avondale


Who knows except for God.

reread the Easter Story and others on Rejoice. Just like on MB all the WS sound and act alike, the same things happen on rejoice.


Maybe you could leave the door open just a little for the future to get together. How else will he see what you have become. It's a crack in the door, a tiny onw, but a crack. God is at work. Just don't get your hopes or expectations up. Just be you, the you that you have become. (did that make sense?)

God is bigger than your circumstances. It's understandable that you would wonder why he would want to be with you two after all he's done...... but God is a forgiving God, He forgives your H and he asks us to do the same. He gives us the grace if we ask.


---------

I came back to post too because something wierd happened to me. Above I posted about the recovery board .... and guess what? I found someone who is 8 years into recovery (strong - both personally and marriage) and dealing with a lot of the same issues as me! Thank you Lord!

D.

Gentlepeople,
I am down in the dumps.
I added a signature.
That should explain my depression.
Until next time,
MMQ

MMQ - I am sooooo sorry! Two discoveries within a few days of each other is horrible. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Do you have friends and family (other than your kids) who are there in person to support you? Is it likely that your H figured he had already filed, so why not go ahead with that behavior? Again, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I know this is rough, but we’re here for you.

Hi All,

I just now had a chance to glance in on the board.

I'll be posting a little later tonight... after I get done reading all the posts.

The thread has been a little busy.

Be back in awhile.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi All,

It's been a real whirlwind with work and everything. I didn't realize how long it's been since I posted, until I read the thread and the dates.

Welomce to the "Tough Love" thread MMQ and Jared. I'm sorry your here... but considering all that I've read on your posts so far, it's a good place to be.

There are a lot of good people on this thread as well as on all the MBer's boards. We are all here for you, as most, if not all of us... know the pain that you are all going through. It is by far one of the worst experiences that you are going through.

MMQ...

My heart goes out to you... as you appear to be in a very difficult situation with your "M" at this point in time.

First and foremost... you need to get an attorney, ASAP. The reason I say this, is because "D" papers have been served and you are unfortunately rolling in that direction due to your "H's" filing.

Your "H" can ask for sole custody... but unless he can prove that your an unfit mother (which is virtually impossible unless you committed murder), you more than likely will end up with a 50/50 joint custody as deemed by the Courts unless other arrangements are made prior with both your understanding... so I wouldn't worry about that.

Concerning saving your "M". I believe that any and all "Marriages" can be saved, if your willing to do the work, and tolerate all the possible nonsense that will more than likely come your way. Some marriages IMHO should not be saved (abuse, etc.), but yours is not one of them from what I've read so far.

IMO, your at a point in time where your going to need to step up to the plate, and go into Plan B. Your "H" is in a very thick fog. When these type of emotions are rolling that your "H" is displaying, there is not much you can do, but let this whole situation run it's course, as sad as I am to say this.

Get yourself an attorney #1.

Go into Plan B., and pray to the Lord to help your "H", yourself, and your Children trough this.

This is a war make no mistake about it. It's a battle... good against evil. IMHO... it is a spiritual battle that only the Lord himself can take command of.

Put your faith and trust in him, and let God's will be done.

Jarred...

I read your thread with the emails that you and your "W" have exchanged between yourselves.

I'm going to give you my take on it, base on what I've read.

If you want your "W" back anytime soon... you need to quit casting blame.

I know that your angry, and well you should be. But you need to relax, and take a deep breath as hard as I know that is.

Your going to Anger Management classes and hopefully these classes will give you the tools to work through the issues your dealing with at this point in time, as well as in the future.

IMHO, your dealing with a "run away wife". Yes she has issues, and infidelity that you are dealing with... but it appears to me that your "W" is afraid to come to you, for whatever reason.

You need to quit throwing out dictates... and show her that you are changing as a person. Not by words... but by your actions.

When I read your thread... it reminded me of someone that I use to know a long time ago... ME!

If you want to save your "M", stop the finger pointing, and I'm sure your "W" will notice the change in time... that's for starters. You are LBing all over the place... and you are not going to get your "W's attention if you keep that up. In fact... you most likely will lose her.

