Hi All,
It got a little slow here at work... so I decided to come back and see what was going on here.
I couldn't let this sit overnight after I read your posts... so I decided to log back in and post something. I'll have to admit, as I'm typing this... I have laughed and have been grinning the whole time reading the posts.
You are all great, you bring up some very valid points and direction.
I'm still sitting here with a big "old smile" on my face.
relady...
"New Loves for Tough Loves", I'm still laughing over that... that is so good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I have just recently been able to truly laugh again... It is a good feeling.
avondale...
I want to include you in on this too, as you and relady are both are on the same page it appears.
O.k., here it goes in an abbreviated form, I hope.
How do I say this... when this first got started... I would meet with her and several people after Church for coffee, and brunch.
Through our many conversations we both decided after our "D" that we would like to get toether for a dinner (singular).
Both of our "Ds" came and we decided that we would like to go out and have dinner together... by ourselves (and I was the initiator of the idea).
Well the evening went so well, that I, (yes it was me) asked her if she would like to meet again for another dinner date, and she said she would love to. So we went out on another dinner date... that was the first week if my memory serves me correctly.
Well, I must of made such an impression for all the months that I have been talking with her and the other people in our Church group, she indicated to me that she wanted me to call her after our dinner dates.
As you all know, we have been seeing each other on quite a regular basis since then, (and yes, it was probably me that initiated the next dinner dates).
Well she told me that she was falling in love with me after several weeks of seeing each other more or less off and on.
It has now gotten to the point, that she wants to be with me all the time... but she realizes that I need my time to heal.
She doesn't come right out and say that she wants to be with me all the time... but it's a feeling that I am getting, and I feel that if I don't accomodate her needs (we took the ENs questionaire and one of her top 5 needs are communication), that I might end up hurting her, which I don't want to do.
She is very much in love with me, and I had indicated to her and to everyone that I was more afraid of hurting her than of her hurting me. She indicated she is afraid of that as well.
I don't know, maybe I'm in a rebound relationship. I don't feel like I am, but maybe I am. I don't want it to be a rebound relationship, of course I'm not ready for any full blown relationship either... and I have indicated this to her.
I'm "damaged goods"... and she accepts that, at least for the time being.
So am I leading her on? I don't think I am, at least I'm not conscious of it. I do really enjoy being with her. I'm not looking for marriage, but I'm not out there playing the boards to see how many woman I can pick-up either. That's not what I'm looking for, never have and never probably will.
I'm trying to stay focused on the Lord, and at the same time... it is nice to be able to communicate with someone of the opposite sex.
I have been out of the loop for quite some time, so I'm finding that it is a very enjoyable experience for me... because it's been awhile since I had some good honest (my #1 need) communication.
What would happen if I told her that I was not going to see her for let's say a week? She would probably start thinking that I wasn't interested in her anymore... and she would probably feel hurt.
So I am probably guilty for getting things started (2000 miles away, avondale... your good), but I didn't expect for someone to fall head over heels for me that quickly.
I'm just being me, that's all I have ever been... and someone actually likes, no loves it.
I'm open for suggestions, and any advice you want to give me.
avondale... I would like to give you my thoughts concerning the trust issue as I'm dealing with it now... and I'm going to use the relationship I'm in now as an example.
For me, at this stage, trust has to be earned, it's not given.
I believe that's because of all the wonderfulness I have been through in the last umpteen years.
At first... my walls were way up... way up... and as time went on, I started to let my walls come down ever so slightly, just to see what would happen.
There is still a long way to go, but I have found with my "lady friend", at this stage (and it's still very early) that she not given me the slightest indication as of yet that she can't be trusted.
The walls are still up mind you... and only time will tell of the outcome. If however I get one indication that she is not being totally honest with me... I'm going to be out of her life so fast it will make her head spin.
So that's my experience with it so far. (side note:) I could never trust my exW ever again.
I've rambled on for too long, so I will let you all go... until tomorrow.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Thank you all for the advice...my gut feeling was right on this one,why do I 2nd guess myself..LOL
Had a good weekend..and the week so far looks promising,getting excited for the Holiday season.
Hugs,

relady,

I am cracking up at the new title for this post!!! Youza!!! Thankis for making my day, teehee!

