Hi Y'all,
I guess everyone is gearing up for the weekend. I know I certainly am!

Leah
What are your plans if you do divorce? Would you HAVE to be the one to leave? What does "leaving the marital home" mean in your state? I know you won't move rashly (and haven't done so in the past) but have you fully explored all those issues that come with separation/divorce? I know that is your second choice. I wonder if your H is acting the way he is to force YOU to be the one to make the decision. Is he passive in other areas of his life?

Thanks for your prayers and interest. Dinner with daughter went "ok" according to her. It turns out his parents went so that helped her. I'm not sure if they were invited before or after he invited me.

Left ,
I hope your moving goes well. How is your oldest daughter doing with her dad? Have you been able to convince her (and him) that she should be with you? Do you think he'll move in with his parents?

MMQ - How are you doing? Please post an update <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

WGTT - Is everything progressing well with you and your H? Did he get stuff packed up and moved without incident?

Petvet, EC, Wallace
How are y'all? Did you survive tax day? I got my refunds already <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi Everyone,

I would love to learn how to quote someone so I could more accurately reply to questions and such. I know there are quotes on the top of the page but how do you use them to quote only portions of the post that you want to use?? I'm not exactly a whiz kid on this computer but I'm trying. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Avondale,

Let me see if I can answer your questions right. Whenever I go back and reread post, I often find I neglected to address a question or concern. I don't know how to just copy portions of this thread either. Sorry.

Anyhow, yes I have thought long and hard about separation. I have also sought counsel from attorneys regarding our situation. They all advise me to stay put and work hard to get him to be the one to leave. BUT,that is the problem. He won't leave. He says he's happy and if I don't like the marriage then I can leave without the kids. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Obviously, I'm not going to do that!

So, we're at a stalemate. The only way we could get a divorce is to have a one year in house separation. It seems to be the only solution if we go that route. Of course, I would love to think there is a way to make this marriage work but after five years, I'm battle weary.

Thanks for writing Avondale. I hope you and all others have a great weekend!

Leah
To quote,just hit the "quote" button, which is in the group of buttons below the box where you type new posts. It will then show two HTML tags, (two words saying QUOTE in brackets). Then copy and paste the text you want to quote, and put the text between those two QUOTE words. If Petvet can learn how to do smileys, you can do this! Good luck!

<small>[ April 22, 2004, 09:29 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hey Everyone,

I hope everyone's day went well today. I'm getting ready for the weekend as well, but I have one more day of work... and it has been hectic.

Leah...

I will try to instruct you on how to put in quotes... but I am more of a hands on kind of guy than anything else... but here goes.

You first need to highlight the area that you want to put in to your quote. You do this by putting your mouse cursor right at the beginning of the area that you want to copy for your quote.

Hit your left mouse button and it should highlight the area that you want to copy in blue. Drag your mouse over the entire area that you want to copy... and then hit your CTRL button and then your C button one right after the other. This will copy the area that you want to quote. Then once you have done that... go to "Quote" in the Instant UBB Code... and you click on quote.

You will see at that point something like [quote] [quote}. Point your cursur in the middle of these and then hit your keys CTRL and V, at the same time... and you should see what you copied and pasted in between the quotes. If you like... you can preview what you have done... and if it's to your satisfaction then you can "add reply".

Concerning what's happening in your "M" at this point. I'm going to you my take on it from a guy's perspective.

You need IMHO, need to be less open to his needs, without turning it into a "LB". IMHO... guys as well as gals want what they think they can't have. Don't be overly receptive to his wants and needs, but on the other hand... don't be neglectful. You don't want to appear to be needy... and it sounds like that may be the case. Men love a good challenge... so go ahead and give him one.

MMQ...

As hard as it is... and with what is facing you at this point in time... my question is... is did you get yourself an attorney to at least go over all the details of what seems to be coming up in the not to distant future?

avondale...

Just curious... why do you think your "H" had his parents along for the dinner with your daughter?

WGTT...

Did your "H" get the all the dealings with the business settled... and what is the status of everything at this point?

Me...

Well both my parents called me today to inform me that they are getting a "D" after 53 years of "M".

Today is the day they were to celebrate 53 years of "M". Instead... they are lining up all their legal staff to file for "D". Life never ceases to amaze me.