Set by example, not by words... and take this situation you have... and take it one step at a time. Work on you, and don't worry about her for the time being. I know it's hard... but you need to show her something new and improved to come back to.

I'm not trying to be harsh... I'm just trying to give you some good sound advice. Stop the dictates. Your going to regret some of the accusations you made to her even if they are true. If you keep this up, by throwing out the kind of lines you did in your email, your going to push her farther away. IMO... it's what is scaring her away.

Hopefully you can get your act together and show her the new you. Once you have done that, and she realizes that your for real... then start working on getting her straightened out, because she is not going to do it on her own by the sounds of it.

I know of what I speak... I use to have a "W" just like yours.

Leah...

I'm glad to hear that your "H" is up and doing well. I hope that you and your "H" were able to have some quality time together during his illness.

I have a question for you.

Have you asked your "H" to get together and do something that you know that you both enjoy?

A friend of mine who was on these boards, and from time to time pops in and posts... was going through almost the exact same thing you are.

She got to the point where she was just going to get out and get a "D".

She put all of her faith and trust in the Lord. She was going to move forward with or without the "M". She had worked on her "M" for years... but to no avail... and just when she was getting to pull the plug on her "H" (she told him he was going to be served with "D" papers), he all of a sudden just snapped out of it. It was truly a miracle, as she really had a very troubled "M".

As I write this... their "M" has never been better.

Her situation, and yours is so similiar. I'll try to remember the thread name, and give it to you... as it may give you some insight as to what she was dealing with, and how it all ended in a better "M", than she had before.

Her name was FreeIndeed, and she later changed it to Free.

When I remeber the thread name I'll give it to you.

Hang in there, and find something that you both can do together. Don't try to force it, just see if you can be subtle about it and see if it can happen.

avondale...

I think it's a good idea to let your "H" and your "D" get together without you there. It may throw some light onto this situation and give you somewhat of an idea of what may or may not be running through your H's head.

As far as my Easter... it went well. My OD and her B/F called and stated that they wanted to spend Easter with myself and the rest of my children. We all went to my G/F's house and had way to much to eat. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> So now I have to work out even more to burn all that food that I ate off... LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

My scar on my neck for the most part is just about gone. I guess that's what a good Plastic Surgeon can do for you. My G/F likes the manly look... she says it makes me look tough... which she likes... LOL!

EC...

I know to a certain degree what your going through as far as seeing your exW after so long and not knowing how you will react. I as well haven't seen my exW in 2 years coming this April 19th, so it probably feel like your looking at a stranger. And you know what? You probably will be.

I may be going through the same thing with my YD's graduation... even though my YD didn't send her an invitation.

Keep us informed as things progress.

Petvet...

I'll bet you have been busy, with tax season and all. It's good to hear that you got your "S" Baptized.

How's everything else going for you?

WGTT...

Your scaring me with that last post of yours. Hopefully your "H" isn't falling back into his old patterns.

Have you discussed this with him? If so... what does he have to say?

You have come so far... and I know how this must feel to see him slip back into his old patterns. Hopefully it will be just a passing phase, and everything will get back on track again.

Well I have rambled enough... hope it all makes some sense.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<small>[ April 14, 2004, 09:52 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Hi Everyone! Hope you are all having a good week. My girls are off for spring break so I am currently on vacation with them. I'm visiting my sister and family. Despite the rain, we are having a good time.

AVONDALE,

Thanks for always coming up with suggestions for me. I appreciate the different recomendations. I've been looking at the counselling site and trying to figure out if I should go for it. It is a lot of money but it sounds as if it is worth the investment. I have read much on this MB board and Dr. Harley's books. I agree with much of what is here but it always seems to come back to having a willing partner.

I guess I question if there is much he can recommend in our marriage situation. Doesn't it take two? If I'm trying to meet his needs and avoid love busters and all the rest, is there other recomendations that he could give?

Or does it just come back to me having to decide if this is the marriage I want?? My husband has said he is being faithful and what I have is what I have. He feels he is doing what he can do. I can either choose to accept it or leave. So maybe that is what I need help with when I talk to Mr. Harley??

