To all,

Only have a minute. Guy friend is taking me to dinner. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Just wanted to let you all know that I am thinking of each of you, although I don't have much time tonight.

Prayers for all my friends here....RMA

Hi folks! I have been catching up on what's been happening to my buds.

Wallace: I'm sorry to hear about your daughter. I think her BF is taking advantage of your daughter's family situation and is trying to form some sort of family bond between him and your daughter. I just hope that she does not get pregnant. This situation will burn out. How old is this cat? If you don't know, you need to find out because that means a lot. At this pace my friend, you are destined for a spot in heaven. You are one tough cookie emotionally. You will be one better person after your mess is over.

Candybar: First, let me give you credit for getting out of the fog and making an attempt to get back with your husband. Do you have a sexual addiction? Were you searching for something? The reason why I asked is that I wonder whether my w has a sexual addiction.

RMA: I'm happy to hear that all is well with your guy.

Avondale: Sis, i'm hanging in there. Your H is still on the fence or what? Don't get your hopes up.See what Steve can do.

Dave: Keep on keeping on.

EC: I realize you have your good days as well as bad, but you seem to have a good handle on things. Do you want someone else or are you holding out hope that your w will come back? You have alot to offer someone who will appreciate it. What do you think?

Me: well, situation with kid(six years old)has gone from worst to worser. I am keeping him out of school Monday until we meet with principal on Tuesday. He had a bad episode on Friday. I am seriously thinking about taking him out of public school and putting him in parochial school. It will be so much easier for me and him. I want to give it at least a try. He needs structured environment. Since I work next door, I could check on him several times a day. Something has to change because the present program is not working. I don't buy the Attention Deficient psycho babble. Have anyone on this thread had any dealings with ADHD in their kids as far as their kids being diagnosed as having ADHD? No, w has not replied to my letter. She has said that she wants to talk to me. When I went ti pick kid up yesterday, she started telling me about her messed up tire. I said to myself, you are not married to me anymore, what do you want me to do? Yesterday, I slept like a rock. I got seven hours of sleep. That was the most sleep I've had in months. Normally, I get three or four hours of sleep per day. I went out of town Saturday to make some extra money; while driving in the wee hors of the morning, I nearly drove off the road several times. This Greyhound bus and I really had it going on I-20 East. He was going 80-90 miles per hour and I was right behind him. As a matter of fact, I made the trip in record time. When he pulled off to a rest stop (I should have pulled off as well), I was on the road by myself and nearly ran off the road several times. I have decided to make my life less stressful, so I can better care for my kid. Since I am a single parent, I have more responsibilities. Driving the way I did was not smart. I could have killed myself. I am glad God was looking over me.

Later.

Hello Avondale,Petvet and Everyone,

My weekend was pretty good. I one friend over on Saturday we ate pizza listen to music.

I had another friend of mine up on Sunday we bar-b-qued and watch football. We spoken over the years but my first time seeing him in seven years, he lives out of state.

We had a chance to talk about a lot of stuff.

First thing he saw was how my house looked inside and asked what woman has been in my house decorating? He was like oh who's the new chick in your life? I chuckled and said this is all the things me and exw had. I told him I set the house up with all the things we had and this is what she gave up at the time she left for her affairs, then I asked him the question what should I do if I decide to meet someone else and the relationship grows and exw decides she wants to come back? Then what?

Well he expressed that exw is someone totally different now, she's not who I remember.

Thats very true and hard to except. When someone who knew us both says that its like a reality check. He really thought I should focus on what's in store for me rather than trying to revive whats dead.

His concern is when he saw me last 7 years ago he and his wife marvelled how my W put me down in front of people. His concern was why risk it and go back to that, especially if she hasn't changed?

I said I don't know, you just seem to remember the way they were, you remember more good than bad....

At some point I will start to feel single again haven't got there yet. I kind of like feeling married some days eventhough I'm not, I think it keeps me out of trouble sometimes.

