Hi everyone! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Have a happy Memorial Day Weekend!

Just a quick update as I havn't been on the boards much.

WH has let go of his apartment and is taking steps to either sell (basically give away) our business in his location or shut it down and move all the stuff to Florida. We will be opening another business here as our current supplier has really let us down and caused all kinds of stress and problems. I have enough of those on my own !! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

WH has been acting more responsibly and working on repaying the debts that were incurred where he is for various and sundry reasons. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

When he gets here, I will give a letter that Steve Harley and I have gone over basically saying that in order for me to (want to) work on our M, he must be in recovery. If he does seek recovery, working on our M will take a back burner for a while till his head is in a better place.

I feel really good about myself and where I am going. There is still a lot of S**T that has to be gone thru from the fiasco but at least new S**T is not comming up. (Financial and business wise) The mentor program that I'm in is FANTASTIC. It's the best thing I could have done for me. No matter what happens with my M, I will be OK, no I will be G-R-E-A-T! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

My time has been taken up with working out problems from our supplier, being a Mom, and sailing - actually racing. It feels sooooooooooo relaxing to be out on the boat even though there is a lot to do racing. It is so much fun.

There are 2 women that I mentor right now & one is a former OW. Very interesting. We were both having trouble in our M's with husbands who drank / drugs. She took the route of having an A with a MM and even moved away for a year to be near him. Guess what, he separted but did not get DV, she was a secret the whole time and here she thought she had found the love of her life.
She moved back to Florida and is trying now to live a different life. She has seen me grow and the peace I have about myself and says she wants that. I dealt with my pain, she is only just beginning. In a way it's a blessing, because I hear her justification and thought process and I thank God that I din't take the same route as she did.

Avondale I will be in Hatteras, NC from June 13-20th for a family reunion. You mentioned going to the coast there - any chance you will be nearby in that time frame? If so, it would be great to meet you in person.

Momma I just skim thur posts now and then but it sounds like your dealing with a drug / alcohol problem. Been there, done that, doing that. I have been in AA myself for almost 11 years and know how great people are in recovery - those who really work it anyway. I also know the heartache of those who don't get it. Hopefully you are in Alanon - that has been my saving grace, that and my faith in the Lord.

Wallace What's this about wedding bells??? Did I read correctly or was that a joke ??? (Just kidding) Good thing the Ladies here are keeping you straight !!!!

Everyone else - Hope you are doing well and have a great weekend!

D.

Momma

I went back and read your latest post & here's my take on the situation. (Not an uneducated one either)

-------
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> spoke to my stbxh last night after my daughter's graduation, in which he ended up not attending. He is currently in an outpatient intensive treatment program which is good, but she really would of loved him to be there. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Of course your D would have loved for her Dad to be there but for right now, the best thing for him is to concentrate on his recovery. If you can let go of any expectations for right now for him, it will be easier on you. He has to learn to live life a nwe way and that takes a lot of effort - mentally and physically. It can take a while to begin to think as a "normal" human being.