Wallace,

It is AOK to be going out, but do be sensible and go slow. I have been dating my guy for quite a while now. It is better to be slow and sure than jump too quick and be sorry for yet another mistake. Have fun and keep things light-hearted, OK?

Petvet,

I am sorta confused on things with you. Did ya'll get the settlement and CS issues resolved or not? Why this dragging on and on for the divorce??? It is hard for me to understand, as mine was final on the 31st day after filing. Sorry, with so many people now, I can hardly keep up! Oh, well I am not a bit surprised someone likes you. Happened to me, too. A person sitting on the sidelines waiting for you to become "available". Doesn't it just AMAZE you thaty one person can find us so attractive and irresistable while the WS just throws us away??????? I will tell you from my own experience, you will be totally shocked at who is interested in you and just holding back until you are divorced. I can't tell you how many of my exH's friends called me!!! It just goes to show that "one man's trash truly IS another man's treasure." At least, that is what my dear old Granny used to say!

BBMBF,

What a letter to receive! All I can say is that you can only do one thing. Examine your heart as honestly as you can to see if he has any true merit to be so hateful and angry towards you. If you see anything lacking on your part, do your best to address those issues. As for the rest, I think your H is really not wanting the responsibility of being married and has come up with alot of excuses as to why it's all your fault and why he needs to get out. You can only be true to yourself and be the best person that you can be, and nothing more. Take care and know that we are here for you.

Wallace, avondale, EC and dave....Hi, ya'll!!!!

Oh, avondale....I think if you and your H were to reconcile, the trust would have to be built back. I think that is why Dr Harley has the rules for accounting for time, giving away your e-mail passwords, etc. That honesty upfront and on-going would be essential to building the trust necessary to sustain a healthy and ahppy relationship. Yu have such a good attitude and such a loving heart. I know if reconciliation were to happen for you, you do have it in you to truly forgive your WS.

Sorry, but I have to close to finish cooking dinner. It is getting late! Take care, all...

RMA

Hi All,

Avondale

Of course there is hope for us, this thread is contagious, we can't help but to follow in others footsteps. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Wallace,

Now for you my friend <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It has now gotten to the point, that she wants to be with me all the time... but she realizes that I need my time to heal.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That seems to be a redundant statement. When will you have time to heal, during the week? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> LOL

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I don't know, maybe I'm in a rebound relationship. I don't feel like I am, but maybe I am. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You wouldn't know you're in a rebound situation until you have completely healed and realize that you have outgrown the person you're with. The ENS questionnaire, you answered as to your needs today. They may not be the same 1 year from now! Make Sense?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm "damaged goods"... and she accepts that, at least for the time being.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You've got to see yourself as God sees you. not as a beat up hubcab, but a nice shiny chrome wheel. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ask the Lord if she's the one and until He answers go slow and have fun, you are both in a needy position at this time.

OK ALL

How about this one, "As The Love Turns on Tough Love" ? Can't you just hear the theme music? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

relady

Hi All,
RMA...
It's good to hear from you, and I hope everything is going well in your life.
I'm trying to take this relationship very, very, slow, very slow.
So long as it is a positive experience for me, then I will more than likely keep seeing my "lady friend".
I'm not looking for any long term commitment in this relationship. If by chance it happens... then I'll let the Lord be my guide.
relady...
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">: by relady:

When will you have time to heal, during the week?

