Hi All,
Thanks again everyone for all your prayers and support.
I have been real busy today, and I thought I would check in for a moment.
Be back a little later.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hi All,
Not a lot new here... attorneys and still more paper work after the FJ... aside from that I'm doing pretty good.
Petvet...
I believe there is all things for a reason. I didn't think you were going to be able to combine both the CS hearing and your "D" all in one hearing... but every State is different.
Even though you are getting closer to your CS hearing... I still haven't given hope on your situation yet. I keep getting this nagging feeling that something is going to change concerning your wife... I can't put my finger on it as of yet, but it's a gut feel that I keep having. I'll let you know, when I can be more descriptive about it.
Avondale...
I believe that you are handling yourself very well. I would keep my eye on that situation though.
I have seen this happen with other people before... spouse is paying the bills like they say they are going to, and then all of a sudden they stop.
I know your right on top of it though, and you know what you need to do if it starts getting out of control.
Stay the course.
EC...
It sounds like you got a real predicament going there.
If your exW will go to that extent to have you thrown in jail over HRs screw up on yoursupport payments, I would steer very clear of her.
Dave...
Do you think your ex-friend got to the letter you sent, and threw it away before his W could read it.
If so, send it again with only his wifes name on it with their address and not put your return address on the envelope... put their address on it in place of it.
Hope things are still going well for you and your wife.
RMA...
Thank you for the advice on not moving too fast in another relationship. Tonight is my first officail date with my "lady friend".
We are going out for a nice quiet dinner, just her and I... no other people... so it's an a offical date.
I've been out of the loop for so long, it's kind of scary.
I may need some pointers, as well as some direction in this area as well.
relady...
Not sure if your back from your cruise yet, but if you are, I hope you had a good time.
Let us know how you are doing when you get a chance.
Hope everyone has a good weekend.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hi All,

Well exw responds back to my comment "Had she been faithful I wouldn't be paying CS and worked things out she wouldn't be owing me" I also tell her I can't be friends with her if she's continues to perform her dirty work, smile in my face, knife in the back next moment, I tell her thats not what a friend is. I tell her the "Man" she has is not a man, I say any guy that invades your home and then says your wife belongs to him to your face has a serious immoral problem, however she defends him. I tell her, he's a controller and possessive. I said make sure when you go to church you tell your Pastor how you guys met and what he said to your husband while we were still married....He's 1 of 6 OM's.

Ok, I know I was rough but she can be cruel - I try to move on and forgive her but she thinks she or he has done nothing wrong. She feels she can do to me what she wants and then I'm to just get over it and she'll befriend me all over again and as you know, she'll want to talk for hours about her. I'm seeing now the definition of friends vs friendly on my part. Below is her response:

Her:

Now the bottom line is I have someone now. Your
daughters are fine with him. He's never tried to be their father, only their friend. And he's been
successful at that. He treats the girls like they are his own. If we end up in court over CS, he'll be with me.

Staying married to you was not necessary in order for the girls to receive those things you mentioned from you, such as love, security, financial support, touch, guidance, involvement, spiritual guidance, you can give them that from where you are. The girls are a little mouthy right now talking back to me here and there but thats part of life.*
[remember we're 1,200 miles apart]

He's a strong personality and he's not easily
intimidated. When it comes to us, he won't allow us to be disrespected regardless of who you are. So if you've experienced anything, that's the side you experienced. He's not perfect and I won't pretend like he is. He has faults just like the rest of us. But he's real... all the time.

No one forced you into leaving. You can't be forced into anything. Everything you did and everything I did was a free will choice. Nobody forced anybody to do anything.

Losing you as a friend is a loss but the friendship is too detrimental. It's too full of hurtful words and pain. And neither of us needs that right now especially while we're healing. I don't want to continue to open up your wounds and I don't want mine opened either. I'd rather suffer the loss and be completely healed.

I understand your concerns. But as long as he's good to your daughters and they are cool with him, you should have no complaints. Like I said, let the old things pass away.

******
I only post these things to show what I'm up against and to show you are not alone, some wonder how it might be to talk with your spouse after time passed, well? see what you might get!!?. Even if we never got back together her manipulation is so strong... How can somebody say they are healing if they left a marriage through deceit and lying and has the OP who invaded your marriage still?? Once again her hurtful word comment is in reference to her "Man" not her, she hates when I say something about him...She's only using the comment "healing" because I said I was starting to heal, she's playing on my words. She's never fostered any apology or words of healing to me, she still boasts.

