They were people I have gotten to know after the divorce. It seems that there are not many mutual friends that choose to hang around. Granted there are a few I get together with sometimes but it either seems or feels that most would not like to be put into a position of where they have to choose between either myself or the former. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

So be it.

Hi All,

WGTT...

I'm sorry to hear about your "H's" latest scenario.

Has your "H" said anything that might give you any indication that your "M" can be put back on track?

avondale...

If I don't get cold feet... I will let you and everyone else know what day we are planning on getting married. That way... if you want... you come to the wedding, as everyone will be
invited, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> even though she wants to keep it small.


relady...

Oh, I believe that in fact... you and avondale will surely need two seperate dresses. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Petvet...

What's my gut feel about all of this?

RUN!!!

I've been on my own now, for going on three years. Marriage is a lot of work... and my last one sucked about all I had to give right out of me.

I've told my G/F that I'm scared to death about getting "M" again. She said she is too!

I'm still trying to get her to wait until all the kids are out of the house... but I'm not sure I'm making any head way on it as of yet. There are still a lot of issues to get out of the way still.

Trusting Him...

Congrats on your dinner party!

I haven't really tried a dinner party yet. Just some outdoor grilling... I'm not a very good cook unless you like frozen this and frozen that. I can whip up a real mean frozen dinner on the microwave though. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Leah...

How is everything going on your end?

Give us an update when you get time.

Well, I hope everyone's day is going well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hi - This is a quick post - I have company comming any minute.

It's wierd, but it is like the pressure is off - I said I would be OK if we divorced & he's more relaxed. He has been how I hoped last year when he came home.
- Has gone to both of YS's soccer games this week.
- He is straight and focused - I can tell
- He is working at his business and making calls talking to creditors.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
- he said he was sorry & I could tell he meant it. He has no idea how much his actions have hurt me or the kids.

I don't know where this will lead... I got the your a great Mom to our kids, but I don't want to be with you. That probably hurts the most, even though it was very obvious, somehow to hear the words is tough.

He thought I was seeing someone else - and that bothered him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> He also mentioned that I had taken off my wedding rings and I didn't snuggle up to him. Why would he care?

Thank God for MB, I know more


I will continue to pray for his salvation, that WH repent to God and that God restores our M. It's not us doing it - it is God.

We will most likely get a DV for financial reasons. Then we can get re-M if we so choose at some point or stay DV.

For me, I am concentrating on being fully self - suffcient so that anything that WH does or provides (monetarily... etc.) is a bonus. Plus I don't want the old M. It's dead. If certain things happen, then great, it not I'll go on with my life single.

gota go - company here

D.

<small>[ January 11, 2005, 09:09 PM: Message edited by: WillGetThruThis ]</small>

widget, Im so sorry that you are still on this roller coaster. You are STRONG, and I know God will help you thru this too.

I will be in your neck of the woods in early march, maybe I can get to stop by and see you. Are you still in real estate?

Take care, I am praying for you. How is the stalker situation?

Hi all!

Avondale: I know you are still enjoying yourself in Aruba. Lucky lucky lucky! ENJOY!

Wallace: You know I mean you well. I don't know about you, but my confidence is shot. My former use to tell me that I was not good at this and not good at that and couldn't do this and couldn't do that, so when I am told good things from my buddy, it's hard for me to take her serious because I had not been given those types of compliments before. One of my main issues about M is failure. I don't want to fail again. I am double analyzing everything. I try very hard to be a good buddy to my friend, but I still have confidence issues.

Later.

Hello Everyone,

Glad to hear all your updates. Hope all is well.

Petvet,

I'm not sure if you read on other page, after a day or two of contemplation, I decided to stay put. Even though H is the uninterested party, I wouldn't want to complicate issues by moving. I still want a relationship with H, it's just hard to be in a position of rejection night after night.

I'm glad to hear Buddy is good to you. Please keep your heart open to her and the positive feedback you receive from her. How wonderful!