Realistically too, the 2 of you won't be able to really work on your M until he is grounded in recovery. Steve Harley at one point had owned 10 treatment Centers and is very intuned with the problems of recovery and marriages. In my sessions with Steve, we basically agree that until WH commits to recovery, then there is NO working on our M. It is better in Steve's opinion to be supportive and caring, a safe place for WH to come home to. That it's better if we live together while he is going thru recovery. It creates a sort of bond. Based on my own experience, I agee with Steve.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am trying to take things very slow.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is good, watch his actions not just his words.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It is now his turn and he has come halfway but not all the way there. We are suppose to go to the marriagebuilders weekend in Orlando in September, he is willing to do what ever it takes to get our family back together, but I am very skeptical, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't expect things to happen fast, allow time for recovery, don't get discouraged. Go to alanon. That's great that he is willing to do what it takes. I don't blame you for being skeptical - I would be and am skeptical too. Just watch your expectations and his actions.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He still wants to take our family trip ...... My heart wants to pretend for 10 days, but my brain is telling me I am an idiot. Some feedback needed please.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It sounds like a good idea to me. Sounds like he is reaching out and it would be a time to bond. Again, just watch your expectations. (I know I know I know - that is hard to do but that's what Alanon is for) Do you think I am a big fan of Alanon? It took me 17 years to really get that program and could kick myself for not doing if before!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> His plans for after that would be to move back to the town we live in, get a job that would not interfere with his disability income which means he can only make $800 per month on top of his $600 he is getting doesn't leave much for child support, but he says he will give it all too me. The proof will be in the pudding I guess.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Actions not words. He is headed in the right direction. Give him time to recover and work thru whatever he needs to. Your patience at this stage will pay off a thousand fold. Actions not words.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well I hope you don't think I have lost it....I really have a sense of peace but just alot of choices that I think I have to make.....I
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Most people who have not dealt with these issues would probably think it's nuts. You sound like you are doing remarkable. I only have 3 kids and my OS is 21 & on his own at college.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> may just be creating the stress on myself because I don't know any different for the last 16years so to relax would not be the norm......I just don't know
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thats what Alanon is for....it can change your life. Monday night I went to an alanon meeting and just the feeling that I got when I walked into the room would have been good enough for me. There is love and concern and caring. Alanon is a part of my family. I thank God every day for BrambleRose (who posts on GQ) who showed me by example what alanon can do for a person.

Blessings,

D.

Hi all,

Just thought I would drop in very quickly... I'm at work and I'm winding down for the day and getting ready for the 3 day weekend.

mommax8...

Ditto to what avondale and WGTT has put forth.

Your "H" seems to be heading in the right direction... but you need to make sure that he is going to follow through all the way and stick with it before you should make any type of a commitment concerning getting together with your "H" on anything long term.

Hope your trip with your father goes well... it will be a good time to open up and get right to the core of everything that is going on, and open up and tell him just exactly what your feeling about the whole situation.

avondale...

What do you have planned for this weekend, anything special?

Have you heard from relady via email or anything for that matter?

WGTT...

It's good to hear from you... it's been a little while.

I'm glad things are leveling out for you, and your feeling that everything is moving in a positive direction.

Well I just got handed a project that I have to finish up before I leave tonight, so everyone have a good Memorial Day weekend.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

WGTT - Good to hear from you! The beach we go to is Ocean Drive (North Myrtle Beach). It's pretty far from where you're going to be, probably about 6+ hours. Otherwise, you're right, it WOULD be fun to meet! If they ever have one of those MB reunions for those of us in the southern USA, I'd consider going. Until then, we'll have to wait until Petvet or Wallace tie the knot <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Wallace - I heard from relady; she's regrouping a little bit, and had hurt her shoulder too (so wasn't at computer for a period of time). Hopefully she'll be posting here soon <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Me - This has been a rough weekend. I had to have our family dog (who's been the only one remaining at home since everyone left last summer) put to sleep, and I'm feeling guilt about doing it even though she was suffering (which I feel guilty about too). To make it worse, I had to ask WH to go by the house and take her to the vet. She was a big dog and although she lost a lot of weight recently, I couldn't carry her to the car (physically and emotionally). I hated asking a favor after what he has done, but it did allow him a chance to say "goodbye" to the dog too. So I'm having to make another adjustment, and the simple fact is that it's lonelier than ever here. I'm trying to stay busy but there is only so much "busy work" one can handle, ya know?

At least I have tomorrow off from work.

<small>[ May 25, 2003, 06:07 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi all! I hope everyone is having a wonderful Memorial Day.

Mommax8: It seems that your H is headed in the right direction. Of course, I would wait to see how he does in the long run before breaking out the champagne. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Avondale: God Bless You! I know the lonely feeling and you must take steps to plan your weekends whereby you are not home alone. Even though things may get above your budget, you may have to take short trips in order to keep your sanity. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> As far your dog is concern, I know the feeling there as well. Having to euthanize a pet is one of the worst things a pet has to do because you feel as though you have let the pet down or gave up on him or her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Please take care of yourself.