As far as court goes for CS, they are doing a telephone court session with me, she don't know that yet, so she won't be able to flaunt her man in my face, she has tried so many times but it never happens...

She's obsessed with trying to get me in the same room with this guy, for what reason I don't know. She tried it during the final Dv date, I didn't have to be there, she tried it at OD HS graduation, I never saw exw and OM there, she tried after graduation while OM was at her house I didn't know but I didn't go, now she thinks she will see me a this CS hearing her and OM, once again it won't happen, I don't have to be there.

Take Care

EC
I've spent some time tonight searching out some of your earlier posts and have learned more about your story. (This is what happens when you are separated and have nothing to do on Saturday night!) This also confirmed that you DO INDEED live up to your name, Everlasting Compassion. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I am sooo sorry you had to endure what she's said about the OM. It just seems real clear that she's playing you along. She says she's healing because she is still "in the fog". Her comments about the OM play into that too. Maybe it gives her a sense of control, maybe she just likes to yank your chain, maybe it's a by-product of the abuse she went through when she was younger, whatever. It's time to put her behind you. Focus on YOU, and whatever you are able to do and are comfortable with regarding your kids.

That's good about your not having to appear in court; she probably wants to get a reaction from you, or do some type of perverse validation of herself by flaunting him. No matter what, keep your cool about him. Believe me, you are such a better man than he is, your character shows in your posts. He, I am sure, has none.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend.

Wallace , how did the FIRST DATE go? LOL

<small>[ October 26, 2002, 10:08 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi All,

I'mmmmmm Bbbbaaaccckkk!

Got back on Friday morning and had an opportunity to catch up on all the posts. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I hope my writing isn't lopsided!! I've been walking funny <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Wallace

I'm so glad to hear everything worked out in your favor. God was truly in charge. Don't keep us in suspense, How was your first 'official' date?
You're my hero <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Petvet

I'm sure God will be in charge with you as well. It will soon be over <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

EC

WOW, What can I say, You are truly a Saint! Look how the Lord has been protecting you from that confrontation with the OM! But, she really has too much access to your life! I think you may just have to cut her off completely!

Davepr

How did they reply to your letter? I don't remember reading about that in the posts.

Avondale

You have the cruise lingo right <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I walked from the Aft to the Forward of the ship and arrived at Port on Friday. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> LOL

RMA,

You are just one of the wisest people I know, Thank you for sharing your experience with us.

Me

Oh my, where do I start?

I had a wonderful time, ate too much, thought too much and now I really need a vacation!

This was the first time in the 3 years that I had ever been on a vacation without my H <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I never thought I would miss him so much. Many times I just sat in the window seats and stared out at the ocean wondering how I got here!

On the ship, the had a newlywed game, couples married 45 years, 2 weeks and 15 years, The couple married 45 years won, the others knew almost nothing about each other, is that sad or what? And does it take that long?

How do you go from being so much in love to not talking for 3 months?

Most of you here have at least been in touch with your WS's and have been able to make a consious decision based on conversation whether they were in a fog or not. I have no idea what's happening!
Sometimes, I feel like I'm the one in a fog!

Although, I know the Lord is directing my path, patience is not a favorite of mine!

I suppose I could call if I choose too, but the desire is not there.

So, experienced ones, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> How do you move on and not be divorced? Should I call, file, or have patience?

God Bless You,
relady

Hi Again,

Forgot to add. When I asked my Pastor if I should file for D, He said, "Have you really given the Lord a chance to work? My H has not returned any of his calls!

relady

Hi Relady, welcome back!
To my best recollection, you haven't seen or heard from your H in 3-4 months now. And you haven't contacted him or his family yet, right? Do you even know where he is? Do you think his family knows where he is?

If you didn't have a clue about anything until the day he left, I would tend to agree with your pastor. Is 3-4 months long enough? Eventually you will come to a point in your life when you KNOW it has been long enough. I guess that would be where you can look back in time, without regrets , and KNOW that you did everything you could, given your unusual circumstances (no contact). Do you feel you're at that point yet? I'm sure it's got to be frustrating, because you're living in limboland! But could you hold out a little longer?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Most of you here have at least been in touch with your WS's and have been able to make a conscious decision based on conversation whether they were in a fog or not. I have no idea what's happening!
Sometimes, I feel like I'm the one in a fog!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Everyone else's conscious decisions were made long after 3-4 months, I am sure. Do you have compelling reasons to go ahead with filing? Would it somehow be in your best interest to do any legal action sooner, rather than later?