I can appreciate the lack of self confidence after being with your ex. I'm continuously working on that while living with H, who can be quite negative and undermining. I have to give myself lots of pep talks. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I wish you and Buddy the best... and I hope the funny feelings soon go away.

Trusting Him,

It was so good to hear from you. I was concerned about you and curious how you've been. Bravo for you... tackling a dinner party. I'm very impressed! I'm sure all your company were impressed also, especially the ladies. They're all going to be after you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It's been great reading about your growth and maturity here at MB. How wonderful that you've not allowed former to push the hot buttons. With God's help, I'm trying to do the same.

I'm trying to let the fight be between God and H, not me and H. I think he tries to get things going just to keep intimacy far away by always having something negative to throw my direction. Does that make sense? Kinda like things are too good, so I'll find something to throw into the equation to screw it all up.

Anyhow, I'm trying to keep my focus on the right things and not get caught up in all these other issues that can throw me so off balance.

You're doing so well Trusting. It seems you're truly moving forward in life in such a positive way. I can't help but feel your children will all be just fine with you as their caring father and strong, stabilizing factor in their lives.

I've had to commit my children to the Lord also, knowing He knows all and knows what is best for them. Whether I stay married or not, I know these girls are in His hands and He will care for them. I just need to continually look to God for guidance and strength in nurturing them to their fullest potential.

I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I'm looking forward to see all that God has in store for you this new year. It seems that happier times await you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Wallace,

I hope this new year brings you much happiness also, whether that's in marriage or something else. You deserve much happiness and if that is to be found with G/F that's great! Just be sure of it before you say "I do". We all want a forever marriage for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

If you do wait till all of the children are out of the house, how long would that be? Does she have children at home too or just you? The children do add a whole other dimension to things, don't they? Take care, Wallace!

Oopps, I wasn't done yet, just hit the wrong button.

WGTT,

I've been praying for you. It sounds like a lot is happening. You seem strong and ready to face the future. Keep strong in your faith. God will see you through.

Sometimes when we let go to that which we've been hanging on so tight to, that's when it comes back to us. Love has to be of it's own choice. I'm also trying hard to let go of things with H. I can't force him to love me or to work on things in this marriage. I have to let him go and commit him to God. God is much better at getting his attention than I. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I'm wishing you the best and will continue to pray for you.

Relady,

Yes, you're so right about just letting God lead the way. He is the only One who can. I want to follow Him and make wise choices. It's great to know He is in control!

How is your on-line business going? I hope well.

Did you see my last post to you? It was a page or two ago. I was asking you about your relationship with your former H. If you rather not answer, that's okay too.

I hope you're doing well. I wish you much joy, peace and happiness this new year. It seems you're very much on the road of recovery. I'm happy for you!

Avondale,

Unless I've messed up my days, I guess you're back home now. I'm so pleased to hear that you're trip was enjoyable. That's great! I hope you can take another trip like that again this year. I'd love to be a stow-a-way.

I agree with your advice about staying put in the bedroom. As I wrote, a page or two ago, after praying about it, I came to the same conclusion. I thought about the very same thing you experienced and some other things too.

It just seems that until or unless I file, I should remain available so that H will not have any reasons to confuse my position. I think moving would just send too many mixed messages, ones that he surely could read into and confuse.

I have to pray for strength each night, to not allow his rejection to hurt too much or cause anger or bitterness. I want my life to stay free from all of that. I know the enemy can really trip me up on this point. So, I need to stay strong in God's truth of who I am and of His love for me.

Thanks for your counsel. I really appreciate hearing from you and gleaning from your wisdom. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and wishing for you a wonderful 2005!

Hi All,

Worked on my computer again last night... it's somewhat working... but I've got it pretty well narrowed what I need to replace. So as soon as I get past the sticker shock of my YD's College tuition for this semester (which I just paid), I'll go out and get the final items I need, and then my computer will be pretty much brand new again.

