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>