Hi everyone, i am traveling again this week so not much time to write... all this travel cannot be good on my marriage but we are doing very well. We went to look at new houses this weekend, we are considering putting our house on the market and selling it... Some of our
neighbors did not approve of what my FWS did and still do not speak to her, seems they have a harder time with this than me, she really wants to move out of our neighborhood so we are looking....
Wallace, sorry about the paycut, in my industry things are very tough too, hopefully the economy starts to pick up early next year and things get better for all of us.
EC, I know it is hard to leave the past in the past, I struggle with that too but if you can it will
free you...
Petvet, sorry that things have not improved much.. hang in there...
Take care,
Dave

Guys,

I have been gone for work and then on vacation. Just wanted you all to know I saw this and am thinking and praying for each of you.

RMA

Hi all!

Wallace: No, she does not say anything constructive that's why I don't say much to her. I am so tired of this mess. I am very frustrated and angry. I don't intend for my mess to last for years. I hope you take care of business and put an end to your mess. Our wives have no credibility.

I'M SO MAD.

Later.

PS- I hate to see you and I go through this.

Hi All, hope the holidays are getting better. I made a goal this year I'm going to buy 10 turkeys and pass them to selected persons or families in need this Nov. In Nov 2000 is when affairs we're happening and she announced she wanted a DV, In Nov 2001 I was just starting to work again from having to move 1,200 mile's from WW, also this Nov 2002 would have been our 19th Anv.....So I'm doing something thats going to make a strong impact for 10 families for the month of Nov and let that be my good times of memories. Despite what exw has done I know in my heart I will still love people and some person or family out there is waiting for a blessing, so the time now is to prepare, thats worth the push to keep on going, giving out of yourself releases your hurt and you feel self worth again and that you are a reward to someones life.

Petvet - Yes, OM is around my 2 D's, sad but true, I can't imagine how she can teach any morals to our teenage daughters, I wonder what they think about sleeping with a strange man from the Internet as there mother did and bring him in the house?

Davepr - I know its true to let go of the past, at times it does seems like yesterdays headlines because she never says she's sorry for nothing, just flaunts her actions even greater in my face. I decided to try not to bring OM up next time I talk to her. Do you know of any signs when your WW was coming to an end?

Wallace - I have thought about how much I want be involved with her, I've asked myself since I've let her back in communication what have I gained? Has it been a weight? or healing? I lean more to the weight right now, I do have 2 business issue to resolve with her and once those are done I no reason to really talk to her other than the Kids, but of course thats what she wants, ease her way back in is her plan, she wants cake and ice cream, she knows I made good things happen in her life and she see's that in mines now and hers have went in a diff direction, its like she's trying to keep one hand on OM and one hand on the anchor (me).

Take care all.

Hi All,
Petvet...
As far as our wives having "no credibility", I think that might be an understatment.
I understand your anger, and frustration, but try to let it pass as best you can (as hard as that may be).
It will just wear you down, and nothing good will come of it.
I don't want to sound like I'm preaching to you, just want to give you a helping hand to try to help get you out of the funk.
It will work you, if you let it.
I can only imagine what you must be feeling when she is in your house, acting the way she does.
In a sense I feel lucky that I don't have to communicate with my STBXW, I have seen all I care to see concerning her.
I'm glad to hear (under the circumstances) that your going to be able to end your situation in a timely manner... unfortunately that is not going to be the case for me I'm afraid.
I think that after the "D" is final, the real fight will only be just beginning.
RMA... thank you for your thoughts and prayers... I'm sure we can all use them.
Dave... glad to hear things are going well for you.
It appears to be a good sign that your"W" wants to move and stay committed to the "M".
I can see you are aware of how traveling so much can affect your "M"... I'm sure your keeping a close watch on that... keep up the good work.
EC... It does sound like your "W" wants to keep you around just in case the bottom falls out.
If she sees that you are truly moving on with your life, she may do a 180 on you.
I'm not sure if that is what you want, but it's an option that may possibly open up to you.
Avondale... How are things with you, and how are you getting along?
As far as myself... I'm just taking each day one day at a time.
I'm nervous about coming to the FJ day which is next month... but I'm also looking forward to it all at the same time.
I've been living like I have been "D" for quite awile now... on again off again for almost 2-1/2 years watching the antics of my WW.
So in a sense I'll be glad when the marriage is finally over.
It's to bad it had to turn out the way it did.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hi all!