I also appreciate the recomendation for the emotional questionere. I read that book long ago and have discussed different principles with my husband. I've asked him to please fill out the questionere but he wasn't interested at the time. His basic take on this is "I hate all this stuff" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

It's frustrating that I so desire to "fix this thing" and he is content with the marriage as is. I guess he has me when he needs me but likes having life on his terms. So he's not terribly motivated to change things. I'm sorry
I'm being a whiner again.

How are you doing? That was interesting that your husband wanted to have you come to dinner. I hope it will be helpful for your daughter and him to be alone and deal with the situation independently of your help. Maybe some good things will happen thru that lunch. I thought it was positive that he gave you his address! I know it can be frustrating trying to figure it all out. It seems you're doing a great job of trying to find the balance of being open to reconcilliation and having the right boundaries. Keep up the good work. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I will continue to pray for your situation.

WGTT

I know just how you feel about not knowing what the future holds in your marriage. We have now been in and out of recovery for five years. It can be very challenging but also very much a situation that keeps you on your knees. I was excited to hear that you found someone in recovery that is in our situation. I'll have to go look for that thread. What is her name? Maybe we could all be an encouragement to each other. God bless.

MMQ

I'm so sorry for all the yuck you've been experiencing. It is an awful, painful thing to go through. I did that two d-day thing in a weeks time. That had to be my lowest point. I found out there was continued contact with OW and that he had had a one night stand with another woman three years previous. It about killed me. My heart goes out to you. Please know IT WILL GET BETTER!!! It might take some time but you are going thru the toughest time right now. At least that was my experience. For me, I was just intensely hurt!! It is wonderful to get beyond that pain. I'm not saying it doesn't still hurt but its on a much different level right now. Hang in there. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

WALLACE,

Glad to hear from you. It sounds as if you had a nice Easter. Thanks for your words of encouragement and for the suggestions. I have continued to try to reach out to my husband by asking about spending time together. Sometimes he responds but more often his priority just isn't there. He is extremely busy with his business. When he does have free time he likes to hang out with our girls or have time for himself. His big interest is with motorcycles. He races them. This is a weekend thing he tries to do monthly. But there is also all the time involvement of preparing for the races. I try to join in on that when I can. It's not my natural place of interest but I want to utilize any oportunity to try to develop a relationship with him.

Thanks also for writing about your friend FREE. I'd love to see her thread. It's always helpful to learn from others who have been where you are. It's great to hear that some really do make it work after long trying ordeals. That was nice of you to write. I hope things continue to go well for you and your ladyfriend. Take care and God bless.

HI to all others. Trust all is going well for you .

I have been recently divorced for a month, and it was the worst mistake of my life.

She attempted to talk to me, but I didn't listen so she filed. I countered claimed. A few months later, we agreed to see counseling to work on things. I wanted to drop the divorce to work on things, but she wanted to extend all the dates to see if we can work it out.

As a male, I was angered about her filing and felt that she held it over my head. We got along great during the process, but I was very bothered by the process for almost 9 months. She asked for everything under the sun, while I was trying to be fair. She wanted alimony, child support, and sole-custody. We ended up using my suggestions for the final paperwork. I couldn't spend any money without going to the judge or her during the divorce proceedings, which I felt was demeaning. I think that she did everything because of the feelings of pain and her attorney.

She dropped the divorce a month before the final date, but I wanted time to think everything thru as we had agreed months earlier. She confronted me furiously on Friday the 13th, and I shutdown once again. Needless to say nothing was fixed, and more damage was done. We divorced a month later, and I think that we both regret it. I think that she is more hurt by the process.

My opinion is to only file for divorce after exhausting all your communicative efforts with you spouse. Divorce is a finality and it hurts horribly! During the process I was comfortable with the outcome, but when it came it hit me like a ton of bricks. Now I am trying to reconcile and rebuild my family, but only time will tell. If someone has reconciled successfully after being divorced, I would love to hear about it.