Petvet...

You really hit on something with your last post.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">By Petvet:

One of my main issues about M is failure. I don't want to fail again. I am double analyzing everything. I try very hard to be a good buddy to my friend, but I still have confidence issues.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This really hit me... as I feel the same way. My confidence went right out the window when my "M" broke down.

This is one of many reasons... I'm scared to death of getting "M" again... I'm not sure I'll make the grade. I'm not sure if I want to start all over again from scratch and go through the "M" thing again. I don't think I have it in me at this point.

I mean... I would like to spend the rest of my life with my G/F. I just don't feel like I have the confidence to know if I will succeed at this.

WGTT...

I think you got the right frame of mind concerning your sitch with your "H".

You've been through quite a bit over the last several years... and I know, that after awhile... you toughen up, after being through all the wonderfulness of it all.

I would keep with the mindset you have... put it in God's hands... and keep moving foward.

Leah...

Thank you for the well wishes... same right back at you! I hope that everything starts settling down for you, and your able to move forward... hopefully with your "M" in tact and doing well.

avondale...

Hope your having a great time, stay away from all those single guys out there running around... you might just drag one home as a memento of your trip. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> j/k

relady, Trusting Him, and anyone else I missed...

Hope your all doing well today.

Well, I hope everyone has a safe a enjoyable weekend.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Hey everyone
Just a quick check-in. I'm back from vacation, btw! Although I sure wish I could have stayed as long as y'all thought I did <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

WGTT - It sounds like your H is still in the fog, even though he might be changing in some outer ways. We'll keep praying for him and you! Any new developments with your daughter's stalker situation?

Petvet - I'm glad you posted your concerns about failure <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I would think those feelings are normal.

Wallace - Looks like snow in your area. Are you snowed in yet? I'm glad you could identify with Petvet, y'all can encourage each other in that regard.

Leah - You hit the nail on the head when you wrote "so that H will not have any reasons to confuse my position". That's it exactly. If you need extra motivation, you can probably use that for a while.

Trusting - Your ability to interact with the OM & his wife in such a normal, non-accusatory way is a real testimony. I'm not sure I could have done that. So when you get a g/f, will you have trust issues too?

Relady - What's new with you? How are sales? Your prices are so reasonable, I'm sure that will take off soon if it hasn't already done so.

Hope everyone has a great weekend. After a week of temps 20 degrees above normal, I think winter is back to NC.

Petvet and Wallace

I see where the idea or thought of failure seems to be the biggest object looming in your thoughts. A while back I took the children to the Georgia State Fair and as we were walking arounf I noticed a lady wearing a shirt that stated:

You Never Really Fail Until You Quit Trying

That remark really struck home with me as I know that even though our marriage failed I never quit trying. As I meditated on that, the truth began to sink in that as far as our marraige was concerned there were areas where I could always have improved...and did...but I never quit trying. My former was the one who quit trying.

So....our marriage failed but did I NOT fail. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Actually I learned quite a bit.

I guess the question to each of you would be...

Did you ever quit trying?

If not then neither of you failed! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Avondale

I have to say that as I thought back on that first meeting I too am amazed that I handeled it as well as I did. I do remember his wife telling me the first time she saw my former she had the urge to run her over.

I've thought about that trust issue and believe that it may not be tht much of a struggle for me. There are many people, some ladies in my life today and as certain relationships and friendships grow I rarely find myself questioning trust.

I question myself and my abilities as a Father,as a potential future husband to someone, as a provider but the issue of trust seems to just be there. But then I have always felt and preached that I trust and respect a person until they prove to me that they are not worthy of those things.

Leah2be

I've thought back over the last few years of my marriage and I am joyful that you made a decision to stay in your bed/bedroom. In hindsight I see that when I moved from the bedroom to the couch (to give her that so much needed space) that things just continued to flow downhill from that date.

