Wallace - I'm applauding Relady cuz she said everything I was thinking! Where in your heart did that quote come from, and why did it take you so long to write it out? Have you said anything in that vein to your g/f?? Why enter into a covenant relationship (i.e., marriage vows with g/f) when you are still "not over" your first marriage? I don't think there is anything wrong with what you said about your first marriage, either. But don't make things worse by promising yourself (even vaguely) to another woman while you are still entertaining thoughts of that nature about your first marriage. You still need healing (p.s. all this was said in love) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey everyone,

Well the weekend is here, and I am looking forward to just relaxing, before starting my
X-mas shopping.

relady and avondale...

Correct me if I'm wrong... but I'm getting the impression that based on my last couple of posts... you may in fact think that I want to hold out for my exW, or something like that?

If in fact that is the case, let me set the record straight. I would never want to go back to my exW under any circumstances. The damage she dealt out to myself and my children was something you can never come back from. I can forgive her for what she has done (and sometimes I wonder if in fact I really ever have), but I could never put myself or my kids in that position ever again.

I'm what you call, "Snake Bit"!

You venture into an area and get bitten (1st marriage), so the question you ask yourself... do I really want to venture back into that area again (2nd marriage)? I'm not really sure I do.

So to summarize... What God told me still stands.
However, I don't want my old "M" or exW, and I highly doubt I will marry my G/F. The reason being is... she is to pushy about the whole thing... and to me... that's a negative. the more she pushes for "M", the more I pull away.

I may have bought her a wedding ring... that doesn't mean I'm going follow through with it.

Am I leading her on? No, I'm not. She takes two steps foward, and then she blows it and takes five steps back... by being pushing, and putting out ultimatums. That doesn't work with me.

relady...

Was my exW my god? No she wasn't... I never put her that high on the pedestal... in fact the more stunts she pulled... the further away I pulled away from her.

avondale...

Have I ever told my G/F what I told all of you? No, I never have... I see no reason at this point to relay that type of info to her. She knows where I stand about all of this.

Personally... when the time comes for us to decide on a time to get "M". If I don't like it, and we can't come to a time that is suitable for both of us... I'll probably walk away from this relationship.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Wallace - I can’t speak for Relady , but I didn’t think you were holding out for your ExW, although some on MB and some well-respected theologians do take that stance, and I respect that. But Relady and I do agree that you don’t seem “ready” to get married again.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I may have bought her a wedding ring... that doesn't mean I'm going follow through with it. Am I leading her on? No, I'm not. She takes two steps foward, and then she blows it and takes five steps back... by being pushing, and putting out ultimatums. That doesn't work with me.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Wallace, that sounds sooooo unhealthy for BOTH of you. So what are you going to do? Does she know you bought a ring already? Can you get your money back on it, or are these empty threats to her about calling it off? Read what you wrote above. Is that the way you want to spend the rest of your life?

Leah - Haven't heard from you in a while, are things OK? I hope it's just the busyness of the holidays. Please let us hear from you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Trusting - How are you? Do you get your kids for Christmas?

Wow, we're on page 150.... Petvet , did you ever imagine that???

<small>[ December 12, 2004, 05:51 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi All,

We are on page 150? Who would of thought?

The drama still continues. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

avondale...

It might be a little tough to get the ring back from my G/F at the moment... she is wearing it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Your right about one thing for sure... I'm not ready to get "M" at this point in time. My G/F knows it... everyone knows it.

At the moment... it goes from a healthy relationship to an unhealty relationship. This always happens when she chimes in and wants to step up the time to go and get "M". She is persistent.

Well I hope everyone had a good weekend. I'm getting ready to go out and brave the crowds and try to get some X-mas shopping done. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hey all,

I hope your weekend was good and that you have big plans for the Holidays.

Wallace

It never crossed my mind that you wanted your X back. What did cross my mind however, is the fact that you are totally ignoring what you have clearly heard God tell you.