Now Wallace, Petvet, EC, Dave, and the always-wise sister guru RMA would really be the ones to answer this - they've walked through it. I'll look forward to seeing what they have to say!

PS>..RMA, that was a compliment, I just realized it could be misread to be facetious since you read it and didn't "hear" it. But I mean it in a sincere, admirable way <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I'm learning a lot from y'all.

Hey, girls!

I only have half a brain today. My guy friend's older son got married last night. It was a big bang-up. They had an 11 piece band at the reception and I danced almost every dance and drank a tad too much wine, too. Then, I got up 1 hour too early for 7 am church - forgot to change the clocks! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

relady, glad the cruise was fun. I know what you mean when you say you need a vacation after your vacation! LOL!

I have to agree with your pastor and avondale. I believe you owe your H "an amount of time" to sort things through. Who knows why he isn't trying to contact you? He could be wrestling with guilt and shame. Or, perhaps he is off having a good time. You don't know and truly it does no good to try to second guess these things. My opinion is that you give him some room and time to figure things out - within reason. For each of us, it is personal. I say go as long as YOU can. Somehow, if things end up going too long, God will tell you. A feeling that you need to do something different will come to you. Right now, your first priority is to work on yourself, so that you can be the best mate and partner you can. You are really doing great considering the absence of your H. There is some reason for this, so trust God on that one.

avondale, you are a sweetie. Have you heard anymore from your H?

Guys, hope all is well with you this Sunday afternoon. This is all I can post right now. RMA

Hi All,

Avondale,

Your recollection is correct, I haven't seen or heard from H in almost 4 months now. It is somewhat by choice because I have his cell number and family numbers but I haven't had a desire to call. Whenever there was a problem with us, I would always approach him and apoligize and then he would. We never solved anything. So, I refuse to allow that to happen this time. He also left a note asking me not to try and contact him.

The pastor's aide called him last week and he said he would not be coming back to the church!

Six months before, I did have a clue something was wrong, but he always claimed we were OK. Then 2 weeks before he left, he sat me down and gave me the typical fog speech. 'I'm not happy, you do this and you don't do that'etc.

No compelling reason to file. I just hate loose ends in my life. And he knows that, so he is probably waiting on me to do just that! It does get pretty frustrating. We have no children, and only married a short time, not good for reconcilation. That is the natural side of me, however; on the Spritual side, I don't want to put God in a box. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> It's sometimes hard to keep these darn emotions under control.

RMA

Your half a brain is better than my whole brain today <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I will give my H time to sort things out. Thank you for reminding me that God will let me know when it's time to take the next step. I'll be <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I am definitely working on myself. I'm sure my H is having a good time! I see evidence of 'match.com and yahoo personals, and those are a virtual smorgasboard for WS's one after another!

I promised God, I would stay out of His business and let Him handle it, and then I let my mind carry me away. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

You're all so wonderful here,
god Bless You,

relady

Hi all!

I've been in the Big Easy for a couple of days on business, so I am trying to get back in the saddle. I'll be back later today.

Petvet,
We wondered where you were! What kind of job takes you to New Orleans? How are things with your son and his new school situation?