I guess if a woman comes along she'll have to club me upside the head to get my attention because I don't have a clue if a woman is trying to flirt or not, I just don't know.....I guess she'll have to slip and fall down in front of me then I'll say, "Oh Hi".

Take Care.

Petvet,

Yuck! about your son and his troubles. I have no experience with ADHD. But, I did send my sons to parochial school as long asd I could afford it. I loved it! Graduated from one myself. I think the smaller school benefits some kids, so, yes, it may be worth a try.

Your W is telling you all her troubles about her tire because she is still trying to depend upon you for emotional and any other type of support that she can. Stick to the issues regarding your son and nothing more unless she wants to discuss issues related to reconciliation. I am not surprised she hasn't mentioned the letter. But, that may mean she hasn't ruled it out completely or it may mean she is a 100% conflict avoider and just doesn't want to try reconciliation but can't bring herself to tell you that. I honestly think she is 100% through with you yet, as she continues to try to get you to meet some of her needs. I don't know, Petvet - just stay the course, as Wallace would say.

Wallace, yes, Tough Love is in order. Have you heard anything else from your daughter?

EC, how smart your friend is. Yes, I agree, at this point, you should be concentrating efforts forward. I know it is hard to get over your exW. It SHOULD be hard to get over her. After all, you loved her very, very much. You just don't give that up very easily. It takes time. In time, if you choose, your heart may open up to allow another to touch it, even it she has to knock you over the head with a 2 x 4 to get your attention! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Look, seriously, if your exW wanted another relationship with you in the future, she would have to do a couple things: 1) make herself attractive enough to you to want to be in a relationship with her and 2) I would think she would have to put out sufficient effort to woo you this time. Hey, never say never - I know several couples who divorced and married each other again. All 3 couples I know are still remarried to each other, too. Actually, I know 4. You never know, but don't hold your breath waiting. Keep trying to move forward.

relady, what a good attitude you have! I had such a whiny, clinging and begging attitude. I think you respect yourself an awful lot, relady. That confidence can only help you. God does give us the strength we need to face anything when we trust in His outcome - not our own. Yes, efforts to improve yourself are nver wasted. Keep up the good work!

avondale, hope to plant lettuce and cabbage. Just haven't gotten much done lately. We are still picking tomatoes. I am dreading the end of the fresh tomatoes and having to spend a fortune on tasteless tomatoes during the winter.

That is great your H is at least thinking about talking to SH. Mine never did do it. You know, SH helped me alot. If nothing else, you won't get off that phone with him and not feel uplifted. I think I did 4 or 5 sessions with him, and I never felt the money was wasted even though my marriage was not saved. I felt like it was an investment in ME. Good luck!

candybars, good deal. You already have a proven record of being able to overcome some bad things in your life. The things between you and your H are "fixable" in my opinion, if both of you can treat each other with care. If a person cares about the other, they will do those things to please their partner. Your H must learn to meet your needs in a way that pleases you. This can be learned. You guys need to fill out the emotional needs questionaires - might be eeye-opening for you both!

Hope I didn't miss anyone. Good night, RMA

Hi folks! I absolutely cannot believe the Braves are about to blow another playoff series. Well, at least my Bulldogs are back on track. Since Spurrier is gone, the Gators are prime for a whipping.

EC: yep, I think your friend is right. You need to look forward to the future. I would not wait for your w. You can live a happy life w/o her.

RMA: Later this morning, we have important meeting with principal. I think I am going to give parochial school a try. Wife does not like the idea because it will mean increased cs for her. W called to let me know that she is willing to take a 3rd shrift jobb in order to pick kid up from school. I said thanks but no thanks.

Later.

EC - I think it's great that you can even get together with a friend you haven't seen in 7 years. Somehow I have lost touch with a lot of my old friends. That may not necessarily be a bad thing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> for all of them, but I think it's remarkable that you were able to pick back up an older friendship. This person was objective with his comments, having not been "in the middle" of your storm, so to speak. What he said was right!