Now, what I would like to know is how do you expect to have a good marriage when:

1. You're not listening to God although He is clearly speaking to you?

2. You give a ring to someone you have no intentions of marrying and she is also in agreement with you?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not ready to get "M" at this point in time. My G/F knows it </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">3. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> it goes from a healthy relationship to an unhealty relationship </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And you type all this with a 'straight key' if you know what I mean. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Avondale

Did we run everyone away?

relady

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Avondale asked: How are you? Do you get your kids for Christmas?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Doing fine here. Yes, I do have the children for Christmas. I pick them up this Friday and they go back to Mom sometime on the 25th. Nothing grand planned as they know where I sit with money... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> not much left over.

But they are all glad to be with me. Their Christmas list for me was well within reason, actually it was way within reason.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Petvet said: No wedding plans. Have to get annulment first. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Amen! Now just give me some advice on how to get a lady to quit chasing. Somehow a friend's friend has set her sights on something unatainable, she just hasn't figured that out yet.

What have I done? </font>

• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Very plainly stated "I am not intrested in any relationship"</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Gave her a copy of He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys </font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Can you say Plan B, or going dark as some say</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And now I've had to become somewhat rude</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
and she's still there. Not to mention that the latest rumor is that I have a woman staying with me at my house and that she drives a black van.

The black van belongs to me. To my knowledge there are only two people who know where I live. One is the guy I help teach the DivorceCare Class and the other is no other than the lady mentioned above. Another friend and I help her move into an apratment and we had to come by my house to get the truck.

Please tell me that this woman is not driving by my house late at night. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> That's scary!

Wallace

Glad to hear that you have everything under control. It's always good to have that upper hand. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


Me

Moving forward I think. Last time I ws here we had the sick child at home alone. Just me, I feel that an eleven year old eunning a fever does not need to be home alone, and definately not when I am available to care for him in situations like that. There is a HUGE difference between husband and wife and Mother and Father.

But the conversation wnet rather well. I expressed my concern as mentioned before and was told;

</font>

• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I guess this is your way of saying I'm a bad mother</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I feel all you do is sit over there and think up ways of how I'm a bad mother</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would never leave them alone when I go out on a date</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The divorce was my choice and I feel I have to live with the consequences</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You told those people I had affairs</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
In a nutshell <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I replied;

No, I'm just concerned as a father when I'm told that our sick child is at home alone when I'm available to keep him. I do not nor have I ever thought that you are a bad mother. I wish there was someway I could convince you otherwise bit I can assure you that I do not just sit here thinking of ways that you are a bad mother.

I do not recall ever saying anything to you about dating other than last September when I respectfully asked that you not include our children in that scene so soon.

Some consequences yes, but not when it comes to the well being of our children. As I said before, please call me if you need help when any of the children are sick.

Affairs? I have not mentioned that to anyone for quite some time. That was past and I have forgiven you and I pray that you know that.

That about sums up where we are, other than the fact that her letters to BF were torn up and thrown away. Pictures removed from bedroom. Anti-depressent's uped from 20mg to 40mg and they were prescribed for situational depression over 2 years ago.

Oh! and I almost forgot. Tonight at supper I am informed by OD that I am free to find a GF. Dear, where did that come from. Oh! I was reading my Bible the other night and it said that the person that did not want the divorce will not be living in sin should they have another marriage. But that the one who asked for the divorce without Biblical reasons was gui;ty of sin and should that person remarry they would be commiting adultery. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Ouch! A lot from the OD and I have no idea where that came from. We turned our dinner conversation into a lesson on God's forgiveness when one confesses to God, repents from their sinful ways and begins to persue a new relationship with Him.

P.S. Relady...sorry, I might be getting alittle slow in my old age but it will take a tad bit more to run me away.

Praying that everyone will have a wonderful Hliday Season!

