Question for all

I had the children Monday evening for my visitation. Tuesday morning DS is feeling bad, upset stomach and small fever. I stay home with him and call my former to let her know that he and I are at home. She wants to know if I'm bringing him to her place of work.

OK, for the longest time now I've done the majority of the driving, dropping off and picking up of the children for visitation...and have no problems with it. But as I get futher into this thing called divorce I sometimes see where I might need to change some things. Either way I explained that I was not planning on going in that direction and asked if she could pick him up at my home.

This she did not like. But that's ok, it takes her all of 10 minutes to run by here from work and my plans have me going in the opposite direction.

Neither here or there...today DS is still sick and stayed at home again, alone. He's 11 but in my opinion a sick child, only 11, running a fever does not need to be at home alone. Heck! Even well he does not need to be home alone, not for an entire day!

When I called this afternoon to check an see how he was doing he told me he had stayed home. I asked if Mom stayed with him. Nope. I asked if she came home for lunch. Nope. I asked if he had asked her if he could go to work with her. Yes, but she said no. OK, so now I'm not feeling really good about this. DS, were you disappointed since Mom would not let you go to work? Yes. Were you disappointed when you were left alone? Yes.

Question....(I PROMISE I'll learn one day to be brief) How does one pose this question to former without LB's, disrespectful judgements or accusations? (or at this point does it even matter?)

What am I wanting to do? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Take a guess. Blow it out of the water, tell her that if it happens again we will be back in court (no, this is not the first time) Has something to do with her not getting sick days and needs to work the full week so she can have a full paycheck (even though parent's make her car payment and insurance payment).

Sugesstions and advice before I call.

Trusting Him

You have a challenging situation on your hands. I would think your former would respond better to you if you were able to keep the mention of courts out of the conversation. I guess the question would be, will she behave any different without some given consequence? Would it be enough of a motivation if she understood how upset you were to have your son left home alone?

I don't blame you for being angry. I would not want my soon to be eleven year old home alone all day, healthy or not.

I will pray for you and your talk with your former. I think it is wise to give it a little time to cool off and think through your upcoming conversation. Also, it always helps to pray about it first. Hope things are resolved without a lot of conflict. Take care.

Trusting - I wonder if there are options that you could suggest to your former when you talk to her about this? Perhaps another relative could stay with your son, or a mutual friend. If you give her other options/ideas for when the kids are home sick, that might help keep LB-ing out of it.

Also, 11 years old is kind of, IMHO, on the borderline of being OK to stay alone. Granted, I think if he’s truly sick (something more than a cold) supervision would be more warranted. But I do know of parents who have kids that age who have no other choices for childcare and HAVE to leave their child of that age while they work. I may have had to do it myself (I can’t remember). If your former went home at lunch to check on him, that would have been great! But even taking a (sick) child to work isn’t a good idea - most co-workers don’t appreciate that because of the spread of germs.

You are right to not use court as a threat. But you should write this (and all other instances of this nature) down and document it with as much detail as possible.

And as far as expecting former to do her share of the driving - you have every right to do that and not be a doormat. Have you already set a precedence now? Perhaps you can just alternate turns driving and picking up somehow . I don’t know what your arrangements are. Again, document that type of thing too.

I hope you were able to get prayed up before you called her! I'm glad you didn't just fly off the handle <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

OK... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> first of all I would never threaten (courts), that was just the vent over the situation or the world screaming at tme to treat her as she has treated me in the past. Would I go there, only if I felt my children were being neglected and that is not true.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Leah2be said: You have a challenging situation on your hands. I will pray for you and your talk with your former. Also, it always helps to pray about it first.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes I do.
Thank You!
I did!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Avondale said: I wonder if there are options that you could suggest to your former when you talk to her about this?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Actually, my son called and before we hung up former asked to talk to me. Her question? Can you check on DS tomorrow if he stays home. I had planned a trip and tomorrow is the only day I can manage it.

Praise God! I never even had to open the subject.

Do you feel that it is wise to leave DS home alone if he is sick. What options are available to us to ensure that he is not alone?

She offered up a list of options much like yours, my only concern was that she failed to mention Daddy.

From there the conversation went well, or as well as one could hope for.

Needless to say, she will call in the morning to let me know if DS is staying home and we will decide from there what to do.