<small>[ October 28, 2002, 01:24 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi All.
Well, I went on my first "official" date... Friday night... Saturday night, and Sunday day right after Church... it went on a little longer than I had expected.
I was very nervous to say the least, (I haven't been on a date in almost 24 yrs. let alone 3 in a row) but I started to get less nervous as time went on.
I'm not sure, but I think she really likes me.
It's like a whole different world from what I just came out from... It was kind of nice actually... I still have my walls up, and I know I need to start trying to bring them down, and hopefully that will come in time.
I'm still nervous though... it felt a little strange after being out of the loop for so long... hopefully I will get past that part of it.
So my lady friend and I have set a date for this Friday evening <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I guess there is life after your marriage dies.
EC...
How can your exW expect you to be friends with her, when it appears that she is trying to set you up for trouble.
I would really try and concentrate on moving as far from her and her exploits as possible. It's a shame that she has custody of your daughters.
From what your stating, I'm not so sure that this OM is as stable as she is leading you to believe... he has already threatened you once if I recall correctly. I'm a little concerned with the direction she is trying to lead you... be careful.
You need to keep moving forward without her and her "OM" in the picture. I know it's hard because of the children, but I would try to remove them and their antics as far out of my life as I could.
Avondale...
My "FIRST OFFICIAL DATE" went so well I'm going to do it again... LOL
We had dinners and lunchs together... and talked and talked and talked. Lots of talking... LOL
We are both taking it very slow, I know it probably doesn't sound like it by the amount of dates in such a short period of time, but I know in my mind... I'm taking it very slow and mythodical.
Anything new on your end concerning your "H" not paying the bills etc.?
I'll keep you updated on my end as things move forward.
relady...
I bet you still feel like your on that boat... LOL
Glad to hear that you had a nice cruise.
Isn't it funny that we always need a vacation to recover from our vaction... I know all about that... LOL.
Ditto to what Avondale and RMA stated concerning your situation.
I think I know how you were feeling when you stared out your window and wondered... "how did I get here"?
I've been there a few times myself... asking the very same question... I try not to ask that question to myself or dwell on it if I can.
When that starts happening to me, I give it to the Lord. That's confusion setting in, and that's Satan's work at hand there.
Let God be your focus on this, and hand it over to him. Let him guide you through this... he will eventually give you the answers you are seeking. He will put it in your heart as to what to do next.
Don't try to rush anything... patience is something that I learned through this whole thing if nothing else.
Regardless of the outcome, let it be of the Lord's choosing... there will be no doubt in your mind what to do as things unfold... just pray on it and God will direct you.
Keep the faith and continue your walk with the Lord, he will comfort you as you continue your journey.
RMA...
It sounds like you had a better time this weekend than I did... LOL.
Every once in awhile, you just have to get out there and let it all go.
I'll bet it was a very nice wedding and reception as well.
Hope you got your clock situation straightened out... LOL.
Petvet and Dave...
What's going on guys?
Hope everything is going well for you today.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hello Everyone,

Looks like everyone is busy and on the go..

Business stuff, Dates, Trips, etc...Finding the beauty in living is a wonderful thing even after DV or through the storm of it.

Well I had a friend and his wife give me a surprize visit this weekend from out of town. They really wanted to talk to me which they did, in great detail and we prayed together for total detachment from her now. We talked about me mostly, then exw...They said, Ok, its time to start living life to the fullest and let your exw wife go and move on, of course I've heard this before, but they said, no, we want you to really let go and shut the door this time, you have grieved long enough over her and she knows it and knows you want her, it's time to bury it and move forward, they said yes she causes you to relive it all over again by trying to be friends, flaunt OM and talk long conversations but said keep the conversations short and on business, they said she's not happy and fulfilled OM is not what he appears to be....

Exw sent me an email Friday and said her and my 2 D's might be moving from the city they are in 200 miles further north late Dec, but will let me know in 2 weeks, as I said she's just unstable, my D's never know if they will finish the school year at same school or be moving from house to house because exw can't pay rent at times, exw has lost her sense of stability...

So anyway guys I'm closing the emotional door I had swinging open more than ever now, thanks to the Lord and all of you and my friend...I feel better now..

Take Care

Hi All,

EC

Ditto your friends. Time to move on <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Wallace

We wondered where you were <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WOW, was that your 'moving slow'? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Three dates in one weekend!! So, it was just as I suspected, you were kidnapped for the weekend <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> LOL
Or maybe it was the other way around. LOL

Thank you for your words of advice, I really appreciate all of you here. Yes, Satan is definitely the author of confusion, but sometimes I can't stop myself. I just feel like turning myself upside down and emptying out my head <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Then 'Poof' no more bad memories.

The Lord has been silent on this issue. The one thing I am learning is patience, but it is not easy. But, 'Father knows best'.

God Bless You,
relady

Wallace - oh wow, THREE dates? Isn't that called "marathon dating"? You must be making up for lost time, LOL. It has been said before, I think MB needs to add a forum about "post divorce". Not everyone gets the chance for recovery. I've seen several posts over the weekend from people asking questions about dating (and life in general) after a divorce. I mean, I can think of zillions of questions to ask but my time hasn't come-- yet-- so I'll wait. Wallace, maybe you can be a moderator for that forum!

EC - I know that it was great to see your friends. Did having someone there with you, in person, help come to grips about your xW ? How much contact, if any, do you have with your daughters? I can't remember.