<small>[ December 13, 2004, 10:55 PM: Message edited by: Trusting Him ]</small>

Hey everyone,

Well I made it through the round of Christmas shopping. G/F and I went together after having dinner together. We are going to hit it again tomorrow night as well... still have plenty to get caught up on.

relady...

O.K., your going to have to break out the history lesson for this one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
quote by relady:

You give a ring to someone you have no intentions of marrying and she is also in agreement with you?

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is where I need the history lesson. I don't recall saying that I had no intentions of never marrying my G/F. I think I said that I'm not ready to get married to her right at this moment. That I needed more time to take care of all the baggage that I still have flying around.

I did in fact, say that I doubt that I will marry her... so I can see where you may have come up with I will never marry her.

If anyone can find that one statement... relady, you and avondale can... that's if I in fact said that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I hear what God is saying to me... and it would take a miracle from him to allow what he is saying to me to truly happen.

Trusting Him...

Glad to hear that you get to see your children for Christmas. I've never not had my kids around on Christmas... I don't think I would know how to act if I didn't.

You've got a woman stalking you so to speak after you told her in so many words to hit the road?

Did I read that right? If I did... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

What are you going to do? It doesn't sound like she takes a hint very well.

Well I hope everyone is doing well. Leah... if you get time... let us know how your making out.

Well back to X-mas shopping tonight again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<small>[ December 14, 2004, 10:01 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>

Trusting - Sounds like you have taken all the appropriate actions regarding your non-existant G/F. Next thing you know, you’ll be getting phone calls where the caller hangs up after you answer. As for people knowing where you live, I assume you’re in the phone book, or a church directory, or perhaps your personal information was printed on a Divorce Care class handout, or something. I hope she doesn’t get more pro-active with her stalking (cuz that’s what it is). Have you thought about having your mutual friend tell her to “beat it”?

Wallace - You said: "If anyone can find that one statement... relady, you and avondale can... that's if I in fact said that." I accept that challenge! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Here’s what I found just on this one page of the thread:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm still looking at this whole thing... and I'm not so sure what I see is to my liking.

That my first "M" was in fact the one and the only... that in fact there will be no other "M".

I highly doubt I will marry my G/F.

I may have bought her a wedding ring... that doesn't mean I'm going follow through with it.

She takes two steps foward, and then she blows it and takes five steps back... by being pushing, and putting out ultimatums. That doesn't work with me

...it goes from a healthy relationship to an unhealty relationship </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I bet if we looked up the previous pages for this thread over the last year we could find quite a few others. And we could probably find the one specific statement that said you didn’t plan on marrying....but I am drawing that same conclusion based on your regular references and inferences to the subject of NOT getting married. So if I'm wrong, I'm sorry <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> There's just a lot of negative protests coming from your corner!

Relady - you have mail in your hotmail account. It’s not about TL

Leah - you also have mail in your yahoo account.

Petvet - what did you get your G/F for Christmas? Please say it’s not an engagement ring! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Hi all!

Trusting: This is how you get rid of a heavy pursuing lover. Tell her, "I am not into you, and will never be into you. Please leave me alone." Tough but efficient. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />


Wallace: Oh Boy! I don't know what to say. I know how to get you to think clearly. Don't do anything with GF that gets your hormones kicking. I bet if your hormones were not involve you may be able to see more clearly. I am not making any assumptions but just know how the hormones can cloud one's judgement.

Avondale: I need to tell you something funny about the ring thing after divorce. My parents have been divorced since I was four or five years old. Whenever my parents and I get together, my dad always wears his wedding band. Keep in mind that my dad has never remarried. I personally think it's a joke. As a matter of fact, I asked him about it a number of years ago, and he responded that it was his ring and he can wear it if he choses. After that statement, I left it alone. Please don't be like my dad.

Relady: If I were you, I would see how my jewelry business go before I incorporate. Unless there are some liability issues, you may want to stay a sole proprietorship status. Selling your jewelry over Ebay was a good idea. You are one SMART cookie. You are always on it.