Well I hope everyones day goes well for tomorrow.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Wallace
I am in total shock <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Wallace said:

Well both my parents called me today to inform me that they are getting a "D" after 53 years of "M".
Today is the day they were to celebrate 53 years of "M". Instead... they are lining up all their legal staff to file for "D". Life never ceases to amaze me.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What in the world is their reason?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> They've got to be 70+ years old! Did you have any clue? I'm sure you're in shock, and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Hi All,

Well I'm on the down hill slide at work and getting ready for the weekend.

avondale...

Thank you for the prayers and support. It did catch me off guard when my Parents announced this to me. But nothing surprises me anymore.

Both of my Parents are in their late seventies. My Dad will be 80 next month. You would think that they would be enjoying their twilight years with each other at this point in time... but apparently that does not seem to be the case.

Well I hope everyone is doing well... have a great weekend all.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Goodmorning Everyone! Hope it is as pretty where you are as it is here. I love a bright, sunny day!

Avondale and Wallace,

Thanks for the "lesson". I'll soon try it out and see if I can get it to work. I appreciate all your help and advice from how to work a quote to matters of the heart. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Wallace, I am so very sorry to hear about your parents. That must be such a disappointment for you. You will most certainly be in my thoughts and prayers.

Well, I just attempted to quote you but my computer is acting up. I'm afraid it's on its way out. It needs to be replaced, so if I should ever stop posting for awhile, it may be I'm without a computer. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Wallace, about your thoughts on my situation... I really do appreciate your feedback. I love being able to get another man's perspective. I feel you said some very wise things. I'm afraid I'm too often a puppet on a string. I'm really working to be more of a challenge. That has become somewhat easier than it use to be. I'm starting to understand how the "game" is played. I just hate having to always play the game.

A counsellor once remarked that with my husband's personality that is what I'll always have...a cat and mouse chase. He's only interested when I'm not available. Pretty Jr. High but that's what is. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I do thank you for your assessment and will do what I can with God's help.

Hope everyone has a great weekend! God bless!

Hi Everyone,


Avondale - Yes, I survived tax season,(why)? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> because I did my taxes in Feb <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I like to get it over with asap. When I wait, It's like a wet diaper when I stall until tax day <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Your H came out with a CD?Hmmm, how interesting? His CD sounded all mixed together as in confusion? Well I know you're not surprised. Why would you think him and OW would make sweet melody together? I'm sure it's bad enough to make a dog say (Can you hear me now! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )....I forgot, what style of music does he play?

Wallace - Sorry to hear about your parents. You know, this is just the age we're living in, couples not wanting to stick it out, unforgiving, young and old alike. Stay encouraged for the Lord knows all.

When things happen, a blessing is in store. A cripple man/woman may not be able to walk and needs a miracle. God can (make) the person walk by a miracle, or he can (cause) the person to walk by a progressive healing by teaching him/ her to walk with him.


Me: Just getting ready for YD grad d. She don't want to go to the military now, so I'm trying to help with that now. Other than that things are flowing along.

A marriage is like two boards glued to together. When the ripping happens both BS/WS has splinters sticking out. When this happened to us, we went to the Almighty carpenter and said Lord make me new again, heal my rough edges. The WS goes on splintered and jagged, never getting sanded. They join themselves splintered to another person, Oh what pain they take to the next relationship.

Hi, Petvet, Leah, MMQ, Wgtt and anyone else I missed...

Take Care

Hi all! Sorry for the posting lately. I have been in every now and then to read but did not post.

Avondale: Refund, Good Deal <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> ! New CD, how wonderful! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I would advise that you find out the name of the CD and the record company, and monitor the sales. The sales from the CD should be community property. Is the CD a collaboration with his love interest? Does he need money? This was not a very smart move on his part in my opinion. Car keys? Why is he calling you? There is such a profession called locksmith. Is he still with the singer? If you are not careful, he will play these needy games forever how long you let him. I hope the ax season was good for you. I am going to open an office later this year.

Wallace: I read about your parents. Not good news, after 50 plus years. Does not make sense to me? Are you going to try to find out what's going on? Is someone doing something they aren't suppose to be doing? Take care of yourself. You seem to be under alot of pressure; is my observation true?

Left: Sorry to hear that you have had to address problems again. Is this the final straw?