Petvet - As you may know, North Carolina ranks #49 in all educational results & statistics. So my kids went to smaller church-run schools up until middle school. It is definitely worth the money. You may want to look at it as an investment that is more necessary than setting aside college funds. There are always scholarships, work-study programs, and grants for college kids. You'll be able to lay a strong educational and spiritual foundation while your son is at this age and it will only serve to help him down the road. Hope your meeting with principal goes well this morning.

Catch y'all later <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi All,
Petvet,
My kids all went to private and/or Catholic school.
They all received a good education... more so than at a Public School.
I found out early on in their elementary school years, that the Public School system could not meet my childrens educational needs.
My experience between the two is they are like night and day.
My advice... if you can afford it... send them to private school.
On my side... my OD calls the house everynight.
She talks to my YD16. She hasn't asked to speak with me.
She did move in with her boyfriend in an apartment and to the best of my knowledge she is getting along just find for the moment.
Nothing else really new, just getting ready for the final court date on the 22nd of this month.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hi Everyone,

I hope all of you had a great weekend.

Wallace

I'm sure that even though your OD is not asking to speak to you, she is asking your YD about you. Of course, your YD won't tell you because it is a sister thing! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

RMA

Thank you for the compliment. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Before H left, I was a whiner, a clinger and a begger. I think that is one of the reasons he left while I was at work. (coward) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

During the first week, I was a basket case. I suffered a great deal. But through it all, I refused to call him. When I felt the urge, I would call a friend. After that week, it seemed like I had a 'supernatural' heart fix. God revealed to me that I had let my H take His place in my life. 'There shall be no other God before Me' came flooding back to me. Even though I attended church every Sunday, I had stopped talking to God.

I think when we look to someone else other than God to fulfill our needs, we put a lot of pressure on a relationship and our H or W.

Over the last 3 months, I have indeed become stronger, and more confident. I still have a long way to go, but now I depend on the Lord to guide me every step of the way. And He unlike our WS's will never leave us, no matter how whiny, clingy and beggy we are. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sorry to Preach, but thanks for listening.

God Bless You,
relady

Hello everyone!

Well my yesterday was an awesome day, it was my b-day...yep, the big 40 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ...

Anyway it was good day they plastered my picture up at work along with a decorated cube in the big 40 theme..

Well I didn't do much to celebrate just treated myself to Redlobster....

Now the other part. Exw called late at night and said the girls want to talk to you and she said oh, happy b-day, I said thanks. YD gets on phone says h-day, we talk and she is excited to talk...she's working evenings..

Then its OD turn, she says h-day and we talk, to my amazement she sounded so humble and gentle, smiling and talking and giggling a little? I was shocked! I asked her if she's planning to come she said she would like to but can't decide thanksgiving or christmas....it was so nice, for the first time in 2 1/2 years she sounded like my old D when we sat down and watched a movie and ate popcorn and talked about anything. In the past 2 1/2 years all she did was abrupt into anger, as you remember in her letter she was wanting us to move forward in our relationship, wow what a change. I felt I have both D's back now more than ever she was so positive.

While talking to her I could hear YD and exw in background laughing and joking like they were excited I was on the phone. I remember those times they would do that when I was at work and had to work late or something and they were waiting for me to get home, I would call and check on them.

I also found out from OD that she was suppose to go to the 4 year university on her scholarship but some reason she's going to a community college in town for 2 years then going to finish at a university for the last 2 years...I guess its to save money? I know her plans were dwarfted by exw's affairs having me put out of my family, exw in her affairs thought my presence as a father and money meant nothing.....I remember D in letter said she missed out on so much in the past 2 years, I guess its that out of highschool syndrome. ......Divorce destroys lives

Anyway exw gets back on phone and I say in a loud voice " so how are you doing?!!" she said, fine, monotone, It was real short, but, it was the kind of "fine" of a cover up, I know her. I think she was saying its going horrible but I don't want you to know.