Me: I am not getting engaged anytime soon. I am not buying any hardware for Christmas.

Later.

Hey everyone,

I'm taking a break from Christmas shopping tonight. I did all of my Christmas cards instead.

avondale...

Where is my email? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Your right! I am posting a lot of negative protests over getting "M".

No need to say your sorry about anything... you and relady are right about me not wanting to get "M", at least for right now. I'm just trying to point out the "I have no intentions of getting married part".

I'm running around in a daze over this as all of you can very well tell. I think Trusting Him said it best... " It's good to see you have everything under control, it's always nice to have the upper hand"... LOL... yea right... I'm in control of this situation... LOL.
I'm paraphrasing what Trusting Him said, but I had a good chuckle when I read that. That was a good one Trusting Him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

So I admit... I'm hearing what God is saying... I'm just having trouble believing that it could or would ever happen.

Petvet...

No hardware for Christmas? Come on now... don't let me sit here and take all of the heat. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

No news is good news, so keep up the good work.

Well I hope everyone is doing well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As stated by Wallace:

I'm running around in a daze over this as all of you can very well tell. I think Trusting Him said it best... " It's good to see you have everything under control, it's always nice to have the upper hand"... LOL... yea right... I'm in control of this situation... LOL.
I'm paraphrasing what Trusting Him said, but I had a good chuckle when I read that. That was a good one Trusting Him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

So I admit... I'm hearing what God is saying... I'm just having trouble believing that it could or would ever happen.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm just having trouble believing that it could or would ever happen....

That comment hit me rather hard, and considering that I had just finished watching A Vow To Cherish on television and spent most of the show <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> . Well...let's just say that with God anything is possible, we just tend to want to rush him.

I have the same thoughts and feelings but I sure question them at times. Does that indicate a lack of faith?

So............

I had a LOT of other grandious thoughts to share but just as I was beginning to post earlier DS called to talk. Normally we spend 15 to 20 minutes on the phone, say our prayers and off to sleep he goes. Tonight after talking for 20 or so minutes I asked if he wanted to say his prayers.

Not right now Daddy.

So on to other things to say. He watched Pimp My Ride and told me all about the cars that were being PIMPED and then we watched an hour of Lost, the whole time he was talking ans asking questions.

And then he finally said that Mom's new BF (I guess) had come over for supper with his children. Told me that the dog must have had a wonderful supper as he was fed most of YD's and DS's supper since they did not eat much. Trust me! These two kids could eat you out of house and home if they so desired. I guess the presence of this new man in the house has them a bit uneasy.

So after almost two hours on the phone he finally says he's ready for prayers.

Ladies of Tough Love and the men too...

Would I be under a wrong impression that it's not in the best intrest of the children to introduce them to male friends so soon? Can we at least wait until we think this man may be a serious item before we travel down that road.

Bear in mind that the first BF only disappeared from the scene in the last 4 to 6 weeks. So why this urge, desire, urgency, die-hard presistence attitude that the children MUST be exposed to this enviroment? Why can;t she just date and see these men on her own time and quit trying to FORCE these men on our children.

Why do I sound so <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> about this. I guess because as I was taking the children to school Tuesday morning DS popped the question Daddy, how old do I have to be to decide who I want to live with?, totally out of the blue. OD answered him and said 14 and he asked if he could decide sooner.

People...this is a topic I have NEVER approached with our children. OD has asked a few times and still appears to be pretty sure that come next summer she's coming to stay with me. DS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> , I have no idea why he asked or why the question was even on his mind.

Wallace - if I had your email addy I'd send you one too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Trusting - I couldn’t watch “A Vow to Cherish” cuz I knew it would have me <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> too
Some thoughts on the new B/F thing...
1) perhaps your ExW wanted to prove to this guy that they can all be a “happy family”(for future reference)
2) perhaps your ExW wanted to prove to this guy that she’s a good mom (for his kids)
3) perhaps your ExW didn’t realize that he would be bringing his own kids
4) perhaps your ExW thought it would make HIS kids feel more comfortable with her kids there
5) perhaps your ExW doesn’t care about how her actions affect anyone else!
6) perhaps your ExW wanted to see this guy any way she could, and this guy works for UPS and that was the only evening he had available until after Jan 1st.