Wallace: Thanks for your encouraging comments. I spoke with my attorney last Friday after she called W's attorney's office to find out what was going on. Even though she had not spoken to w's attorney personally, she spoke with an assistant who told her that wife still was a client; however, she owed them money. My attorney was incense that wife would go out and get a part time job to pay off her attorney yet she has not met her financial obligation to me. It shows just how little respect she has for me and kid. I'm seriously thinking about speaking with her and laying it on her for her lack of responsibility for caring for her kid. I'm not going to let her off the hook. I called the court office and found out that no court date has been set for either of my cases, so who knows when I will get to court.

Avondale, RMA, and Dave, etc.: how are things going?

Later.

Hey y'all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Wallace, I can't imagine dealing with the issues you have for 2 ½ years...it is unfathomable to me! While it is indeed sad that things turned out the way they did for you, I know you'll be glad to start a new chapter in your life. Other than things with your job, do you have any specific plans?

Petvet, can't your lawyer do anything to expedite setting up a court date for you? I thought that was one of the things lawyers did.

As for me, I have found myself in a unique situation, needing to do a TOUGH LOVE ultimatum on my 22 year old son who has become totally immersed in a socio-political-idealogical (dare I use the word "extremist"?) group whose views are, to put it mildly, very alarming to both me and his father. In fact, they would be alarming to anyone who knew the extent of what he's into right now! So this afternoon WH is coming over and we will have to present a united front, and confront our son, telling him to move out. The irony in this is not missed by me - WH, who's lifestyle and moral standards have decayed and are questionable at best, telling our son - who's lifestyle standards are just as bad, what to do <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> . But I am determined to not use this time to point any fingers or bring up that irony to him. Hopefully I can convey love and concern for my son while telling him to leave...

Avondale,

Your son may be "acting out" due to stress of you and your H's situation. Although he is an adult, I can tell you, the young adult kids do hurt from all of this, too. That in no way condones unacceptable behavior. Tough love may indeed be exactly what he needs. Just wanted you to think about his angst and hurt, too.

Hugs to you for all you are dealing with right now.

Petvet, I am doing well. Why is this all taking so long? Just curious, as my divorce only took 31 days after official filing.

Wallace, you have such a good attitude about all of this. I hope and pray that one day soon the largest part of the hurt will be behind you.

EC, you sound pretty good yourself! Keep up your chin and keep trying to move forward.

davepr, a new home and new neighbors might help you both.

Just saying to all that someone does care...RMA

Hi all!

Avondale: I agree with RMA that your son may be upset over the situation with his parents especially if problems have been ongoing for a while. He is probably missing the male influence even though twenty two is kinda old, buit that does not excuse his views and possibly dangerous interaction in groups that are negative.

RMA: I'm glad to hear that all is well in your life. You are not going to believe this but even after I put my melons off the ground, they still rotted. Well, so much for melons this year.

Wallace: I have to agree with everyone that your attitude is great under the circumstances. I know you just want it over.

Me: Apparently, there is a problem with the judge assign to my case. He is retiring after this year. My attorney would not complain too over the telephone, but she told me that she would fill me in when she sees me. I'm told that the court system is a mess in my county. I want to get this judge before he leaves office because he is an advantage for my case. I'm going to call the court again to find out whether they have any idea when my case will go to court.

Oh! Everyone, please take a moment or two on Wednesday to remember those who have suffered (The Deceased and their families)by the events of
9/11.

Later.

Hi All,
Petvet...
After you get done talking with your wife about how irresponsible she is and such, I would you get your attorney kicked into action.
It sounds like someone is dropping the ball here (your attorney).
What is happening on your Contempt of Court charges concerning your back "CS".
Are you still planning on adding that to your final court judgement?
You need to get a court date scheduled by the sounds of things... unless you want to slow things down.
No court date? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
IMHO that does not sound good... in addition... in most States, the other party does not need an attorney for the "D" proceedings to continue.
My STBXW does not have an attorney at this point, and we are 42 days away from the "FJ", attorney or no attorney on her part.
Just something for you to think about.
RMA and Avondale... When the "FJ" comes it will be bitter sweet I believe... and yes as hard as it is to believe... I have put up with her for a little over 2-1/2 years.
When this is over with... I can walk away from it, knowing that I tried my hardest to keep my marriage together.
The wounds are deep and I'm sure the scars of it all will linger for quite sometime, but hopefully with the Lord's help I will get through it.
I have to agree with RMA and Petvet, Avondale... that your son may be acting out due to what is currently happening in his family life.
My OS, who is 23 yrs. old, and who is now living at home... hates his mother for the things she has done... so I do know that it does have an affect on even the oldest kids.
RMA... I'm not so sure if I really have a good attitude about all this to tell you the truth.
I had a rough weekend this weekend over all of it. I had a number of triggers that went off on me.
I'm doing better today though... weekends are rough sometimes.
I do want it over... be it good, bad, or indifferent, my family and I need to move on with our lives.
I don't have any definite plans as of yet Avondale, but I do have a number of irons in the fire.
It all is going to depend on how this all shakes down... that will determine which direction I need to take.
I have another court date on 9/11 of all days.
A credit card company is suing me over $550.00 they say I owe, and I show the card was paid off in full years ago.
I have a bad feeling my STBXW may be behind this one as well.
Well I've been rambling since I started this post... it's been a busy day.
Well I hope everything goes well for everyone this weekend.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hi all!
Wallace: I have decided to wait until I speak with my attorney before talking to wife. I called the court and they said that it is my attorney's fault that no date has been placed, so both parties are pointing fingers at each other. I think my attorney is trying to talk with w's attorney. I intend to get this mess resolved.
Are not the credit card companies going after your wife for improperly using the credit cards? She is going to have a lot of people after her when it is all said and done. I'm with you when it comes to all these mood swings. I had a bad attack last week. Hopefully, once I get this mess over with, things will be better.