WGTT: There is nothing like a visit to the blue waters to sooth the spirits. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Wallace: Yes, I know the feeling when it comes to two steps forward ten steps back. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Me: Things are going OK. I just got my D papers last week after three months, so now I am trying to change alot of paperwork to just me instead of us. Question? Buddy has a daughter who likes to play with my kid. Well, apparently kid's mom has been drilling him on what's going on in my camp. How would you recommend that I head off the stampede before it gets to me. Kid is running off at the mouth saying all sorts of things. What can I do? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

And I'm gone.

Petvet ,
Thanks for the encouragement. And I see you had a great day with all the smiley faces, LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

As for your predicament, Wallace might be a better source of guidance, or maybe you should post it on another thread. I know you're kind of in the middle, not wanting to pressure your son to "keep secrets" but at the same time, wanting privacy. Are you thinking you should just tell your exw and head it off that way? After all, she is the one who wanted "separate lives". You can say that you were honorable and didn't see your buddy until you were single again. Do you have concerns about what your exw might say, or she may act inappropriately? Hopefully she will also not want to put your son in the middle. But have you ever grilled him about his mom's activities, especially before divorce??

Hi All,

Well that was the fastest three days I've seen go by in quite awhile.

avondale...

I'm so sorry to hear about you having to put your dog down. I've had to do it twice and my G/F had to do it back in January of this year. It really bothered her... in fact it still does to some degree.
Putting her dog down was harder for her than selling her house, moving, and in some ways... I think it bothered her more than loosing her marriage... she really is an animal lover.

(((((((( avondale)))))))))

It's bad enough with everything going on and all the changes that are happening... and then more has to be added to it. My prayers are with you avondale... it is a rollercoaster ride sometimes, and sometimes it's not a very enjoyable ride as you can see... hang in there... it will get better, your just probably wondering when.

Petvet...

Did I read that post of yours right?

Your buddy is grilling your son about what is going on in your camp?

If that's the case... I'm seeing red flags fly all over the place.

Hopefully that is not the case. If it is... I would sit her down and ask her why she is doing this. You need to air this out right away and get it stopped.

Your budddy should be coming to you with any questions she has concerning your relationship with her.

I'm seeing red flags big time... hopefully I read that wrong.

Everyone else... I hope you all had a good Memorial day weekend and you all have a great day today.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

WOW!!!

I am ought of control today... my computer and it's load times are just as out of control.

It's probably both of us...LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

So much for Tuesdays... even though it feels like a Monday.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<small>[ May 27, 2003, 02:08 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Whoops... I'm out of practice after three days... LOL.

Double posting... I haven't done that in a while.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<small>[ May 27, 2003, 11:46 AM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Wallace,
Thanks for the ((avondale)). I have cried more over the dog than I did about my M, I suppose because the dog was the last one left, and we really bonded after H moved out. Plus I had started seeing the writing on the wall with my M so I had a longer period of time to assimilate the separation.

I think you read Petvet's post wrong. I did at first too! What I THINK he's saying is that HIS son's mom (his exw) is grilling their son about things going on, and since son is friends with buddy's daughter, there are things of that nature to report, and son is free with the info. I hope you can give him some guidance.

Oh, and you can always delete and edit one of your posts, and no one would ever have to know about the double, LOL Or was it a triple???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ May 27, 2003, 08:45 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Thank you avondale,

By golly it was a triple post!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I just thought I double posted... and when you mentioned a triple post... I went up and looked and there it was... a triple post...LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Anyway... I think you and my G/F have and are going through the same thing concerning the attachment with the dog.

When she was going through all the wonderfulness... she became very attached to her dog. I am going to say... because it was one of the only living things she felt comfortable with and she knew she could trust... she didn't have to worry about being betrayed by her friend and her companion. Her dog was always there to help comfort her.

It sounds like your dog was a very secure source of comfort to you as well.

Have you thought about getting another dog?

