Relady - You asked how come I don't see her calling as a problem? My answer is because our conversations are not abnormal, just generic stuff like I would talk to anybody. She's a phone person she talks to her family and other friends at odd times also, so it's hard to say she has me singled out that early. I hope I answered your question? if not let know. I think she calls as much because I'm on her mind?.....You said you never called your H that much, but is it possible for a woman to do that much calling? You and Avondale be easy on us guys, we're like spring chickens at this stuff, we did our homework and now were contageous.

Wallace - You say she may be keener toward me than I think. That could be true but at the same time she said there's nothing there that would draw her into any relationship with me so I took that as ok, that's great and which means I'm not her type, I felt that gave me even more ammo not to cross any line or bring any romance into the friendship which is better for me. The ball could be in my court but I ain't bouncing it. I don't want to pursue her because I want to have some choices and not be secluded yet to one person, not that I'm some playboy, but when the time comes to date, I need to be free. She could be in denial of her true feelings, but her actions are speaking louder than words.

Please someone, REVIVE me. I must be dreaming or drunk off some serious alcohol. Did my eyes see that Romeo is thinking about taking the big leap into Niagra Falls. Please someone knock me back into reality. My eyes must be in a fog. Tell me I am hallucinating.

EC: All right, now. Please stop trying to play dumb with us. You know darn well she has the HOTS for you. Once again the question is, what are you going to do about it? I think you like the attention. If you like her, tell her, or make it real and tell her your real feeling. Please be upfront with her. I know that it's hard to trust your instincts after you have been brutalized by your ex. To hell with your ex, man there are bigger fish in the sea. Meet those EN's and watch the woman come your way. Many guys don't have a clue as to ENs. Go for it guy! If you honestly like her, go for it. Heck, you are not getting married anytime soon, so what do you have to loose.

Avondale: Watch it now, I saw your previous post. Funny, funny, funny.Huh, huh , huh. I am still in a state of embarassment. I am still legally married, so I just don't know what to do.

WG..: I see no problem with letting your kid have a BMW as long as he or she handles part of the expenses. I don't think a free ride is in order. You do know that car insurance on a Bmer for a kid will be out of this world. Also, insurance companies are very strict on their car policies.

Later.

Hi Avondale - I didn't mean to leave you or anyone out on the question, its just that loverboy Wallace is walking on clouds right now he may have more hinsight way up there....As far as asking the ladies for advice on this one, I thought you may go ruff <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> ruff <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> take bite out of me like we did Wallace so I feared for my life...J/k LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I just don't know what's there with her if it's strong feelings emotions or dependency? Time will tell. One thing she has said is that since talking to me she feels charged, she said she feels lots of energy from me, she's a christian but I know the power she feels is the power God in my life.

Petvet - You are so funny, you had me crackin up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You said she had the Hots for me, but I can't see it, she says there's nothing there, no physical attraction, etc? What's interesting and bizzare is her personality type is identical to my exw, therefore I know how to relate to her in EN's and everyday living based on her personality type but not on purpose, but at the same time I feel its not fair to her because I feel I have inside information because I studied about my exww how well I would treat and do better for her if we had got back together, when talking to my friend in many ways its like talking to my exw when she was living right and because I learned exww personality type, I knew where I went wrong with exww, but I think my friend is reaping the benefits of that study that was intended for my exww,....When I talk to my friend I have flags that go up that I could not be a peace with for marriage or long term relationship and I purposed I wouldn't get with anybody and try to change them. So that's one reason I try not to cross any line with her, I feel I might get hurt down the road. Example: she made a comment she gets bored in relationships after while, she's been divorced since 1994 no kids, but able, I don't know why she dv'd yet BS or WS or none above? She made mention her exh was married real quick after Dv and had a baby though if he had OW...Another thing is she's a serious conflict avoider, same as exw. As I said we really don't get into us stuff, she knows why I'm dv'd but never talks about me or what happened. So knowing her personality type and EN's may have saved me some heartache most guys go at it blind.

Hey y'all,
8 pm here...I've made it almost through Christmas without even a hint of tears (although I admit I'm feeling a little melacholy)! Trying not to look too far down the road to next Christmas, but I can't help but wonder what will be going on then in my life. My son called today which was wonderful. My daughter called from her in-laws house at the coast and sounded sooooo happy, it made me feel better about encouraging her to go there instead of begging her to stay here and keep me company. I am really curious if H is at home, by himself today also, but I have refrained from going by his apartment to spy, LOL

Petvet , hope the bike worked correctly!
Wallace , did the ring, errrrr...jacket fit?
EC , what are you doing?
How has everyone else fared?