The introduction of kids to a parent’s date has been debated on many other threads. I think the general consensus has been to NOT do it until the relationship of the parent and “the date” (for lack of a better word) is more defined and possibly more serious. Petvet may have more comment on this, as he’s walked through it with a young son.

Have you spoken to your ExW about bringing “dates” around to meet the kids? Surely with your joint custody situation there is ample time for her to be with B/F without involving the kids yet. Perhaps you should see if an opportunity comes to bring it up to her.

As for your kids moving in - time will tell. I think (obviously, but I’m prejudiced for you) that your kids would be MUCH better off with you! But it’s also true that kids have an ability to play parents against each other, and to want one thing just because where they are isn’t “fun” or “easy”. That doesn’t mean where they’re at is bad, either. For example, the parent that disciplines more may, at a given moment, be the despised parent because they spanked a child. The child may think “I’ll go live with my other parent”...I don’t think your kids are doing this necessarily, but that is what has been posted on the boards here, so I know it goes on. If the kids still want to move in with you, then go for it (if you can). But what if the oldest does, and the other two have to wait until they’re older? Will that be bad (splitting them up)?
PS...you didn't strike me as a "Pimp My Ride" kinda guy, LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ December 16, 2004, 04:34 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Avondale:

Some thoughts on the new B/F thing...
1) perhaps your ExW wanted to prove to this guy that they can all be a “happy family”(for future reference)

Possibly, but only after 3 weeks. Let's get real! She's reverted back to childhood.

2) perhaps your ExW wanted to prove to this guy that she’s a good mom (for his kids)

She is a good Mom, provides well as far as physical needs, it's the emotional side that is lacking. I guess because she is so set in her mind that there is going to be a "Happy Family"


3) perhaps your ExW didn’t realize that he would be bringing his own kids

He has sole custody I think. From what I gathered his wife walked out about 10 years ago. She knew the kids were coming.

4) perhaps your ExW thought it would make HIS kids feel more comfortable with her kids there

Possibly, bit after only three weeks I feel that the kids should not even be involved. Again, if one of these BF's ever hangs around long enough to become a "serious" thing then by all means begin to include the children. This soon? Ack! Wrong answer.

5) perhaps your ExW doesn’t care about how her actions affect anyone else!

BINGO! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> You're the GRAND winner this week. I'll just quote her favorite comment...Just deal with it, seems to be what the children here a lot of at times.

6) perhaps your ExW wanted to see this guy any way she could, and this guy works for UPS and that was the only evening he had available until after Jan 1st.

Wanted to see him? Of course. But I also sense/fear an urgency in her to find this perfect person and once again become this whole and complete family. Once again...wrong answer...but only time will tell.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The introduction of kids to a parent’s date has been debated on many other threads. I think the general consensus has been to NOT do it until the relationship of the parent and “the date” (for lack of a better word) is more defined and possibly more serious. Petvet may have more comment on this, as he’s walked through it with a young son.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">True and I would agree with the NOT as I think our children would. It was apparent that DS was distrubed by something. It is ver unusual for him to spend that much time on the phone with me. Did it stem from the BF being there, a sense of competition for Mom's attention or possibly competition from the other children. They are both boys, one his age and another a few years older.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have you spoken to your ExW about bringing “dates” around to meet the kids? Surely with your joint custody situation there is ample time for her to be with B/F without involving the kids yet. Perhaps you should see if an opportunity comes to bring it up to her. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BTDT and got the shirt.

</font>

• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">They have to cross that bridge so it might as well be sooner than later.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">They will just have to deal with it.</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's not really a date, my parents will be there too.</font></li>

<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
and whatever other reason she can come up with to justify her position.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As for your kids moving in - time will tell. I think (obviously, but I’m prejudiced for you) that your kids would be MUCH better off with you! But it’s also true that kids have an ability to play parents against each other, and to want one thing just because where they are isn’t “fun” or “easy”. That doesn’t mean where they’re at is bad, either. For example, the parent that disciplines more may, at a given moment, be the despised parent because they spanked a child. The child may think “I’ll go live with my other parent”...I don’t think your kids are doing this necessarily, but that is what has been posted on the boards here, so I know it goes on. If the kids still want to move in with you, then go for it (if you can). But what if the oldest does, and the other two have to wait until they’re older? Will that be bad (splitting them up)? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And that's the funny part. Of the two parents I am more of the firm one, the one who disciplines, requires them to keep their rooms clean. Their Mom tends to be less confrontational, I guess because of where they currently are in life and possibly a fear of having to enforce some boundaries.

But with me I think they fell or know that there are no competitions for their time or affection. I made that mistake once trying to provide for our family while neglecting them. I WILL NOT make the same mistake twice.

Splitting them up? That's a hard one to answer. It sounds as if the OD has already made up her mind on the subject and over the last several months has not waivered in her decision. DS seems to be headed in tht direction. Not being a mean minded person but I do keep track of what happens there, the times they are left alone, the things that have happened that affect them both physically and emotionaly. It may be that when next summer rolls around I see what the odds are of getting custody.

Joint custody? Ack...another wrong answer. She has custody while I only have visitation rights. It's just that in between my visitation rights and the desire to have them as often as possible that if you looked at it from an overnight view we are almost joint custody.

Playing one against the other. I've kept my eyes and mind alert for that type of behaviour and have seen little of it from the older two. Of course YD will do anything and everything to get her way but she is only eight and still learning. I honestly do not feel that it stems from that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">PS...you didn't strike me as a "Pimp My Ride" kinda guy, LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I'm not really but DS loes that show. Heck...I don;t even have cable here so I can't watch it anyway. DS just filled me in on all that was happening and I listened .

Hey All,

I'll make this short and brief, because I've tried twice to post something rather long, and this computer of mine is dumping, and crashing.

avondale...

My email addy is, williamwallace1953@comcast.net

Trusting Him....

I think avondale covered all the bases on what your former is doing with her new B/F.

Personally, and IMHO... I think your former needs to grow up, as this is in fact affecting your children, and if she keeps this type of behavior up... I would in fact seek full custody as a fahter. what she is doing and based on your post, is pure nonsense.

Petvet...

LOL... I'm not thinking with my hormones... I'm looking at the whole package before I jump in and take the dive. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Hope everyone is doing well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by avondale25:
<strong> Hey,
I have never seen this thread on page TWO, kind of a scarey thought that the wisdom and support on this page might not always be here (at least now, for me)... I hope everyone is doing well. We got two inches of snow last night but no ice, yippee. I don't have a lot to say, just wanted to say HAPPY FRIDAY ! ! ! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And you were worried about this thread making it to page 2. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi Everyone,

I'm so sorry I haven't been able to post for awhile. Things have been crazy busy. I have missed reading all your posts and writing to you. I think after today, things should slow down for me.

I have to leave for school to help with my YD's Christmas party in a little bit. Then my OD has her birthday-overnight party tonight. She becomes a teenager tomorrow! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Wow, I can't believe how fast they're all growing up. I sure am enjoying them so much.

I read everyone's post to catch up, so I'm anxious to write you all back. I'll try to check in sometime this weekend. AVONDALE, I'll be checking my e-mail as soon as I can. My thoughts and prayers are with you all, even if my posts aren't. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

That icon is not for me but for circumstances that life brings too us.

Here I was around a month or so ago asking for advice on how to deal with BF #1 being added as an authorized person to pick our children up.

Now I'm back asking for advice on how to deal with BF #2 telling former that he wants to take DS hunting after Christmas. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Circumstances Again

AS we were coming home today DS tells me BF was talking to Mom last night and wants to take him hunting after Christmas. OK, the initial reaction was hurt and jealous. How dare he? DS and I have discussed the hunting thing and had already made plans for the Spring to begin this.

The problem is that I have NO idea who this huy is or how he handles his children. I assume pretty good as he has raised them by him self but I guess the biggest issue is that after only 4 weeks and one meal at their house he want to taks DS hunting.

Does he really want to go hunting or does he really want to impress FW?

I am learning to deal with issues as they arise. I called FW and informed her that DS had told me BF wants to take him hunting. Expressed my dislike again that she should not be involving the children in her relationships so soon and that before DS is allowed in the woods with BF I will have to get to know him and trust him.

How do you purpose learning to trust him she ask. Really simple. You tell BF that DS's Daddy will not allow him in the woods with weapons with men he does not know. If necessary I'll call him and arrange to meet him for lunch or whatever so I make a judgement call for myself.

Why not ask DS how he feels anout this she replied. Sorry dear, this is a decision that the parents wll make and it does not really matter how DS feels about it. He is not old enough to make those decisions himself and you should not be putting him in that position.

I'll think about it she replied.

Yea.....right. I'll think about it typically means I have not heard a word you said and I'll continue to do exactly as I please. Sorry folks...this FW is beginning to push Daddy just a tad bit to far.

But I am serious about meesting new BF. If he is SERIOUS about this relationship and is as good a father as FW says he is then he will completely understand my viewpoint. If not, then we can assume that he is around for other reasons.

Leah2be

Good to hear from you again. I was beginning to offer up lost and found prayers <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> as we had not heard from you in a while.

Hope you had a wonderful time with you daughter.

I picked up my children today and am off all next week with them. Mom comes back nest Saturday to pick them back up.

PetVet

Thanks so much for a thread that offers encouragemtn and support through all these issues. Iwent back last night and managed to read pages 1 through 91 and learned a LOT.

Actually it brought to the forfront of my mind a lot of things I need to do. I'll dig back through and quote the parts that really hit home. Actually more like a slap in the face. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Wallace

Wow! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Your entire relationship with this woman is buried in here. From the time she first appeared till now. I can say one thig, she is presistent, as you are at times. You might want to hang on to her for a while cuz she might be the one.

Yeppers I said that. I read EVERY thing up through 91 and will catch the rest this weekend. You are entitled to a wonderful woman, even if she does try to speed things up at times.

Relady

Awesome Testimony in your words and your walk of faith over the last few years. It was a pleasure to read where you were then and where you are now. The one thing that stood out was that you are faithful, not only to God bit also to this thread and the people here.

Thank You!

Avondale

What can I say. I had never read your ENTIRE story. You are an AWESOME lady. Even in the midst of all the struggles and turmoil you have experienced since you first started posting here you continue to offer hope and encouragement to Many...mAny...maNy...manY...MANY...others.

Trust me! God has something in store for each of us. He's just in the refining and purifying process of each of our lives right now. And THAT was discovered by all that reading last night.

Trust in Him and let Him guide through each and every day and you can never go wrong. Oh! I pray for the strenght that I see in you (and all you others too) as you struggle with each of these issues in your life.

Leah2be

Opps! I forgot to give you your PRAISE. I was so happy just to see your name again that it completely blew my MIND <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> .

You too are an AWESOME testimony of what God sometimes calls us to. Every word you offer here as you seek advice and counsel also offers strenght and support to I know me and I pray also to the rest of us.

Hang in the lady. God does have a plan for you!

To All

I guess the simplest way to put it is to quote it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But the fruit of the Spirit is: love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faith, meekness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
(Galatians 5:22-23 MKJV)</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Those attributes are what I see being developed in each of you in this thread and I wanted to personally THANK YOU for the encouragement you all offer to us as I develop those same attributes.

THANK YOU ALL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Ok All,

The weekend is here, so make it great!

Avondale

I never got an email from you unless it went to my bulk mail. Did you get it back?

How are your Holidays shaping up?

Trusting Him

Thank you for your kind words, if you keep reading you'll also see that I disappeared for about a year. Not because I purposely left, but because God had me isolated and He became the only one I discussed my situation with. It was a terrific time in my life even though I lost my Mother at that time as well.

I discovered That the Lord is truly our best friend when everyone else deserts us!

Now, about your DS; I would definitely want to have input into who this new bf is before he took my son on a hunting trip! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Is this trip overnight or just a day trip? I can't imagine your W allowing this. She doesn't really know him after only 4 weeks!!

Oh, and you certainly brave going against the women here regarding Wallace. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

There is nothing good about her being persistent, remember "he who finds a wife finds a good thing"B] <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

[B]Petvet

I wasn't considering my jewelry store being profitable before I incorporate. Help me here...I was thinking more like putting my real estate and jewelry business into a corporation and have all monies paid to my corporation and take a salary. And buy income property through the corp.

What do you think?

I'm not concerned about liability as I am thinking about keeping more of my money.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Leah2be

Good to hear from you, hope all is well.

Wallace

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm looking at the whole package before I jump in and take the dive. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Whether you know it or not, you have already taken the dive. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Control Hhhhhaaaa, Out the window. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

relady

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Roll Me Away said on October 19, 2002

Here is something to think about. Try to distinguish between being "friends" and being "friendly". I think it is healthy and good to get to the point where you can continue to be friendly with your ex-spouse. A whole lot of hurt goes on during an affair and a divorce. It is a mature thing for both parties to be able to get to a friendly level after all of that has occured. Yet, I for one, don't see a need for ex-spouses to be big "friends". Maybe it works for some, but IN GENERAL, I don't think it works best for both parties to try to be friends right off the divorce.

To me, being a friend means that you will expend time and emotional energy on each other. EC, that is exactly what is happening in your case. You are spending precious emotional energy on your exW, that is needed for your own healing. You need to be spending your efforts on building a happy and fulfilling new life for yourself. It is hard, because you were forced out of a life that was once happy and fulfilling for you, and then it was taken away from you.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This really hit home as I have attempted to be friends with the former (in stupidity I guess) because I do understand that I have spent a HUGE deal of emotional energy on that effort instead of making those same HUGE efforts for myself and our children.

It made me realize that even though I can choose to continue to love my former just as Christ loves me that it is time for that energy to be focused on me and my future.

She then followed those comments up with:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I believe this next statement with all of my heart: If your ex-spouse realizes at some point in the future that he/she made a huge mistake and they want to try to get back with you - then he/she will come back around and he/she will knock themselves out silly trying to PROVE to you what a terrible mistake they made and that you are the ONLY person they love. ANYTHING LESS THAN THIS IS JUST MORE OF THE SAME OLD, SAME OLD!!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And with that statement came almost a huge sense of relief because I also believe that with all my heart. Am I where God wants me to be? I doubt it. Am I getting closer or striving toward that goal? Praise God....yes I am.

Petvet then follow up with a statement thaat his wife was trying to keep him in the game. That was a scary thought to me and in hindsight I can say that each time I began to enforce a boundary or some true seperation she would do something that pulled me right back in.

No more! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I will either see her proving herself silly trying to prove to me that I am the only person in her world or I'll just sit back and wait for God to drop that lady out of the sky into my lap with a note that says ♥ To: Trusting...From God ♥ See...I even learned how to make hearts. I think the thanks goes to Avondale.


Awesome Insight from Petvet:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Love is a conditional commitment to an imperfect person. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And of course there was TONS of other useful information in all those posts.

God Bless each of you and I pray that everyone will have a wonderful Holiday Season.