Petvet - So what can you do about your exw pumping your son for info? I feel bad about him being put "in the middle". I know that's a common problem for divorced people who have young children. What actions are you taking? And I'm sorry to hear about your buddy's daughter being wishy-washy...do you think someone (her dad, perhaps?) is feeding her info (lies) about you?

I decided to send the anniversary card. No comment from H about it (not surprising, since I didn't respond to his b'day gift to me). However, I did get an email from my brother in law, apologizing again for H's actions and how they've hurt me. It made me feel good <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I am still in "wait and see" mode, and I'm still OK with that. I continue to pray for H every day.

<small>[ September 23, 2003, 04:52 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi All,

Well I have been pretty busy just trying to take care of day to day business and I'm still trying to put out some of the last remaining fires that I have smoldering.

Petvet...

Why do you think your exW is trying to pump information out of your son?

Do you think... it's because she may have come to the realization that she screwed up... and maybe she is looking for an opening to to try to get back into your life?

I'm finding to a certain degree in my situation that children from two different households can sometimes be somewhat disrupting in any new relationship.

Even though I will have been dating my G/F for almost a year next month (can you believe it... a year has gone by already), that every now and then... some things creep in that can cause some sort of a problem between you and your friends children.

In my situation... they were all pretty minor and they blew over in a very short period of time. You just kind of have to roll with the punches and go with the flow to the best of your ability until things start to settle down. Hopefully in time your buddy's child will begin becoming comfortable with you.

I think what avondale stated my hold a lot of water.



avondale...

I'm glad to hear that you decided to go ahead with sending something to your "H".

I'm sure it didn't surprise you that you didn't get any response... it's too bad that it has to be like that.

Have you heard anything from relady?

EC...

How are you making out?

From what I've seen lately... you haven't posted in awhile.

If you get time let us know how you are making out.

Hope everyone has a good day today.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hello Guys and Gals,

Hope everyone's weekend went well.

Nothing new happening on my end. I did finally hear from the court and they denied my request however I appealed and another court hearing should be in about a week or two....Despite it all I'm almost at the end of all this.

YD's b-day is coming up in a few weeks, haven't spoken to YD/OD in over a month. I decided to see if they would call me but they haven't...So life moves on and as I said once the child support is over reality will hit exww and she will lose all her power and she knows it's coming....

One thing I've learned is that no matter where you live in life, life is what you make it...You have the choice to live in joy and peace <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> or depression and sorrow <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> ...

Never live your with people around you who second guess you all the time, you'll never become one and true to yourself...ignore the opinions of others, why? because they don't know you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Take Care

Hi all!

Avondale: I'm glad you are happy with you are right now. I hate that your H is putting you on hold. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> As far as ex is concern, I think she is trying to figure out what's going on in this household. She knows that I don't want to have anything to do with her. I have stop taking kid around buddy anymore because I don't want him to have anything to share with anyone. Did I tell you that about a month ago that ex made the comment that I should let her move back in? I justed let the comment blow right over my head. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Wallace: It has been a year since you took up with your friend. Time goes by fast. How are things going?

EC: Why is th court giving you such a hard time? To me, the case seems fairly simple.

Me: I have been counting my blessings. Things are going OK.

And I'm gone.

Hi All,

EC...

I'm sorry to hear that your still dealing with the CS and the Court issues. Hopefully you can get it resolved when you go back in.

I'm glad to see that your able to stay strong through all of this... you are to be commended.

Petvet...

I think the decision you made concerning not having your son around when you are with your buddy is a good one. I basically had to severe ties with my OD due to the fact that she was going back and telling my exW everything that we had going on. She did a few other things to seal the deal as far as severing contact with her... but that was one of many reasons why I chose the route that I did.

I am now fighting with the IRS... because my exW under stated her income in the year 2001. I filed for spousal relief, as we were legally seperated when we did the joint filing and 1 month after we filed the tax return we split up for good. So we will see what happens there.

This month on October the 12th, I will have been going out with my G/F for one year. It just doesn't seem like it's been that long... but in fact it has.

I put in a new wood floor in my G/F living room this past weekend. Needless to say... I was a little sore after that was all said and done with. I think I'm starting to get old! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Well I hope everyone has a great day.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all!

Wallace: You are not getting old; you just shook the dust off some of your bones and muscles you have not been using as of late. Your friend should appreciate what you do for her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Later.

Wallace I'm sorry to hear about you and your OD but she has to learn to respect your boundaries, and if not then she's going to have to pay the consequences.

It's interesting how these divorce wars lower our tolerance for nonsense, isn't it?