A belated Merry Christmas to everyone. I havn't had access to the internet in almost a week and that was driving me crazy. It made me realize how much this forum means to me at this stage.

Thanks for all the responses on the BMW. It's still up in the air - it's the same price that we would pay for a Civic.

This was a wierd holiday & I didn't get thru it without tears and frustration. (posted on another thread)

I am exhausted & going to bed, but will be back on tomorrow to catch up.

God Bless,

D.

My brother figured out last night why I hadn't been able to get on the internet. I had the wires plugged into the network connection (we have cable at home) and at my Mom's it's a dail up service so it goes into another spot!!!!

Wallace I almost fell over when I read yourf (joke) post - an egagement ring <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> It took a second read thru to get the joke part!

So did she like the gift? That's pretty nice - a leather coat!

relady Disney is great this time of year. One year we went the 26th and a few days between Christmas & New Years but was really crowded. I live in FL as well - it sounds as if you are in So Fl ?

The note from hubby to pastor is a good sign ... God is moving in his life. God is Good. Have you read the book "The power of a praying wife" by Stormie Omaritain (sp?)

Avondale That must feel really good to have heard from S & D. Many have posted here that they were having wierd and strange Christmas 's (mine included) but good things can come from the wierd and the strange! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You posted that you had dinner on the good China handed down to you from your Grandmother. HOw wonderful !!! Mine is sitting in a box and has never been used !!! What am I waiting for????? Maybe that will be part of my new tradition for the Holidays.

Petvet What a man! Putting together your son's bike at 3 am! I had to laugh at your post as well, telling about the bike, then like a commercial what was happening with the DV and boom commercial was over & it's back to Christmas again!

EC It's a learning experience for me to read the posts of all the guys here as there is so much I have to learn about males.

You guys must feel like relationship super heroes practicing the MB principals and having women eat out of the palm of your hands <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> That isn't meant sarcastically, it must be great!

To all the others - I hope that you had a Merry Christmas.

There are some new traditions that I am going to start for the Holidays ...

- Eat on the GOOD china

- Get new decorations for the house - ones that are easier to put up - like the raindeer that already come assembled with lights! I went to a few neighborhoods to look at the lights and come away with some good ideas.

We are going to have a family portrait done this evening .... my sister and brother and thier family plus my Mom. We'll see if WH shows up or not. We will go ahead with out him if he's late.

Christmas in summary for me -

WH only showed up for presents (3 hours late) hibernated till dinner, eat then left. GRRRR However, I am OK now it showed me once again that he is not capable of having a relationship now, not with me or anyone. I've gotta do what 's best for me and kids. (already knew that but this reinforces this once again)

WH gave me pictures of extravagent gifts but that was it. This means just like last year that if I want them, I have to pay for them. WH also gave us tickets to the $280,000 jackpot lottery. Didn't win so it's back to work! That means more anyway.

Saturday, I am going to the MB get together in the Northeast. I am excited to meet other MBer's and especially 2 other ladies that have alcoholic stbeXH's.

YS wants to go sledding sooooo I'm about to brave the cold. I have been cooped up and need to exercise! YS can't believe that I have been sleeping past 9am as I usually get up at 5:30 or so.

God Bless,

D. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi all,

I hope everyone had a 'as well as can be expected' Holiday. One down, one to go and we're home free almost. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Disneyland was packed as I knew it would be. We never made it across to the Adventure Park. By 8:00PM, I felt like my legs would fall off. The weather was good.

I didn't get emotional until I got home and realized that my H never even left a message to say Merry Christmas. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I guess some things still leave me with a question mark. You would do that for the least of your friends. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Wallace,

Don't keep us in suspense, and have us panting at the computer screen waiting for your report. Or is Christmas still going on with you? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Avondale

I'm glad you had a good Holiday and that you heard from you S & D. I hope you resisted the urge to spy. LOL

WGTT

I live in S. California. We have Disneyland, you have Disney World. And it's the same. CROWDED I have read, "The power of a praying wife" and the book that really helped me to become closer to the Lord and find His peace for my life was, "Finding peace in your heart" by Stormie as well. It's excellent! I have completed devoured it.

Petvet

Yeah, you're in reality, but we think he's trying to throw us off the trail. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Did your son's bike hold together through Christmas? Was he pleased?

I hope everyone else had a great Holiday.

relady

Hi Gang!

Hope everyone had a great Christmas!!

