Wallace, Wallace, Wallace <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
You said:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well what did I get my G/F this year for Christmas?
Your going to find this hard to believe... but we decided to not exchange presents this year.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You're right, I'm finding that VERY hard to believe! </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
I did however, add to her wedding ring set... but I really don't count that.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OK, I'll bite...why don't you count that? I sure would. I bet SHE does too! </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
I'm not really looking forward to the next year. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why is that? You haven't dug a hole so deep you can't get out of it...or have you?

<small>[ December 28, 2004, 07:51 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Wallace,

I had to laugh when I read Avondale's post, as I was thinking the same thing...I wouldn't consider an addition to a wedding set nothing. In fact, I would love to have such a "nothing" gift. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Also, as Avondale said you don't need to not look forward to the new year. Make the changes you need to feel good about your future. It's not to late until you say "I Do". Please, please, be sure of what you commit to. We all want to see you happy.

Wallace, that's really interesting about your exwife having bipolar tendencies. I feel quite certain my H does too. He was diagnosed as being very narcissistic with some manic-depressive stuff going on too. He wasn't officially diagnosed as being bi-polar but most people who know him have wondered.

In fact, I have a therapist friend and a nurse friend who both have mentioned the idea of him having a personality disorder.

You were also correct in saying that he probably wouldn't go get help. He won't. In fact, he was quite upset that I would ever suggest such a thing. He said that even if he were bi-polar, he would never want that "label". He also very much enjoys the "highs". He wouldn't want to be "normal".

So yet another issue in our wonderful, little marriage. My sister has always said I wouldn't know what to do with a normal, loving H. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> There sure are times when I would like to know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I can sympathize with your computer difficulties. I've lost my share of post to people. Makes you want to keep it all short and sweet. Hope you can get it fixed soon.

Take care Wallace and I'm still wishing you a great 2005. You can make the choices that will make it a happy one! You can do it and we're here to cheer you on. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi I am new here. I've posted once here and once in GQII. I haven't really gotten any responses. Is anyone here willing to help? D/D-Lonely Christmas
GQII-WH moved on, What next for me?

Happy New Year Everyone!

I hope you all had a good new year's eve and are looking forward to a fresh start in the new year.

Today is my birthday. My sister and her husband came up to visit, which has been so nice! My H has been gone this past week on business and will continue to be gone throughout part of next week too.

I'm especially glad my sister is here since things have been so difficult with my H. As is typical, there has been little communication, and the little that has taken place has been very negative.

I realize I don't have any right to whine because I'm choosing to be here right now. There's just a whole lot involved in the situation - nothing is that clear cut at all.

My goal for the new year is to become a more confident, strong individual. I want to move forward in my life and I'm determined to do that one way or another. Thank you all for your help along the way!

Oh Leah,
We all understand your situation isn't clear cut...and you don't need to make excuses about whining <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> cuz we understand. We're here for each other, no matter what our unique situations are!
I like your goals - to move forward in life and become more confident. I second that motion for myself!

Happy New Year everyone...and 48 hours til I'm in ~~Aruba~~ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

AVONDALE,

Thanks Avondale for your kind words. Yesterday was especially tough with it being my birthdday and H not caring enough to call until late last night. I didn't know where he was or if he was okay as I hadn't heard from him the night before either.

Of course that really doesn't help with the trust issue thing either. But anyhow, onward we go....

I'd love to be headed for Aruba with you. Sounds so nice!!! I wish you a fantastic time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
My thoughts and prayers go with you!

HI - Question for all of you...

I've been giving thought to something and would love your input. I've been thinking of moving out of our bedroom due to my H's lack of interest. What do you think? Could this be something to get his attention in a positive way or will he just be happy to have me gone? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Thanks for your counsel.

Hey everyone!

I would of posted sooner... but my computer is still down at home, and I'm back at work now that my vacation is over... so I have a computer again, but my time is limited, because I'm at work... and guess what? That's right...

I'm suppose to be working. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Well I hope everyone had a good "New Years Eve".

My problems with my exW started right up to start the year out right. She's jacking around with the child support... os it's another problem that I'm going to have to deal with. She is already almost $9,000.00 in arrears and the State just let's her do whatever she wants.

Leah...

Concerning moving out of your bedroom and into another room. I have seen this posted by many others as well, (moving out of the bedroom).

From my stand point... I'm not sure what or how much of an impact it would have. Maybe someone else has had an experience with this and they can can give you the Pro's and Con's on it all.

By the way... a belated "Happy Birthday" to you.

I'm pleased to hear that your going to take a positive stance and move forward, regardless of what your "H", does or doesn't do. That's a good move on your part.

avondale...

You probably have already left... but have a grat time... you deserve it.

Hope everyone else is doing well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi all! Happy New Year.

Avondale: I hope you stayed busy during the holidays. You needed to keep your mind busy. Aruba, Great start. What better way to take a new start? All we have are our memories from our past.

Leah: Do what you think is best? As Wallace has said, everyone's situation is different.

Wallace: Soooo, I am going to wager that by September you will be hitch. I am going to stop poking fun at you because I may have to end up eating my words. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Me: I had good holiday and New Years.