Me - I did talk to hubby about not paying the home equity bill. His explanation was that it didn't have an "amount due" (which was true-bill said $0). I told him my understanding of our agreement was that he would continue to pay what we had always paid (to cover finance charges, which continue no matter what the bill says) and he understood my point (and I understood his faulty logic, too). He agreed to pay what we had previously discussed, but felt the fact that it was written into the separation agreement had more to do with the final determination of percentages owed at divorce than what is due during this year's separation. I thought it applied to both. We'll see what happens, now that I've made my point.

Hi all!

Wallace: THREE DATES back to back. While I as reading your posts, I was just going through flashbacks when my w and I started dating and we could not get enough of eachother. I guess all of us started that way. I'm happy you have found someone to connect with; however, be careful. Every step of the way, always think with your head not with your heart. You do realize that you are started out the gate very fast. Just be careful.

Relady: OK! Tan, 10 extra lbs., refuel your engines. It sounds like you had a great time.

Avondale: I hope your H keeps his words. I expect sooner or later he won't be very agreeable on matters. Of course, you have to give him the benefit of the doubt until he proves otherwise.

EC: Have you ever thought about going for custody of your kids? Why is you ex moving your kids further and further from you?

RMA: My sleeping habits are out of control. Lately, I try to sleep as much as possible with a kid in the house,but sometimes I cannot sleep, so rather than waste time looking at the bedroom ceiling, I get up and do something which is normally in the wee hours of the morning. I bet while you were at that wedding you thought about marriage again. Has it pop up in your mind? It's good you main man is keeping you in the mix of things.

Dave: How can you tell that biker jerk intercepted the letter? I guess one way to tell in that he is still living under the same roof as his wife or you could have ventured by their house to see if his belongings were on the side of the street (just kidding), or whether he has a black eye or stratch marks on his face, or even better yet whether there were reports in the local news media of someone having a barn fire conprising of a car, clothes, etc. and a bewildered man outside crying on his dog's shoulder.

Me: Well, it's clear to me that this mess with w will not be over before the new year. I was hoping to have this over with before the holidays. I guess I will go to the beach or something during the holidays to avoid being around family. I don't like putting on preteases. I just received interrogatories from w's attorney. She is in for a rude awakening. I am going through the final countdown until next week's court hearing. While in the Big Easy, I confided in an acquaintance about my situation after constinct inquiries about my wife and kid. This person was floored when I told them about my mess. They told me that I am very cool and reserve and that no one would be able to tell that I have problems, but this person said that my reserveness and cool headedness probably lead my w into thinking that she could walk all over me. She is correct because my mom said the same thing. This person said that some women like guys to treat them bad in other for them to respect them. I was told that a number of women don't like guys like me. RMA, Avondale, Relady: what do you think? I was told that I am not loose enough which probably turned w the wrong way. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THIS WAY.

Later.

Hey Petvet ,
Not exactly sure what it is you're asking, but I'll give my opinion anyway <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . People who are "cool and reserved" tend to appear to be emotionless and detached from any given situation. Not that they ARE that way, but they appear to be. That MIGHT be why your W thinks she can walk over you, because maybe it appears you don't care what happens. Some also may think these people types can be over-controlling. The positive side to that type of personality is that these people usually don't jump to conclusions, and plan what they say and do (thinking before acting). They tend to look at the whole picture of a situation, evaluating for future consequences, instead of just how an action affects just one part. Do these positive attributes apply to you?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This person said that some women like guys to treat them bad in other for them to respect them. I was told that a number of women don't like guys like me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now I personally don't agree with this at all. Why would I want to hang around someone who treated me bad? (Not sure exactly what "treated me bad" means in this case.) I much prefer respect and some type of positive feedback, affirmation of myself as a person, good mother, skilled worker, buff gym girl <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> , etc.. I guess that thought applies to all parts of life. If I was "treated badly" then I can guarantee there would be absolutely NO reason for me to hang around that person at all! It would push me away, not draw me closer.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I was told that I am not loose enough which probably turned w the wrong way. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THIS WAY </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What does "not loose enough" mean, anyway? You don't party til 3 AM ? Maybe you like your rest. You are predictable? Some women like knowing what to expect from their mates. You aren't a comedian? You take life seriously, so what.. YOU be the way God made you and I know there will be a woman (probably many more than one) who will love you just the way you are.

On another note, seems like there is a lot of sleeplessness going around. I had insomnia really bad Sunday night....so another suggestion is for MB to have a chatroom, LOL.

<small>[ October 29, 2002, 07:45 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi Everyone, rise and shine....