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, that was the game plan <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> LOL... but now she wants me to meet with her at least once in the middle of the week. She indicated to me that she needs to see me during the week as well... because she misses me.
I agree with you on the "ENs" aspect... my emotional needs may go in a whole other direction... that possibilty does exist. That's why I am not trying to make any knee-jerk moves concerning any aspect of my life.
(This old computer that I'm on at work won't let me make paragraphs or cut and paste "quotes" so bear with me, if you could).
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">: by relady:
You've got to see yourself as God sees you. Not as a beat up hubcap, but as a nice shiny chrome wheel.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do believe that the Lord loves me for who I am unconditionally. But it's hard to shake off the feeling you get (beat up old hub cap) when you have been treated the way I have been treated by my exW and the way we have all been treated for that matter.
It's a feeling you just don't shake that easy, at least not for me anyway. I'm moving forward and healing in this area, and that is where my growth in the Lord needs to be focused as well. I have to live and breath the fact that the Lord loves me always. I try not to lose sight of that... easier said than done.
I am asking the Lord to lead me, not only in this, but in everything I do. I'm not going to ever lose sight of that.
You know something? I think I can hear some music playing in the distance. It's faint... but if you really listen... you can hear... yes, yes, yes it is...I believe it's the music from...
As the Love Turns on Tough Love". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> LOL... that is good. I've been smiling all the way through this post.
Avondale...
You bet there is hope... and yes this thread is contagious. If you follow in some of our footsteps the music will really be playing.
Hopefully though, you, and everyone else that wants to reconcile their M will be able to do just that.
Petvet...
Just wanted to let you know that you are doing the wise thing and waiting to see what happens in your marriage. I know when I got "D" and started to date... it felt so strange, it still feels strange, but you need to crawl I guess, before you can walk.
I'm still groping around in the dark concerning all of this.
Betrayed...
I have found through all of this... that if you go with your gut feel... your usually right. I wouldn't fall for his song and dance act until you see some postive changes from him first... I wouldn't change a thing that your doing.
Dave and EC...
Let us know how your doing when you get a chance.
I hope I didn't miss anyone... if I did, I apologize.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Wallace,

Forget the theme song and hear this, BELLS RINGING <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Your lady friend is very needy and when and if you become whole before her, you are going to break her heart all over again.

After what we've been through, it's easy to be attracted to the first person who values us but remember, the Lord says, "In a multitude of counsel, there is safety". Please be very careful. You have very wise females on this thread and we care about you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

relady

Hello Gang!

Lot's of things happening here.I see the thought of a name change floating around, I guess this could turn into lovers lane, hummm?....

Petvet and Wallace have new female friends. Since it's been a very long road for these guys what can you expect. In about 2-3 months I will then been on my own for 2 years, unbelievable, where did the time go? I'm not ready to give up my freedom yet as single but I have my moments.

I emailed my TV friend and she emailed me back said she couldn't sleep and was up since 3:00a tossing and turning, dreaming in excitement of what the Lord was doing in her life. I gave her an encouraging message. She said she needed hear that very message I sent and she thanked me and said the above...It's nice to see everybody is just human and you can have something good to say to somebody regardless who they are or who you are, getting past the idolatry of who they are and focus on what they need, what a diff you can make.

Hey Wallace looks like the women here are concerned for you, thats great. Somebody said 'Tell the guy I love him to keep him around' not referring to you but, but boy what a good line and sinker for a emotional needy guy like me, I would have got sucked right in, if I didn't know the person.

I'm still stuck in the horse stall, I can't tell if a woman is trying to flirt or be friendly, I don't have a clue, I might have missed opportunities.. If she was interested I would probably say ...." Uh,Uh Hellwo?, my name is fudderfickle <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ......

She'd probably say with her head turned and ear stretched and say what did you say?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> "Uh, Uh, Hellwo, my name is fudderfickle!!

She'd probably say, scram!! you @$#@^% <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> especially after she saw the dried booger hanging out of my nose.....she probably say 'gross me out the door man <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Just Joking <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I would straighten up and say in an Elvis voice' Just call me' cool orange shady <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Thank you , Thank you very much...

I'm happy for everyone here, it's good to see reconciliation, restoration, new relationships, unresolvable issues disappearing and strength given to those in need.

Take Care

Wallace
After I say my piece here, I'll try to shut up about this subject <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Let me say first that I didn't really learn anything "new" with what you wrote yesterday; your story was kind of like I had thought. So my concern will stay at the same level. I'll respond chronologically instead of using quotes, cuz they would take up lots of room.

1) Of course you "Made such an impression". You are a great guy! Any lady would be quite foolish to think otherwise.

2) You are NOT damaged goods and you should not look at yourself as such. By just saying it, you are not having a "positive confession".

3) It was obvious that she was "falling in love with you" and I think that is due at least in part to how great you are and the fact that you are pursuing her with lots of dates in a relatively short period of time. How could she help but feel that way? Any woman would feel the same.

4) I don't think YOU are "on the rebound" , but I question if she is. Only she would really know.

5) I don't think you are consciously "leading her on" . However, the number of dates during said time frame would lead ANY woman to think you want more, sooner, and seriously.

