Hi all!

Avondale: Happy Belated Birthday! The gift fron hubby might not be a bad thing. If you are not going to open the gifts and cards, just send them back to him. I know you are wondering what inside the cards. In my opinion, don't have the cards around if you don't want to read the messages in them. Sending the cards back will send a message to him. That's opinion. He does not know that the cards have not been opened. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Wallace: Just as I thought. I knew that the encounter between exw and yd was not an accident. Your od probably is feeding info to your exw.

Relady: Last chance, do you really want to enjoy the hot steamy sun of the Bahamas? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> I would be more than happy to go for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Besides, you have studying to do. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Later.

Hi All,

Well finally, this time tomorrow I'll be doing the limbo, 'how low can you go' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> If they hold it 6ft up, that should be enough room for me to get under it. LOL

EC

Thanks for the message, they always have a way of ministering to me at the right time.

Wallace

I'll save a postcard for when I come to your wedding in April. YIKES! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Petvet

You are soooooo funny! hahahahahaha The books are packed! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Whether I look at them is a different story.

Avondale

I guess we have more in common than we think, my birthday was last week! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Had anyone heard from mommax8?

God Bless,
relady

Hey everyone,

Well I'm starting to wind down from work and I'm getting ready for the weekend.

EC...

I'm with you... I think it's a miracle from God that the Courts decided to rehear your case. I don't have much faith in the Court system though... but I hope that nothing but good things come your way after they finally hear and really look at the truth.

My OD and I are drifting very far apart unfortunately. I think for some reason, she chose to come over to my house to get information and give it to my exW.

My exW knows what she has done... and the possible legal ramifications behind it all. I think she was using my OD to get a feel of when the boom was going to drop on her.

My OD knows that she will not be getting anymore info from me as far as anything that is personally involving me or my family. I do believe that she is trying to get info from my YD, but at the moment my YD says that she has not spoken with her since Father's Day either... so who knows? I surely don't know where my exW is getting her info.

Petvet...

I don't think it was by chance that my exW showed up where my YD worked. I think it was planned, and I think she knew that my YD was there. I just don't understand what she intended to do or say when she met up with my YD. I don't understand the motivation on that one.

relady...

Have a good time on the beach... and don't pick-up any stray beach bums while your there... LOL... j/k <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'll get a postcard when you come to my wedding in April?

LOL... my G/F does want a Spring wedding, maybe in about 3 to 4 more years... then we may be ready to get married. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

avondale...

What do you think you will do with the presents that your "H" gave you?

If it means anything... My children or myself have not heard one word from my exW's side of the family. Not on their Birthdays or any other holiday for that matter. I guess it runs in the exW's family... when one person divorces the other... the whole family is set adrift and forgotten. I'm not sure which is worse... what you have got going on over there, or what I've got going on over here. Neither one sounds very delightful

mommax8...

If your out there let us know how you are doing.

Everyone, have a great weekend.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

OH NO
We cannot let this thread go off to page three!

Nothing new with me. What's going on with y'all?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Tough Love / Plan B is really hard to stick to. WS left me a letter sounding like she was coming to certain realizations which just set me back in my train of thought and what I was working on. I knew the principle of Plan B and it protecting you, but now I really know why. It is so tempting to not talk back to her, but instead I used the middle person to tell her some things I needed to (not love related). Is that almost the same as communicating regularly?

They don't call it Tough Love for nothing!

Hi all!

Avondale: What do you mean by your page three reference? The thread has been going for quite some time.

Eduard: If you have kids with your WS, it's very hard to maintain Plan B to its full extent. I would just keep communication on a as needed basis.

Wallace: Why would your OD cross you like she is doing? Has this always been a problem?

EC: I'm glad to hear that you are getting a new hearing.

Later.

Hey everyone,

I've had quite a bit going on here lately, so I haven't had much time during the day or at night.

avondale...

Have you heard anything from your "H" lately? I know you were kind of gearing up for him to possibly file papers because the alotted time had passed.

Anything new in that area?

Eduard...

Plan B and the "Tough Love" method is a very difficult road to go down and maintain. It IMHO the road of last resort... when all else fails.
It does get somewhat easier to maintain as time passes on, but it is by far not an easy road to travel.

