Petvet;
You must seriously consider breeding horses! I love it! The foals are so sweet yet spunky. The mares are like my sisters-the studs....they are a handful. Ever thought about getting into horses?? It can change your life!

Hi All,
Petvet...
If you sent the letter to try to reconcile with your "W" do you think it would do any good?
Your "W" sounds so much like mine... it's scary.
My STBXW carries a sense of evil around with her as well.
You can see it, as well as feel the evil she has within her... and I haven't seen or talked to her in 5 months... so I can only imagine what she is like now.
As fas as pictures, etc, I'll tell you what I did with our pictures and such.
I gave most of our family pictures to my children, so they have them now.
I kept maybe 3 or 4 pictures with just myself and her in them, and I have a few of the family all together that I tucked away.
I'm keeping them in a large dresser that I have. Any that were on display in our house have been removed.
In fact any personal effects that she owns and did not take have been removed, and are being kept in storage.
Don't need or want the triggers, so they have all been removed.
I took my wedding band off on April the 19th of this year (the day she left). I knew it was over, and I didn't want to be reminded of what was. I had two, she stole and sold one when she left, and the original one I was married in I still have. I keep it in a special place in my bedroom.
As far as life insurance is concerned, she was removed and my children were put in her place as far as being on the insurance
In fact the only insurance she still has covering her that I'm paying for is medical insurance... all others have been removed.
Well I hope you can possibly figure a way to possibly get back with your "W" if you really want to... it sounds as though you may... I see nothing wrong with it, if you think you can make it work.
I just don't want you to end up feeling more pain in the process.
When this first went down with me, I wanted to try to reconcile, but as the time past, I knew that it was something that most likely could never be... I don't think I could stand the pain of it all over again.
As always, you have had some very good advice from everybody concerning this last incident with your "W"... I think we are all on the same page as far as what is going on.
I say prayers all the time asking the Lord to lead us in the direction that he so chooses.
Hopefully it will be a path that we can all find true happiness.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hello Petvet and everyone,

To give a response about the picture issue. I kept pictures that involved our family even if she was in it, she was a good woman back then and I can't deny it, so the pictures are ok with me I just keep them tucked away.

If she had the pictures in her hand she would pitch them in the trash even if the kids were in them along with me. Therefore I made a point to keep them and cherish them for the kids sake, they need memories of where they came from and there fun childhood before all the mess.

I'm currently dealing with a problem that just occured today. I mailed exw's pictures of herself and her own family, father, deceased mother, brothers, yearbooks, sacred items, highschool items, her baby pictures, etc......I did this 3 weeks ago only to find out today she has not gotten them yet and the post office so far has no record of the shipping reciept I have to perform a trace. As you know in August my storage unit was broken into and they stole her mothers belongings and now I just mailed everything wife had left (pictures)I had at the house which now may be gone, I hope not though. I can't believe this?......

I told her I was grieved over this and would do all I could. I have to go to the main post office downtown and see what they can do from there. At this point I could cheer and say goodie for her this what she gets, but those items meant a lot too me also refering to the highschool stuff. Even though I insured the box the money can never buy or replace what she had......For some reason I scanned and took pictures of some of the pictures and items thinking the what if lost? at least she'll have that. I hope she gets them despite what she's done over time. When she emailed me asking where they were stating no site of them, I tried to focus on the issue and didn't bring up OM. She thanked me for being concerned with her in the matter.

Her response:

"Thank you. It's nice to know that you share my
concern".

End....

If these pictures and things are lost I'm sure this will shake her even more. Also in her email she stated YD was strongly considering coming here for Thanksgiving, thats all I need is for YD get in my environment one time and her eyes will open to whats normal and she'll reconnect to how things should be...in the positive!!

Anyway what you do with the pictures is based on what you can handle...It takes time..don't pitch anything too soon give yourself time to heal I find pictures that once were painful to look at now turning into joy, you remember the good and not the bad. Sometimes I ask myself what will I do with the pictures that have her in it if I should ever get remarried? Only time will tell...I think a new wife would respect my pictures knowing thats part of my history and thats what I have to share with my kids and I think I would do the same for her also.

EC,

You are such a kind and thoughtful person to think of her by insuring the box of momentoes and scanning some of the pics before mailing them. Acts of kindness are never for naught! And, I agree that any decent new woman will respect your previous family pics.