Petvet - Thats a good subject about being nice to women vs treating them like a mop. Despite my exw said OM is a strong personality and trys to make me look soft or passive, I know she's being controlled and living in fear of him, if he talked to me the way he did, don't think he'll have any respect for her in time to come, thats ruthless. I can't have a woman love me based on fear of what I might do to her, I rather have her fear what if she looses me because of the love and all that I have to offer. I got a compliment from female aquaintence yesterday that said my kindness is such a rare breed these day, not that I'm a push over or passive, I can be firm, stubborn and execute a harsh sentence if necessary, but my first choice is to always give someone 100 hundred and let them prove there own actions with me, they will either add or subtract my trust extended to them, people either add, subtract or multiply to your life. I guess this is the conclusion I had to come to with exw, she is definitly subtracting, if she's adding anything, its more sorrow and grief.

Therefore kindness is more for you to walk in and enjoy, its something that makes you feel good inside knowing how you treat people, if women like to be a doormat and treated less than who and what they are, then, consider yourself the type that don't do that to women. I exalt a woman because I think they are some of most precious creatures God created. When God created a woman he made her look beautiful, curvey and appealing to man, I don't care if she is fat or skinny, it don't take a supermodel to look lovely and pretty, I hate to see women beat themselves up never arriving to that place of accepting how they look, sure improvements are always nice, but many need to be at peace and realize they are just pretty as they are, he placed in her precious feelings and emotions that complete the man, men are strong and not so sensitive most times, so we balane each other out.

So for me I tend to treat a woman as my equal and lead her into all that she could be and not some mop thats to be dragged on the ground or treat her like she's something less than human. Some women like that kind of degrading treatment, but it won't come from me. So Petvet keep treating women nice, some like being treated rough, some like to be treated nice and pampered.

My rough side with my exw was we would play and wrestle and while I had her pinned down I would kiss and hug her, then she would call in for troops and re-enforcements then my kids would jump on my back and there would be a pile of bodies with my W under us all with screams of laughing.

Kid Issue - My Kids are 17,18 1/2 custody is there choice at this age. OD could get married if she wanted to by law. Exw is in FL i'm in Mo, she's considering moving to another city in FL, so it's not any further away.

Avondale -

Having my friend and his wife in my house helped, they didn't rally against exw, but rallied me to push harder to seperate the old marriage tie so I could move on and get out of the emotional loop of possibily being drawn back by exw's emotional games. There concern was, yes, I grieved her loss but now it must ALL stop and cease lest it become unhealthy to me, its over, stop feeling sorry for her and move on as I been doing. After we prayed something inside lifted and broke.

Contact with Kids has been as much as they will allow, at this time its about once a month, I backed off a few months ago from the weekly calls, it was always a oneway conversation and they talked in code hiding exw's dirty work,[ OM was in the house] so my relationship with them was strained, I sent them stamps and calling cards,etc... this summer, OD wrote only one time and that was an apology letter and wanting to restore our relationship, but still neither has called at anytime, I still do the calling. I spoke to YD lastweek on her B-Day, we talked but its still oneway, only answer questions I ask. I bought YD a color 13" TV for her B-day it hasn't arrived there yet. Until they come here things probably won't change, but I'm going to make sure despite how they are distant with me, I'm going to let them know I never gave up on them.