I went over Aunts house as usual with a house full of family...This spring we're going to have a seafood & chicken dinner gathering with group games, a 1st, 2nd ,3rd place prize talentshow and other prize events...The younger kids and relatives don't know the self fun and entertainment we had growing up so we're going to show them how to have some fun with each other, lots of kids today sit at home under there parents in the house waiting to be entertained despite all the technology, so they're going to get a dose of what family fun is all about. I'm going to try to get OD/YD here for that.

WGTT - Glad to see you making some progress and finding whats meaningful in life. Thanks once again for willing to deliver a message for me in FL. The small things can mean a lot, establishing a tradition can be a good thing. My kids I'm sure miss the , wrapping gifts,warm cider and popcorn and movie days on Christmas Eve, like Scrooge, Miracle on 39th St or those older 1940-50 B/W Christmas movies then the Big Family breakfast on Christmas morning and opening gifts. Those are the things I hold with me that exw pitched. When we moved to Florida we changed it a little and went to Disneyworld on Christmas just to do something out of ordinary, however in the midwest the winters are cold, staying by the fireplace is the place to be. As far as how the women respond to us guys that did our homework, I consider her a friend nothing more, I hope she continues to go out on dates and finds mr right. She mentions the dates she goes out on but I have never asked her out on one, so far now I want to keep it that way. Wallace started this so we'll blame him..

Avondale - You asked what am I doing? I don't know as you can tell, just trying to stay out of trouble. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Me: I ran the idea of visiting OD/YD in Jacksonville, FL by a close friend of mine who knows what's happened in the whole ordeal of A's and DV between me and exww. He said despite my heart was willing to go in all love and peace, he said as a friend he would have to stop me for the sake of getting wounded all over again. He felt despite I was going to visit my kids exw would somehow try to get me in conflict with OM that invaded my home because thats been her goal, my friend said he wouldn't be surprized if exw had brought OM to my hotel room to cause trouble. I ran it by my sister she said the same thing, stay away, because last time I was wounded by OM it set me back 8 months of emotional pain and scars. They said I've come to far to be taken backwards. So OD/YD will have to come here.

Take Care..

WGTT -I think it's neat you're going to the northeast MB get together...I was considering going to the one in Nashville but to be honest, I haven't regularly corresponded with anyone else going to it. So I decided not to. I tend to stick mainly to this thread and then just post here and there sporadically. Give us a report on how it goes, though! Someday maybe all of us on this thread will have occasion to meet, who knows?

Relady - Sorry your H didn't even call. Maybe he feels guilty? That first phone call has got to make him feel awkward, maybe he just wouldn't know what to say. Try to not let it get to you (I know you're past it already!). Time will tell what his note to your pastor meant. We'll wait with you. And no, I didn't spy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

EC - I had forgotten about the OM and his "history" of going after you with your exwife's encouragement. As soon as I read your post, I realized you were doing the right thing by not going. Don't set yourself up for more trouble, emotionally and possibly otherwise. See what opens up with your D's coming to see you. Do you have lots of snow??

Hi all! I hope everyone had a great Christmas.

Avondale: See, you made it through Christmas without pulling your hair out. You cannot afford to worry about your WH; you also cannot afford to wait on him either. Let him catch up to you if he wants and/or if you want him.

Relady: Same goes for you. Don't wait on your deserter H. You cannot afford to wait.

EC: I would ask alot of questions of your model. There is nothing wrong with being intuitive with someone who may be your main sidekick. It's better to be judgemental now than have to go through problems later. You know what you want, so someone has to meet your standards.

Wallace: Oh where are you? It's time to separate from her now. It's been two days. It's time to come up for air.

Me: Update, ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! Kid was riding the bike. I said to him "stop the bike", he said I am trying to stop the bike, I said press the brakes, he responded I am pressing the brakes. As I sprinted across the parking lot, I thought to myself, boy that extra $10 for assembly sure does look good now. Well, being the genius that I am (Huh Huh, how about Dodo bird) I visited the ToysRUs to inspect a similar bike on display. I think I got it now.

Later.

Petvet,
I have to tell you, as I read your bike story, I started laughing so much <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Just what we all had feared! I'm glad your son wasn't hurt! So in retrospect, would you pay the $10 next time?

Hey all,

Petvet

That is so funny. LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I couldn't stop laughing, glad your son wasn't hurt. Didn't I tell you not to use a butter knife to tighten the screws. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't wait on your deserter H. You cannot afford to wait </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What I can't afford is to become impatient. I believe when it is time to move on, God will let me know. 'God does not end the story without bringing back the Glory', wherever or whoever He has for me will be there when this is over.