Gentlepeople,
I am a fool. Everyone has lied to me about this A. I wish I could have that wonderful loving relationship with WH. But I don’t see it happening now.
I can use your help of a steady hand while I go through my awakening.
My naivete and ignorance, have proven to be dangerous. I shudder as I awaken to the full implications of the situation at hand. I need to become more practical and look beyond dreams to the reality of the problems that need to be resolved.
How can I turn this crisis into an opportunity?
Do I even want to be with my WH?
So far I have been so cautious not to be mad, not to show anger, to be alluring.
I have gained nothing by trying to be subtle or strategic in this situation.
I feel as if I have to protect myself and my son. I reread the article about what children learn from infidelity. I feel as if I don’t take my son under my wing. No one else will.
WH left today for NYC with OW and another couple.
OW was invited for Easter dinner and WH announced to the family they were going to NYC together. MIL has been in on the A from the very beginning.
I feel like running away with my YS, but I can’t. I am tempted to just refuse to take him back to his dad’s after the NYC trip.
I sure hope that you all are doing better than I am.
Love, Peace & Justice

MMQ
I am at a loss as to what to say for you. I have no advice. Am I understanding that your H is flaunting this relationship with OW as "an affair" and she ate Easter meal with your family? And your MIL knows and approves? Is she cold and heartless, or are there some details we aren't aware of?

What plan has your lawyer come up for you? What are the separation laws in your state? I think at this point, doing nothing could be the most damaging thing. If things are moving at the fast pace they seem to, you need to move quickly to protect yourself and your YS. Obviously your H isn't thinking of YS, he's in fogland.

I wish I had some words of wisdom but I don't. You are in my prayers, I'm sorry things are happening the way they are.

Hi All,

I only have a few moments... but I think I remembered the link for Leah, that I was talking about... that FreeIndeed was posting about her "M".

It's called "Listen to your Inner Voice".

Look for it in the MBer's search area... and it should pop up.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

MAQ- Just hang in there for now, it's a horrible time and it doesn't get better overnight, even though we want the pain to stop, it doesn't. I had lots of ddays too, toooooo many to even post. Each time it would rock my world.

Early on, before I found MB, it was suggested to me, not to make any decisions when in such an emotional uproar. It was good advice. I am soooo happy today that I did the work I did based on the MB principles, because no matter what happens in my M, I am truley OK.

Leah -
I remember the post Wallace is talking about. It was probaly late 02 to early 03 on the DV board. I may have even saved it on my computer. (Could that be why my computer is so slow? All these mb threads?)

Same thing happened with my husband, he came around when I filed a legal separation. But caution I was ready to let him go if he continued. It took me a long time and a lot of work to be a peace with first myself and then the situation. I went to Alanon, counseled with Steve Harley, did other things as well to work on me. I didn't do it cuz everyone was telling me to, it came from within because it was the right thing to do as the result of a lot of prayer.


There is a thread right now about the MB principles in recovery and it mentions MC vs the Harleys. 2ofakind is the one who had posted on his own thread and on someone elses. I 'll go back and look for it and post it.

Wallace, We have not addressed anything since he's been back but we will. I don't know what on up there at this point, and it seems that somehow God reveals to me what I need to know, sometimes in the most bizarre ways! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> The business is closed and a guy is up there doing the final cleaning. Thank God we are done with that!

Leah - the name I found in recovery is Pepperband. She also posts in GQ. I didn't know that her FWH was a recovering alcoholic of 8 years. She said that Alanon, and AA were part of their marriage recovery. She has posted for a long time. She has posted some revelant things on a thread by Spyder slayer and on my thread to her.

Gotta get to bed - I have a full day tomorrow and an early one at that.

Good night! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

D.

Leah - here are the links on the recovery board that my help-

Link to thread on recovery for leah

link to my thread in recovery

Here's a good link as well, this guy was first a BS, then a WS.
2ofakind's thread


D.

Hi everyone, you may remember me by mommax8, my husband and I reconciled or a year and now he has up and left me and the kids again, almost a year to the day. This time no more reconciliation, he has left me with 8 kids a mound of bills and were are being forced from our home and I have to do all of this in 2wks time. I am in complete and total despair again and I don't know if I can do it again.

Mx8
It's great to hear from you! Here's a link (note date) to show you how much you were missed:
Where is Mommax8?