There was a lot more said, and a lot of it positive that I wish I could share but I am finding it hard to express my thoughts on them right now.

Doormat? I think I was for a long time and in the last several months have lessened that attitude or feeling. Things are looking brighter.

All it all it went quite well. I'll share more as I figure out how to type an almost hour conversation with her doing most of the talking.

Second question?

During the course of the converstion she offered that her and BF are now broken up... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> , OK...but why tell me.

Hi all!

Trusting: You offered up a very good prayer. Once again, I offer that prayer is indeed helpful until the situation indangers the stability of one's family, sanity, and health. Both parties have to be on the same page. It's not just left up the BS.

Wallace: Please someone, give me some smelling sauce. I'm laid out on the floor and I cannot get up. Wallace, Wallace, Wallace, slow down pal. Please take little steps to the altar. Don't be push and shrove by the your finacee.

Avondale: Stay strong.

Later.

Hi All,

Well I had a post going but somehow lost it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Leah...

I only lose part of my mind duriong the Holiday season. I'll get it back, as soon as the Holidays pass.

It was once my favorite time of the year, and ever since my "D", they have become a time that I really don't look forward to.

Hopefully some of what I posted concerning a "H", and his business/family relationship put some things into perspective based on my past history.

Six years is a long time to be in a Plan A. mode... but just maybe in time he will snap out of it and see what he really has going for him.

I would stay the course as long as it doesn't start getting worse, and try to build from there.

Trusting Him...

I got a good laugh when you told me how many white hairs you got. If it keeps up... you may have to get the "Just for Men" hair dye out. Let's hope you won't need that.

Concerning you son, and being left home while he is sick. I have to ditto what avondale stated as well.

Hopefully you can sit down with your former and discuss a reasonable set of standards when it comes to situations such as what you have going.

I would only use the Courts as a last resort, if you in fact cannot come up with a situation that both you and your former can come to terms with.

avondale...

What's the status as far as the "D", being finalized?

Hang in there... I know it gets rough at this point... knowing that your worse fears have come true. But, the sun will still shine another day... and you of all people will be able to bounce back as move forward.

Say a nice long prayer, and let the Lord lead you way on this one.

Petvet...

You need some smelling salts? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I know... it is crazy, huh?

Trust me! I'm not going to get "M", unless I know in my mind that I am in fact ready. I haven't set any date, just a possibility of walking down the aisle sometime this coming summer. Nothing however is written in stone... not yet anyway.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hey all,

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. PA had beautiful weather while here in CA, the snow level was down to 1,500 feet. I had a friend living at the base of the mountains and they had 10 inches!! When it starts to snow in CA, it will be time for me to move to Florida. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Leah2Be

Hope your family was together during the holidays. How is everything going?

My online store will be a 'fashion jewelry' store and I'll let all of you know when it is up and running. I didn't realize how much work it includes! It would have been easier to open a brick & mortar store. I like to stay busy but I've become overwhelmed.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But I'm willing to listen to other perspectives. I sincerely do want to be reasonable and respectful in my relationship with my H. I'm trying to understand what is continuously going wrong between us. ANY THOUGHTS OR IDEAS WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. Thanks so much! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It seems that you have done all that can be done as far as you being reasonable and respectful. You've got to realize that it is not you and you cannot take that responsibility upon yourself or you will go mad!

I walked around on egg shells trying not to upset my 'X' and basically became a doormat. Any questions to him were met with the same, "you're trying to control me" When he got tired of me questioning him, he left! Only then did I realize how much of myself I had given up!

So, take care of you.

Avondale

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How often do you who are already divorced think about the "date" of your finalization? If so, do you think of the date you signed the papers or the date it was filed in court? Arrgh! (end of vent) </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As you know, I had to wait 6 months and 1 day before I finalized my divorce. For me, I think the worst is remembering the anniversary date. Up until the time of finalization I hoped God would somehow intervene and when that didn't happen I had to believe it was for my good. So, today the pain is not as intense, but still there to some degree. I have stopped praying that God would restore my marriage. It also didn't help that we never spoke the entire time. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Trusting Him

You are amazing! I so enjoy your posts. Sometimes you just wonder what WS wants in their lives.

Glad to hear your vision is good. Like Leah2be, My contacts are like that, one near and one far! Your brain does catch up eventually.

