Hi all,


Wallace - Looks like you're causing a blaze in the snow with all those gifts for your GF <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I'm sure if you keep that up you'll bring summer in fast. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> YD is set to go to Marines. I told her to inform me before she signs anymore papers because as always they promise you the world at the beginning but the new solders don't realize they belong to uncle sam for 4 years, yet its not a bad thing, I just don't want her to go straight from boot camp to Iraq.

Avondale - Nothing new is happening. I'm not going to school this semester, I think I'll go this fall. As far as valentines day, I'm going to just hang out somewhere and have fun by myself. I like how you handled yourself with your hubby. Sounds like he's really confused. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> One thing I can tell you is that he is now in a stage when reality sets in and the OW has revealed herself by now, he sees himself, full of shame. He may have appeared to have it altogether but he's just like all other Ws's, his world is crashing down around him. Eventhough he may be considering bankruptcy, I'm sure thats a big blow to OW, because thats not attractive at all, and it's something he may be hiding from her.

As Wallace said protect yourself if he files. I know you are looking for a restore, but don't put your life on hold and set and do nothing. It's not going to happen according to your plan. You don't need all the debt to collapse on you and he walks away free just because you want to be nice to him. It's sad but you have to treat them as a thief. That's where I failed at and was stolen from several times because I left myself open, thinking in that trust mentality that we were still married. Letting go and moving on is not giving up, its preparing yourself for better days ahead. Don't get stuck behind where the Ws is at, because they're lost and wandering....


Take Care.........

Hi All,

Work has been real busy for me, and by the end of the day... I'm shot. I just wanted to let everyone know why I haven't been able to post very much, or for very long.

They did another round of layoffs again where I work, and I'm still going. I had to take on three others people's work load... no raise, nothing... just more work.

When this economy turns around... I look for a lot of people to tell the Company their working for goodbye.

EC...

I think you summed it right up for avondale. You always did have a way with words. It takes me forever to get my point across. All of you have me beat 10 ways from Sunday on that one.

It is a good idea to watch what your YD signs concerning joining the armed forces. She wants to get the best that they have to offer... not just a tour of Iraq.

What else is going on... you have been quiet for awhile... keep us posted on things as they progress.

avondale...

I wanted to say that I hope you have a very special Valentine's Day. You are in my thoughts and my prayers and I'm glad to see you taking the stance that you have taken. Just don't get caught up in your husbands nonsense. Ec, stated some real good advice there. Protect yourself... Emotionally, and Financially.

The gloves are off now... it's his move... let him make it, but be prepared for whatever he is going to throw at you.

Petvet...

Well, I'm going to a play tonight with my G/F, and it's dinner and roses for my Valentine from there tomorrow. So that's what I have planned.

Now... tell me your secret. LOL!

I hope everyone has a very Happy Valentines Day... and for anyone who could care less about it... don't worry... it's not that big of a deal (at least in my mind) LOL!

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all!

Avondale: Sounds like you did great at the meeting. I figured he was going to drop the bomb on you, and he did. Well, sweety, it's time for you to cover your rear. I would not meet with him monthly to discuss D issues, let your attorney do that. Make sure you protect yourself financially. As EC have said, he may be in financial trouble, and hiding it from the slut. He is in a mess. Be strong! For Valentine, go have a nice dinner and one nice glass of wine, and salute your probable new life. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Wallace: Yes, tommorrow is the day. Love is in the air, and I intend on being Romeo. I am looking forward to it. Please, Wallace, you cannot keep up with me. I am on fireeeeeeeee! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

EC: Enjoy Valentine pal! Yes, please make sure your YD does not sign her life away. Yes, the service does promise the world.

And I am gone!

Hi all!

I hope everyone had a nice Valentine's Day.

Avondale: How are you doing? What did you do for V day?

Wallace and EC: What about you guys?

Me: I had a wonderful time. I was not too please with the restaurant though. There is something for paying top dollar for a slab of meat on top of a couple of steamed vegatables. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Oh! Avondale: No rings or proposal. Yet. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Later.