I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out. What are your plans? Can you give us an update with a few more details? How can we support you?

Hi everyone, thank you so much for asking where I have been. Let's see I am currently moving out of the house we got together when we reconciled, I have to be out at the end of this month. I have all the kids with me except for my 15yr old daughter who is with her dad at his parent's house. Yes he went back home to mom and dad again and they are comforting him because his wife is so wicked and she won't let him walk all over her and treat her like dirt anymore. He went off his meds for bipolar in november and began drinking again. He blames me because I didn't make sure we could afford his meds and because I worried more about feeding the kids I was selfish selfcentered and self-absorbed. I don't know how being a single parent, working a full-time job, being very active in the church, taking care of my 94yr old grandmother, how I could be self absorbed.

Well he left April 6th and he hasn't called one time to talk to the kids, I called because my daughter is there and as soon as I spoke he began to scream yell and call me anything but a child of God, he began to talk to our son and told him that he was making a bomb in the garage and was going to blow up a friend of mine that is a police officer because he tackled him from not jumping off a building.. I promptly ended the conversation and I haven't communicated with him sense.

On a better note, I am doing much better emotionally than I did last year because I am really over it and am excited about starting a new life and what God has planned for us, I know it is something big since the kids and I have endured so much. The kids and I are going on a mission trip with our church, which is something I have always wanted to do but couldn't so we are off.

The support I need the most would be how to deal with my kids and their hatred towards their father, they really don't want to have anything to do with him now. He has done this to them twice and they have lost all respect for him. Even my daughter who is with him she just feels sorry for him and says he is mental and she needs to take care of him.....he has abused us so bad for the last 17years. I see a counselor on Tuesday in order to get us all started in family counseling.

Also need lots of prayers for strength and volunteers because i have to move my whole house and eight kids and I can't lift a king size bed. Everyone from the church plans on being at my house on the 30th and take the kids off my hands for 2 days so I can get them all set up.

I am looking so forward to starting a new life I never thought I could live without him, now I couldn't imagine living the rest of my life with him..... Thank God for protecting me and my children again.

Left ,
I can’t imagine moving a household of belongings for a family your size! It’s great you’ve got a good church family to help out. We’ll pray that they all show up on the right day. I assume you have a new place lined up, and won’t have to live with your family like you did before.

I’m glad you feel you’re doing better emotionally. Did you decide to not use the same screen name you had before? What do we call you now? “Lefty”? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> LOL

You said:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Even my daughter who is with him she just feels sorry for him and says he is mental and she needs to take care of him.....he has abused us so bad for the last 17years. I see a counselor on Tuesday in order to get us all started in family counseling.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Please watch out for this daughter, that she doesn’t get sucked into his life. That’s such a vulnerable age and I honestly don’t think it would do her one bit of good to stay with her dad. I actually think it will create problems for her (emotionally) at some point in the near future. It's an automatic co-dependant relationship! If there is any way you can convince her to stay with you, in my opinion, that would be best for her. I’m glad you’re going to see a counselor too. Will the kids be seeing the same counselor? What about the 15 year old? Will her dad let her see a counselor if he won't see one himself? How about finances? I know that was an issue before, too.

<small>[ April 18, 2004, 09:57 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hello everyone. Hope you all enjoyed a nice weekend. I had a good week with my girls. My husband called and said he missed me. Shock! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> The thing I have to work on is not wondering if he's up to something when he starts being nice. That has happened a few times in the past. I'm trying to take the positive for face value and let go of the past. A challenging thing to do...

WALLACE and WGTT,

Thanks so much for the links and info. I've read thru some of it but haven't gotten thru it all. It is very helpful. I've always enjoyed reading 2oaks threads. He certainly says it like it is. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

LEFT,

You certainly must be a strong lady for God to entrust to you the care of eight children. I'm glad to hear you are at peace and are looking forward to a new life. That's a great perspective!I hope all goes well with your move. I'll pray you get the help you need. God bless!

<small>[ April 19, 2004, 02:15 PM: Message edited by: Leah2be ]</small>

Leah
That's great about your husband calling you. You're right, take it as a positive thing. I know you hope at some point to stop "double guessing" everything he says.