Petvet - I also think you made the right decision. It's one thing when your child is young and doesn't quite understand the ramifications of their "telling" the exspouse what is going on - in most cases I'm sure it's very innocently done. However, as Wallace stated, once your child is more aware of what they're doing, and realizes how the exspouse reacts, it's a whole other story.

Wallace - I hope your GF appreciates all your efforts. Since you're adding to the value of her house, I hope you're getting something out of it. Chocolate cake, perhaps? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> LOL

EC - Even though the girls haven't called you, that shouldn't stop YOU from calling THEM. Otherwise, it could be assumed you're as stubborn as they are! Why not you be the one to give in and call them? Or maybe you were going to call YD on her birthday anyways?

I am not sure what's up with Relady - she hasn't answered my two emails in almost 6 weeks. Hope she's not injured or something...

Nothing new with me, either. At this point, no news is good news for now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi everyone,

Wallace you're not getting old, wiser? yes....A new life is just beginning and what an opportunity to do something you've never done before.....

Avondale - I haven't called YD/OD to be stubborn, but I backed off because as I said it's all been a oneway conversation - They only talk when asked a question as if I'm wasting there time...They're only interest for me is " Where's the money?" however exww has it....I plan to get YD a good gift as I did last year(a TV). This year something just as nice....

For the past 3 years I've called every week or every other week...They've only resisted and never want to come visit...So now that they are almost 18 and 20....They have to make up in there own mind if they want a relationship...I've tried and cried long enough, they are under the brainwash of exww and OM....

So once the child support ends, the issue will change, exww will lose all power...

It's very difficult when you've been labeled as the bad guy before your kids and things look that way to someone there age who don't know the full story or know whats happening....In the past when I tell them something there mother is doing to me they immediately jump to her defense and say I'm lying and there mother would never do such a thing....Even regarding some of the court issues...I never put them in the middle but exww tells them a twisted story and they want to know why am I doing this and that...SO there you have it...It only seperates us more and more when I have to tell them, it seperates us more when they ask and if I don't tell them they think I dont because I'm trying to hide something or they think they're not mature enough to know and get offended, If I tell they think I'm trying to talk bad of there mom.....It's a catch 22

Take Care

EC - I remembered your history when I wrote my post. And I apologize for using the word "stubborn" because it gave the post a different focus. Maybe I should have written it differently....what I meant was to not stop doing what you've been doing (specifically calling) just because they're not responding appropriately. You don't want them to have an opportunity to think "dad only called because he had to since he was giving us money, and now that it's almost over he's lost interest" (or reason to have to).

Even when they question why your story differs from their mother's, the bottom line is that you are in contact with them and I think that's important. Even arguing is a form of communication, a way of reaching out (both ways). It is really hard to bridge a communication gap after it becomes non-existent, especially since y'all are in different states.

IMHO, I think you should continue to call, and continue to answer their questions when appropriate (at your discretion). At some point they'll realize you were telling the truth all along. But if you don't call, it just sends a message of disinterest that is difficult to undo.

Hi All,

It's been another busy week for me... but I'm going into the wind down phase now.

TMCM...

I agree with you completely about setting boudaries with my OD... severing contact with her was about the only option that was left for me to do, as much as I hate to say it.

Never in all my life could I ever imagine things turning out the way they did... it's a darn shame!

Petvet...

I'm in full agreement with avondale in what she posted. I think you made the right move as well.

How is it all going for you now?

LOL... I guess I did shake the dust off these old bones of mine. I thought I was in pretty decent shape until I got on the wood floor installation.

I felt crippled about 2 days afterwards... LOL! I could barely walk, and I'm not kidding!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I get to put in all the trim in the living room this weekend... "Oh Happy Day"! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'll probably need a wheelchair after this weekend! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

avondale...

You still haven't heard from relady?

I wonder how she is doing... I hope she is O.K.!

You haven't heard anything from your "H" still?

Hang in there... you have done so well so far... I am very proud of you... you really are an inspiration.

If you hear anything from relady let us know... it just seems kind of odd that she would just drop off the face of the planet like that.

EC...

As usual and again I agree with everything that avondale just posted to you.

I somewhat know how you feel... and it is a hard nut to swallow.

Keep doing just exactly what you have been doing and don't change it.

Eventually... they will wake up... and see you in the true light that is shining upon you.

It may take some time... but you will go from being the bad guy to being the good guy... it's just going to take some time. I know... I'm talking from experience.

Well everyone have a good day, and a great weekend.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all!

Thanks Avondale & Wallace. I think you are right about keeping kid away from buddy.