Hi Y'all,
Just checking in, not much news here. I'm glad Petvet and Wallace had hot Valentine's Day dates. As for me, I did the same as EC did, just by myself. I did treat myself to some tiramisu (Italian dessert, for any who are culinary challenged) which was very yummy.

Hi All,

Sorry for getting back to all of you late... but I have been real busy at work... plus my computer is acting up a little... but I think I got that taken care of.

My Valentine's Day went well. Nice dinner and company... and the play we went to was hilarious.

So all in all it went very well.

It's my Birthday this Sunday... so I have to get geared up for it next... LOL!

I am glad to hear that everyone survived Valentine's Day.

Well at the moment my CS is not being challenged.

My exW in her typical fashion stirs up the pot and gets everyone going... but she is too lazy to submit her paper work into the Courts. So it's all on hold now... for how long I'm not sure.

Well I hope everyone is doing well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all!

Avondale: How are you feeling? For some reason, I get the feeling that you may be down emotionally? I hope I am wrong.

Wallace: I'm glad you had a good Valentine's Day. I hope your birthday is even better.

Me: I am doing OK.

Later.

Wallace - Hope you had a great birthday <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Will you be 29 again, or is that just a girl thing? LOL

Petvet - Thanks for asking, but I'm doing fine. Nothing much going on here, so that's why I haven't posted much.

EC - Do you live anywhere near that family who is missing? I think they're in MO too.

Me - Haven't heard from H since our meeting, other than an email asking if I would be responsible for paying a home equity bill (he will increase my support to cover it). He admits he forgets to pay it, and thinks it would be better for me to take it over since it is mailed to the house, anyway. I said OK. And the only other thing I'm having to consider is where to live...I love my house but it's getting old, appliances getting old, etc. Should I sell before divorce witih him, or buy his share and then sell? I don't want H to know where I might be moving to (upscale = might figure into how willing he is to settle financially, even though I'd pay for my house from inheritance). Any thoughts?

double post....dont' think I've EVER done that before! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<small>[ February 26, 2004, 07:14 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi All,

avondale...

LOL... I had a great birthday... and I wish I was 29 again knowing what I know now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> The sad part is... I'm really 38 yrs. old and holding... LOL. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Concerning your house... I would get a fair market appraisal on it. Tell the possible listing agent everything that's wrong with the house... and let them give you an estimate on what they think they can sell it for. I would then take that and buy your "H" out, at that point.

When I went into my "D", I used all that info... and I am happy to say, from that stand point... it all went very well. I didn't have to give her any additional money... because she already had made off with over $300,000.00 worth.

I would just like to say to you avondale, that I am so sorry to hear that your "H" has finally decided to evidently take the route that he has chosen. You have stood for your marriage, and the Lord will look upon you with a smile. Why we have to endure this type of pain is beyond me... but evidently this must be the path that God has chosen for us. I don't understand why we... like so many, were chosen to endure such a path. It's a path that I wish none of us ever had to take.

For me... it is like a never ending haunting that I wish would end. But for whatever reason it doesn't ever end.

Petvet...

I'm ready to hear your secret's on how your holding up as well as you are.

EC...

Have you or anyone else seen the movie the "Passion of Christ"? I heard that it's an excellent movie... and I would like to get other peoples thoughts on it, before I go and see it.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Guys
I have this sense of forboding...that this thread is going to fade out because y'all are moving on with your lives. But I can't stop posting (yet)- what if I need your advice for something? I don't want to have to re-tell my story to all the new people at MB!

I've been posting here almost two years now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> and have learned so much from you all. Your comments have been realistic and encouraging. Both Wallace and Petvet have previously said they were ready to leave, and I think were staying at my request. Is that still the case? Would you (including EC ) be willing to give me your email addresses so if I have an emergency I could still keep in touch? Or is that request too personal? (Be honest.) For me, it's NOT a matter of wanting to live in the past and hang on for that reason, but more of having been through a shared experience, gaining from the insights you can still share with me. Now the length of the thread is enough to scare away most new posters, so it seems to be just "us". So let me know...this thread was started by Petvet but I don't want any of you to feel obligated to continue to return here on my account.

<small>[ March 04, 2004, 05:47 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi All,

avondale...