Sometimes that helps ease the pain and makes the change a little less painful.

It's just a thought... and I'm probably way off base... kind of like my posting capabilities today.

I went back and reread Petvet's post and it does sound like it's the exW grilling her son... so that being said... I'll flip to this.

Petvet...

What I did in my house concerning my children keeping our private affairs private... was the following.

I sat them all down and had a heart to heart with them... telling them that my personal life was not to be discussed outside of our home. That if anyone wanted to know what I was doing... they could ask me directly.

They are all old enough to understand that aspect of it... so it was an easy do.

I don't know how old your son is Petvet... but if you can explain to him in a kind and loving manner... and still let him know that your personal life is not to be discussed outside of your home... and give him the reasons why, so he understands the importance of it... hopefully that should take care of it.

There is no guarantee that it will stop... but it's a start.

relady...

I hope your doing better... get back to us when you can... we miss your wisdom and your wit.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hey All,

I hope everyone had a great weekend.

Believe it or not, I have been trying to post all day. This has been a day from you know where. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Everybody wants to close escrow at the end of the month, however; no one wanted to work all day on Friday! Go figure!

I haven't posted much lately, there was a problem with my shoulder. I think it was because I've been doing a lot of computer work and it's a laptop and not really ergonomically correct.

I spent the holiday in San Diego and found it to be very peaceful. Had an opportunity to clear my head and refocus my thoughts.

Petvet

It is so true. It's necessary to take short trips just to relax and get away from those things that weigh us down, namely WS's.

Now, Why would your 'buddy' be asking her kid for information. Don't you make it readily available to her during your conversations? OH NO, NOT ANOTHER ONE!!

I think we'll need to get you guys bodyguards, those women are dangerous!! Do you think it's your cologne? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Wallace,

You're seeing your own red flags! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> What nerve!! LOL You and Petvet just give Avondale and I enough time to order our dresses!!

Avondale,

I hope you had a wonderful weekend, thank you for your the thought provoking question. Sorry to hear about your dog. Sometimes when the tears come, they represent many things. It's good to have a good cry every now and then.

Me

I needed a few more General Education classes before starting School in the Fall. So I registered at the local Community College to take a class on line. The course is in Sociology, and the only class available, now get this was Marriage/Family Intimate Relationship. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I guess God really does have a sense of humor!

Everyone else,

Have a great week.

God Bless,
relady

Hi all!

Wallace: I cannot believe you misread my post. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> It's my exw who is quizzing my son about what's going on, as a matter of fact, she has call asking questions. My buddy told me this would happen along with some other folks who are familiar with the situation.

Relady: You sure know how to take a vacation:San Diego. That's the way to go. Now you have to convince Avondale to do the same thing.

Later.

Hi All,

Over this past weekend, my G/F said several things concerning our relationship that really threw me for a loop. So much so... I'm thinking about calling it a day with her and moving on.

Where do I start,

1. She at first, was very upset that I didn't want to just jump into marriage right off the bat... and as I write this... I believe she still is upset over the whole thing... because I won't make a commit.

2. She is going to start working a second job to help augment her business because things are slow in her area of business. It's slow everywhere over here... so nothing new there. See statement #1 for why she feels she needs to do this.

3. She decided to go and look for another house or townhouse to purchase because she stated that our families would never mix well... and she is not going to wait for me to decide what I want to do. I've told her several times that we need to take things slow and mythodical... but I guess that's not good enough.

4. Our kids really don't mix well... over time they came to the conclusion that they really don't care for each other plain and simple.

5. She told me to go out and find someone else because she doesn't see it working because of the kid issues. That was just for starters... there is more, but I won't bore you with the details.

Needless to say... after last nights telephone conversation, and all the red flags that I saw go up. I think I have decided to tell her goodbye.

I'm going with my gut feel on this... it feels like a train wreck ready to happen, and I'm going to do everything in my power to avoid it.

Petvet...

I did misunderstand your post when I first read it. But I went back and reread it and made the correction... which I still stand on.