Then I had to talk to her about a form and she was just as nice but she stuck to the business stuff, however she was open, she wasn't closed up and defensive as in the past.

I was so excited about talking to YD/OD and that exw wasn't hostile ,when I was saying bye I said " I love you " she said talk to you later..

I hang up and said dang it, why did you say that? I felt I played right in her hands because she paused again before hanging up.

Take Care.

Hi All,
relady...
My YD will make it a point to tell me that my OD called, but she wont elaborate any further than that. So I think you are on to something there.
I also think that you are doing all the right things concerning your situation. I wasn't clingy, etc., but I pretty much followed and have continued the same pattern as you are.
RMA...
I agree, I think "Tough Love" is in order.
I think she is following the same pattern as her mother... they are both in Plan B and using it on me.
Petvet...
How are you making out? Have you made any decisions concerning your son's school?
EC...
How are things going on your end?
Sounds like you had a pretty good weekend.
I talked on the telephone with some old high school friends a couple of weeks ago who called me out of the blue. I hadn't spoke to them in years... we got caught up on quite a few things... it was good hearing from them.
Avondale...
How are you making out since the last meeting with your H. I hope you are still holding up well.
Dave...
Hope your trip to the beach went well, and that things are progressing in a positve manner.
I hope everyone else is doing well as well.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hey EC,
We must of cross posted.
Happy belated Birthday... hit the big 4/0 yesterday huh?
Well congrats on making it to the 40 mark.
It's great news to hear that you had an opportunity to talk to your girls... I'm sure that made your day.
It looks like you will be seeing your one daughter here real soon... I'll bet your excited about that.
Your daughters sound like they are missing you a lot, it will only be a matter of time when you will be together again with them. You may not be there in body but I'm sure your there in their minds all the time... you can count on it.
Interesting conversation with your ex. Even though I haven't spoke with mine in so long, I would expect a very similiar conversation such as what you had with your ex. I'll bet your heart was ponding at about a million miles an hour.
I know how you probably felt, I can't describe it, but trust me... I know.
I'm sure you wanted to just slap yourself after telling your ex, "I love you".
I don't think you did any harm in telling her that. No "LB's"... you handled it all very well.
Keep that up and your ex may start rethinking her whole situation.
Things are looking up for you, you have a great outlook on everything, and I look for good things to come your way.
Keep the faith.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

<small>[ October 09, 2002, 02:15 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

EC,

How wonderful to feel like you got both your girls back emotionally! What a GREAT BD gift for you!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Don't worry about saying "I love you" to your exW. You still do ina way, don't you? A part of you will always love her - the part that remebers all the good times. I don't think it played into her hands. For all you know, God may have put those very words into your mouth as a healing gesture. Your kindness towards your exW will go along ways to ease the tension of your daughters. I am happy for some positive news in your life.

relady,

You wrote: "Over the last 3 months, I have indeed become stronger, and more confident. I still have a long way to go, but now I depend on the Lord to guide me every step of the way. And He unlike our WS's will never leave us, no matter how whiny, clingy and beggy we are."

WOW!!!!!! You are a trillion miles further down the road than most. This is some amazing stuff. You know, I also have that faith, but let my own pain eclipse my faith. My healing began...truly began when I was able to pray for "Thy will be done and Lord, give me the strength, courage and fortitude to dig down deep and accept Thy will when I need it most."

relady, you are doing well. God is nusing you as an example, I am sure, for many, many here. Keep the faith!

Wallace,

Don't worry too much about the OD calling for the YD and you being left out of the lopp right now. Look, you aren't approving, and in a way, perhaps your OD is "punishing" you with this Plan B. Banish thoughts of comparing your OD to your W. Pray and think the best thoughts for her. Remember, she has YOUR blood in her, too, so there is alot of good and tenancity there. Keep praying - this is just another test of your faith, friend.