Petvet...

How are you doing? Are things getting any better with your Buddy's child?

Me...

To answer your question Petvet... I don't know why my OD would carry on the way she is, but she is.

I'm still dealing with the same old stuff. CS issues, and now they want to jack up my property taxes fight out the roof... so we are in appeals situation with that.

I also have got a situation with my G/F's exH that I will tell you about later.

Gotta run.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Ok,

My turn to check in <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi everyone!.....Nothing new happening, just moving along trying to live life.

I'm finally starting to pay down my bills more rapidly and creditors have taken partial settlements.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

What's funny now is I remember when exww left and I had no job or nothing creditors were calling often back then....Now becoming debt free, I have nobody to talk on the phone as often <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ...I can answer the phone without caller id, LOL.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm not ashamed to say what happened, my hardships and where I was during my hardest time in the pit because I was put in the pit by my exww but what she didn't know was I had a Palace mentality. Truth will always rise back to the top. Adversity is the wind that pushes you into new and greater things. Just as a puddle on the ground is as a mirror seeing a reflection of yourself. What you see <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> when looking down is a person standing tall, looking down you see the sky, you see no limit..

Next time you're looking down, feeling hurt, hopeless or worthless, <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> remember that the puddle speaks a vision and a truth that the person in the mirror stands tall looking down yet looking up..

My motto: Put me down if you want, I'll just keep climbing to the top, I may look like I'm down, but down is going up, I see me and the sky in the puddle <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

The Joy of the Lord is my Strength!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Take Care

No kids here pet vet (one of the contributing factors to the A because of W's infertility).

I think I might be sending the OMW a letter today. I'm really scared to make a big LB to the W and not be able to make up for it by meeting EN's but we'll see <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Eduard - Plan B (a.k.a. Tough love) really is the final last-ditch effort. It's not something to enter into lightly because if it doesn't work, you've really burned some bridges behind you. It appears as if things have just recently happened in your situation. Are you sure that position is where you want to be?

You are certainly welcome on this thread whatever road you choose. It seems like you haven't even had the opportunity to try "Plan A" yet. Is that right, or am I missing something in your story that I don't understand?

Petvet - What I meant was that this thread was the last post at the bottom of page two - almost on page three - which we can't let happen.

Relady - I hope she's having a great time in the islands <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Wallace - What's the deal with the g/f ExH ??

EC - I know getting some of those bills gone will be such a big blessing to you! You can have a bill burning party when they're all paid off. See? I'm looking for a legitimate party to go to!

Me - Nothing new here. I am just kind of waiting on something, not sure what. I'm figuring now that my birthday has just passed, he will probably file for D. Although God can also smack him up on side of the head with a 2x4 to get sense into him too, LOL (which is my personal preference, of course). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Yesterday the kids and I drove down to SC to see my dad, first time seeing his new house, it was a wonderful pleasant trip for everyone.

Y'all have a great weekend!

Hi all,

You know... I think relady should have taken a lap top down to the Bahamas with her. That way she could of given us a daily report on what was going on and telling us how much fun she was having... what do ya think? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

EC...

As unfortunate as it is... your exW and my exW sounds like they were working from the same game plan. My exW tried to ruin me financially as well... and she almost succeeded.

I'm with you... when I look into the puddle... I see all of the wonderful things that the Lord has surrounded me with.

We took some really good hits... but guess what?
We are still standing!!! Without God in my life, I'm not sure that would of been the case.

I figured out the meaning to life finally... it's to serve and love God and get to know him as best I can. It took me many years to find that... so for me... it was a huge awakening.

Your moving forward EC, in a positive direction. You have your head screwed on tight, and you have the Lord in your life. With all that going for you... you can't go wrong.

Keep up the good work!

Eduard...

Regarding letting the OMW know what's going on by sending her a letter.

IMHO, this is a huge LB for your wife if she finds out you sent it. If it was me, and I was in your position, I would send the letter informing the OMW about what is going on... but I wouldn't let the OMW know it was you. It will shine some light on what is transpiring between your "W" and the OMM without putting you in harms way. Yes it's sneaky... but your playing in a hardball situation right now. It's the old saying. "Alls fair in love and war".