People do change and sometimes it takes a long time for them to get there. I would hate to think that you gave up just as the sun was beginning to rise.

But only you know how much and how long you can continue in the path that you have chosen. I do know that as we give it over to God and begin to live and love through Him instead of ourselves that things we once thought were impossible somehow become second nature to us as we grow in Him.

<small>[ January 14, 2005, 05:07 PM: Message edited by: Trusting Him ]</small>

Trusting Him,

You wrote some wonderful things in your last post. I love the quote you wrote for Wallace and Petvet. Isn't that a great thought? That we're only failures when we quit trying. Well... by that definition I don't think there are any failures on this thread. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

It seems everyone here has tried and then tried some more in their marriages. And when we employ God's help, we can be ensured of success by His definition.

I also was encouraged by what you wrote me. You have a great talent for that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I wrote down that last line because I felt it so true and so powerful. I'm looking to God to do the impossible in my life and in my marriage.

There is joy and contentment in my heart when I truly entrust things to God. I just want to stay there. It's easy to get discouraged and look at what I don't have. Instead, I want to learn to continually focus on all I have in the Lord. He has been so faithful and good to me.

Thank you for your encouragement to stay the course. I feel confident that God will continue to work all things out for good, whatever the outcome here. Although I don't know what the future holds, I know who holds my hand. It's going to be okay either way.

Hey all,

Hope eveything is well and getting a great start in the New Year.

Avondale

Did you stay in Palm Beach? I understand that is where the action is. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I looked originally at private villas, but they are all on the other side of the island.

If you're not on the Beach, everything else is desert, is that true?

Leah2be

I have no idea how I missed that big paragraph with my name at the top. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Believe me, I have no problems answering anyone's question about anything if it will help. The things that we go through are not always for us, but for those who come after us. And they make us stronger in the process.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When you discussed the whole idea of withholding, were you speaking from personal experience? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, and believe me it is torture!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I would wake up in the middle of the night to find a pillow between us; that is, if he hadn't gotten up to sleep on the sofa!

Of course, he never admitted that he actually put it there. There were times when I literally cried in my sleep. UGH! The memories of it all.

That is why I said, you can only do it with God. Through that whole time, I never felt any less about myself and continued to see myself as God sees me. Don't take on the problem yourself.

In knowing that God will not allow us to do more than we can stand, you're still there because you can take it. And just as He did for me, when I had nearly caved in from the pressure, God moved him out of the way. And it was a quick thing. I have never looked back.

When God takes care of a thing, He takes care of it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Wallace, Trusting Him, Petvet, WGTT

Hope all is well, I'll post more later. Got to get ready for the Steelers to beat the Jets!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

relady

GRRRRR - I just did a long post & it blanked off the page! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Here's a quickie


Sunrise - Come on down - yes I am still in RE
email me at willgetthruthis@yahoo.com

Our 18YO daughter has not been bothered by the stalker & we pray he stays away.

will post more soon,

D.

Hi all!

Avondale: It does not matter how long you spent in paradise. One day is good enough for me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Wallace: So we are not failures according to Trusting! I feel good about that statement. We never gave up. Our formers gave up.

Relady: How's business? Oh, have you heard the rumor about NY having good prices on gems? Don't get any ideas! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> I'm jusa asking, you know for a friend of a friend. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Trusting: Thanks for the comment. I heard something like that about business ventures. Thanks alot. It makes me feel better.

Leah: Do what you need to do. Don't make quick decisions.

Me: Life is good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Later.

RELADY,

Hi! Thanks for your encouraging post. Yes, you are right that God never gives us more than we can handle. Sometimes I think God has a much higher opinion of me than I do of myself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

But, He has always been there when I thought I couldn't take another day. It's so neat how He does offer encouragement and hope when you're at you're lowest.

I'm trusting Him to do the same for me as He did for you. I don't want to be the one to end this relationship. I'm hoping that if H's heart isn't going to change, that God will take care of things. That is my prayer for 2005.... that God will work a miracle of resolution one way or the other. Thanks again and God bless!