6) I think if you told her that because your exclusive relationship happened so quickly, you wanted to slow things down, the time to do it would be now, at the beginning of your relationship. Do you think it would be any easier farther down the road? You wrote "she would probably start thinking I wasn't interested in her anymore and feel hurt". If she can't see the wisdom in having a more steady pace for both your sakes, then maybe she has more healing to do.

And just food for thought...if you feel the need to be with her because you "want to accommodate her needs " (re: EN questionnaire) so she won't be hurt, is she using YOU, albeit unconsciously? And now you're spending even more time with her because she misses you ? That seems a little more than meeting ENs...it seems co-dependant. I have so much respect for you, Petvet, and EC, so I'm not saying this lightly, it's just my opinion.

Don't get me wrong...I think it is GREAT, absolutely GREAT that you are able, willing, and emotionally OK to date someone. Something just seems amiss, that's all.

EC - "fudderfickle"??? Where did you pick that one up from? LOL Seriously though, the lightness of your posts must be a reflection of positive changes within you, I can really tell a difference! So the next thing we know, you'll be dating your famous friend! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Oh...and I'll be out of town Thurs-Saturday so I'll catch up with responses on Saturday night (since I am NOT dating, LOL!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<small>[ November 21, 2002, 06:32 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi all!

Wallace: Poooor Poooor Wallace, you can't when for losing. I was grinning while the ladies were giving you a hard time. The ladies mean well and for the most part they are right. Listen Wallace! Your lady friend is on FIREEEEEEEE!!!!!!I kid you not. I don't know what you are doing, but whatever you are doing is depsoiting HUGE love units into her love bank. You may want to fortify your doors and windows because she is coming for you baby. No joke Wallace, slow down man, you are ablaze. Talking about the shuttle, at this pace, you and your lady friend are going to end up in outer space.Listening to your story, you are getting me excited. You are going to get everyone "addicted to love" (no pune intended-all I can remember is the old guy singing in the nice Brooks Brothers suit with all the nice looking ladies in bakinis).

Avondale: "Trust" as far my situation is concern is a gut feeling thing. My gut tells me whether something is on the up and up. My gut has been right so far and I am going to trust my gut until further notice. Did you D let your H have it?

Relady: I wish our stories were soap operas; unfortunately, we are living a nightmare. You are very funny. A good sense of humor always helps during tough times.

RMA: Happy everything is going well for you. Clarification: To make a long story short, my attorney is trying to hammer out a settlement if my w will admit to the adultery on my counter dD filing against her. Her admitance will hopefully help me to get my annulment. I would like a settlement by the end of the year.

Me: Everyone, please understand that i am not dating anyone. I have not gone out with anyone. The acquaintance is someone i just talk on the phone for good conversation. She likes the conversations and so do I. I'm still searching my heart and gut as to whether w will show repentence and make a real effort to reconcile. Right now, she has not done anything that convinces me that she is well meaning to work things out.

Later.

Hi All,

I hope your day is starting out to be great.

Wallace,

Ditto what Avondale said about "trying to shut-up on the subject" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You know we're here if you need us.

EC

You are way too funny <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> When you start dating, we'll point you in the right direction so you won't use words like "fudderfickle", <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> that would scare me too. LOL

Petvet,

You're right, I too wish this nightmare was a 'soap opera' however since it isn't, we couldn't be in a better place. This is a very positive thread and for that you should be thankful, for out of your weakness grew strength!

Avondale,

Has your D talked to your H yet?

RMA

You have trained us well, Do we make you proud with our female wisdom in your absence. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Davepr

How is everything with you and your W? Have you found employment yet?

God Bless You,
relady

Hi Everyone,
I would of gotten back to everyone sooner... but I'm still taking the bandages off of me from the beating I took from the last set of posts. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I asked for advice and direction and by-golly I got it... Got it good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Well I thank you all for all of your words of wisdom... and I have to agree with everything that all of you have posted... and it is good to know that you are all here to keep me out of trouble when it looks like I may be heading that way.
So, I have a question... how do I slow this thing down without hurting her feelings? It's like Petvet said, she is on "fire".
I still want to see her, but we need to take this "blazing fire effect", and turn the heat way down on it.
I'm under control, but she wants more from this relationship than I'm ready to give.
How do I go about slowing this thing down without hurting her feelings. I don't want to hurt her feelings, and I do want to keep seeing her. I just don't want that serious of a relationship right now.
Do I need to put my football helmet and pads on for this one? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
OK...I put them on... let me have it.
Petvet... Just a little sidenote on the talking with this new woman in your life. That's how mine started out as well... so you need to be carful as well... or your going to end up in the soup too... LOL.
Thanks for being here, each and everyone of you.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

<small>[ November 21, 2002, 01:32 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Hello ALL,

Looks like the Ladies are on a roll here.....