I would rethink the Plan B./Tough Love approach without first trying Plan A..

If you haven't already worked a Plan A. yet, you may want to jump into Plan A first. You are still in the very early stages of everything to be jumping right into Plan B.

I would work a good Plan A. first. Set yourself a time frame that you know that you can live with (and be honest with yourself), and if you haven't seen any significant changes, then go into Plan B.

avondale...

I agree with you... we can't let this thread go to page 3., it's just not right... LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Glad to hear that you had a nice trip to see your Dad.

Do you really think that your "H" waited till after your Birthday before serving you papers?

I personally think that all the WSs need to have God smack them up side their heads with a 2x4 to put some sense in their heads... someday he will.

Speaking of getting smacked up side the head... this is what I wanted to tell all of you about.

My G/F's exH got smacked upside his head and came to the realization that he made a huge mistake and now is trying to get back with her.

My G/F told me that he calls her just about everyday, and according to her he calls not to talk about their kids or anything pertaining to family business. According to her... he wants to be a cake eater again, and she said she will have no part of it.

She also stated to me that she was going to tell him to quit bothering her, and only call her for things that pertained to family only. Her kids all have their own cell phone, so he can call them on their phones anytime he wants to, to make any sort of arrangements that he wants.

Well needless to say... he is still calling her, and she has not handled the situation as she said she would.

I told her that I appreciated her honesty for telling me everything, but she needed to make a decision. I decided in my own mind that I didn't want to interfer with anything that they may or may not want to get resolved. So I told her that I would step out of the way and they could see if they wanted to make another go of it. She stated that it wasn't what she wanted, and that was not necessary, that she would tell him.

So now, she is screening her calls so she doesn't have to talk to him, which I think is wrong. She should confront the situation head-on and either tell him to go and get a life, or try to reconcile with him.

I told her that she has to do one or the other, or I would decide for her ( I was going to stop seeing her and just move on with my life).

I indicated to her, that I just divorced a traveling circus sideshow, and I wasn't about to enter into another one.

Am I out of line with this mode of thinking, or do you think I have some valid points here.

Any input is appreciated.

Well everyone... all of you have a great day and a good weekend.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Wallace
Seems like you have a lot going on there...Several things came to my mind reading about your most recent situation. I’ll lay them out here:

1) Most everyone who has experienced separation or divorce harbors secret hopes for the WS to reconcile. I know at some point this becomes unrealistic (such as with your situation today). But with my situation, I still have hope, and will probably hold onto it for a while, even after a divorce. However, where is that “secret hope” with your g/f for her exh? Could she still be hoping for him to get his act together? Is this something she can answer truthfully to herself - and truthfully to you?

2) Could your g/f be telling you this to make you jealous, or make you move along the road to marriage faster? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> It seems very possible.

3) I agree with you that it IS wrong for her to avoid talking to him. It’s not fair to him, because it’s a form of leading him on by avoiding the problem. It’s not fair to you, because it strings exh along and keeps him in the picture, dividing attention. She’s playing you both, to be honest. She is a cake eater now. (There, I said it!) It’s not like she has anything to lose (or does she?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> hmmm...) by telling him she’s not interested...

4. And you - if you are that easily made willing to give her up, then you are still on the same page that you always said you were. (Marriage not in immediate future.) But maybe she’s moved ahead of you AGAIN. This wouldn’t surprise any of us.

5. So to sum it up, I agree with you. There are valid concerns on several fronts. This certainly shows that her past business isn’t finished (at the least) and may even take a turn towards a future with her exh. It also shows that the concerns expressed previously about her “future stability” are still valid if she’s unwilling to tell the exh to go away. (And as I said in #1, many women would probably feel the same way.)

I wish Relady were here to dispense her wise advice! Guess the guys will have to pick up that slack <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ July 26, 2003, 11:47 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Yeah, I did jump to Plan B too early. WW still had to work with OM for 4 weeks and I didn't want to do Plan A knowing that she would be traveling with him (how A started and was carried out). I wasn't 100% sure she had chosen to be with OM or not. She also moved out right away to "get her head straight" and figure things out.

Sending the letter to the OMW was a big LB but I felt it had to be done for me.