Me Nothing new with me, but I did have something unusual happen, so I thought I'd post it. On Saturday a message was left on my machine for H, from a professional acquaintance (who obviously doesn't know H moved 2 yrs ago, LOL). Message was along the lines of "I got your new CD, you've outdone yourself this time, this is the greatest musical creation I've ever heard, etc." So I found out through this he's made a new CD and is selling them. (I had read in paper that he played Friday night somewhere, so I guess that's where this guy got it). H gave daughter a copy for her b'day and she said it's the weirdest music she's ever heard - like having toddlers play piano, bass and guitar, all in different keys, at same time. So I can probably assume I'm not mentioned in the liner notes, LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Then, Monday night at 10:30 I'm in bed, about to drift off to sleep, and the phone rings. It's H. He can't get his car key to turn over the ignition, and wondered if there was still a spare key around the house. Needless to say I didn't sleep for a while after that. It was not an unpleasant chat but just strange, two mentions of him in two days. Weird <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ April 20, 2004, 12:59 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi All,

Left...

Good to hear from you... but sorry to hear the news of your "H's" state of being.

I think your better off staying away from him... and I would get your daughter back home as well. She doesn't need to be in that type of atmosphere. She needs to be in a stable enviroment with a Parent that is grounded. Until your "H" gets the help he needs, I would have your whole family stay clear of him.

Concerning you childrens attitude towards thier father. IMHO, they have every right to feel the way they do. My children feel the same way about their mother.I neither encourage or discourage their feeling towards their mother. If and when they want to strike up a relationship with their mother... it will be by their own choice. It's not something you can force a child to do... they choose to do it on their own, in their own time, if ever.

Leah...

It appears that your taking things in a positive direction.



</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The thing I have to work on is not wondering if he's up to something when he starts being nice. That has happened a few times in the past. I'm trying to take the positive for face value and let go of the past. A challenging thing to do... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think you have the right idea. I would stick with mindset until you have something that gives you real cause for concern.

avondale...

I thought this was classic.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Then, Monday night at 10:30 I'm in bed, about to drift off to sleep, and the phone rings. It's H. He can't get his car key to turn over the ignition, and wondered if there was still a spare key around the house. Needless to say I didn't sleep for a while after that. It was not an unpleasant chat but just strange, two mentions of him in two days. Weird
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL... I never new of a spare key that would make an engine turn over that the original wouldn't... LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I think your right... it is wierd... I wonder what his motivation is?

Me...

Well my YD's birthday is this Sunday, so I'm still trying to get set up for that... and then there is her graduation next month. It's been a hectic month.

Petvet and EC...

What's going on with you guys? Anything new happening?

Hope everyone has a great day.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<small>[ April 21, 2004, 12:57 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Hi Everyone. Hope everyone is doing well. Things are pretty good here. My husband just left for a business trip to Columbus. He'll be gone till Monday. Our little positive direction was short lived, as usual.

This is the cycle were on. I get where I pretty much "give up" and resolve to just get on with my life with the girls. I'm pleasant but non-engaging because of the hurt and pain every time I try to go there. About the time he sees me backing up he comes around and says something encouraging, like "I've missed you"

Then I'll think, hey maybe he might really want a relationship and I start to try to open up the chanels of communication. Then, bam, he'll typically get angry again about something I've said and once again I'm alone. (He will get angry if I should ever suggest that he's less than a perfect husband or that I might have some unmet needs) Any type of open communication leaves him defensive and angry no matter how hard I try to "say it right".

So then we're back to the old roommate situation marriage. He's happy as long as life goes totally his way with no confrontations or expectations from me.

So my choice is to accept this marriage as is and probably will always be,apart from a miracle, or divorce. I hate both options!

Still praying about it all and trying to trust God with the outcome. I just need wisdom and direction in the decision. Also, if I'm to continue to stay, how to do that and remain at peace and to find joy in the journey.

Thanks for "listening". It's been great to have your advice and support. Hope all of you have a great weekend!

Avondale

That was very strange about your husband calling for a key! Any more contact? How did your husband and daughter do with their dinner? Still praying for you!