Petvet

I guess there will be a wedding between you and Wallace yet.

Glad everything is going well with your custody as in not hearing anything. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Wallace

You wait until I'm gone to drop your bombshell.

The ladies here will have to take lessons from your gf. "how to wear a man down in 10 days" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

So, what I'm hearing is that you are rolling over, true?

Ditto, Avondale!!

Everyone else, Hello and post soon.

relady

Hi all!

Wallace: Ha ha ha! You are right. Salt not sauce. But the sauce part still pertains to you like in hot sauce because your GF is blowing your mind like hot sauce. Relady was right. What did she do to wear you down? Come on, tell the truth! We know women have an ace card that leave men helpless. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Relady: I guess you better get your online jewelry business going soon for a couple of heavy diamond purchases. Oh, have you heard about the influx of folks moving from California to Mexico because of the cheap real estate?

Hope all is well everyone.

Later.

RELADY,

How nice to hear from you! It sounds as if you're very busy with your newest project. I'm sure that is a major undertaking. Are you hoping to have your on-line store open before Christmas? It would be nice to gain some sales that way, although it sounds as if it would be challenging to pull it all together by then. I hope it becomes less over whelming with time and becomes a source of joy to you.

When you write about your situation, it rings all too familiar for me. Just this morning my H said one of the reasons he avoids being with me sexually is that I'm manipulative and controlling. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Most family and friends who know us would find that very laughable as they view H as a total control freak and a "slick Willy" to boot.

Walking on eggshells is something I've done for too long. I realize I have no where to go but up at this juncture. I'm going to continue to "speak the truth in love" and let the chips fall where they may. It seems no matter how hard I try or what I try it will never be good enough for H. He's angry or disappointed with me the majority of the time, so why not just be me?

When you wrote that you lost a lot of yourself in your marriage, I can so relate. I've spent the last sixteen years desperately trying to earn H's approval. Somewhere along the line, I'm afraid I've lost me too.

I'm working diligently on "getting me back". After years of rejection and being made to feel so little a person, it is challenging to find your footing again. But with God's help, I want to become a confident, Godly lady. Thanks for your encouragement along the way!

Avondale,

Many thoughts of you throughout the weekend. Have you received final notification? Are you doing okay? I'm so looking forward to this all being behind you. I want you to be able to move forward towards a happier future. I'm still praying... ((((Avondale))))

Trusting Him.

I'm so glad your conversation with your wife went well. That's a great answer to prayer. It's interesting that she mentioned her breakup to you and that she spoke to you for an hour. I'm sure that did give you much to think about.

Just be careful not to read too much into it or let your hopes get too high. I know I frequently have to remind myself of that with my H. He'll say or do something encouraging, and then before I know it, I let myself think all kinds of happy thoughts. But sooner or later a different reality quickly presents itself, leaving me feeling pretty deflated.

I don't want to rain on your parade, I just see myself in you and don't want you to be hurt. Not to ever take your hope away, because there is always hope in God. He does have a great plan for your life and it might one day include your former being with you. I hope that for you but if not that, I'm confident it will be something even better. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Let us know how you're doing when you can. We all enjoy hearing from you. Don't worry about being too long, I always enjoy reading your posts.

Hi Petvet and Wallace,

Hope both of you men "in love" are doing well. It must be nice having someone to share the holidays with. Keep looking up! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


Me

I'm staying very busy with birthdays (Two of my girls) and Christmas and all the many activities that go along with both. Tonite I'll be having both sets of grandparents over for a big birthday dinner. Tomorrow is YD Christmas program. Thursday is middle D's Christmas band concert. Saturday the youth group are coming over for the main part of a progressive dinner.

Then during the days, I'm doing my usual volunteer work at the girls schools, working in the office and computer class and mentoring. We also have some added Christmas activities. So that is what I'm up too.

What I'm feeling... trying to focus on the Christ of Christmas rather than the loneliness that sometimes tugs at my heart. I'm trying to find ways to deal with H's ongoing rejection of me. That is my biggest challenge. How does one get past rejection when it is staring you in the face daily? Big dilema, but I keep trying to press forward with the Hope of God and the many blessings in my life. It's all about perspective isn't it? Take care and love to all of you!