I wish you could get do-overs on doing these plans and I don't want to have to do this ever again, but unfortunately the cards were dealt and I already laid down my hand.

Hi all!

Wallace: I would keep my eyes and ears open to see what your GF does about her exH. I think it is a bad idea for your GF to avoid him; she needs to tell him to leave her alone. Whether he respects her decision or not, is another story.

Avondale: Have you thought about just asking your WH what he intends on doing?

EC: You always have had a way with words.

Eduard: If you think Plan A fits your situation, then go with it. Just make sure that your WW is headed in the right direction before you do it. Sometimes, WS go back and forth.

Me: The situation with buddy's daugther has taken a turn for the worst. It seems that she is trying to sabbotage out relationship. She has been very disrespectful to her mother. I think she is using her mother's attention on me as a way to gain greater power and influence. She is very spoil and self centered. She has definitely stepped over the line. Buddy is going to give her an attitude adjustment today. Buddy has noticed a change in her since she turned 10 last May. I was also informed that she can be a ***** when she wants. She has to be humbled or she will turn into a monster. People think she is a cute angel; therefore, spoiling her even more. She has everything any kid could want. Her mom spends alot of time with her. She has been trying to tell her mom what to do. I realize alot of this is normal, but spying on our phone conversations, leaving mom disarespectful notes like "Don't come in my room" or "I don't want to talk to you",
etc. is over the line in my opinion. She is in
for a rude awakening today. Her mom and I have done nothing to deserve such treatment.

Later!

Eduard - If I were you, I’d adopt a Plan A attitude and stick with it for as long as you can. You can still do Plan A while she’s out of the house, so read up about it on this site. Plan B is more a “last ditch effort” after having tried Plan A for a longer period of time. Also, as you said, there aren’t a lot of “do-overs” so make sure whatever actions you take, they won’t come back to bite you later on. At this stage in your relationship, you can’t go wrong doing Plan A. The time will come for Plan B later, and you’ll realize when that is.

Petvet - I don’t think you’ve written that much about yourself in a year! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> LOL You’re right, a lot of those behaviors are probably normal for girls that age, especially ones who have had their lives turned upside down as hers has been. Has most of her disrespect been centered around you (or your relationship with her mom), or has it been displayed around others in her life (baby sitters, father, etc.)? Does she get along with your son? I sure hope your buddy doesn't refer to you too directly in her talk with her daughter, or else daughter MAY make it worse. I hope not.

Oh by the way, the reason I don’t want to ask H what he’s going to do is because I don’t want to do ANYTHING to influence him in a decision. I’m OK waiting, it’s just my natural curiosity about what might be in my future. I know God is in control, no matter what!

I'm afraid to be hypocritical and say Plan B NC is wrong, let's communicate and do Plan A. That might make her more confused and give her the wrong impression don't you think?

Plus, I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to talk to me for a while anyhow after telling OMW's W.

Eduard - I would wait for your W to bring up the letter you sent OMW, and not bring it up yourself. You don't know what, if anything, the OMW will do about it. She might sit on the information for some time and not confront her H. Also, I would think she'd want to get proof and confirmation on her own. So until then, just bide your time. You're right, it could get confusing if you go back and forth between A & B, but on the other hand, it's early enough in your separation that you can still make alterations or changes, because there isn't a long-time pattern of behavior on your part towards your W that has developed. I just would hate for you to get so entrenched in Plan B/NC that it would be more difficult to back out of.

OMW had asked me for the email proof the day she got my letter then she called WW the next day and then WW called me bringing up the letter and we had a bad LB conversation.

We've been in NC for 16 days with some breaks.

The thing is, I have a short time frame to figure things out. WW accepted a position that will be out of state in November so I kind of need to have a decision well before that to build a foundation. I have considered re-doing plan A but I wouldn't do it until OM doesn't work with her after Aug 8th.

At this point I'm trusting in God to carry out his plan for me.

I guess I will have to rely on the good thoughts from before hand to be judged on by her.

Eduard - Aha....once I read the latest details your position makes a lot more sense. I'm sorry for jumping the gun without asking for that necessary background info. What you're doing now is probably safest way to go. Have you heard from OMW since you gave her email proof? Do you expect to?