Later.

Petvet,

I actually have a canteloupe that "volunteered" from my compost. Rotting may be caused by a calcium deficiency. Get some liquid calcium (blossom rot)and srpay that and see if it helps.

To all,

Just a quick word of caution. I know most all of you just want your situation resolved. Trust me, I was there once, myself. Please do know that although divorce solves some problems for you, others will not go away and new ones will be "created". The divorce in itself is not a panacea for all that is ailing you right now. No matter what, you will always have a connection to your WS due to your children. And, even though you get divorced, you will still have to deal with the ex and his/her shenanigans, even if only from a periphery. They don't just wake up and become responsible, caring, mature or fair players.

Just keep to your plan and do the only things you can do - try to become the best person you can be for yourself and for humankind. Pray - really pray - and ask God to eventually lead you to a better life - one filled with love, peace and happiness. Focus on your family and friends. In the midst of all of our hurt and angst, we tend to forget that only one part of our life is in disarray - the marriage. Yet, there are a host of family, friends and co-workers, etc. that love and care about us - people we can depend upon to be there for us. Each of us has a life that is filled with many blessings, and we tend to overlook those while we concentrate on the pain. As you are able to, focus more and more on your blessings and it will help you to move away from the pain.

My heart goes out to each of you. I WAS you just a few short years ago. The pain has a way of making you feel as if your life is worthless and maybe even you, too. But, guys and gals, we who have survived can tell you that it isn't so. Life is worth living and YOU are someone very SPECIAL! RESOLVE to live a better life, and in time, it WILL come to you!!!!

May God send a special blessing to each and everyone of us here......RMA

Hi All,
Petvet...
I think that it might be a good idea to talk to your attorney first, before you have anymore continued conversations with your "W".
I believe that if you allow this to linger for too long without any movement in any direction whatsoever... I believe it will fester like an old wound and you will only end up aggrevating yourself even more.
I understand about the mood swings... this whole ordeal really works you, make no mistake about it.
It will probably get worse before it gets better as far as the mood swings go... at least in my case it seems to be the case.
I'm getting more triggers the closer I get to my "FJ", which of course causes my mood to swing to a much sadder frame of mind.
RMA...
Thank you so much for your very wise words of wisdom.
Your words are so true, and even though I am not quite there yet... I know in my heart and soul that the divorce will not be the cure all to end all.
In fact in my case, I believe it will only be the beginning of many issues that will still need to be resolved.
I agree that praying to the Lord like you have never prayed before will help get you through whatever path the Lord decides to take you down.
I hope your pain has diminished as time has gone on as well RMA. I stumbled across some of your old posts and I know that you have been where we are now.
It is always very comforting to hear from you, as I know you felt the very same pain as we are experiencing... and you have dealt with it as well.
May the Lord bless you always as well as all of us here.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hi all! I hope things are going well for everyone.

Last evening, I called myself trying to discuss some simple business with my W regarding kid. Well, what was intended as something simple resulted in an accusatory tyraid from W. I was not arguing with her or anything. She was upset with me. She said that I was unChristian, trying to get back at her because she lefted me, trying to get rich off her, causing her mental unrest, trying to drive her out of her apartment,etc. She said that she has no money for attorneys nor child support. She said that she should have thrown me out of the house. She said that the reason she lefted kid with me was that she could not afford to take care of her and him on her
own. She said that she would have gone for custody but she did not have the money. After the initial conversation, I tried to call her back to explain to her that the support is for the kid not me and it was her responsibilty to help care for her child, but she would not answer the phone after two attempts, so I just lefted a message. I am calling my attorney today to finalize a court
date, so this mess can be over. The bottom line is that W was against me before moving out and after.

Later.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Petvet:
<strong>Hi all! I hope things are going well for everyone.