To answer your question... I have not moved on, and I look at this thread almost everyday to see if anything is new. If there is and I have time in my day and I think I can add anything to anyone's post I'll respond.

So feel free to fire away with anything you wish to discuss.

I have no intentions of going anywhere. There is still way to much still going on in my life... LOL.

So go ahead and post anything you would like... and I will give you my take on it.

This thread is far from gone... and anyone that wants to jump in and throw a post down, they can.

Hope that clears things up from my end.

I hope everyone has a good day.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hello Gang!


Wallace: I see life is buzzing right along. Sounds like you may be hitched soon, Oh Boy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .
I have not seen the record breaking Passion movie yet but I will soon.I have really never been a weekly or monthly movie goer but I do have my favorites. It sounds really exciting. I hear more and more from others that have gone is that people walk out sober and so thankful of all Jesus died on the cross for, you and me. One thing I can say is that Jesus knows the pain of betrayal by a close friend.

Petvet - I hope all is going well for you...


Avondale - So whats happening your world these days? I agree with Wallace. I don't think this thread will stop. I think as the seasons change in everyone's lives the subjects will change somewhat, but more than anything, from this thread will be healing moments.

Here's a healing moment and words of wisdom. If a WS knew this wisdom fact they would have thought twice before they got involved with OP.

Here it goes - Anytime you join yourself in a relationship with another person through betrayal or an affair, you have joined yourself with your enemy and not your friend and you're naked. Though it may appear and feel as your friend/soulmate its really your enemy.

Example - Eve thought the secret seducing words of the serpent was meeting a need - Adam and Eve became naked in the presence of there enemy...

Gen 3:7
And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons

Another:

As the children of Israel journyed out of Eygpt, Moses was up on the mountain with God getting instruction, while he was away they built an idol to worship, God saw it and moses came down and broke the tablets as in breaking a covenant (divorce), Moses asked Aaron why?, Aaron responded in a drunken way, frivilous as a WS, then it says,

Ex 32:25
And when Moses saw that the people were naked; (for Aaron had made them naked unto their shame among their enemies..
26 Then Moses stood in the gate of the camp, and said, Who is on the LORD'S side? let him come unto me......

There are many cries today of God calling the WS, saying " Come to me, Come to me , I'll make it right, yet many turn a deaf ear.."...

The betrayed spouse must stay faithful till the end....

So eventhough your WS may leave you they have joined themselves with there enemy and not there friend, they are naked and shamed.....Give the WS's relationship time and you will see it fail and they become enemies. That's why the failure rate is so high in affairs and they fight and depart afterwards...

The eyes of your betrayer will always come open, but open to shame and nakedness staring at there enemy the, (OP)...we use the term (fog lifting)...Even Judas eyes came open at what he did to Jesus...Most betrayers suffer loss in many ways, money, morals and wisdom...it's a deadend lifestyle...

Anyway I've said enough............

But as always repentance and the renewing of the mind the betrayer can always change there course...


Take Care

Hey All,

EC...

I think the situations that you brought up, and the Scriptures you sighted are so very true, and they are a good examle of just exactly the way it is.

I also agree that this thread will most likely become a thread for healing and stating our trials and tribulations as they come up. I for one, have very mixed emotions on a number of things... so I'm far from leaving anytime soon.

In regards to getting remarried to my current G/F... I put it off until the Spring of 2005 at this point. The main reason for this, is I am not quite ready to combine both hoseholds just yet. I'm still thinking it all through as to when would be the best time to do all of this without creating to much chaos.

How have you been making out? I hope everything is going well for you.

I hope everyone has a good weekend.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all! Sorry for not posting here lately, but I have been having computer issues. They all started with that BUG <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> ! So I did not want to take any chances by coming into the site again until I felt things were right. For some reason, I have been unable to delete my emails.

Avondale: No, I have no intentions of leaving the thread. As long as folks need help, I will try to be here. As Wallace suggested, I would get an appraisal of your spacious castle along the long winding black top driveway into the deep woods along the picturous lake. I glad to hear that you are doing well.