Ok, Petvet has cleared his name he's not dating or in any serious relationship, just a generic phone friend, he's wanting reconcilation if possible, if she turned.....

Wallace - All eyes have been on you but everyone thinks you're great!

Hi Relady, Avondale - The name fudderfickle came from the child side of me.....Its a combination of - Fun, Studdering and Tickled - Fudderfickle <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You know, this thread is pretty good, each story is true, maybe oneday in the future they'll have you guys meet on Oprah or somewhere, definitly not Jerry Springer..let the WS's meet there with 2 OP's..

*******

I don't think I would want to date the Actress eventhough she's nice, she looks like she's at least 29-30, I'm 40.....wouldn't work, so she'll just be a friend if even that....

I currently haven't dated anyone because, my little red car is not worth putting a nice woman in...It's paid for but its my get out of debt time car...When I get a nice car a [Corvette] then I'll take someone out, for now I like being in the position that no woman gets in my red putt,putt, to have her meet me somewhere for dinner doesn't feel right either so I'll just wait...

Take Care........

OK
I'm walking out the door to go out of town for 2 days but I had to reply... Wallace , you know we care about you, or we would have just not responded at all to your posts <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

If you agree that y'all need to slow down, I think you just need to say that to her, up front. Don't allow room for misunderstanding. If communication is high on both of your EN list, then use it to communicate that things are going way too fast. You alone know what kinds of things y'all have talked about (have there been any "our future" talks?" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I STRONGLY feel you need to say something SOON or it will become even more awkward. And then, sad to say, limit the amount of times you get together in a week. If this was one of your kids, would you do some sort variety of grounding? LOL

Ya'll have a great weekend, watch out for our buddy Wallace <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Oh, and EC and Petvet , don't worry, we only razz when it is necessary!

Wallace,

You are such a brave soul. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> We tried to give you a break, didn't we avondale? But, nnnoooooooo, you won't let us. You just had to ask one more question! Sooooo, strap yourself in, this may get a little rocky. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

First and foremost is the fact that you can't get away without hurting her feelings at this point, she is apparently too far gone. The only thing you can do is choose your words very carefully. And I'm not sure if you can have it both ways. If you slow it down, she may not want to continue seeing you. She already has it in her mind that she is the one!

You started out 'full steam ahead' now you want to risk a collision by slowing down?

And if you don't slow it down, you'll end up married again before God gets the news and that may become a full blown wreck! LOL

So take a break from her this weekend and see how things go, if she hunts you down, calls you every 5 minutes, that's a real problem then fall back to Plan B. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

On a more serious note, pray before you speak and your words will be kinder and less stinging.

Petvet, EC

We really are very gentle. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

relady

Hi all!

Wallace: I apologize for my last post. I was trying to make a serious point in a joking manner. I like the ladies don't want you to get hurt again. I know how you feel as far as having a nice lady who wants your attention. I am also enlighten by the attention. My issue is that I am scared of making the same mistakes over again. I still think that I may have made a bad choice. After being abuse for so long, we automatically want love. The problem is sometimes when we let our hearts do the thinking for us we make errors in judgements. I will say no more about your relationship. Once again, I apologize.

Later.

Something else I would like to add to my previous post.

Through the years, I have always heard the saying that what one experiences comprises that individualor something like that.

My question is since all of us on this thread are in the process of moving into new relationships or reconciling, how do we not allow our past experiences to affect our current situations. Case in point, as you well know I am in a grey area because my w may want to reconcile but I am comparing her today to what was on the past or to put in other words, the past w behavior is used a barometer to guide the current version of w. (Am I making myself clear or do I sound confused?) Can we go through new relationships or reconcile with former WS without psycho analyzing the situation? Also, those who are divorce, how do you think other people perceive your status? Is it fair to psycho analyze the next relationship? Dr. Laura always says that making sure that you have a keeper is not always pleasant. She says that when you are talking about a lifelong relationship, one has to forgo short term pain for long term gain. If I did not make myself clear, please let me know.