<small>[ December 06, 2004, 07:55 AM: Message edited by: Leah2be ]</small>

Hi All,

Well guess what? My computer is still acting up.

I changed everything on it except the proceesor, and video card... so I'm at a loss at this point.

relady...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

You wait until I'm gone to drop your bombshell.

The ladies here will have to take lessons from your gf. "how to wear a man down in 10 days" [Big Grin]

So, what I'm hearing is that you are rolling over, true?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL... I didn't wait to drop the bombshell why you were gone on purpose. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I just decided to throw the towel in and go with the flow.

It "DID" however take her longer than 10 days... more like 2 years. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

How's your online business going so far. My brother is in the wholesale business for jewelry... he reps a number of diamond suppliers. He might be a good contact for you... to get pricing, and possibly compare it to what you have going. I'm sure you will do well in it.

Are you still involved in the Real Estate end of business as well?

Glad to hear that you enjoyed your trip... I'm thinking about buying a summer home in FLorida. I have seen enough years of snow... I like the warmth and that wonderful sunshine that gors with it.

Petvet...

Hehehe... I am indeed in the hot sauce... right up to my eye balls in it. LOL

How did she wear me down? She had a very good game plan... and she stuck with it... she never waivered from it. Now that she knows I have succumbed to the madness for the most part... she's coming in for the kill... she's looking at new houses for us to move into, after we get "M". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Leah...

Wow!!! I got dizzy just reading all the things you have going on. That's good though... it keeps your mind from dwelling on negative things. I did pretty much the same thing... I always had something going on.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
How does one get past rejection when it is staring you in the face daily?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">By looking past it... and staying busy... just like your doing. As time goes on, you will find yourself building an inner peace that will help you get past the rejection. Through the grace of the Lord, and doing just what your doing... you will find that you will overcome the rejection in time. It's a major hurdle to get past... but with a lot of work and patience... you will find yourself working past it in time.

Rejection... is just as bad as the actual "A" IMHO... at least it was for me.

avondale... Trusting Him... and everyone else....

Hope you are all doing well. avondale, let us know how you made out when you get a chance.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Relady - It was great hearing from you. Glad you got back in time to speak to Wallace, cuz I’m not sure Leah and I can keep these guys out of the Loveboat, LOL. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Will you have a store on Ebay or stand-alone? What type of jewelry - things made by you/friends, or resales of more well-known brands?

Petvet - I think you’re not telling us all there is to tell about your g/f. Are you scared of the girls on this thread? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Leah - Thanks for thinking/praying for me. It is probably good that you have other things to keep you busy during the holidays. I wonder, does your H ever give you big gifts to make up for his lack of attention? Have you thought out (like, really thought out - in writing, perhaps) a plan on how to continue to live with your H when the rejection continues?

Trusting - I wonder if your former is only giving you food for thought. Just pray about it. I’ll be honest, women (even Christian ones like us) know how to work guys. Men have lust, but women know how to manipulate it - it’s part of the fall of man! None of us want you to get hurt. Just tuck that bit of info away for now. How are your kids doing?

Wallace - When you say to your g/f “a possibility of getting married this summer” I can GUARANTEE you all she’s hearing is “married this summer”. It’s not a poor reflection on her, this is just the way a lot of women (and some men) are. I think we’ve had this conversation before, haven’t we?

Me - Well, I signed the divorce papers today. I didn’t like that they said “permanent disolution” of the marriage but I understand that’s standard. I am now working on changing my will, my banking accounts, etc. I tell ya, I never realized how much OTHER stuff there was which was tied up into this. And yet, I still can’t get it out of my head that this is not permanent. I honestly don’t know if I’m in denial or just still have hope. Hope isn’t a bad thing...and my hope is in the Lord, not in my H or his actions. I cannot bring myself to take off my wedding & engagement rings. Is there any "rule" that I have to keep them off?

Hello to anyone else I missed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ December 06, 2004, 04:44 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Avondale said: Well, I signed the divorce papers today. I didn’t like that they said “permanent disolution” of the marriage but I understand that’s standard.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think signing the papers was the hardest for me. From tht point forward, even in the midst of other things I have progressively moved forward. Not always as fast as I desired, but usually forward.

