Wow, hope everyone had a good holiday. I was certainly kept busy and it was good for us.<p>I have been stressing because I feel that the courts have dropped the flooring out from under the girls and I. In November, the judge acknowledges that there was abuse and yet, yesterday STBX and the counselor try and set up unsupervised visitation with the younger daughter.
They had her in the office, went on about court orders and all, and STBX apologized for being an awful father yet blamed it all on me. Next thing I know, counselor comes out and says they were trying to set up time for visits next weekend. I am in shock... the court orders were to have 6 months of counseling with STBX then begin work on unsupervised visits. My daughter is upset, I'm frustrated beyond belief, and I just don't have any idea what to do.<p>This man abused his children and me and he gets to walk off with absolutely no consequences for his actions and he certainly still blames me for it all. My attorney and I are back in court Tuesday to again stress the issue that protecting the children is the most important point, not visitation between STBX and D. My D agreed to the visits because it was hammered into her about court orders, I finally got to tell her after all this that she could still say NO. She is 10 years old and she is the one that is having to swallow her fear and anger and learn to "cope", when STBX continues his harrassment, his controlling ways, and is not held accountable for his actions. <p>Yes, because I didn't report to the police or Child Protective Services previously during the marriage, the girls and I now are having to fight every step of the way to keep them protected. I often feel like I am waiting for either them or myself to be hurt before somebody finally says, DUH. <p>It will be good when all this is over, although there is no end in sight at the moment. For those of you who have abusesive realtionships and there is the possiblity of divorce, my only recommendation is to document everything, whether it is ever used, you at least have the information and proof on hand. I wouldn't want anyone else to ever have to go through what I am having to do; protecting children shouldn't have to be a constant fight because there was no documentation.<p>I'm going to try and get the kids out for a hike or something. <p>Lori

Documentation is the name of the game - honestly - and to be perfectly honest about the court system - they are NOT on your side.<p>There's a site www.silenttears.com that you should check out - maybe it will help you with some of what you are going through. Domestic Safety is a resource in most communities - contact them. <p>Blessings,<p>Jan

Thanks Jan, that is a helpful site. I've learned so much from people on this forum and the different sites that they have sent me to as I grew. <p>Was in court again yesterday... found out a few things that STBX and his attorney did that are totally bogus. the counselor did come through and we got 3 months of counseling before any visits are done. The judge is furious that STBX and his attorney are continuing to keep things in an uproar. I now have to do a vocational evaluation and also have to get a second attorney as they claimed mine was conflict of interest on the business interests. We are back in for a Mandatory Settlement Agreement on April 23rd, but can't imagine that they will agree on anything. The judge did get after the attorneys for spinning this out of control. My STBX still wants my client lists for the business and he's dragging things on and on so that I get deeper in debt.<p>I'm totally sick of the whole thing, and after I spent a few days wallowing in self pity, I am back up and going to get through all of this. I refuse to be destroyed by some jerk who told me when he left that he'd give me anything, just let him go, who now has publically stated he'll have me crawling back to my parents with nothing.<p>Lori