EVERYONE,

I hope you are all doing well. We've had a couple of very COLD days here in Virginia. The girls are hoping and praying for snow. That would be fun! I enjoy snow days. I guess that's a hold over from my years in school and teaching. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Keep looking up!

Hi all!

Leah: Many times when we feel the world is on my shoulders, I always think that this will end and the only thing I need to do is pray and wait for the dark cloud to pass. There is light at the end of the tunnel, but one has to stay vigilant.

All: I know many folks are heads over heels in snow. I wish you well.

Later.

Hi All,

I guess everyone must be busy... This thread has been very quiet. I hope all of you are doing okay.

Avondale,

I've especially been wondering how you're doing. Are things finalized yet? You're still in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you've had a good month and that things are going well for you since your trip. Take care.

Petvet,

Yes, there is a light at the end of the tunnel...Here's hoping it's not a train coming. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Seriously, there is always hope in God and faith in Him is what carries me through all the dark times. Prayer is a wonderful gift.

I hope you and Buddy are still doing well. You'll have to keep us all posted if anything "official" ever takes place.

[/B]
[B]Trusting Him, Wallace, WGTT, and Relady,

I hope you are all doing well. I miss hearing from all of you. Write when you can. God bless!

Leah
I haven't written cuz there's not much to say. I guess that's a good thing! Yes, my D is final, as of 3 weeks ago. In the most recent Sunday paper, they publish the names of those who had babies, bought property, and were granted divorces (public record, and the paper thinks everyone wants to know!) and unfortunately my name was there. So that made it more official. I still read MB pretty much every day, and I'm keeping current with everyone else's situations, including any pending marriages <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
How are YOU doing, Leah? Anything new with your hubby?

WGTT - You had a situation brewing recently...any update?

Hey to everyone else!

<small>[ January 26, 2005, 07:03 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hey everyone!

Well it's been pretty hectic around here. I've been real busy at work, my Dad is in the Hospital, just finishing up on his surgery to remove the cancer from his arm.

The surgery went well and he should be getting out of the hospital in about a week. His left arm is pretty well incapacitated... and it's going to be about 3 months at least before he is able to use his left arm or left hand... in fact, he may not be able to use it ever again. I hope and pray that is not the case, as he was very active up until all this went down.

I got my computer up and running I think. I still need to do a few things to it, but at least it appears to be stable for now.

I have to agree with everybody as far as the quitting aspect goes. I don't think anyone on this thread ever quit trying. In fact, I would say we all went the extra mile... to see if we could salvage what was left of our marriages.

I guess you just can't win them all.

Well I hope everyone is doing well.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Avondale,

Thanks for writing. I'm glad to know you're okay even with "official notices". I've seen those before and have always felt bad for those whose names were listed.

Probably, we notice more than most people. I don't think I would have ever paid attention were it not for being where I've been. So maybe only sympathetic eyes view those announcements.

Thanks for asking how it's going. It's about the same. Not too good. He is SO not with me. It's a very lonely marriage.

He just told me his plans to take his new assistant on a business trip with him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> They'll be gone two or three days. He said if I were uncomfortable, I could go along. This leaves me with a decision I'd rather not make.

How I wish he would be wise enough to not even consider such a thing. I really don't want to be their babysitter. Most of the time, I would be the third wheel. He obviously doesn't really want me there. I think it would feel very awkward. I'm afraid H will never get it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I'm trying not to be discouraged but it's just more of the same disrespect and disregard for my feelings. I'm just not sure what my response should be.

Anyhow, I'm going to continue to look to the Lord for wisdom and strength. I know He is there to help. I need to trust more during the tough times. Thanks for caring.

Wallace,

Sorry to hear about your father. I will pray for him.

I'm glad you have your computer fixed. I know that can be a major undertaking.

Hope you and your girlfriend are doing well. Take care.