EC: Has YD signed papers for the military? How are you going to get her out of the obligation? The military is going to have trouble getting folks. I would feel odd seeing my ex after many years as well. Just stay cool, and pretend that she is not even there.

Leah: What I am about to say may come off as being direct or mean, but my intentions are good. You know I am divorce now and went through the same bunch of horse____ that you are going through involving one spouse not wanting to leave because they have been lawyered up. I would advise that you stay as well, but the thought of living with your H as a roommate is too much. The kids can see that something is wrong. It is a very stressful situation. All I can advise is that you try to get the divorce on the fast track. These types of situations are messy. Get ready! The one who wants out should be the one to move out. I have much compassion for you.

MMQ: Your MIL has as much moral fortitud as a crocadile. Yes, you have been betrayed. The bridge has been burn, blownup, etc. Do what you need to do to protect yourself. Your WH must have approval from his family for him to display his lover in front of everyone totally dixing you in the process. There is a lot of disrespect and hate towards you from his family. Going forward, you need to understand where that is coming from.

Me: I had been busy with taxes, spring break vacation with kid, etc. My BD was last Saturday and I had a great time with buddy. I am making it. I am moving forward.

Later.

Petvet - Happy Birthday! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Leah - Have you come to any decision or leaning in light of your question about "roommate marriage vs. divorce"? I think you explained it pretty well in the other thread. Did any of the responses surprise you? You could always "bump" it up to possibly get more responses.

Wallace - Any more drama from your parents? I still can't believe that, I'm so sorry. That is probably the oldest age for divorce I've ever heard of! One time I read about an older couple that divorced due to health problems one was having, and didn't want the other to know about. Any possibility that might be a factor??

Left - Did you get moved OK?

EC - Are you counting the days til you see your daughters (and xw) again? I know you have mixed feelings. Let us know when you're going so we can pray for you.

WGTT - Any update on your situation? Things still moving into full reconciliation? I hope so!

Me - After a long day at work, I spent two hours yesterday moving furniture that was my dad's from a storage unit over to my house (daughter took some for her new home). I had delayed doing this because I didn't want my house to be full of furniture if and when Hubby comes over to divide property. But I didn't want to pay for the storage unit any more. I will probably give a lot of my dad's stuff away, but it's an emotional drain, remembering where things were in my parent's house, mom's death, being glad she wasn't around to see what I'm going through, etc. But today's a new day and God is good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Everyone,

Well it's been a real whirlwind over here. Just when you think things are calming down... think again.

Leah...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Avondale and Wallace,

Thanks for the "lesson". I'll soon try it out and see if I can get it to work. I appreciate all your help and advice from how to work a quote to matters of the heart. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No problem on giving you possibly something to work with. Have you had a chance to put any of the advice we gave you into motion, and if so, have you noticed any kind of a change in your "H", be it good or bad?

Also... thank you for your support and prayers concerning my Parents... it is appreciated. In fact I could use quite a few prayers at the moment.

EC...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> this is just the age we're living in, couples not wanting to stick it out, unforgiving, young and old alike. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree completely with your statement. I truly believe that society as a whole cannot keep going down this road much longer. I am becoming very disilliusioned with the way a vast majority of people act out there. I think... I may become a hermit before it's all said and done with.

My YD's graduation is this May 14th. In fact I was at a school function last night to go over all the activities they have scheduled for it. I don't anticipate my exW being there... as my YD stated, "she didn't want here there"... so she didn't send he an invitation.

You stated that your YD decided she didn't want to go into the military. Did she already enlist? Hopefully if she was unsure about enlisting... she didn't go ahead and sign up. If she did... I'm not sure there is much you can do to get her out of it... unless she goes to basic training and doesn't cut it (which is not a good idea to do).

Petvet...

Your BD is the day before my YD's. So a belated "Happy Birthday"! Hope you had a good BD, and everyone enjoyed it.

Concerning my Parent's current situation... my Mother claims that my Dad is having an "A" with another woman. My Dad says that he is not. My Mom says he has been leaving to their other home they have every weekend. She swears that their is another woman behind it all. There must be some sort of evidence to support her acusation... otherwise I don't believe we would have the kind of situation thatthey have going at the moment.

avondale...