For most of my life I've been a driven person, this has humbled me and given me patience and endurance. I've learned never to be in a hurry to get out of situations and to make sure I learn my lesson never to be repeated again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Wallace,

ALLY, ALLY IN FREE! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Avondale

How are you? Have you talked with your H since you apologized?

God Bless,
relady

<small>[ December 27, 2002, 06:30 PM: Message edited by: relady ]</small>

Relady: Please don't get me wrong. I am not saying that you should rush into anything; however, I mean that you need to take control of your situation and be proactive. There is a difference. I don't even mean getting involve with someone else; I just mean that I would hate for you to just be seating around waiting for your H to come back.

Avondale: Yeah, I may have gotten it assemble, BUT I am determine to see this through. OK, I accept defeat.

Later.

Hi All,

Hope you're all having a great weekend.

Petvet,

First let me say thank you for your concern, I am honored, however; I'm not sure I understand! I'm getting closer to the Lord, I'm traveling, entertaining friends, running my own business, having a great time for a change. How would that be considered waiting, short of getting a divorce, or finding someone else? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I mean that you need to take control of your situation and be proactive </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No way do I want control of this situation, remember I had control and it was messed up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I relinquished all control and I won't be taking it back! LOL

If God's plan is that he comes back, fine, if not; God still has my best interest at heart and His plans towards me are "good". I am so content and at peace that this situation feels normal. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I hope you can see where I'm coming from. Believe me when I say, it is well with me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

God Bless,
relady

Hey everyone,
Getting ready for the work week again <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> At least I have Wednesday off!

Wallace, we haven't seen you since Christmas Eve...have we scared you off? I HOPE NOT! Did she like the coat? Anything more to add about this subject? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

EC, did you hear from your girls last week any?

Petvet, is the bike working correctly now?

WGTT, give us your take about the Northeast MB meeting. I've read the posts on that thread. And are you any closer to filing? I know it's on your mind...and as for telling the kids, my H and I sat down together and told ours. I was lucky; H said everything we agreed upon for him to say (his A, his fault not mine, etc.). I know most people don't have it "that easy" as I did.

Relady , I would love to send you an email, I have a personal question for you. If you're agreeable, please let me know by sending a letter to the address I just deleted here. If not, that's OK too.

I haven't talked to my H since I apologized. However, he did send me an email acknowledging he knew how difficult it was for me to call and say I'm sorry. He reiterated he's "not in a fog", of course. Doesn't matter, I know I did the right thing.

What are everyone's New Year's Eve plans?

<small>[ December 30, 2002, 04:55 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hello!

Wallace !!! Did you elope? HEE HEE

Avaondale I really enjoyed the MB lunch in NYC. The restaurant was really crowed and most of us were there on time, just didn't know it! The result was that we sat at 2 different tables.
The only thing that could have been better was that we were all able to sit together.

There was an instant bond with one another even though we had never met in person. It turned out LI was just in front of me and when he asked about the Steve Harley group, we looked at each other & gave each other a spontaneous hug.

I have pics that I downloaded on the laptop now I just have to firgure out how to post them. We are going to post the pics without names at first to see if anyone can figure out who we are.

Yikes, I hit post before I was done. Oh well, and now for the rest of the story ....

NYC Get together - 3 of us ladies had our kids there which was nice, but we didn't get into some of the nitty gritty that the other table did. Kily's boy was sooo cute!

readay You sound very grounded in your faith. I can't imagine going through all of this without the help of the Lord.

EC So what are these group games that you play? Kids for the most part don't know what real fun is!

Petvet That is too funny about the bike. I am glad that he was OK.

D.

Relady: My misunderstanding. I stand corrected. I am a little confused. You said that you had been in control and that did not work or something like that. Please elaborate. You seem to be liberated or something. You sound like this is a freedom for you. Did you feel confined in your marriage? Do you feel that your H held you back? If you don't mine me asking, what type of business do you own?

Avondale: You appear to be holding up well. What are you doing for New Year's Eve?

Wallace: Where are you? You got me worried now.

Me: After all the work on the bike, kid does not want to ride the bike now. I think I may have scared him. DARN!

WGTT: Was the MB beneficial to you? Were people open to suggestions to improve their situations.

Later.