EC: Think of it this way, by calling you are planting seeds that may bear fruit later.

Where's Relady?

Later.

Hey all,

Not much new on this end.

I'm still fighting with the IRS over my exW's under reporting of her taxes for the 2001 tax year.

I can't believe... I still haven't been able to clear all of her garbage out of the way as of yet.

Hey... I got a question.

For the past 2 weeks... I have had dreams almost nightly with my exW in them. I don't know what the dreams consist of... I just know that she is in them. You would think that after almost a year and half that I wouldn't be thinking about her at all.
But there she is... showing up in my dreams or maybe they are nightmares... I can't remember... but I know it leaves me with a very uneasy feeling while I'm having them... to the point where sometimes they wake me right out of a dead sleep.

Has anybody else gone through this?

Hope everyone has a great day.

Stay strong!

Wallace

Wallace,
For some reason I'm thinking you said this had happened before. I don't know what it means...I'm not really into "dream interpretation". Maybe you ate some bad tacos the night before? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> (sorry, couldn't resist!)

What do YOU think it means? Or better yet, what do you WANT it to mean?

Hi,

Gang

Wallace - I have had dreams before of exww and as anyone you'll dream of them because you miss them because they were a part of you, but after many years go by our dreams can mean something else regarding our ex. Dreams are all through the bible so it's not at all so strange sometimes when we have them.

If you would like to share it please do so...

Avondale - Hope all is going well with you.

Hi All,

avondale...

LOL... I think you maybe on to something about tacos and these dreams/nightmares. I ate a burrito last night... and guess what? That's right... I had another dream/nightmare about my exW again.

Your recollection of this happening to me before is also correct. It has been quite some time since that has happened... but it seems to have started up again for some reason.

I don't know what they mean... or what I want them to mean... all I know is they are just happening... and they are happening every night now.

It's kind of creepy to tell you the truth. I've had some that have just jolted me straight up out of bed. I was in a dead sweat through a couple of them when I was jolted straight up in my bed.

I know my 1 year divorce date is coming up this month on the 22nd., but I don't think it has anything to do with this.

EC...

I have had so many of these dreams in the past week... it's hard to put a description behiind them... It don't know what they are about... I just know she is in them... that's all I remember so far.

If I can remember one that makes any kind of sense... I'll let you know.

I was never much for trying to figure out what a dream may or may not mean... but this is really starting to work me.

Maybe I need a shrink? Maybe I'm loosing it. Here lately... I'm starting to wonder.

Well I hope everyone has a good weekend... and if anyone can think of anything concerning why this may be happening to me... I'm all ears.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all!

Wallace: I don't know what to make of your dreams. Just from personal experience, I am finding it very hard to eliminate ex from my thinking. Even though I want to erase her from my life, my mind won't let me do so. I think the fact that you know that they are still out there causes some issues as far as flash backs etc. It will prpbably take years if ever for us to get through this mentally. We carry the wounds from the battle we have gone through mentally and physically.

Later.

Hey Guys!
As for the dream thing - if you've been married for ANY reasonable length of time, it seems to me there is NO WAY you can avoid having thoughts of your ex-spouse. The lapse of time can diminish memories, but not only do you have a history with your ex, but you have kids and their business to always remind you of your life with your ex. How practical is it to even "TRY" to erase them from your mind? I can understand the reasons wanting to, but how realistic is it to really do so? It seems to me it would almost be an exercise in frustration.

Of course, I'm not as far along as y'all are so I'm speaking more hypothetically and not from personal experience. I might think differently next year,LOL.

Meanwhile I Googled "Christian dream interpretation" (so as to not get the "tarot card dream interpretation" version <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ) and this site seems to have acceptable Statement of Faith: Lapstone Dream Interpretation. Maybe it will give suggestions for figuring out your dream(s).

Hi all!

Avondale: What you said was so true. I have come to te realization that "It is what it is". I deal with ex and keep on keeping on. I try to put forth the positive in me, and let her do whatever she does.

Later.

Hi everyone! Long time, Hope everyone is doing well. Just wanted to say hi and see how everyone was doing here.

Things are going well for me and my family, kids are now 3 and 5, daughter started school this year. Our marriage is doing well although sometimes still dealing with the past issues, I don't think that you ever get 100% over them, maybe you get to 95% and that is good enough.
The changes that I made as a result of working on myself though MB have really paid off. In the 1.5 years since we have been back together I have not once gone out with the guys, do not drink (not that I had a drinking problem), work much better hours, spend more time with the family, and try to be a better person.

Take care,
Dave