Later.

Petvet,

Eating your words... Does that mean we may be soon be hearing wedding bells from YOUR direction? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Wow! What big news to start the new year with!

I think it would be great for you and buddy to become official. I wish you the best.

Trusting Him, Relady , Avondale, and Wallace,

Hi All! Hope your having a good trip Avondale.


Wallace, it's always good to hear from you. Hope the computer situation gets fixed before long. Sorry to hear about the child support thing. Hopefully this will be resolved soon too!

Trusting Him and Relady, I miss hearing from both of you. Hope your both doing well.

ME,

I decided to stay where I am, bedroom wise that is. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I'm still trying to move forward in other areas. I'm praying for a miracle in 2005.
Take care all!

Hi All,

Petvet...

As far as me getting hitched by September... you might probably win that bet. We are looking at sometime around July to take the "BIG" STEP".

I've been reading between the lines on some of your posts... and I might wager that you may be in line for following in my footsteps. I think Leah may be on to something here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Leah...

I'm glad to here you decided to not move out of your bedroom. I think when you get to the point you can't stand being in the same room as your "H"... bedroom included... it's time to call it a day and finish the task at hand.

I know you have worked a Plan B., and If your sitch doesn't get any better... it will be time to make a decision on how much more your willing to put up with. I think if things don't get better... it's just of matter of time.

Me...

Well it appears that my child support issue is taken care of. I also concluded one of two parts of my IRS troubles. I won this round... the big one is still to come.

Well I hope everyone has a good day today.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Just checking in and couldn't resist posting. Weather in Aruba is great. It's definitely the best caribbean island I've ever been on.

Leah, stay put for now. I'll write more later when I get back.

Hi All,

avondale...

Glad to here your having a good time in Aruba.

It's cold, and snow here where I am. I could use some warm sunshine right about now.

Well I hope everyone has a nice weekend.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

HI - Looks like I am back. What a week :eek

Soem of you posted on my separate thread about the scum who is stalking my daugter.

Now, today, my daughter said " Mom, you need to listen to Dad's message on my cell phone. I don't think he knew it was on.

The message is WH arguing with OW on where they are going to staY tonight - which hotel. OW was supposed to be out of the picture, but I had this gut feeling. God sure made it plain what was really going on. WH is out of town on "business" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I waited until about 7PM to call his cell phone ( I wanted to be sure that he was probably having dinner) and left this message on his cell phone. WH, that was a heck of a message to leave on YOUR daughter's cell phone - you & OW arguing over what hotel you'll stay at. DO NOT Call me until I call you."

I had already contacted my attorney & set an appointment for Monday morning. Originally I planned on going through with the legal separation I had started in late 2003 but in looking at the circumstances now, it might be better for me to get a divorce.

This is not what I wanted but I can face what is going on with dignity knowing that I have done everything in my heart I knew to do.

Keep me in your prayers,

D.

O M G !!!! THis is very brief , I'll write more later...

WH was home when I came in from Church tonight. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
We talked, really talked as friends. WH is talking DV, he doesn't even really know what he wants, but he wants to be a Dad to our kids, and talk about what makes sense for us.

He met with OW this weekend thinking maybe she was it, but it wasn't.

I haven't seen him like this for a long, long , long ( did I say long) time.

HE said that neither of us were happy & havn't been for a long time. That true.

I told him that I went thru the pain, grew, love myself and know how to love now. He admitted that he didn't.

All in all I told him I would be a friend, and if we didn't work out it wasnt what I wanted but I would be OK because I had a God who would get me through anything.

Gotta go,

I'll post more when I get a chance,

D.

Hey All,

It sure sounds like everyone is starting the New Year off with a bang. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Avondale

Don't forget to take good notes in Aruba, I'll be going in July and understand it's best to stay right on the beach. Enjoy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Petvet, Wallace

Let us know in plenty of time about the weddings. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> The ladies here will need two separate dresses! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

WGTT

Hope everything works out well for you. What a message to be heard by your daughter. How did she take it?

Leah2be

Take your time and stick with God. He will never allow anything to 'blind side' you. Don't make any emotional decisions unless you are sure you hear God. My motto is, 'if you don't know what to do, do nothing' God sees your situation and once He gets everything in place, you'll know.

Me

It's been raining here for the last 3 days and I decided to work from home. It even snowed 20 miles North of me, near the mountains. When it gets to my level, I'm headed somewhere else. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

relady

Relady - I have many great things to say about Aruba - do you have a place to stay yet? Or is this where your timeshare is? I am definitely going back this year, if the stock market will allow it! I hope you’re staying dry!

WGTT - I’m sorry to hear about your H. It’s interesting to that he realizes OW isn’t “it” and that he doesn’t know how to love. We all know what he needs it the Lord - who created love in the first place. The example you gave him of your growth while he’s been going through his “stuff” is excellent. You’ll be in my prayers; please keep us posted.

Petvet, Wallace - You know, Relady is right. We might need to buy two dresses. Actually, I’m not totally joking. I would be glad to go to the wedding of either (or both) of you.