Petvet,

Keep the pics for your son. He will want them, as you two are still and will always be his parents. Now, this is interesting....you were writing a letter to your W about "one more try"? Petvet, although you are really angry and hurt, in your heart of hearts, I believe this is what you truly desire. If for nothing else, as your Mom thinks, for the best interests of your son. Listen, if you really don't want the divorce, just don't get it. Go for the legal separation of property and custody and a legal separation if that is allowed in GA. I don't know. I do think you should get divorced because you can see yourself as better off divorced than being married. I just want you to be as sure as you can be that this is the right thing for YOU. I don't mean for you to enable her in any way....I am just thinking about you. Do what you need and want to do for you and your son, and if divorce isn't it, then don't do it. If you really want to, it isn't too late to ask her for one more try. At this point, all she can say is "no", and that answer right now is "no" if you don't ask.

Prayers and hugs to you, Desiree

Hi all!

Ezra: OOOOOOOOOOOO no! I'm staying away from horses. As a matter of fact, I know several people who are now into dogs who use to be into horses. Dealing with 85-100lb dogs is enough for me, but thanks for the recommendation anyway. What breed of horses are you into?

Wallace: Thank you thank you thank you for your advice. No, I was only writing the letter to see whether she would look into reconciling by going through counseling with her pastor. After I thought about it,it's best that she makes the move on her own. I cannot go through her mess anymore. I cannot get hurt again.

EC: You deserve a gold medal for your compassion and God driven forgiveness towards your wife.

RMA: Yes, I want a divorce because I do not see any change from my wife that I think will be beneficial to our family. She is in a mess.The only way I would do a legal separation is if she was working on the marriage, but she is not.

Later.

Petvet...
As hard as it is... and I know it's not the path or outcome that you had hoped for... you come to a point where you just have to let go.
I understand your position I believe.
In order to have a true reconciliation of your marriage, your "W" has to want it as bad as you do. Otherwise you are destined to repeat the past.
Without the desire or initative from your "W" to put forth the effort to try to make the "M" work, and take the initial steps toward recovery, you don't see any use in trying to save the "M".
I don't know for sure if that's what your thinking is on this, but if it is... I understand why you are doing exactly what you are doing.
I call it the, "no option, option".
Unfortunately, many of us are left with the "no option, option".
As RMA stated, you may want to just go for the "LS" rather than the "D", if there is any doubt in your mind.
It's a horrible burden to be undertaking, and I'm sure there is some hesitation and doubt there, but I know you will follow the path you feel is best for you and your child.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

<small>[ September 18, 2002, 05:02 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Hey y'all,
I remember when I first posted on this thread, I think someone was talking about anniversaries and whether or not to recognize them during separation. Well, today is mine, would be #26...I did what I planned which was to send a "Thinking of you" type of non-mushy card to H at his apartment address. Who knows, it may be my last opportunity to remind him in a non-threatening way that we're married. To my surprise, he sent me an email at 7:30 AM (didn't know he ever got up that early!) saying basically the same sentiments: "realized what day it was, sorry for hurting me, thought of me today and hoped I didn't hate him, etc." Funny how a couple can be on the same page on some days and in entirely different chapters on other days! But today has been a good, positive day for me and I'm going to be with friends this evening. So all in all, I'm not mopey or anything. Catch ya later!

Hi all!

Wallace: You are correct. It's the "no option, option". You are in the same situation. I really hate it for my kid.

Avondale: It was me who had the anniversary when you started on the thread. At least your hisband acknowledge the anniversary. There may be hope for your marriage.

Later.

Petvet,
Unfortunately, we are both in the same situation.
It is hard on the kids, I know... but it has been hard on us as well... it has been no picnic.
In 33 days I will be "D"... and yes I am counting the days.
Not because I'm looking forward to it... because I'm actually dreading that day... but I know that it is something that must be done.
When we are put into the "No Option-Option" there is little you can do.
In time, I'm sure the realization of what has happened will eventually hit our WWs.
I don't know about you, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hello everyone,

Thanks for all the compliments.