Hi All,
Yes, I have to agree it was somewhat excessive... 3 dates in a row... and I did start to think that I probably needed to put the brakes on it and slow it down to a snails pace... but it just kind of happened.
At first I didn't realize what was happening as it was unfolding, until the second consecutive date... then it started to become apparent to me that my lady friend might have very strong feelings for me.
I did enjoy her company and conversation very much though. It was quite a bit different from what I had been involved with in my past marriage.
"Time flies when you're having fun"... the old saying goes I guess... but my walls are still way up.
It's going to be a long time before they start coming down I'm sorry to say... and I stated that to her.
She did respect and accept my position on this, for how long though, I'm not sure.
Probably not the best thing to say to someone, but I wanted to be truthful... and not set any false expectations for either her or me... I'm just going to play it by ear.
relady...
I think there was a kidnapping <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I'm not sure who was kidnapping who though.
I just wanted to let you know that God was silent with me as well during the longest time while my "M" was falling apart. I prayed on it for the longest time... asking God to give me direction and allow me to see the truth concerning my marriage.
He finally let me see the truth... it was far more than I could have ever imagined.
It took quite a long time for the Lord to answer my prayers and lead my way, but eventually he did.
As painful as it was, and still is... I'm glad that he gave me the stregnth and determination to come to a resolve concerning my "M".
I think your Pastor gave you some good advice as well as Avondale and RMA... as hard as it may seem now... patience is in order for the time being.
The Lord will eventually give you the answers that you are seeking.
Avondale...
I think it was a marathon date... LOL.
It was suppose to be a nice quiet walk and then it turned into a 5k marathon.
I have to agree with you about "post divorce issues... dating, to soon, to much, relationships, etc.
I don't know about me being the moderator though... this is all pretty new to me, and I'm sure I'm stumbling around as bad as anybody at this point in time.
My vote would go to RMA on that one... what do you think RMA?
As far as your "H" not paying the "home equity bill... I would give him the benefit of the doubt for now, as it may have been a misunderstanding... but I would also keep a close watch on it as well as all other financial transactions.
You are on top of the situation, and he now knows it.
I would wait and see what he does. hopefully he will do the right thing and pay his shair accordingly.
Stay the course.
Petvet...
I have to agree with you my good friend... this dating scenario took off way to fast and I'm trying to slow it way down.
I'm not ready for a full time relationship at this stage... I just got divorced.
I think I have slowed it down to a point where expectations are not going to be so high, so quickly... at least that's the game plan.
I'm sorry to hear that your court hearings are dragging out in the fashion that they are.
It is even tougher to deal with when it's all revolving around the holiday period.
Your CS hearing is coming up soon and I wish you well during that time... my prayers will be with you.
I know you asked the question of the ladies, but I feel compelled to throw my 2 cents worth on what I think your friend was trying to elude to.
IMHO, I don't believe woman like to be treated badly... quite the contrary.
I think some woman, not all woman, like a sense of adventure and mystery (not lies and deceit), it helps keep things interesting, fresh, and romantic.
Each person is different, so I don't think you can make a blanket statement such as that ("all woman like to be treated badly").
I'm sure there are some woman out there that do like to be treated badly. I wouldn't want anything to do with them... and I don't think you would either.
I can't offer you any advice on the sleep issue. I went through the same thing myself when it came closer to the Court date. In fact the night before my FJ Court date... I was up most of the night. It's not healthy not getting any sleep, but what part of all of this is?
Hang in there... you will get through it.
EC...
I think your friend gave you some real good advice concerning your exW and "OM".
It's time to move forward with your life as hard as it is. I would also take a real long look at your daughters situation and try to decide if what is going on with them with your exW and "OM" is in their best interests.
RMA and Dave...
Hope you are both doing well.
RMA... what is your take on the "woman like to be treated badly issue"?
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Hi All,

Hope you're having a great day.

Petvet

Sorry to hear you have to take this mess into the new year. But, ending the mess so close to end the end of the year probably wouldn't have made much difference anyway right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> You still wouldn't want to be around family, they always tend to ask alot of questions. I know mine does!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I confided in an acquaintance about my situation after constinct inquiries about my wife and kid. This person was floored when I told them about my mess. They told me that I am very cool and reserve and that no one would be able to tell that I have problems, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's funny how everyone says that when they find out. How do they expect us to appear in public, should we be laying under a park bench or sitting on the curb to show the world we have problems? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> If they could only see behind closed doors! Sorry, but that is a pet peeve of mine, because I've found when someone keeps asking
while we carefully avoid answering, they know the answer already!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> this person said that my reserveness and cool headedness probably lead my w into thinking that she could walk all over me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My H was cool, reserved and always paid attention to detail to a fault. Very aloof, never paid compliments, because he never wanted anyone to think he cared. And no way could I walk over him. So, IMHO, I think it depends on how you portray your coolness <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> If it is done in a 'whimpy' way, yes, W saw it as a weakness. It's just a fact that women are emotional and men are mostly level headed and when those roles are reversed it causes a problem.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This person said that some women like guys to treat them bad in other for them to respect them. I was told that a number of women don't like guys like me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The key words here are 'some women'

Most secure, confident women don't go for men who treat them bad.

Is this person saying, you should have beat your wife up for her to respect you? Before you can respect someone else, you must first respect yourself and obviously your W didn't!

So, IMHO, Stay the way you are, you don't have to be a bully to attract the right women! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Wallace

You're right patience is in order, The Lord probably knows, 'I can't handle the truth' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

God Bless,
relady