Just when you think you have seen it all... you haven't. I don't know of anyone the age of my Parents that are going through the type of situation we have going here. It's just crazy... and I have no quick fix answers for either of them. I told them to come to the MBers site... and get a little educated as to what they both are probably doing wrong.

Sorry to hear about you having to move your Dad's furniture out of storage. I'm sure it was very emotional while you were in the process of doing it. Sometimes I will see something in my house, that will set off a trigger on me. You try to to put any and all of those things somewhere out of site and out of mind... until your ready to deal with it on your own terms.

Me...

I believe my relationship with my G/F is heading south. I think that we are both pulling away from any sort of "M" scenario at this point. She knows I'm not ready, and that I still have a lot of soul searching to do, as well as healing. She is not happy about it... but I told her that I was not going to get "M" just for the sake of getting "M".

I like being single... and I still need time for myself as well as my kids. I don't want to mix the families, and it will be at least another 2 to 4 years before I see any type of "M" plans to be truly successful.

Well I hope everyone has a great day.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi Everyone -


Wallace - YD was able to decline military entry. I spoke to the Military office and found out the procedure. So she's not going now. She said she's going to pursue college now, but I don't see any fruits of that happening so far, but we'll see. I am very concerned for her future...

You and G/f seeing things different? You know, time is always on your side. Marriage is precious and a major decision. Take your time and don't lose your glue by getting in several marriages over time. I'm sure one was enough already. People are going through them like a revolving door and getting deeply wounded.

Avondale - Oh, yes, please pray for me. As I get closer, I'm concerned about possibly meeting OM. He may be at the graduation as last time in 2002 at OD graduation, but we missed each other.

I've been trying to practice my reaction since 2002 but haven't found one yet <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I know they both are liars but I'm sure they'll flount there false love in front of my face, and be ruthless

As I said in the past, I'd be perfectly fine if exww was with somebody new, I have no problem with that. But I do have a problem seeing one the guys that invaded my marriage. It's very difficult to face somebody that while you were still married they made death threats and said " Your wife belongs to them now" and your WW laughs and parades the OM in front of your kids. So I'm kinda having flash backs now. Just when I thought I was far along, I now have to face my past again.

Maybe had I seen OM in 2002 it wouldn't be so bad, who knows. Well I guess this is called facing your fear... The grad is May 18th

I'll be happy to see YD and OD, but just when good is before you, evil is present.

Take Care

Hi All!

Trying to wind down from the work week... not quite there yet though.

EC...

Glad to hear that you were able to get everything with your YD and her enlisting squared away.

I'll bet you are a little nervous about going to your YD's graduation. Keep us informed as it comes up, so we can all say prayers for you. I'm glad you get to see your daughters, but I don't envy you having to deal with your exW and her B/F being there. You have a good head on your shoulders and I'm sure you will handle it well.

Me...

My Parents are evidently going to follow through with the "D", but haven't heard anything new about it lately.

Well everyone... have a great weekend.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

HI,

There is still a lot going on in my world. There are so many consequences to get through as a result of the life style my husband lived the past few years. Thankfully there are not new ones popping up. It takes soooooo much energy, both physical and emotional to deal with everything that is going on.

Add a new profession in the pile of stuff, and that puts me just about on the edge of overload. Somehow, throught the grace of God, I get thru it.

Two days ago I was frustrated with my progress in Real Estate. Yesterday, I decided I needed to give myself the image of a huge sucess. After that a man walked in to use the copier, he was staying there on vacation. Turns out, he was looking for commercial properties and had me show him some today. I am really excited. He was a nice Christian man and we had a really good conversation. It was a God thing.

Hi to all


D.

Hello Everyone,

Wallace,

It sounds as if you're going thru some challenging times right now with your parents situation and with your girlfriend. I've been praying for you. It must be tough dealing with both very emotional situations.

Continue to do what you feel to be right as far as timing with your future marriage. You are wise to be careful with such a big step. I just had a conversation with a lady who just recently married her third husband. Her first one left her and her children for another woman. The second marriage ended because of the conflicts with each other's children. (The older ones were teenagers) It's really difficult to put two households together. It certainly can be done, but it would hold some major challenges.

Anyhow, I just want for you to experience a really happy marriage next time, after all you have gone through the first time around.