Later.

Hi Petvet,

If exw ever wanted to come back their would have to be a major change in her otherwise I'd be wasting my time. At this point I have to look at her like any other woman out there. The difference with her is I've seen more good than bad over 21 years, problem is her bad is horrible, its insane.....Therefore that puts me in a position to think sure a relationship can start off right, she may be the right one, but will I see the same signs exw portrayed before going off the deep end?...You start to think of those things from the start but its not necessarily healthy living in, what if?

I think trust is the key ingredient to all of it.....I look at the scenerio of....What if you had a woman that was crazy and excited about her husband, she greeted you in excitement when you arrived home or whoever got home first, wanted to read marriage material or other things together, have quality time together no TV, etc...

A woman like that Petvet is a far cry from what we've experienced in our marriages in the later years....There are women out there that want the same exact thing we want.....

Hi All,

I hope you're all doing well.

Petvet,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">how do we not allow our past experiences to affect our current situations. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is a tough question. I would say the key would be to leave your past in the past and not let it rob you of the future. To do this, I have found the easiest way for me is to replace those thoughts with new ones as soon as they present themselves. If you and your W should reconcile, part of forgiveness is leaving the past where it is. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I believe that what a person does is not always who they are. God is the only one who can change the hearts of men.

In my situation, I have totally forgiven my H in my heart and analyzed myself to the point that I have a log in my own eye! Neither one of us were living according to God's plan for marriage.

While waiting to see changes in your W, has she seen changes in you? That is an important question that requires an answer in your heart.

I hope that helps.

Everyone

Have a great and wonderful weekend <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

relady

Hi All,
Hey guys and gals... I don't mind talking about what's happening in this new found relationship of mine... it's good to hear what your opinions are on it. I'm not offended in anyway... in fact... I wouldn't have brought it up, if I didn't want to discuss it with all of you.
Just wanted to say that I'm am listening to everything that eveyone has posted. I am going to try to slow things down... so wish me luck.
Petvet...
No need to apologize... I took your post and everybody elses post as they were intended.
I know you all want me to come through this as best I can... and for that I'm greatful.
I... like you, am terrified of making the same mistakes over again... so I know of what you speak.
Do I want to move forward only to find myself back in a very similiar type of a relationship that I had in my "M"...absolutely not.
In regards to making a bad choice, I think you're referring to your "M", and if not correct me if I'm wrong.
We have all been run through the mill... most of us are still being hammered by our spouses in some form or another.
I'll elaborate some more on this later... I'm running out of time.
It is real busy at work today, so I'll have to let you all go for now.
I'll be back on Monday... everybody have a good weekend.
Stay Strong!
Wallace

Petvet

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My question is since all of us on this thread are in the process of moving into new relationships or reconciling, how do we not allow our past experiences to affect our current situations </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just for clarification:
First, I'm in a little bit of a different boat than y'all are.... Unless my husband has some sort of change of heart and a major lifestyle change (for the better!) then he will divorce me. This is not what I want, but I am not giving up my "stand of faith" until HE ends it. And I am definitely not in a new relationship. So I'm in limbo, the gray area, neither married nor divorced. But I know I'm where I'm supposed to be & that's great <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Can we go through new relationships or reconcile with former WS without psycho analyzing the situation? Also, those who are divorce, how do you think other people perceive your status? Is it fair to psycho analyze the next relationship? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Petvet, this is kind of what I was alluding to with the "trust" question last week. I would hope that I'd be able to trust w/o psychoanalyzing or second-guessing. Of course, if my trust is in God, then He's in control and I'm just supposed to have faith; discernment and common sense have their place too. Those of you who are farther along than I am (i.e., who have had "relationships" since separation) would be better qualified to answer, cuz you've been through it. I'll look forward to everyone's answers.

Oh, and my daughter hasn't talked to her dad yet. She's waiting for him to follow through by calling with a day/time, since he initiated it. She's ready! I'll keep y'all posted.

<small>[ November 23, 2002, 04:42 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>