As you can see... kids can be a major issue to deal with... add exWs to the fray and you got a real good mix that could possibly take off in a very bad direction.

I think your buddy is wise to pick-up so soon on what was transpiring. What are her thoughts on this?

relady...

I do have a lot of nerve don't I? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> LOL... I'm starting to get very cynical as time goes on. It's not my nature... but I seem to be falling into that niche.

Take care of yourself and watch those computers... they WILL tear you up if you work on them long enough... especially laptops.

I hope everyone else has a good day.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Wallace
I'm kind of in shock. Were you glossing over things when you posted previously? I won't comment further, because I want to consider what you wrote before responding directly. I'm sorry you've been dealing with behavior like that, after what you went through with your exw. I'll write back later, for now I just wanted to stop and ((((( Wallace )))))

Hi avondale,

Thanks for the hug... it always nice to get a good hug when you have been just whacked in the head with a 2x4.

I wasn't glossing over things with my G/F... I wish I had been.

Everything was going well until we had this Cookout at my home this past weekend.

I think what kicked it into motion was my YD. She said something to both my G/F and her kids... but I'm not entirely sure what it was. I'm still trying to get to the bottom of it all.

Anyway... my G/F just did an about face last night and out of no where, she started going on about how I am procrastinating with this relationship and how the kids are a real issue for her.

It appears that she is angry at me... because we both have kids... and they don't like each other.
So basically it's another roadblock (in her mind) that is getting in the way of us getting married.

Well (in my mind) it's not the only roadblock. I'm the roadblock... I'm not ready to get married again and it is getting to her.

She called about an hour ago and tried to continue on where she left off.

I told her... I had heard enough... and if she wanted to continue this relationship any further she better slow down and think about what she is saying and how she is acting.

So at the moment... she is back peddling, and possibly rethinking all that she said.

I told her if she couldn't take the situation as it exists and work with it... then there is no sense in seeing each other any longer.

She said she would call me back later this afternoon to discuss it.

So that's where it lays at the moment.

I'm not enjoying it at all... and if she doesn't change her tone, and tune... I'm going to walk.

Major red flags all over the place.

I'm open for opinions and suggestions.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Wallace ,
Well here's my two cents worth... The timing and speed of your relationship with g/f has been an issue from Day 1 on this thread. We have all teased you about her immediate desire to tie the knot, and you said you've explained things to her, and made it as clear as possible about where you stood on the subject. I believe you even gave her some sort of timeline for waiting....like next year or something (?) I think if she is STILL harping on the subject, either your communication isn't as clear as you think (because she isn't getting the message) or she has her own agenda and is ignoring your communication. Something that came to me while I was reading your first post was, does she need financial security? Is that a big part of why she wants to get married? Your statements 1,2, & 3 all are actions that (whether overt or subtle) put pressure on you. Seems like if she cared about you, your feelings, etc., she wouldn't want to put pressure (especially if you communicate that to her).

As for statement #4, I thought your families got along great, and didn't you say she had initiated you and your OD reconciling somewhat? I am not the person with blended family experience, but if the kids don't get along now, then that's not a good sign. Is it a kid vs. kid thing, or a kid vs.g/f thing? How about her kids and you? Why do you think your g/f can't work past that? Do you feel your relationship with her is worth putting up with the junk you will have to endure from the kids too?

Statement #5 sounds like something said in anger and frustration. I'm sure she'll regret a lot of what's been said (and especially the way it was said) once she considers things.

Finally, is it possible that this is one of those "rebound relationships"? If you lose her in this capacity, will you be able to go on, or will it set you back? That might be a way to determine how important the relationship is to you and your future. Regardless, keep us posted. I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

Hi avondale,

I'll try to put this in perspective as best I can.

I think my way of communicating to my G/F has been pretty clear. Of course I don't know what part of "Im not prepared to get married for at least a year" she doesn't understand.

We had a pretty good discussion last night on the telephone. I stated that I would not consider getting married until every last one of our children were out on their own. That puts it at about 3 to 4 years. She doesn't like that part at all.