Last evening, I called myself trying to discuss some simple business with my W regarding kid. Well, what was intended as something simple resulted in an accusatory tyraid from W. I was not arguing with her or anything. She was upset with me. She said that I was unChristian, trying to get back at her because she lefted me, trying to get rich off her, causing her mental unrest, trying to drive her out of her apartment,etc. She said that she has no money for attorneys nor child support. She said that she should have thrown me out of the house. She said that the reason she lefted kid with me was that she could not afford to take care of her and him on her
own. She said that she would have gone for custody but she did not have the money. After the initial conversation, I tried to call her back to explain to her that the support is for the kid not me and it was her responsibilty to help care for her child, but she would not answer the phone after two attempts, so I just lefted a message. I am calling my attorney today to finalize a court
date, so this mess can be over. The bottom line is that W was against me before moving out and after.

Later.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi Petvet.

It's a desperate attempt by her to use guilt as a weapon against you. She is still in denial of all the damage SHE has caused and is trying to get off easy by trying to make you feel bad for enforcing what is the just and right responsability of both parents to support the child(ren) they bring on to this world.

I would humbly suggest to you that the next time she calls you to chew you out, you promptly hang up on her. In time she will realize that her manipulative childish tirades will gain her nothing from you. She'll, hopefully, realize that the only way she'll get anything from you is thru reasonable and adult dialog.

Your doing grea, stay the course.

<small>[ September 16, 2002, 09:28 AM: Message edited by: TooMuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

PetVet,
My x did the same, she said she left the kids with me because my schedule is flexible. It is because I make it that way.

Since om is out of the picture, she wants more time. Once in a while she mentions having the kids live with her but there has been no movement that way.

She works 12 hr shifts 3-4 days per week so would be gone most of the time anyhow. She gripes about the child support too, even though it was based on her working part time back in 1998. She now works full time and can work any amount of over time she wants.

HAng in, do what you have to do for yourself and your kids!

Hi All,
Petvet...
It appears that your "W" is starting to feel the ramifications from her actions and she is not pleased with the scenerio she has created... therefore it's all your fault.
Don't buy into her rhetoric, she should of thought about the possible long term effects and outcome due to her actions... but like so many "WS's", they leave any rational way of thinking laying in the dirt.
I would notify your attorney that you would like to move forward with the "FJ" court date and let it get sorted out there.
I wouldn't even discuss "CS" issues with her anymore... let the courts deal with it.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Petvet,
Sorry you had to go through that (again). Sounds like you handled it well by not reacting to her! Just let her tirades roll off your back, and look ahead to better times <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
BTW, I have wondered for a long time now, are you a veterinarian? (I know it's off subject but figured I'd ask anyway, lol)

Petvet,

She is whining because the negative consequences are starting to stare her in the face. Too bad for her! Your son is better off with you because you have a proven track record of stability and dependability. Her motives are driven right now off what's "best" for her, and not what's best for the family. You are a good man and a great Dad! I pray that this big fine mess will be resolved soon. You need some peace in your life!

To all, you guys are the greatest! You all give such great encouragement and sound advise.

God bless us all, RMA

Thanks all for your wonderful comments. Yes, wifey is very upset and bitter at me. Believe it or not, I was just pecking away at the computer writing a letter to wifey to see whether she wanted us to visit her pastor for one last marriagesaving session. In the letter, I told her that either we reconcile or its DIVORCEVILLE.My mom wanted me to give it one more shot because she thinks it will help the kid if we could get out marriage back on track, but I do not think W is going to act right. After reading your comments, I removed the letter from the envelope and filed it. She is scary because I sense a great air of EVIL from her. She hates that I am holding the cards. She has bad intentions for me. My attorney's legal asst. told me that she hopes to have a court date for me by the end of the week. My attorney spoke with her attorney and I get the impression that my w is not on good terms with her attorney.So Wallace, next month may be D Day for both of us.

Avondale: I laugh at your question because RMA asked me the same thing. I wanted to be a vet, but those upper level science classes in college did me in; however, I breed and show Alaskan Malamutes in conformation (Westminster for example). As a matter of fact, W was jealous of the dogs and birds. I've love animals since I was four or five. I have had taurantuas, lizards,
birds, ants(yes! ants including the queen), dogs, and tropical fish. Don't get me wrong. I do not have a house or yard full of pets. It's a hobby.
How's your situation?

Oh! For the people who have been divorced, we did you do with old pictures etc. of your and your ex? I hate to say this but I am feeling really funny wearing my wedding band knowing that my w wishes that I would drop dead. Also, my mom was concern that if I died that my w would get all of my insurance etc. How did you'll handle this?

Later.