Avondale

You asked if I've come up with any new thoughts re marriage vs. divorce. Not really. At this present time I'm trying to continue on for as long as God gives me the grace to stay, unless I discover my husband has been unfaithful again. This can only be done with God's help as I do get really tired and lonely in this marriage. But for the sake of my girls, I'm trying to give them a stable home with a mom and dad. I pray I'm doing the right thing. I truly want to do God's will and would not want to do anything that would hurt my girls. I know that staying isn't an ideal role model for them but I don't think divorce is going to solve all our problems.

Anyhow, thanks for your interest and concern. I hope all is going well for you. Any new developments in your situation?

Petvet,

Thanks for your sympathy with my ongoing situation. I was initially drawn to this thread because of your first posts. They reminded me of where I am and have been. I read about half way thru the thread and then jumped ahead to see what ended up happening to you and your then wife.

I am so happy that you are in so much better a place now. It's nice to see that you are moving on and that you have found happiness with someone else. I hope and pray that someday maybe the same will happen with me. Either with my husband or with someone else. Meanwhile, I'm trying to grow and learn and wait on God for what to do next.

God bless you, Petvet! Oh yeah, Happy Belated Birthday!

EC

I have been praying for you as you prepare for your YD graduation. I hope things go well and that if your Ex-w is there with someone, that it won't be the someone who helped destroy your M. I can totally empathize with that being a very difficult situation. Just keep looking to the Lord for the grace and strength to face that situation with confidence. He'll see you thru!

WGTT

Keep staying strong in your efforts to put your marriage back together. With God's help, you can make it! I'm glad there haven't been any new stuff to deal with. I know the old stuff is enough to keep you challenged. Keep looking up!

me

I'm doing okay. Just trying to do the next thing and to keep on keeping on. I've been trying to continue to keep my focus on the Lord and just learning to take it one day at a time. I'm trusting Him to bring good from all the struggles. He is faithful! Hope all of you have a great week!!

Hi All,

Just have a few moments... and then I have to get back to work.

WGTT...

Both of my folks were in real estate for many years. When they first got started, their business was very slow. As time went on though... they eventually became very successful in it. So hang in there, and stay with it. From what I've seen... you should eventually get out of it, what you put into it.

I'm sure you have a lot of work to do to clean up all the wonderfulness that has happened over the past years. It's a lot of work... but if your both willing to put in the effort to make it work... I'm sure you will be successful. Take each task... one at a time if you can. That way both you and your "H", won't become overwhelmed with it all.

Leah...

I think your making the right decision by stay in the "M". Your not going to make you childrens life any better by disolving the "M", unless there is abuse etc. In addition, it gives you the opportunity to keep working on your "M", to try to make it better. If you haven't succeeded by the time your children are ready to go out on their own... then I would consider going your seperate ways.