"permanet disolution" "hereby dissolved" and of course, the standard There exist bewteen us such complete and irrevocable imcompatibility of temperament tht we can no longer live together as husband and wife. I have lost all love for my husband. Futher attempts at reconciliation are futile and not in the best intrest of the parties (wife) Opps! Yes, I made them change it so that it only stated that it was not in her intrest. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />


I feel the same way, and I too was told that it was pretty much standard. Standard...maybe one day I'll learn what standard is.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Avondale said: And yet, I still can’t get it out of my head that this is not permanent. I honestly don’t know if I’m in denial or just still have hope. Hope isn’t a bad thing...and my hope is in the Lord, not in my H or his actions.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Permanet...I guess with time we may realize that. Denial or hope is a question I ask myself often, trying to figure out which one it is. Depending on my current mood it sways from on to the other. But this I do know. My hope is in God and regardless of what my former chooses to do I know I have a clean and clear heart toward our marraige. There is nothing that I would not have done to salvage or restore and rebuild a commitment to a new relationship. And the funny thing is, my former knows that and still chose to walk, or maybe run.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Avondale said: I cannot bring myself to take off my wedding & engagement rings. Is there any "rule" that I have to keep them off?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My former had hers off the day after I moved out, 3 months before the divorce was final.

But that is only a decision that you can make. There is one lady who wnet through the DivorceCare class who still wears her rings. Not for her husband but for what she believes in. And she also says that she intends to keep them there until she decides it is time to date, something about a ring that keeps others from attempting to get to close.

My prayers are with you as you go through this and I pray that God will give you the comfort and encouragement that you need when you need it. He did tell us that He has a hope, a plan and a furture for us so keep looking forward to that future.

God Bless Ya

Leah2be

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Leah2be said: If your wife had ever confronted you with her desire to have you home more, would you have done things differently? I know you would now knowing what you know, but how would you have responded then?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now that is a question I can answer. In 1998 my wife said "You must get a job that allows you to be in town or home more often."

I went to my boss and told her what my wife had said. Within 3 months my company relocated me to an area where I could be home most every night. I went from spending every other week out of town to maybe only having to stay away once or twice a month.

I at that time made a concentrated effort to be home as early as possible, help with clothes, dinner, cleaning and the children. Even today I remember the compliments she used to give me for being so helpful around the house.

The children and I began to spend some time together, a fault on my part as my Dad never spent time with us and I was actually scared to learn to play. My childhood had taught me that a Father and husband was to work.

To make that shorter just read what Wallace wrote. But from 1998 onward I strived, tried and worked. I even began individual counsleing because of the problems wife stated that I had. Through counseling and on her words to the counselor we made many promising changes in me and my actions.

I can say that somewhere around mid 2001, not seeing any help or participation on her part that I began that emotional detachment and withdrew. This could be blamed on each of us in that terrible I did because you did and it just spirals downward. Needless to say I did make some wrong decisions.

Until mid 2002 when everything hit the fan. In her attempts to defend her friendship with this OM she went all the way back to 1998. Ouch...was he in the picture then? Who knows.

All I know is that I tired to meet her every need much like you and Avondale and quite possibly the rest who post here on "Tough Love" during those years with never a thought of leaving, divorcing or of finding another woman. And you know where I am today.

Hi all!

Avondale: Sweetheart, you must try to move away from the mindset of "what was", that was then and this is now. I realize that is a tough statement, but you are going to put yourself in a depressive situation. Don't get too technical about permanent or standard. The bottom line is that your former did not want the marriage. I read over my D decree many times as well and was mad about this and mad about that, but the bottom line as far as anyone is concern is that your marriage is over. Your former must understand that it is not business as usual going forward. As far as the ring is concern, what kind of message are you trying to convay? I know it is tough, but you must survive and you will survive.

Wallace: Your single days are over pal. Your GF has you tied up like a steer at a rodeo.

Trusting: I read on somewhere on Marriagebuilders a couple of years ago that the holidays puts the most pressure on a faultering marriage than any other time. Which is why there are a slew of divorce filings after the new year.

Me: No wedding plans. Have to get annulment first. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Avondale,

It's always good to have hope in God. As far as whether it's "denial or hope", that is a question I ask myself too. Sometimes the line can get a bit blurry. There are days I think it's time to just totally give it up. Other times I feel this quiet certainty that somehow God is going to put this marriage back together.