Well my exw called me in her excitement on the issue that the box of pictures and stuff that was lost in the mail showed up today after 3 weeks. I was happy for her too. I spoke to her for about 20 min. This is the first time I spoke to her personally on the phone since April felt kinda ackward at first like a stranger or some old familar voice from the past. We've only communicated by email. She was defensive at the start until I said I'm not making war with you and told her I know what happened to me but its time to stop going around the same hurt and pain and move on, Her Response: "Well you gotta do what you need to sometimes"....of course I'm not surprised she said that you'd think she'd would have said words in the area of apology but hey they're innocent and thats asking too much.

As the conversation went on I asked her , why are you so defensive and sound angry? Her response: I'm frustrated because I ordered a PC through this guy and for 2 weeks he ignored me and now he just responded and lots of projects at work. Well me knowing her I'm sure her and OM are having problems, she didn't sound relaxed and happy at all, I know her work frustration verses other strains, she didn't have that happy go lucky sound as in the past, she still sounded arrogant and unrepented...I didn't bring up OM issue.

When I was talking to her I made a point to sound like mr nice guy and made her trip over her anger and defense, she had to come down to my level and be nice, I made her show herself that she was all bent up and tense, ready to fire back, but I disarmed her, I think she was surprised I didn't say anything negative.

I had to discuss some business stuff with her on signing papers and mailing stuff to me, she sounded eager to help.I asked her where she worked she wouldn't say therefore the sherriff dept will have to search her out to serve her CS modification papers, she's dreading me knowing how less she makes now, she's not high on the hog as before when she flaunted her income in my face before she left. I know she's being humbled.

Before I got off the phone there was a silence like she was waiting for me to say a sweet word , like I love you or something like I used to, but I didn't because I don't love her that way anymore, I feel I would have done damage to myself or something, I only said, I'm here if you need me, she said ok then there was a delay before hanging up....I'm sure was puzzled.

After I thought about it saying that might have made just as strong as a impact as I love you because she's trying keep the door open with me security and hang onto OM...

Now that we've been apart approaching 2 years and divorce final in May. I think I'm at the point I'm ready to face OM if I have to knowing both of them are walking in total ignorance of what a relationship is suppose to produce longterm, I know its not going to last I see him as a temporary fix to her lifelong problem, she never worked at our marriage when things went wrong she'll repeat the same thing with the next guy because she never studied what she did wrong in our marriage and she's carrying lots of baggage still...

How does a woman go to another healthy relationship if she left her marriage out of multiple affairs and while still married the OM tells the husband (me), "OH your wife belongs to me now and you messed up? I don't know the answer but I guess oneday I'll find out in our case.

I'm trying to keep my distance and not get wounded again, she's still dangerous and unstable. I still think she is a snake with removable fang caps.

Hi all!

Wallace: I know how you feel. I am looking forward to moving on. I am exhausted of this stuff with W. I know you are as well.

EC: Don't mess around and get hurt again. She is unpredictable.

Later.

EC,
Sounds like you handled yourself perfectly on the phone with your ex. You're right, not saying anything at the end of the conversation probably had MORE impact than anything you could have said, which is she probably expected. And it seems you've been able to move on fairly well, not letting her trigger any negative responses from you. You're living up to your screen name here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi All,
Petvet...
It does take it's toll on you... I know.
I'm hoping that once it is over, I feel some sense of relief.
There is quite a bit hanging out there from a legal standpoint, which I believe is going to take a very long time to clear up... and with the STBXW hiding out (Police are now looking for her over the forged checks), it doesn't make life any easier.
EC...
I think you did an excellent job with the way you handled yourself during your telephone conversation with your "XW".
I'm sure it did feel weird talking with her after so long.
I have had no contact with my STBX for 5 months and counting so I can only imagine how you felt.
IMHO, I don't think that your "X" is going into a healthy relationship... in fact it can only be anything but.
Add all the baggage she brings with her to the relationship, as well as the "OM's" baggage... and you have failure written all over it.
If "WSs" don't work on the issues that they contributed to the break-up of their previous "M"... then they are destined to repeat the same cycle again, and again, and again.
That's why there is such a high failure rate in relationships such as this.
Keep doing what your doing by taking the high road... it will indeed make you a better person.
Keep up the good work!
Avondale...
How are things going on your end?
I hope you are doing well.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

EC,

You are great, and your "name" suits you to a tee!
Like many WS's, I do agree she would probably be happy to know you would still be pining away for her, and make a great "backup" plan if things don't work out with this OM. I am glad she got the box, and you did some great Plan A stuff in the conversation, too. But, stay away from her. Plan B, only. I fear she could draw you back in to provide some of her EN's. She needs to get them all.....including friendship....elsewhere. That is the only way their relationship can stand on its own merit, and Plan B is what will allow you to move on in the healthiest and fullest sense.

Take care, RMA

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Petvet:
<strong> Oh! For the people who have been divorced, we did you do with old pictures etc. of your and your ex? I hate to say this but I am feeling really funny wearing my wedding band knowing that my w wishes that I would drop dead. Also, my mom was concern that if I died that my w would get all of my insurance etc. How did you'll handle this? Later.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Y'all ready for this? I moved out on April 1st 1998. I walked up to the Pawn Shop and sold my Wedding Band 3 days later. I kept our old Family Camcorder videos - it does a body good to see just how 'hellish' my former life with her was - it's theraputic, actually, to see her walking around in the videos: in a few of them she's snapping at the kids, or yelling at me, etc. - to see how every single thing in our lives revolved around WHAT SHE WANTED - it gives you an attitude of REAL THANKFULNESS that I don't have to live with her abuse any longer! The one remaining Family Photo with her and the kids in it? Oh, I burned that last year, sort of a 'final release ceremony' - and it was with a feeling of PEACE I watched the flames consume the one and only picture she was 'nice' enough to let me have after I moved out. (She kept every single picture - including my Baby Book my Mom gave me, and pictures I had taken of scenic nature years before I met her - somehow they 'became' her Property after I walked out of her Life...
"Life's Been Good" - Joe Walsh, late '70s
Harold <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by DJ T-Bird:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Petvet:
[qb] qb]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Y'all ready for this? I moved out on April 1st 1998. I walked up to the Pawn Shop and sold my Wedding Band 3 days later. I kept our old Family Camcorder videos - it does a body good to see just how 'hellish' my former life with her was - it's theraputic, actually, to see her walking around in the videos: in a few of them she's snapping at the kids, or yelling at me, etc. - to see how every single thing in our lives revolved around WHAT SHE WANTED - it gives you an attitude of REAL THANKFULNESS that I don't have to live with her abuse any longer! The one remaining Family Photo with her and the kids in it? Oh, I burned that last year, sort of a 'final release ceremony' - and it was with a feeling of PEACE I watched the flames consume the one and only picture she was 'nice' enough to let me have after I moved out. (She kept every single picture - including my Baby Book my Mom gave me, and pictures I had taken of scenic nature years before I met her - somehow they 'became' her Property after I walked out of her Life...
"Life's Been Good" - Joe Walsh, late '70s
Harold <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh yeah, almost forgot: when I was discharged from the Army on Disability in April '98, I had her on my Life Insurance for the max - $250K - but her only remark regarding that was, "Well, Harold, with MY luck, you'll die the day after the Policy expires." (My Army Policy remained effective for exactly 4 months after I left the Army). Well, her kind thoughtful remark made me more determined than ever that - if for nothing else - I WAS going to live at least until the day AFTER my Policy expired!
Ha! I'm still alive and kicking!!!
LOL, Harold
(from an email joke: "Live well, it's your best Revenge.")

Hi all!

DJ: Thanks for your comments. I hear you loud and clear.

I took off my ring last Tuesday and put it away in a safe place. It took me a long time to get to that point. I guess it was my way of letting go. The future is ahead. I also will be receiving change of beneficiary forms from several insurance companies, so I can remove her from my life policies. I will never forget when my W told my father in law that I did not have any life insurance to provide for my family when I died. Back then as now, she tried her best to make me look so bad to everyone.So until the forms show up, I look both ways four or five times before I cross the street, and I am driving very slow on the roads. I'm trying to defy death at least until my W is off the policies.

Avondale: What's up with you?

Oh guys! Are we missing someone from the thread lately? Come on Wallace, RMA, EC,and Avondale, help me out. Is it Dave? All I know is someone is missing.

