Ok, I really believe that I have blown any possibility for reconciliation here. My h moved out 7 weeks ago, says he is living alone, but who knows. He wants a divorce. I have been trying all along to be nice, to be as easy to get along with as possilbe, but I must admit that I do alot of lovebusting. <BR>This morning I called him, after a letter that I received from him. In this letter is said that I deserved to be happy, I deserved love, but that he was not able to give me those things. He says that me angry is not normal and that I blow up like a pressure cooker. No where in this letter does he say anything about his affair, or how that may be affecting me. He says that he is sorry for the pain he caused me.<BR>Now, on the surface, this may seem like a very sincere letter. But I know my h. This is just another way of pushing the blame at me feet, and after not being able to sleep again last night, I was pretty wired this morning.<BR>I called him and told him that I was tired of the way he manipulates me. I said that he is d*** good at what he does. It is amazing to be that someone who lies, and decieves and betrays and walks away from his family, can so eliquintly turn to tables and have ME APOLOGIZE. I am the one that is asking for forgiveness. I am the one that is saying, Gee honey, you're right. I do get angry to much. I can see why you would need to have an affair (I never really said that, just trying to make a point). I told him that I don't want to see him any more, that he needs to make arrangements in advance to see our daughter, and that the next time I did see him, it would be in court with my attorney.<BR>I'm not sure that I mean any of those things. But, I am tired of being played to fool. As I write this, I am not sure that I want to go trying to 'fix' my marriage. I'm truly not sure that there is anything left to save.<BR>I am very, very angry right now. I feel like for 6 years he has played me just the way he wants, to get out of me, just want he wants, and now that he is tired of me, he can throw me away like a piece of garbage. My h has done this in every relationship he has ever been in. His 3rd marriage, and he hasn't learned a thing.<P>Cheryl

It is never too late for a marriage, but we do get worn down and hopeless.<P>Anger is very definitely a part of getting through this. But angry outbursts will not help your marriage. Believe me, I've been there, frustrated to the max and howling & snarling at the moon. <P>What are you doing to process your anger? Physically are you working out, taking walks, pounding pillows? Emotionally, I know coming here helps, but do you also journal or talk to friends? Are you reading books to help modify your behavior?<P>Are you seeing a counselor for you? It's really helpful to have someone guide you in setting goals and to be accountable to. <P>Personally I couldn't get through this without God's grace and learning to seek his will.<P>You can't change your H by yelling at him. You can only change you and learn to live through this wretched hand you've been dealt.

Cheryl,<BR> I swear we are living the same lives just different bodies. I know exactualy how you feel. Guess who called me first thing when I got off work today. He kept telling me I have every right to be mad at him and that I shouldn't be apologizing for how I yelled at him last night on the phone. I didn't plan to aplologize! I didn't say much and told him that I would see him tomorrow when he picks up the boys. I really don't want to even see him anymore. So my good friend I know how you feel. Just hang in there and live your own life. I know that is easier said than done but right now we have no other choice.

oh man, my H has made me think i am the most unreasonable human on the face of the earth. I tell him when im feeling sad orangy, and he just says, "well, that is in your heart. just stop it" "you CHOOSE to feel that way".<BR>well, it's true, really, I am choosing to feel this way, but that he simply will not admit to wrongdoing is flabbergasting to me. I'm choosing to be mad, yes, because you chose to call her 100 times on your cell phone last month!<P>I know what you mean about wondering if there is anything left to save, too, i go through that a lot.<BR> <BR>hang in there.

Hi, Cheryl - I'm here to. Take a few days of quiet - you deserve it. You know in your heart that there is a reason for your anger, you know that sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we can't hold our emotions in. You know you've been giving this all you've got. Your idea for Plan B is a good idea for you now. You need a break from the things he's doing to you. <P>No one knows what's gonna happen here, but you have to do what's best for you and Emma. I know you will.<P>Be off and on tonight. And praying for you. Hang in there.<P>Lori

Thanks guys.<BR>H called tonight( left a message-I didn't want to talk to him) His says he called to our daughter and he said he was sorry that he missed me. Whatever!<BR>I am feeling better. It really felt good to get the junk out.<BR>I told him this morning that I was going out of town this weekend (being a Holiday) and that he wouldn't be able to see our daughter until we got home. He sounded very rejected but at that point I really didn't care. He makes me so mad.<BR>He is suppose to go through the house tomorrow and get the remaining things he wants. I told him to take whatever he wants, that I am not interested in material things. He is also suppose to take the boat the I let him buy after he told me about his affair. He said it would make him happy. What a sucker I am.<BR>Anyway, thanks for the encouragment. I really do need to take some time away from him and not talk to him. It might be hard, but I have no other option at this point.<BR>Take care and God bless,<BR>Cheryl<P>

Wanted to add a short note to say hello...<P>I agree it's so hard to handle that anger! I'm totally familar with that feeling that there's nothing to save! Marriage? WHAT marriage? What a joke! But I also know that feeling doesn't stay. You just have to make it through each day one at a time.<P>I like how crazy or what? put it: "Just hang in there and live your own life."<BR> Have a great weekend!<P>Lizbeth