Petvet, How is son?? How are YOU??? The days are ticking off here - any word or reaction from your W or her lawyers??

Avondale, anything new with you?

Dave, hope your trip was great.

RMA

EC ....Happy Birthday to you! And what a treat, to get that phone call. I agree with RMA, don't worry about the "i love you" slip. Besides, maybe you threw her OFF a little bit by saying it!

Petvet , how did it go with the principal? (Does that sound like a flashback from when you were sent to the office years ago? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) Hope your meeting went well and your son will soon be settled in somewhere.

Hello Wallace, RMA, Avondale and All,

Thanks for the b-day wishes

Wallace I remember not long ago going through the leave you out of the loop thing with OD. I would call the house and speak with YD and OD would never want to talk and ignore me calling. IF OD ever wanted something she asked YD to ask me. I had to tell YD to stop being her messenger and I wouldn't except anymore of her passing messages, so at some point your OD may have a need that only Dad can meet with cash or something, haven't we all been there? the longer we waited the more we suffered. I took a tough love approach I even knew she was in need of money or whatever, I stood my ground. I remember when OD finally gave in it was a load off her shoulders. I always passed the message though and said tell OD I love her. I knew she was taking it in, but she never showed any sign, she still appeared angry, never would get on the phone and talk, happened for 1 year. I remember when she did open up a little at first I mailed her some knick knack items. YD is the one that wanted come OD wasn't sure, now they both want to come, thats a major change. I think a big part of them not wanting to come at first was me and WW battles and them having to face the family here and embarrasment I think they were feeling exw's shame also....I think the hunger to see me and family despite what happened seems more important to them now.

RMA, yes, I do still love her, but now I'm trying to define in what way? things have changed. Saying I love you has a different meaning now. I had the thought of what if she told me she was getting married next week, how would I feel? At this point I know it would collaspe because she left out of lies and deception and never worked on her, of course thats beside the point. I think I feel detached far enough not to cry over it at this point, maybe cry for OM. I do love her in remembering the good times, she was great for 17 years of M.

Avondale, you're right I don't think I may have done any damage, I think when I talked to her the time before this and said I'm here if you need me, that may have caused her to be nice this time.

If she is like me, there's not a day that goes by I don't think about her. Who knows what may happen if she knows that when she talks to me now she may get sweet words with a track record to them like oven cooked food verses, the fast food she's getting now, that stuff gets cold quick. Thats all OM/OW bring to WS's, fast food, its hot for a moment, taste good, feel good, never can build a healthy lifestyle with it.

Anyway take care all......

Hi folks!

EC: Happy belated birthday! I'm knocking up against 40 myself. The way things been going I sometimes feel like 140. No pune intended. I am happy that your kids and ex acknowledged your birthday. On my birthday, I treated myself out as well to a nice restaurant.

Wallace: It will only be a matter of time before your OD when be in touch with you. She knows that you are not happy with her decision, so she is staying clear of you. Did you find out anything about the dud?

Me: We had the meeting with the principal, and she was ready for us. She had already decided to give us what we wanted which was to move kid to another classroom where there would be structure and a no non sense teacher. This morning kid started in his new classroom, and he was not happy when he saw who his teacher was. If this does not work, I'm moving him to parochial school. W is against moving him to parochial school because it will increase her child support. Oh, thanks for your comments everyone about your experiences with parochial education. I was notified yesterday that w has signed the cs temporary agreement. I was told that the November 7th court date was to hear the comtempt charge not the divorce case. I am not a happy camper. I am meeting with my attorney later this morning when I go to attorney's office to sign temp agreement. W has been calling daily to talk to son. She makes a point to take time to hold conversation with me.

Later.