The kid issue which started out real well... turned very sour over this past weekend. her kids and mine have had different points of view on a number of things... but evidently it all came to a head this past weekend... and they flat out decided that they just don't like one another.

My G/F in turn brought it all to my attention Monday night, that there is no way we could ever mix our families... which I went along with after listening to her tell me all the reasons why we couldn't mix the families.

Well, that was the wrong answer I guess. She wanted me to figure a way to make it happen anyway. After she brought up some very valid points concerning why the kids could not live in the same household (some I wasn't even aware of), I reasoned it through and concurred with everything she said... I don't think there is anyway we could ever bring these two families together under the same roof. Hence my statement, "we will need to wait until they all grow up before I will consider getting married".

Well she is furious... so we just about called it a day last night. I can only be told so many times that I need to do this, and do that, and I should look for someone else. So I told her... "O.K. then, I will.

Well that stopped her right in her tracks. She has now backed way off, and she is beginning to act somewhat civil.

I'm not sure if this is a rebound relationship, for either her or me. I'm to a point where I've been hurt so much over the last 23 plus years, it's almost like water running off a ducks back. I didn't intentionally want to feel this way, it just sort of is happening.

I will say this... she is not hurting for money... nor am I, so I don't think we are looking at any sort of a money issue thing here as far as our relationship is concerned... but I've been wrong before.

The next couple of days will be interesting as well as this weekend. I have basically decided to start this whole relationship from scratch again, and take things slow and mythodical... like I always intended.

Thanks for your input on this.

I hope everyone else has a good day today.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hey All,

Just thought I would pop in before my next appointment.

{{{{{Wallace}}}}}

One thing I have to say to you is, "Run, Wallace Run!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I see my crystal ball is working, I knew those were your red flags and not Petvets.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I told her... I had heard enough... and if she wanted to continue this relationship any further she better slow down and think about what she is saying and how she is acting.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Forget about everything she said, why in the world would you want to continue this relationship if she slows down? That would only be to appease you until later. She is already changing houses, and showing signs of control, etc. Is that what you want for yourself?

Remember, when you ask God if she is the one; why ask if you're not going to listen? There have been signs all over the place. Everyone saw them but you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Blinders on?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I'm not enjoying it at all... and if she doesn't change her tone, and tune... I'm going to walk.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Anybody can change their tune until the storm is over! I'm sure you have being seeing signs of this behavior long before now! I'm not going to address what she said, because it's your behavior I'm confused about <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Could this have been a rebound for you as well?

Now on the other hand if you're feeling particularly "needy", or that you can't find anyone else to date, etc.. my advice is to forget us, red flags, downboy, etc. and marry her and put her out of her misery and live miserable ever after!! She sounds very desperate to me.

There is a huge world out there after divorce and you haven't even explored it!

I don't mean to be harsh, however; Treat yourself better and like yourself even more. Sometimes we attract the same type of person as the WS. That's when you know it is time to ask God to shine the light inward, then embrace and change what He shows you.

I've come to care for all of you here on Tough Love and although I want to have a new dress for A wedding, I want it to be the right wedding. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

God Bless,
relady

Yippee! So glad to have another woman's opinion for Wallace ! Now if we could just get RMA, Mx8, and WGTT to chime in, we'd have a unanimous vote <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Wallace , I totally agree with Relady on every point. Your g/f's behavior is obvious....it's the fact you are continuing things, especially NOW, that is confusing.

Do you think that once your kids are out of the house that they will automatically get along at future family gatherings? Christmas? Easter? Birthdays? Births? (For them, not you, LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> What about your own wedding - would that be like a scene from a movie starring Chevy Chase where everything goes wrong because of the dysfunctional interpersonal relationships within the family??? I have heard that second marriages can bring resentment, even with adult children. So....????

Relady said: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I've come to care for all of you here on Tough Love and although I want to have a new dress for A wedding, I want it to be the right wedding . </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Avondale25 says AMEN SISTER <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />