HI ALL,

This morning I finally got a chance to be able to post all of you... but I sat down to type and discovered my cable was down. Right, now I'm away from home and can't write long, but just wanted to let you know my computer is down in case you don't hear from me for awhile. Hopefully, they'll have it working soon. I will write as soon as I can.

You are all very much in my thoughts and prayers. TRUSTING HIM, I'm sorry the conflict with your former continues. I think it is very reasonable to meet this new BF before he takes your son hunting. I hope she agrees to this.

As TRUSTING wrote, I'm thankful too for this thread and all of you dear folk. You are a support and encouragement to me. I have learned a lot reading and posting here. THANK YOU!

PetVet- Merry Christmas and to everyone in this thread. Man you guys and gals are growing roots. Took me awhile to get here.

Making the rounds and leaving an comforting e-card greeting- keep your speakers on! Just wanted to say Hi- that God love you all very much! Happy holidays!!

http://www.angelhugs.com/serenity.html

Christ Love
my love
sky

Hey everyone,

Well my computer is still down again, and I probably will not be getting back up until sometime next week.

I'm at work right now, and it's been pretty busy. But I start my vacation tomorrow at noon, and will be outta here until after the first of the year.

I'll try to get my computer back up as soon as possible.

I'm very grateful for everyone on this thread, for all their wisdom and direction. It's been a rough ride for all of us, and you have all been an inspiration to me for being here, and keeping things in perspective.

I wish everyone a Happy Holiday (and a Merry Christmas), as well as a "Happy New Year"! Hopefully next year will be better for all of us.

Sky Diver...

Thanks for the post... I have no sound or video card on this computer, but I will try to see if I can get into it none the less.

God Bless you all!!

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Well, with some of us not being online as much due to the holidays, let me take this time to say "Merry Christmas" and I pray 2005 will bring us all many blessings! Thanks to each of you who have helped me through this very rough year...your insight and encouragement have meant more than the words in this post can convey. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey everyone!

I plan on being around... I'm not so sure my computer is going to cooperate though.

I'm at home now... and I'm giving this computer a run through to see if it holds up.

So far... so good.

I'll keep working on it until it's stable... so hopefully I will be able to post more.

It seems that when I get into anything rather long... it crashes.

I'll be around though... just won't be able to say very much for awhile.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Hi Everyone. My computer is finally up and running but so am I. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I have three girls anxiously waiting for me, so I can't write now. Just wanted to give you all a big hug and wish you all of God's best as we celebrate our Savior's birth.

Thanks so much for being the special folks you are! You've been a wonderful support to me. Wishing you all much peace, joy and love. Merry Christmas with love.

Merry Christmas!

The children and I had a WONDERFUL Christmas and a GREAT time for the week before. Now that they are with Mom...I need to clean the house. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I pray that each of you and your families had a wonderful time over the Holidays.

God Bless Each of You!

<small>[ December 26, 2004, 08:19 PM: Message edited by: Brokenandtired ]</small>

HI ALL,

Hope each of you had a nice Christmas. I had a great time with my family. My brother and sister came in from out of town, so we were all together. Those times are always very special!

My computer is coming and going a bit, so I think I'll post a little at a time in case it goes down. I hate losing a long post. So if I don't get to everyone, it's nothing personal. It will mean that the connection went down before I finished. Thanks for understanding. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Trusting Him,

I'm so glad to hear you had such a great time with your children. They really can be such a blessing! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I hope you and your former were able to work out the situation with her new BF and your son. Her going on so quickly to a new man has to be so difficult. It seems she is just trying to fill a void in her life that only God can fill. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

She reminds me of my H, and how he runs from one thing to another, all in attempt to run from himself. He does not like to stand still long enough to face the music alone. Earlier when we were separated, he did the same thing with other women. He seemed to have no "down" time. At this point, I don't think there's another woman, I believe it's just work. But only God knows for sure.

Keep being the wonderful father that you are! Your children are so blessed to have your love and stability in their lives. Someday maybe your former will grow to appreciate you for all you are. Through God, nothing is impossible.

Meanwhile, you are doing the right thing to keep moving forward in your life. I've come to realize the only way I can have any peace with my H, is to have zero expectations in the relationship department. If I start thinking about how I wish he'd think, respond or act, I will be disappointed. (After reading what RELADY wrote me, I think I need to define zero expectations. If you can, could you read my post to her? Thanks. )

Instead my every hope must be found in the Lord. If I can consistently look to Him to meet my needs, I will be okay. I believe this is the only way I can stay married and at peace. This I do for our girls with the hope of giving them a home with both parents and some stability.

It helps when I read some of your posts and talk to others who are divorced. It reinforces the idea that divorce is no utopia either. Sometimes I get caught up with thinking that divorce would have to be a happier option. But in my "quieter" moments, I don't think that is the solution. Based on all you know about my situation,any thoughts on this??

I value your opinion because your former sounds much like my H. Also, you have children who are the same ages as mine. You have seen the effects of divorce first hand. But you have also lived with the anguish of a one sided love in marriage. Both situations can be so painful. That's why I struggle so to be content with my choice. There just doesn't seem to be any good one.

But God is there through it all. I keep reminding myself of that and other truths like Him having a perfect plan for our lives. Thats where I need to stay. Thanks for listening TRUSTING. I appreciate you!

<small>[ December 28, 2004, 09:37 AM: Message edited by: Leah2be ]</small>

AVONDALE,

I hope you had a nice Christmas. Did you spend it with your children? I'm sure you must be looking forward to a new year and all that it will hopefully bring your way. I'm so sorry this past year has been so difficult for you. You are a wonderfully strong lady with a steady faith. I really believe brighter days are ahead. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

You have asked me some good questions along the way. I'm sorry I haven't been able to write you sooner. It seems it has been one thing or another for quite awhile now. I just hope my computer hangs in there long enough to write you all.

One question was something to the effect of "What type of plan do you have to be able to continue to live with the rejection you now experience?" That is an excellent question and one which I've thought a great deal about.

As I wrote to TRUSTING, I have to live with zero expectations of my H. Only then can I live without the hurt and anger. I'm not sure if this is entirely possible or not. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> That is something I'm still trying to determine.

Can I just accept a "room-mate" type of marriage? Is that what God would have me do? Of course there are moments when this is truly a lonely situation. However, I don't fool myself into thinking a divorce would cure all my "lonely blues". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I believe there might be someone out there who could love me, but at what cost to the girls? Whenever another person enters the equation, that person brings all their baggage and stuff with them. All of that would be so difficult for the girls to deal with.

So I can't help but feel it would be best to either stay alone in marriage or be alone in divorce. Either way I'm alone and so at least this way, the girls have us both under one roof. They don't have to deal with the back and forth thing. I don't have to deal with custody and financial struggles. AM I THINKING CLEARLY?
Anyone else please feel free to chime in.

You also asked about my H's gifts to me. As with all areas of his life, he is very erratic. Sometimes he gives nothing, as in the year that he said he was taking an all day motorcycle ride with a friend for MY birthday gift. ( My birthday is on New Years Day.) He said my gift would be a happy H. He was serious too because HIS ride was what I got. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

He has also given my very nice gifts to me like a three stone diamond ring. So one never knows... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sorry for rambling on so much. I guess I've been holding a lot in as I haven't posted in so long. Sorry you all get to be the recipients of all my thoughts. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks for being a friend Avondale. God bless you with a good day!

WALLACE,

How was Christmas with your family and girlfriend? Hope all was peaceful and happy. It will be very interesting to see what takes place between you two this new year. I'm curious to see what you end up doing. You too, huh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Could you read what I wrote Avondale? I'd love to hear what you think of my current plan. Like TRUSTING, you understand both sides of this equation, although you have a girlfriend to throw into the mix. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Having experienced life with and without your wife, do you think divorce has been the better option for you? Could you have been able to stay with your wife if she were being faithful yet not really with you with you? Does that question make sense? I'm sorry I'm bombing you with so many questions. Please forgive this searching mind. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I do hope the new year brings with it much happiness for you Wallace. Take care and thanks for all your support this past year. You are always very kind and helpful.

Relady and Petvet,

Seeings how my computer seems to still be hanging in there, I'll keep trucking. I hope both of you had a wonderful Christmas.

Relady, how is your online business going? I hope well. Please excuse the jump but I'm curious... Do you have any children? I'm trying to remember all that I've read on your posts but I'm not sure if I ever read about your situation in regards to children.

You always seem very positive and upbeat about things. I know that must come from the Lord. I just wondered if you deal with any of the issues that come with children and divorce. As you can read from what I wrote to TRUSTING and AVONDALE, I'm still trying to determine the best course of action for our family. I'd love to hear your perspective too.

PETVET, I know your a man of few words, but if you have thoughts on what I've written I'd love to hear from you too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Especially on the topic of whether you would choose to have stayed with your EW if she were being faithful but not that loving towards you.

Thanks again all for being there. Have a great week!

Hi all!

I hope everyone had a good Christmas.

Trusting: I hope I am respondign to the right person, but I have to give you much credit for reading through the old posts. It's been three years. I am happy that this post has been beneficial to many. As far as the dating is concern, I am going to use a Dr.Laura expression. Don't introduce kids to date unless you know the person will be a KEEPER. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> You want to hang with someone who will be a compliment to you not out of need. I don't believe in dating folks I know I cannot have a future because it's a waste of my time. I have always been that way. I have benefited from the fact that I have been seeing someone or knowing someone for over two years now. It pays to know someone through several seasons you know. People can put on acting jobs for short periods. I don't believe in long distance relationships because it's hard to catch people on their bad days. I want folks to be themselves whether it's good or bad. It takes time to know folks.

Wallace: No metal this time around for me. I'm glad you are thinking with a clear head.

Relady: That's a good idea to have a corporation with different subs underneath. You can set up your enterprises under the corp umbrella and operate as d/b/a. Pay yourself a salary from the corp. Keep in mind that the corp will have to pay payroll taxes.You can also expense the insurance and retirement benefits if you choose to match the retirement contribution fom your salary.

Avondale: How are you doing?

Me: I had surgery last Tuesday, so I am trying to recover. The doc told me it would be simple. I be ---- if the doc lied to me. I had to roll out of the bed and literally crawl out of the recovery room to parking lot. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> The nurses asked me whether I wanted to stay one night in the hospital, I said --- no, with pain like this I would rather die at home, so I told them to give me my clothes and my drugs so I can exit this place. I called the doc two days later and asked him what in the --- did he do to me with all of these holes and bandages on my stomach. His nurse was Mrs. Smarty Pants and responded that it could have been worst because they normally have more holes in the stomach. She said it was microscopic or something. So folks, if doc tells you that microscopic or whatever is less painful, tell him to eat gunpowder. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I can't wait to see the bill. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Later.

Hey Everyone,

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas I did nothing special but it was great, spent half the day with my DS and then he went off to do whatever he does!

Leah2be

No, my X and I were only together three years too long. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> However, regardless of the time together, the pain is the same.

And thank God, no children were involved. It was difficult enough for me to take care of myself at that time.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I have to live with zero expectations of my H. Only then can I live without the hurt and anger. I'm not sure if this is entirely possible or not. That is something I'm still trying to determine.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">IMHO, it's basically impossible. I tried it, as in "walking on eggshells" I don't believe there is respect when you allow this, and nothing gets better, if you just accept his actions to keep the peace, it only gets worst.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Can I just accept a "room-mate" type of marriage? Is that what God would have me do? Of course there are moments when this is truly a lonely situation. However, I don't fool myself into thinking a divorce would cure all my "lonely blues". </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why do you feel you have to accept that? I believe we all deserve better than that. Our relationships on earth are to be a mirror image of the way Christ loved the church.

Divorce is definitely not a cure all, the lonliness doesn't go away, but the abuse stops, when I say abuse I mean withholding sex, and affection is emotional abuse and a serious method of control. And the pain is unbearable!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

At this point until The Lord has specifically told you what to do, do nothing and allow Him to be everything in your life that you're missing.

Trusting Him

Glad to see you had a wonderful time with your children. How did it go with the Hunting trip? Did you allow your DS to go?

Petvet

Thank you for the advice, I have been doing a lot of research and hopefully by next month, I'll have something completed.

I did get a Ficticious Business Name for my online jewelry business and separate checking accounts and credit cards because I will have to file state tax and also charge tax for California Residents. I want it to be done correctly. I didn't realize, the Corp had to pay payroll taxes if I took a salary, but it makes sense. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Avondale

How was your holiday? And how is your daughter and her husband? I haven't heard you mention them.

Are you feeling OK about your pending divorce?

Wallace

Since you have already given your girlfriend the ring, what could you have possibly given her for Christmas, A House?? Or did you Elope?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Me

I finally got my store up and running, at least it is online, please go visit and let me know what you think...the address is... www.redcarpetglitz.com

relady

RELADY.

Congratualations on having your store up and running! I went to visit your site- You did a great job with it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I'll be sure to spread the word to others with an interest in the glitz and glamour. I guess I'm still in the "Mommy mode" Most of my jewelry tends to be pretty simple looking.

Thanks for responding to my questions. I appreciate your perspective. When you discussed the whole idea of withholding, were you speaking from personal experience? I don't know any other woman who has experienced this with her husband.

I'm pretty clueless as to the "whys" of it. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm not ugly. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I exercise, eat right and have always been physically fit. People have often commented on how young I look and they use to say how crazy my H was when he was looking elsewhere.

As you hopefully know from everything I've written, I've always tried to treat my H with respect and kindness. (Even though the kids are on vacation, and I finally have the chance to sleep in a little, H has woken me up every morning to either iron his shirt or make his breakfast) I treat him well yet he remains uninterested. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

About zero expectations... I might need to more clearly define that. If I make a great dinner for him and he decides to work late, I have to accept his choice. But that doesn't mean I don't express my disappointment with his priorities.

If he chooses to ignore me physically, I don't just look the other way and pretend it's not happening. I've communicated my serious concern and anger regarding this. But I can not go to bed every night with the expectation that he'll finally be affectionate because I will be greatly disappointed and hurt every time.


I can't be living with the discouragement and defeat of always having my every hope dashed by his actions. That use to be how it worked. I created this scenario of how I expected to be treated and then when it didn't come to fruition, I was often disappointed.

So I came to a point where I realized I needed to back way off with my hopes and dreams of the type of marriage I had always envisioned. I either needed to accept what was or I needed to end it. I know what I'm trying to say but I'm not so sure I'm effectively communicating it. Does this make any sense?

I don't want you to think I walk around like a passive, weak lady letting H do anything he desires without any comments from me. I don't. I do express my feelings to H. But maybe there needs to be some other "action" taken because my feelings obviously only matter so much here? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Well, I guess I've rambled on long enough on that topic. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I hope this better explains what I meant about expectations. Thanks again Relady! I really enjoy hearing your thoughts. It seems you can relate to some of what I'm experiencing. That's always helpful to gain the perspective of one who's been there. Hope you have a good day!

Hi all!

Leah: It is hard to live with someone under the same roof if there is no love, affection, and respect. It makes life miserable. Could I have live with ex w/o affair? There were other things outside of the affair that were problem areas as well. Normally, the affair is the bombshell from all the other missy stuff.

Relady: Corp has to pay fica on wages which is a expense. Plus the the corp presents a shield against lawsuits for you. Make sure that you sell quality items and be honest with folks. There are alot of bad guys in the jewelry business. I'll take a look at your site and give you my comments. I can't wait to see it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Later.

Relady - Wow, what a great site! All your products look wonderful and very reasonably priced. When you become a nationally-known vendor, we can all say ‘we knew you way back when’...I worked in retail (accessories and jewelry at a major department store) for several years and I think you definitely have the goods - in more ways than one! Congratulations!

Petvet - What’s this about surgery? I never thought of you as being a wimp! You’ve never used so many <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> faces in a single post before. I hope you’re feeling better now, and didn’t miss too much of Christmas with your son (and your buddy, either)!

Leah - I think the bottom line is, you can only do what you feel comfortable with. By “comfortable” I mean what you have peace (spiritually, and otherwise) to handle. That may or may not be separation; it may or may not be with different communication scenarios; it may or may not be the result of any “resultive action taken”; it may or may not include your ultimate hopes and dreams for the “perfect” life. The bottom line is what Leah can handle. I totally agree with Relady in that you should do nothing until the Lord tells you what to do.


Trusting - I’m so glad you had a wonderful time with your kids! You are a rock for them and I know as they grow older they will realize it. (It seems they probably already do, but you’re about to enter the teen years so they may not verbalize it in those words!)

Wallace - I hope Santa brings you a new computer! So tell us....what did you get your g/f for Christmas? I’m smiling as I remember the shock Relady and I had at the first Christmas gifts you gave her!

Me - This was not my best Christmas, emotionally speaking. I guess after going through all the legalities of divorce negotiation & paperwork between Thanksgiving and Dec. 25, and now the finality of my divorce next week, has made it more difficult. I kept looking back at the “way things SHOULD have been” which is not healthy, I know. But I couldn’t help it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> But next week, my daughter and I are going to Aruba for 5 days for a “fresh start”. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hey All,

Avondale

Thank you for your input. I wanted to make sure of the quality price at an affordable price. Department stores are certainly rip offs!

It's funny you should mention Aruba, I was just looking for a place there for next year. Be sure and let me know what you think of it.

Petvet

I meant to come back and mention your surgery. I had to laugh as I got a picture of your rolling out of recovery. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I'm surprised they let you go home!!

My jewelry is quality 'Fashion Jewelry' No diamonds and pearls. I do know what you meant with crooks and all!

Wallace

Come on, give up the goods!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

All

Have a wonderful day, It's storming here, so I think I will just work from home. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

relady

Avondale,

It's good to hear from you. I'm so sorry your Christmas wasn't better. Aruba sure sounds nice! I'll be thinking of you next week and wishing you a wonderful time away!

Yes, you are right about only I can determine what I can and can not accept in this relationship. And you are right about not doing anything until I receive the go ahead from the Lord. It can be difficult to wait. I guess I feel like I have been in a holding pattern for too long. I want things to be different. I'm just not sure how to make that happen.

Thanks for your steady input and advice. I'll be counting down the days with you till Aruba... Sun,warmth and a fresh start. Sounds wonderful! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Petvet,

That surgery seemed to come up quickly. I hope you can mend as quickly. I'm sorry it was such a painful experience. Ouch. I'm glad you have Buddy with you through it all. Hopefully she's as good a nurse as a Buddy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Yes, I know what you mean about all the other contributing issues when it comes to divorce. We obviously are experiencing them right now, as to the best of my knowledge there is no one else.

I wanted to clarify some thing... There isn't a total lack of love, respect and affection between my H and I. I can understand where you have probably gained that perspective from all I've written.

I do still love my H. I'm not always so sure why but I do. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> And my H will tell me he loves me too. Although I'm not always confident of his love, he does SAY that he cares.

We also share a measure of respect towards each other in some areas, not all. The affection department is the weakest right now, by his choice.

Anyhow, thanks for your input and I hope you are feeling 100% very soon.

RELADY,

In my last post, I failed to write that I think your items are very reasonably priced. I agree with Avondale, that they are presented well and look beautiful. I wish you great success in your business.

I know another man who sold his jewelry over the internet but he did higher end custom made jewelry. It was harder to find a market. It seems like your price range is much more feasable for most people. That will hopefully afford you more sales opportunties. Great job!

Hey All,

My computer is still crashing... so I'll see if I can get this through this time... after numerous attempts over the last several days.

I need to be brief, so I'll say that I hope everyone had a very "Merry Christmas".

I know this is a very hard time of year for many of us (myself included), but it appears that we all made it, and for that I'm thankful.

Trusting Him...

I'm so pleased to hear that you had a very nice Holiday with your children. The kids really help make the Holiday that much brighter, and it sounds like all of you had a great time together.

What did you decide about the hunting trip scenario?

I've said it before... and I will say it again... IMHO, your former needs to grow up. She should know better. You should not have to contemplate this hunting scenario at all. This, in fact is a "NO BRAINER!"

You don't let your kid go hunting with someone your former just met four weeks ago.

I wouldn't even consider the matter, it's just that ridiculous for your former to even consider to allow happen.

I'm not saying this because I'm anti-gun either... I'm very much pro-gun, but not with my children and not with someone my former just met four weeks ago.

This was all said with love and kindness, so please don't take it any other way. It is with deep concern for your childs safety and well being that I write this.

Well so far my computer is still holding up.

Leah...

Sounds like you have been busy, and it appears that you had a nice Christmas... and I'm happy to hear that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">by leah:

Having experienced life with and without your wife, do you think divorce has been the better option for you? Could you have been able to stay with your wife if she were being faithful yet not really with you with you?

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Under the cicumstances I was in... "D", was in fact the best option. It was what I called the "NO OPTION, OPTION!"

I could have in fact stayed with my exW had she been faithful. She was ruining me financially, but I think the unfaithfulness and the financial both were a hand in hand proposition.

The first time I found out about the "A", that was the end... even though I already had "D" proceedings in play... I was determined at that point to end it as soon as I could.

The reason I stayed with her for as long as I did, was in fact for the kids. It's not that I didn't love her, I just couldn't stand being around a person so irresponsible any longer.

To answer your question that you put forth in your post.

Divorce IMHO, is always the very last step to take.

Divorce doesn't solve all of your problems... in fact, it may even create more.

By what you have posted over time... your "H" sounds like he can be a very self centered, selfish, childish, and demeaning man... and then turn around and be quite the opposite. I had an exW like that... she was determined by her Doctor to be a pi-polar manic depressive. I would say, that you suggest he get help, but I have a feeling he probably won't.

In your last couple of posts, you stated some things that really struck me. I tried to quote them... but can't at this point, due to my wonderful computer... but it sounds like he is a cake eater. Your doing all the things your doing... him waking you up to iron his shirts and such? What are you? his wife, or his housekeeper and personal servant?

Marriage is a give and take situation, and they have to be equally balanced by both parties, or you have problems... such as what your going through.

Your the giver, and he's the taker. It's not equally balanced, therefor you have the problems that you have.

Until your "H" sees the light of day, he probably will not change his taker mentality. He needs to have somthing snap him out of it.

As I said before... "D", is the very last option you want to pursue... unless things start getting worse. Each and everyone of our situations are somewhat different, so there is no set rule on when to decide to call it a day. Put it in the Lord's hands, and he will let you know when enough, is enough. On the other hand... IMHO, you "H" needs to see a Therapist, and see if he can't get on some sort of treatment to handle his (IMO)
Bi-Polar condition.

avondale...

I didn't want to start this out with a quote, but this really hit me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">By avondale:

Me - This was not my best Christmas, emotionally speaking. I guess after going through all the legalities of divorce negotiation & paperwork between Thanksgiving and Dec. 25, and now the finality of my divorce next week, has made it more difficult. I kept looking back at the “way things SHOULD have been” which is not healthy, I know. But I couldn’t help it!

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">(((((avondale)))))

I know how you feel, and it is a very trying situation that you enduring this time of the year.

It's so very difficult not looking back after so many years... it is something we do, and you will probably continue to do. For some of us... that part of it goes away in a very short period of time... and for some of us... that part seems like it will never end.

While I was shopping this Christmas... I went to the Mall where I first met my wife, and past by the very spot that we first met. It was a very emotional moment, that brought back a lot of memories. You ask yourself at that point, what could I have done differently? You rethink everything that you possibly can, and ask yourself why Lord, did this have to happen?

I had a dream last night with my exW in it. It felt so real... we were even talking about how we could possibly put our "M" back together again in my dream... that's when I shot upright and awoke in my bed. So much for dreams.

Well, I have managed to ramble off on a wild tangent... but I think you get the idea of when we stop thinking about our ex-spouses. Hang in there avondale... my prayers are with you.

Petvet...

You went in and had surgery? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I'm sorry... but you had me rolling when you described what you went through and what was happening.

I'm sorry to hear that you got all jerked up there, but it doesn't surprise me. IMO, these doctor's and Hospitals are getting way out of hand... in their demeanor and in their outragous
charges.

Your going to need something when you get the bill... (heavy dose of some sort of medication to stabilize you) even with Insurace.

IMHO, the way the Medical Industry is going, it is turning out to be a joke!

Hope your doing better... it doesn't sound like it could of got much worse.


relady...

Glad to hear that your online store is up and running.

I'm not too much into glitz, but I will check out your store and let you know what I think.

Petvet is correct, when your a Corporation, and you take any kind of wages they all have to be matched,or dealt with (FICA, Medicare, and even unemployment in some States). You may even want to look at Liability insurace as well to protect your corporation.

When I had my business... as it grew... we needed everything including Corporate Attorneys... it gets that crazy.

Good luck though! I hope you make a ton of money.

me...

Well what did I get my G/F this year for Christmas?

Your going to find this hard to believe... but we decided to not exchange presents this year. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I did however, add to her wedding ring set... but I really don't count that.

I'm not really looking forward to the next year.

My G/F is expecting me to follow through with "M" sometime this summer, along with a new house... and I'm still procrastinating all over the place.

I can't believe my computer has lasted this long... maybe because I'm using a different browser instead of Microsoft's Explorer.

What's everyone going to do for the New Year?

Stay Strong!

Wallace

<small>[ December 28, 2004, 06:03 PM: Message edited by: Wallace ]</small>