Leah - My advice to stay put is based on kicking hubby out of our room once I found out he was in daily phone contact with OW. I think it would make your H think “he’s free” and IMHO, could quite easily make your situation deteriorate even more. It’s more of a mentality thing - I know you’re struggling with the mentality of sharing a bed with someone who acts like your brother. Hopefully you can hold on a while longer without damaging your own emotions and soul structure.

Trusting - Are you doing ok? Anything new with you?

Avondale

Glad you had a great time. Hearing you talk about Aruba made me take a quick trip by the local travel agency. Being that it's right next to where I eat lunch each day it was pretty easy. Some of those trips look AWESOME and I even believe within my budget. The children and I might be making a trip this fall to one of those spots if the hurrican season appears to be an easy one.

Leah2be

My heart and prayers go out to you each day.

It is good to hear that there is some love and respect from your Husband and I have to be honest...I am torn as to what to say or even speak about.

There is a part of me that still misses my former wife and the security of an intact family. But...there is also a part of me that is beginning to enjoy the peace and joy that has come into my life since leaving the so called hot-bed.

I watch the positions that our children have been put in and it causes concern in me for your children. While they are quite resilent they still experience and feel a lot of hurt that I feel none of us can really put into words. I see it daily in my children but I also see promise for them too.

Relady has the best advice. Do what God tells you to do.

Wallace and Petvet

Wedding Bells?

I can say that it is good to think of that as the two of you have carried a lot of us through the pain and frustration that each of you have experienced over the last several years.

It gives us hope that there may be someone in our futire too.

Me

I invited several people over for dinner. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

For me that was a huge step. I have always been plagued by thought of being less that others and this divorce has not helped in that matter. Since I've lived here alone I often thought that the hosue is not good enough, I don't have enough money, wrong decorations, not enought decorations (but hey, it's getting better, I manage a pictire her and a lamp there and one day it might be a wonderful home).

But I stepped out and invited 5 people over for Dinner. I cooked the entire meal, set the table (and the ladies in the group were impressed if I say so myself) that i could actually set a tble and get the dinner forks and salad forks in the right place. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Even had cute napkin rings with cloth napkins and my absoutely best china out. All 6 sets of it.

All I can say is that it did wonders for my self-esteem and my own sense of self worth. I can do it! I can entertain other people without a wife to do all the planning and setting of tables.

New...in my life? Let's just say that I've had several calls from my former, all accusing me of one thing or another. And not once did I raise my voice, respond in anger or let her push buttons that once would give her a raise in my emotions. She was one very irate woman by time she got off the phone.

And to top it all off. Last Thursday as me and the 2 daughters were leaving a resturant the other night guess who was coming in. OM #2 and his wife. There was no way to avoid seeing them or getting out of speaking (not that I wanted too) to them.

As OM walked in the door I greeted him, extended my hand and grabbed his for a handshake. Told him I hoped that he and his wife had a wonderful Chritmas and New Year. He did shake my hand but never spoke. I then hugged his wife and told her the same. She raved over how much the girls had grown and how much the oldest looke like me and the younger like the former and we parted ways.

As I guessed, early the next morning I got a call form her. She said that it was the quitest dinner her and husband have had in quite some time. Bear in mind that while she and I have seen and talked to each other since all the crap hit the fan her husband would never agree to talking to me in person so this was the first time that he has seen me since he and wife were found out.

She said I handeled it quite well and wanted to know how I felt about seeing her husband. I felt fine I told her. Absoutely no anger or ill feelings toward him. She felt that his silence stemmed from his never asking me for forgiveness even after the subject was brought up by her and their Pastor. Guilt maybe? No idea here but I know that I only wish each of them the best in their future.


God bles each of you and I pray that each of our New Year will continue to be a wonderful year filled with God's Promises.

<small>[ January 10, 2005, 09:50 PM: Message edited by: Trusting Him ]</small>

Hi all,

Avondale: I'm glad you are having a good time. Nothing like sun and beaches to clear the head.

Wallace: You know something; I wish you well with your fiance. How does your gut feel? For some reason, I have a funny feeling in my gut.

Leah: The moving out of the bedroom thing is serious business. The message it sends is very damning. My former pull that mess and she used it to stuff in my face. When that happens, it means total separation from your mate.

WGTT: You have to do what you have to do. If you don't have trust, what do you have?

Relady: How's business?

Me: Just taking it easy and plowing along. There will not be a wedding in future anytime soon, so Wallace will have to shoulder the wedding burden on his own. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I believe in taking things slow. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Later.

Trusting - It was very interesting to read about your recent foray into entertaining guests. I was cheering you on while I read it. I know how intimidating that can be. I have had company some...but need to do it more myself....we entertained quite a bit before H left and one thing that holds me back from having people over more often is my thinking that it might be awkward for them, because last time they were in my house was when we were happily married. But kudos to you for taking the plunge. I’m sure it will get easier with more practice! I’m very impressed with the cloth napkins, too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Were these people who you have gotten to know after divorce, or long-time friends?

Petvet - Do you have a funny feeling in your gut about Wallace getting married or about yourself? If it’s about Wallace , elaborate more to help our brother out!