EC: Yes, I have seen Passion. In my opinion, it was over kill, literally. I know it actually happened, but after forty five minutes or so, I was like, "Ok Mel, I get the message!". I had to close my eyes a couple of times. It surely helps one to put things into perspective.

Wallace: It seems as though you are ticking along. That's great.

Me: I'm doing OK. Someone asked how am I able to do so good, well, I have my moments. I may decide to go for full custody of my kid. Us parents are at opposite ends of the spectrum when it gets to raising the kid. That's not going to work. Even though things are not perfect, I continue to move forward. I still hate that my marriage ended; however, I have a nice friend who helps me alot.

Later.

Hi All,

Not much new on my end... I have just been working almost non-stop since they did another cut back.

Petvet...

Glad to hear your doing O.K. I have a question for you. How do you think you would be doing, if you didn't have your buddy around? Just curious... because I think I would be doing just as well as I am, even if I didn't have a G/F. Wanted to get your opinion concerning your situation.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<small>[ March 10, 2004, 05:13 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Ok, Here's another question
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Wallace said: Just curious... because I think I would be doing just as well as I am, even if I didn't have a G/F. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is it possible you'd be doing EVEN BETTER (and not "just as well") if you didn't have a G/F at all?
Just curious <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi All,

avondale...

You bring up a very good question there... LOL.

To answer your question, in some areas, I might do somewhat better. The reason being, is I could take my time that I do spend with my G/F, and concentrate on other areas of my life, that I know could use some additional help.

All in all though... I think in essence, the time that I have spent to date with my G/F versus doing something else that may be beneficial... has
for the most part balanced itself to the point where there is more positives than negatives.

So in retrospect... I think having her in my life and part of my life has been a positive experience for me to this point. I may have been able to acheive more possibly in my life, but on the other hand... not having her in my life to this point, may have not helped me get to the point where I am know.

Sooooooooo... LOL, and I know I am rambling... LOL... I'm not exactly sure where I may be at this point in my life, be it better or worse, if she had not become a part of it.

I feel the same as Petvet does. I wish my marriage did not meet the end that it did... and if I could turn back time and try to do something, anything to save my marriage that I didn't already try... and not have my exW do the type of things to my family and myself that she did... I would.

But I played the cards that were dealt to me, and I try to make the best of a very bad situation. Only through the grace of the good Lord, have I been able to get to the point where I am now.

I probably didn't answer your question avondale. You get this way when you have been bounced around for as long as we have... LOL.

Well I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all! I apologized once again. I had to uninstall my internet system because of that bug! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I am dialing in from work. Hopefully, I should be hooked back up by Sunday.

Walalce & Avondale: As far as you question is concern, I think I have benefitted by having Buddy around. She has offered insightful feedback. She has become a friend. It has been a nice balance. I agree with Wallace that i could probably be doing other things, but I view my relationship as constructive. At first, I was concern that I was enlighten with Buddy from a need standpoint or in the desert frame of mind, but I realized that I had been in the desert alone for a couple of years and had been yearning for a healthy relationship with the opposite sex. Have I healed? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I fight everyday to walk from my pain and into the sunlight, but i am determine to take what I have learned and make what I have the best life I can for my son and I.

Later.

Hello all,

I hope you don't mind this intrusion but I feel wrong not to let my presence be known. I have read much of this thread and feel like you are all old friends. However, I feel guilty being a "lurker" and not letting you know about me.

Long ago, I was drawn to the topic of "Tough Love". It is a topic I have struggled with for a number of years in my marriage. Most of the time I post in "Recovery" although I'm not always sure I belong there. I have floated to this board a few times when I thought it might head in that direction.

It has been interesting seeing how you all have grown and learned through your various experiences. Much of it I can relate to. I respect the stand you all have taken for your marriages and I am sure God will honor your decisions. I'm so sorry for the heartache each of you have experienced at different times. You each have tried so hard to make things work. But even with our best efforts, sometimes things just don't go as we hope and pray they will. That is when it can be especially tough. Through it all,God is faithful and he will carry each of us.

Please let me know if you would rather me not write. I want to respect your privacy but I also did want to introduce myself to you. I would love to write to you all as we have shared many similar challenges and I greatly respect you. Thanks and may God bless each of you!!!