Hi All,
Thank you all for all the input you have given me.
I'm actually pleased that my OD is calling the house all the time. It tells me that she wants to keep the lines of communication open.
I know she is mad at me because I haven't accepted her decisions, but I think in time we will eventually start talking with each other again and start working through some of the issues that are there.
Petvet...
Her boyfriend is 20 years old, and he works as a bus boy in a hospital cafeteria.
They both have their work cut out for them.
I hope things work out for your son with the class change and everything. I went through the class change routine with my son and eventually we just pulled him out and put him and his sisters in private school. It was a little spendy, but it was well worth it.
It appears that your "D" proceedings are starting to drag like mine did. You reach a point where you just say let's get this over with one way or another. I guess everything for a reason.
12 more days to go for my final day... looking forward to it, bet yet... I'm not looking forward to it.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hi all! Thanks for the advice concerning kid and school. So far, things appear to be going well with new teacher; however, the principal does not appear to be too happy to have been asked to make a change. She did not hardly speak to me yesterday when I attempted to speak to her twice just in small talk. It's my understanding that she has tried to take retribution against those teachers who she thinks advised me to me with her ans request the change. Not good if you ask me. Eventually, I am going to probably move him. D NEWS: Kid's mother finally signed temporary agreement after three months. I asked my attorney did she find out what took so long, and she told me that the kid's mother tried to fire her attorney because he advised her to sign agreement and pay cs per the law. Remember, she told me that he wanted more money and that's the reason she did not have an attorney anymore. We are still going to court on Nov. 7th anyway because she still owes me and my attorney money. We are going to try to get the D case heard as well as the contempt charge. I'll be glad when I don't have to deal with anymore attorneys. I need to be involved in healthy relationships rather than with someone who causes so much stress.

Wallace: Yes, your OD is in for a hard time. After your court date comes and goes, a large amount of pressure will be lifted from your shoulders. Who is going to represent your w in her absence? Does she have an attorney? How are you going to collect the damages after the court ruling?

Later.

Hi Everyone,back from vacation (last weekend Thurs-Sunday) then on the road with work (mon-fri).We had a great time at the beach.

Hope everyone is well...Happy Birthday EC....Gland things are going better with daughters. I would't worry about saying I love
you, it never hurts to be honest.....

Wallace... stay stong, I wish you the best on your
upcoming date,I know you want to get this behind you, yet I understand that it is still very difficult.

Petvet..sounds like you WS still has a need for ES from you otherwise she would not be going out of her way to try to have conversations with you.

RMA, Relady,Avondale: Hope everything is well..

For those of you on the East Coast,hope you didn't
get too much rain, we had a lot of flooding here
in NC..

Take care,
Dave

Dave , glad you had such a great vacation. Making more of those good, positive memories, huh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It's almost 7 AM here and I've been awake since around 4...got bored and decided to hang around online. Big Mistake . I ended up doing a google search for the OW's name...she has a ton of listings. I knew she was a musician (as is WH) but seems she is somewhat famous, at least on the west coast. I even found pictures of her. And she looks a lot like me, just older with (hopefully) colored hair! Is this bizarre or what? Now I wish I had never done that, I felt better thinking she was some gray haired grandma with wrinkles <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

How much snooping did y'all resort to in order to find out details about the other person? I wasn't that curious before; was just living in my little fantasy world that she was really ugly or something and it was only the "music/soul connection" that hubby had with her. Now I feel worse for knowing. I guess the old adage about not snooping unless you can handle what you find out is really true.

<small>[ October 13, 2002, 06:03 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi all!

Dave: It's nice to hear that everything in still going well. Word to the wise, be careful with the business trips because you do not want to get back into a similar situation as before with your family.

Avondale: Your H is in a fantasy world. This is going to be interesting.I did alot of snooping at first to get as much info as possible on the affair, so I could use it in the case. I would only get what I needed because to much info will probably get to overwhelming. Do you have an attorney? If not, you need to get one. Singers (male & female) go through people like it's nobodies business. Does the singer know that her boyfriend is married?

Later.