I know that God is perfectly capable of working a miracle in our marriage. But the uncertain part involves free-will and my husband's choices. Only God knows what the future holds for all of us. Meanwhile, I just want to stay on the right path and make the wisest choices possible.

I think wearing your wedding ring is strictly a personal choice of where you are. For some people, that ring comes off right away. I know others who like to wear it for awhile.

My H has never liked wearing his wedding ring. Surprise,surprise... In fact he wore it for the first few years of marriage and then declared it "uncomfortable" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
He then "lost" it, and I purchased him a new one. He only wore it for a couple of months when we were separated and I was thinking "divorce". Then shortly after we got back together, he took it off and hasn't worn it for over two years now. I can't help think it's an indication of where his heart is. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Just keep your thoughts on God and keep moving forward. He'll direct your every step, both in the big and little decisions along life's way. Hugs to you Avondale.

Hi Trusting and Others,

Have to run now, but will post you all later.

Hey all,

Hope all is going as well as expected with each of you.

Avondale

If you recall, I had the same problem about my rings. There will always be the 'well meaning' friend that will say, "you're not married to him anymore, why are you wearing the ring?" For those you will have to brace yourself or have a quick answer.

When I go out, I wear the engagement ring because I actually like it!! I picked it out and it's mine! On my right hand though! Wouldn't want to prevent anyone from saying hello!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You'll know when the time is right, and should you continue to wear it, so what? You pretty much develope a 'thick skin' when you know God is backing you up.

I started on Ebay and will probably use it as somewhat of a launching pad. It will be a stand alone store.

What should we do about our brother, Wallace?

Wallace

What in the world should we do with you??

Haven't you realized by now that you are not in control of the date? Your possibles, maybes, when it's right, etc. don't mean a thing to your GF! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">my friend... I did buy my G/F an engagement ring, and once this IRS stuff is finished, we are going to set a date to get "M".

I don't remember proposing to her... we were in a jewelry store, and it just kind of happened </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I went back to read, How did I miss this!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Please ask her for me what she uses!! We need to know, can I get it on Ebay??

IMHO, You are being so manipulated and have been since the beginning and M with her will not be a good idea! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> How's your online business going so far. My brother is in the wholesale business for jewelry... he reps a number of diamond suppliers. He might be a good contact for you... to get pricing, and possibly compare it to what you have going. I'm sure you will do well in it.

Are you still involved in the Real Estate end of business as well?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Real Estate is my life, my online is more of a hobbie. It will be a costume jewelry store and later I will add other accessories. The closest thing to diamonds will be rhinestones and crystal. I hope to have it up soon. It's alot of work, but I'll be finished with school next week which will give me more time.

It will be all about the Glitz and Glitter!! which I love!

Trusting Him

As for your W leaving your son alone at age 11, I'm sure he must be pretty mature, however; the authorities say age 13 is the age a child can be left alone. And if he ever has to dial 911 for any reason, there could be a real problem with child services.

An associate left her 10 year old daughter home ill and there was a fire next door and she had to be evaculated, guess to where? Child Services. So please be careful with that.

Petvet

How is everything going with custody?

Do you also handle 'incorporating' as a CPA? I'm thinking of incorporating by the first of the year. I'm not sure if I should do it in Nevada, Delaware or here in California.

Leah2be

At this point, it doesn't seem that your H cares whether you want him home or not. Have you tried spending time with him at work?

Since he has to be there, just pack up and be there with him, file papers, make it easier for him.

I'm not saying that is the answer, but it is worth a try, what do you think?

When my H stayed late at work because of traffic, I offered to meet him, have dinner while he waited. Offered to drive him to and from work to use the carpool lane.

He always had a reason why none of it was a good idea!!

Hello, to eveyone else.

relady

Hi All,

Well I'm still working on getting my computer back up. My new power supply died, and took the hard drive with it. I was working on it last night and I got most of it going... but still have a ways to go.

avondale...

I understand how you feel... and we are here to try to help you through the emotions your now feeling.

I know that your probably going through a fast amount of different emotions at any given time or moment.

In regards to your wedding ring. IMHO... I wouldn't concern yourself with when to take it off. There is no hurry to do that, and I would just deal with it when you feel your ready to deal with it... if ever.