Hello Everyone,

Petvet - I really don't have any model or standard I'm looking for of a sidekick, a mate yes, but I see a lot of the same things in her as I see in my exw. I talked to my friend this weekend and she told me why her and her BF of 1 1/2 yrs, known for 3 yrs broke up and she said it was because it was all an illusion, meaning she said they had no foundation [Christ] BF has his own faith. She said she knew if they ever got married and the first problem came they would have crumbled and DV'd under pressure because she said the relationship was built on the bases of an outward image only [the flesh] she said he looked nice, smelled nice everything she wanted outwardly but he was empty and void inwardly. When it came to reality sitting face to face, eye to eye resolving conflict she said it became a joke, so she ended it. I was surprized when she told me that because when I first met them as a couple she introduced me to him she was so proud and said this is so and so and he's the CEO of so and so company, also her partner in this venture and that...They appeared to be this strong couple, so I thought. She's a friend nothing more I hope she becomes like a sister.

Avondale - We don't have any snow here yet, it's been bouncing all around us though some weeks cold some weeks warm so I'm happy. YD called me on Christmas I wasn't home she left a message merry christmas I love you and said she was going to call me the next day, but I haven't heard from her yet. I'm going to contact her again, all I have is a yahoo phone number, I'll leave a message and exw passes it to them days later. I need to talk with them so I can tell them I have a PC for them and need an address to mail it to. I called them before Christmas and told them merry christmas just in case there was a delay in the message getting to them.

WGTT - The games we will play is charades the [sounds like, guess who you are] game, simon says, red light, green light seeing all the adults running across the room will be hilarious, hang man, trivia, musical chairs...So this will be a lot of fun..

Me: I spoke to a friend that knew me and my exw well she calls every now and then. I told her my goal is to walk in forgiveness since I'm at that stage now and I want to be loosed from what exw did and leave it all in 2002 less in 2003, I'm just tired of it and want free. I told her I'm still healing and it's getting better. She made a comment that was neat she said 'Don't live your life AGAIN trying to gain approval to do what you know makes you happy and what the Lord has shown you to do, spend money on yourself, prior you always neglected yourself making others happy at the sametime waiting for others to promote you when you knew exactly how and what to do'. I was so taken back when she said that because, in this recovery process being a BS, manipulated and controlled and when your WS said everthing they don't like about you to the core of your personality it puts you in a mind frame to seek approval because you're now the bad guy ...Anyway that was good what she said.

I was informed by the court a court date will be in the mail in the next 2 weeks for the CS modification. Last month I spoke to exw I told her sherriff couldn't find her, I told her I didn't need her to proceed after she got hostile. I found out friday she contacted the courts and filed her papers one month later, lucky her...I was just about finished. I have a certified letter she sent to me, I haven't picked it yet from the postoffice, I'm sure that's what its about,I'm sure she made some effort because she's going into debt monthly over this getting money that don't belong to her...I can now move forward on this issue and start putting it behind me.

Take Care.

Guess who is back?

Hi Everyone... I see everyone has been busy, and this thread has been pretty busy as well.

I hope everyone had a very nice Christmas, and I would like to be the first to say that I am looking for a much better year ahead (New Years), and I hope that all of "us" have peace and harmony come this new year.

I went on a brief hiatus from my computer... I had plenty to do. I did get caught up on all the posts... I couldn't help but laugh with the bike Petvet... that was good.

Well my Christmas was pretty interesting. My OD came over X-mas morning and we and my OS and YD all opened gifts. It was somewhat awkward at first without the exW being there... but we got through it better than expected.

My OD has some interesting tidbits that she told me during this time.

My exW it seems told my OD that she wanted my OD to come over and visit with her and her new boyfriend at their new apartment. Of course... My OD told her that she would have no part of her or him. ExW told my OD that she has been seeing the OM for four years... so he is not quite so new... and it does explain a lot about why my exW was doing the things she was.

"SHE IS A REAL PIECE OF WORK"... I had to vent that. She is really getting on my nerves with all the CS issues and such.

She also told my OD that they were... are you ready for this... "drum roll please"...

"GETTING MARRIED"!

I guess the April Fool's joke will be on them... hehehe.

Well... my Christmas was pretty good. My "lady friend" gave me some new shirts and pants as well as a book you all may be familiar with... "His Needs, Her Needs". She knows about "MBers too.

Her new leather jacket fit very well on her, as well as the gold cross necklace... it was very tasteful. No wedding band though... LOL.

Kids all had a good Christmas... for that I'm glad.

So I have a lot of things getting ready to take off for thew new year... and I will fill you in on it as it gets rolling... marriage is not one of them though... LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I hope everyone is having a good day.

Stay Strong!

Wallace