Well back to work.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

~~~~ oops double post~~~
It's the computer's fault, it just happened! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<small>[ May 05, 2004, 06:09 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi Everyone,
It seems there hasn't been a lot of new things going on to post. However, here's something I wanted to share. Y'all know that I've struggled with if and how I should talk to H about "our future" (or should I say "the" future?). Especially since our talk in Feb. when he said he'd like to meet every month to work out divorce elements, it has weighed more heavily, waiting for what he said was inevitable. Out of deference to him, I have not said or done anything that could be construed to be FOR divorce. I spoke to my pastor who told me he thought I was suffering much more than H was, due to his lack of commitment (obviously!) and indecisiveness. He had encouraged me to talk to H,always making sure I said I was committed to our marriage and to him. I still didn't feel comfortable doing that, cuz everything I could think of to start the conversation sounded like I was asking for divorce. So I had prayed for him to initiate SOME KIND of contact. Here's what happened:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Hubby wrote:
I imagine you probably have some mail for me. If you want to leave it in the door tomorrow morning, I'll drop off the check at around 8:30 or quarter till nine.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Avondale25 replied:
Thanks for the check; I'll leave the mail in the door for you. I also have a question. When we had dinner at Harpers in February, you had mentioned getting together regularly. I haven't heard from you, and just wondered. Regardless, you know I remain committed to our marriage vows.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">To me this is living dangerously in a sense. No response yet, but I'll keep you posted. Perhaps this will make him re-examine himself <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

EC - Two more weeks til graduation. Are you driving or flying?

<small>[ May 05, 2004, 06:11 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi Gang!!


Hope everyone is doing fine!

Avondale - Yep, in 2 weeks or less, I'll be heading to YD's graduation. Exw sent me YD's prom pictures the other day. YD has really grownup, not my same baby I remember. It's going to be really wierd being there and I just don't know what to expect.

Despite it all I'm going to make my journey to the beach of course <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> and have some fun while I'm there, haven't been since 2000. I guess it'll just be me and flipper in the ocean somewhere <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I'll be flying there thank goodness. I drove one time and that was enough.

One year on the beach I saw what I thought was a ladies brown wig floating on the water <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . I proceeded to pick it up out the water to find it's owner and saw that it was a jellyfish that stings <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ...Oh boy was I surprized.... As I splashed running out of the water, I almost step on a stingray, so that was a fun day.


Leah - As long as your H is trying you have a chance. As long as he's moving opposite you're in good hands..The pathway that usually leads to most affairs, not all, are in this order:

Offence/Bitterness/Envy/Hatred/Betrayal-Affair/Adultery/Shame and guilt........

You'll find that most WS's are dealing with an offence or unforgiveness, maybe even from 10 years ago, they never addressed in the marriage. This thing slowly grew over the years until they just blew.

A WS who is still with the OM/OW is always stuck back and forth between guilt and shame. Until they move forward, they can't heal. When coming back to there mate, they still must deal with (point A) (offence/bitterness, etc) they must forgive themselves and forgive there mate, otherwise it's a continued cycle...

Offence - The WS will keep something lodge in the back of there mind something that happened in the relationship that was painful never letting it go.

Bitterness - The offence is now grown and when things happen they are sharp with words, quick tempered, not willing to assist you in things you once shared.

Envy/Hatred - Now they begin to want there own space, the single life, own money. They don't like what you have to offer, they see things different,say to themselves were not compatible now....

Betrayal - EA/PA - They are Now distant, cold,withdrawn, they stay gone longer from home, strange activity is happening, all the while you don't know why, you're puzzled, you think it's because of a past spat a few days ago, etc, then when you finally do talk they say, I love you, but not in love with you, you are like stunned? whats happening?...Until (D-day) This is why we the BS are caught off guard...Then they move on from there as if we never existed and we are left dumbfounded and wounded....

Anyway remember that some WS's feel so unworthy when they return they can't even pick there head up and look you in the eye. Not all slow progress is due to not trying, but they are too burdened down with shame and guilt. Remember that the prodical son said," I am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants".

The prodical son felt he lost his place in the house and relationship as many WS's when they return. It's sad to say, but lots of WS men feel prostituted and used by OW when they return, some WS's don't return exactly for that reason, they feel to dirty and violated...

Anyway the Lord is there to wash there sins away when they are ready.... hang in there, good things can happen.

Hi - Wallace, petvet, wgtt,mmq and anyone is missed..

Hi All,

Well my father and my brother are flying into town for my YD's graduation (which is next Friday). You can't believe how much of a dissarry my house is in at the moment. I am in the middle of renovating the kitchen and two bathrooms in my house. Had I known they were going to come into town... I would of held off and waited until they came and went.

My Dad announced to me that he has to go in for surgery to remove a lump in his arm because the doctors have determined that it's Cancer. So the riff between my Dad and my MOm seems to be subsiding due to this latest news.

it's been quite the month so far! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

avondale...

I like what you had to say to your "H", and the way you stated it. Have you heard anything from him at this point? I don't believe your going to cause anything to happen at this point, because of what you did... you both agreed on communicating on a regular basis and you deserve to know why he isn't living up to his end of the agreement.

EC...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Quote by EC

One year on the beach I saw what I thought was a ladies brown wig floating on the water . I proceeded to pick it up out the water to find it's owner and saw that it was a jellyfish that stings ...Oh boy was I surprized.... As I splashed running out of the water, I almost step on a stingray, so that was a fun day.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL... you had me rolling with that one.

So your going back to the beach? Hopefully you don't find any ladies wigs floating around in the water again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Remember to enjoy your time with your children, and I will have you in my thoughts and prayers during your trip.

Petvet...

You must be having a good time now that tax season is over. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

WGTT, Leah, MMQ, and anyone that I have missed... I hope you are all doing well.

Hope everyone has a nice day, and a good weekend.

Stay Strong!

Wallace