Wallace: I hate to say this; please don't get angry. Can we classify your w as a criminal? I mean if the police and probably the banks are looking for her; that's probably why you have not heard from her? Watch out! When she gets caught, she will be calling. Check this out, I just read in the Wall Street Journal where the former CEO of Tyco had to get his ex-w to post a 10 mil bond to get him out of jail because his assets had been frozen. He divorced her in 2000 and is already remarried. His attorney told the press that his ex fully supports him; RIGHT. I bet he is paying interest on that money. I think your w will be calling unless her mom gets her out of jail on bond. What do you think about imagination?

RMA: How are things in your world? Is HE still around?

Later.

Hello Petvet,

Well my weekend was productive, still trying to shut doors and paper issues between exw and me, I mailed some stuff off to her to sign.

I remember having to remove my W off my policy after the divorce was final, by law I couldn't do it until then. Eventhough I removed her and she is living it still felt like someone died anyway...

I remember when the multiple affairs were first discovered and it took its toll on me I lost my well paying job, I had no money at all, no health or life insurance, at that time I didn't know what WW was totally up to, at that time I would wonder if she had a secret policy on me from her job, I had these crazy thoughts that her and OM's was going to bump me off, poison me, or throw me in the river somewhere and collect the cash, so I was starting to watch over my shoulder sometimes, sleeping with one eye open on her, one eye shut, cooked my own food. At that time there was a actual live murder case on Court TV about a woman and her email lover that killed her husband so her and OM could be together and collect the cash and the same conversations my wife was having with OM in an email was similar in 2000, so I said wow this is real, my WW didn't discuss murder for hire but how they wanted to be together, her in Dec 2001 when I called my wife's cellphone one of her OM answered and said he was going to come kill me himself or send someone to do it said he knew people in the city where I lived, she laughed and applauded him....At that point I cut total contact with WW, I said she's history, I told her to stay as far away from me as east is from the west....

After 2 months of no contact she made contact with me to sign Dv papers and said she cried in anguish over the incident about what OM did??

So I opened the door back to her just a crack at that time....as you see today she still braggs about OM..

Some would probably ask why do I give her the time of day?...I believe my wife is held hostage by an evil force and its not the real her. I believe OM is a evil messenger of that evil force that invaded my home...Like many I think she may come loose from it. I believe she followed and illusion that steals and destroys your most inner self.

There's a new person that posted named Hopeful_Person, she has a good story of before and after...Thats what most BS would like to see, when they come out of the illusion, I really applaude her and pray she recover.

Anyway Dave is (MIA) missing in action...

Take Care Everyone....

Hi everyone, I just got back from an 8 day business trip, not too much fun.. I have not read all of the posts since I was gone but I hope everyone is doing fine. We had MC this morning, things are still going well, it was my D fourth birthday this weekend so we had the party on
Saturday. Last year I missed both my S and D "official" B-days as I wouldn't go with OM in the picture but I did have my own parties, boy, alot can change in a year. No contact with OM in over 3 months now, I still worry about the day they run into each other.... My D is experiencing some seperation/behaviour problems now, we talked to our MC this morning about it, she gave us a recommendation of a child specialist, guess we will be dealing with the aftermat of the A for years to come.

I will try to catch up with all of the posts when I can get dig myself out of the hole from being out of the office.
Take care,
Dave

Hi All,
You know something... I think it was Dave, and there he is.
I was going to ask, where has Dave been? But, you already beat me to the punch.
Hi Dave... good to hear from you.
It appears that you have a good handle on the healing process that both you and your family are going to have to undertake... it won't be a walk in the Park I,m sure... but I think you are up to the task.
EC... I don't know if your a believer... but if you are, I would pray for your ex... I beleive that all "WSs" have allowed Satan to take charge of their life. They get caught up in the evil that surrounds them in that point of their life... and it's a tough chain to break away from.
Speaking of that... I have a question for everyone.
I think I already know the answer, but I'm going to ask it anyway.
This weekend I was asked out for a date this coming weekend.
Should I go, or decline the invitation?
One part of me wants to say yes (I don't plan on getting serious with her and she knows my situation, I told her that she is just a friend) and another part of me tells me to decline (too soon to start dating again, even as friends).
I need some opinions on this one.
Hope all of you had a good weekend, and hope everybody has a good week.
Stay Strong!
Wallace