Trusting Him...

relady brings up a very good point about the age of your child. In most States... 13 yrs. of age is the age when they can be left alone with having to deal with Social Services showing up on your door step.

Leah...

It has to be very frustrating to live in a "M" that has so many frustrating moments involved in it.

How many years do you have... until your children are of legal age?

The reason I ask... is can you keep it together that long... and if not... have you come to a decision on when you may want to pull the plug if things don't start getting better?

Petvet...

LOL... your post cracked me up! The sad part about it... is it's true! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


relady...


Ohhhhhh!!!! I'm in control of the date we decide to get "M"! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

To answer your question about what she's using... I don't know, but it's working... LOL

Make no mistake relady... if I don't think I'm ready to go through with this, and/or I don't believe it will work... I just won't get "M". If she wants to walk away from the relationship at that point... she can. You see... I'm past the head over heels falling in love stuff. That ended when my "M" ended. I wouldn't think twice about ending a relationship over the situation that I find myself in. yes it's a hardcore way to look at it... but I no longer believe in living happily ever after anymore.

I'm all ears though about any advice anyone wants to offer.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Wallace

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I told her for the last time... get rid of this guy or I'm gone... it was my final word on it.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I'm still looking at this whole thing... and I'm not so sure what I see is to my liking.

I'm looking at this one real hard... it's a day by day process... and so far... I'm not so sure I like what I'm seeing.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">my friend... I did buy my G/F an engagement ring, and once this IRS stuff is finished, we are going to set a date to get "M".

I don't remember proposing to her... we were in a jewelry store, and it just kind of happened </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ohhhhhh!!!! I'm in control of the date we decide to get "M </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just a little history, I couldn't find the beginning, but I'm sure it's there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

If you don't remember proposing, how would you remember getting married?

Have you been truthful with yourself or are you just caving in to pressure? You have got to ask yourself this question before you move forward.

Is she the one that God has for you? Ask Him prayerfully and honestly if you have the nerve and if you are sure He said yes, you will have no more words from me! I can argue with everyone but God! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'll have to let your girlfriend know that she doesn't have to wait on clearing up your IRS problem. You just need to have a 'pre nup' and that takes care of them. I did it!! Mine specifically named tax liabilities!! So There! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

(((relady)))

Hi again all,

I was working on my computer, and decided to try to see if it would hold up and low and behold I decided to come to visit this site... imagine that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

relady...

Thank you for the history lesson... every once in awhile a need a good crack in the head, to bring me to my senses. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

To tell you the truth relady... I have prayed on it, as well as many, many other things.

You know what the Lord has put into my head?

That my first "M" was in fact the one and the only... that in fact there will be no other "M".

The Lord chose my wife for me, and she chose to follow another path (free will, I guess).

The question that I put to the Lord was, "If in fact she was to be my one and only... why did she get taken away?"

I'm still waiting for an answer on that one... so far it's been dead air space on that question.

Hey! you are going to let us know when you get your Store up and running, right?

I would like to check it out when you have it up and runnning, so let us know when you get it going and I'll check it out.

I have a ton of stuff that I have been thinking about putting up on Ebay. Time... of course is a major issue for me at the moment... but I still want to pursue it.

I'm still looking for any input you can throw my way, and if anyone else has anything they would like to throw in there... feel free to do so.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hey All,

Hope you're having a good week. The weekend is almost here.

Wallace


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That my first "M" was in fact the one and the only... that in fact there will be no other "M".

The Lord chose my wife for me, and she chose to follow another path (free will, I guess).
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Whhhhoooooaaaaa Hooorrrssseeyyyy!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I have to park my rocking horse and use all my icons for this one!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />


So, I'll ask again, "What in the world are you doing?" You've never said this before, although we all knew things just weren't quite right. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

This is probably the reason you and your G are not on the same wavelength.

What makes you think you can succeed when God has clearly told you something else?

Still haven't learned yet, huh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

God never changes His mind. Yes, your former has 'free will' however, if she should ever allow the Lord to get to her heart, it's all over. He can 'turn the hearts of kings' and that means queens too! Remember Jonah?

Also, God is a jealous God. If she became your god as my X became to me, then they will eventually be moved out of your life. Your relationship with Him is first and foremost.

So my friend, I suggest you step out of the 'fog' that is reserved for 'WS' and get your money back for that ring! IMHO <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

relady