I'm dying inside all over again. Last night I was feeling so strong.... Why is it that just seeing him again starts this all over again?? <P>Well, he told me he is going to have his lawyer redirect my petition for legal separation to one for divorce.... I knew this could happen, but I guess I didn't want to believe it.... I still don't want to believe it.<P>I asked him "Is this what you REALLY want....." several times. His reply was "I don't feel I have a choice". He said it would be too expensive to wait. I don't want a divorce, I don't want a legal separation. What I want is for us to start working on US again........ When I look deep into everything that I am.... that is what I see..... I still see us growing old together. <P>I haven't cried in about 2 weeks, and it feels like I am trying to make up for it in one morning... It feels like there is a giant sponge in my head that has been absorbing all the tears, and that someone just decided to wring it out. <P>Every time he said "I don't feel like I have a choice"..... I wanted to scream at him... "yes you do..... WE DO" .... but his words about not wanting to put in the effort, and wanting to be selfish keep running through my head. That, the cell phone bill, and the phone call I got from a friend who said she saw him shopping with the twinky. <P>What do you do when your mind and your heart are at war????? Either way you lose. I hate this. <P>I've got to pull myself together.<P>B<BR>

I did not get to the point of separation with my affair, though I was prepared for the possibility. There are many betrayers here who have I think, and I really hope they can help.<P>It's so painful, I know, and my heart goes out to you. You are in my prayers. Remember he's in pain now too, and maybe not thinking clearly about it. But if he chooses to leave and divorce, he does have that right, and that's hard to accept. I was very lucky (I count my blessings daily) that my husband didn't leave me, though I was sure he would.<P>Don't give up, contest the divorce, do whatever you have to, research more on Harley's site about plans and such.<P>Best Wishes<P>Tracy<P>------------------<BR>"I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."

When he says "he feels that he doesn't have a choice". What does he mean. It seems like he is not trying to commit to a "YES" i want a divorce and not committing to a "NO" i don't want a divorce. He seems confused with that answer. Is he with the OW? Is she pushing him too it? There seems to be a lot of unanswered questions here and you need to find out before any divorce becomes final, because you will always wonder.

Tracy,<BR>Thanks.... I would contest the divorce if I could. We live in a "no fault" state, so if he really wants it, he will get it.<P>I'm still weepy, but I guess I'm getting better..... I thought for sure it would last all day.<P>Trying.... I think he doesn't want a divorce either ... not really... Maybe I'm delusional though. He said because the court papers for the separation said I would get spousal support & stuff like that, that he couldn't afford not to get a divorce..... that doesn't make sence to me????? Anyone understand that??<P>B<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Butterfly (edited September 02, 1999).]

I don't really have any good advice to give. Just want you to know I know how you feel and I'm thinking about you. Hang in there.

What will be any different with divorce than separation regarding spousal support?? He sounds like he is very confused. Maybe he is being pushed into a corner by OW.

Janie,<BR>Thanks. <BR>I don't think the twinky is pushing him.... she is married too. I think he thinks we will have to file for divorce again later??? I didn't tell him that it can be changed at any time from ls to d. I have tried repeatedlly to make him understand that comments he made about our loans felt like threats to me.... and the only reason I filed for LS was to protect myself financially. And also the fact that he spent a considerable amount of money the first time we separated, and still doesn't have a clue how he spent so much. I just didn't want to have to end up losing my car & having to file bankruptcy and lose my marriage all at the same time. <P>He also said he wants to get together and talk about stuff... like who pays for what. At this point, I'm scared to do so.... I want to ask my lawyer what she thinks about it.... I hate to be suspissious...... but he may be trying to manipulate me into giving up something he knows I would get from the court. <BR>Either that, or he is running out of clean underwear again.... sorry, poor attempt at humor.<P>B<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

My heart goes out to you along with my prayers. Mondo HUG!!!!!<P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR>

Thanks Rob. I can always use them, and I have always liked the mondo hugs.<BR>B<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

Infidelity,<P>I went through with my divorce because my husband was like yours. Our situation a little different, we married twice now divorced twice. Last year I filed, he payed for it but did not want the divorce, we ended up having it annulled. Then when our situation got bad again, because we failed to get counseling do to the fact we were so in love and did not think troubles would return, I told my lawyer to restart procedures. I did not want to divorce, but husb. would now not go for counseling. Said yet he didnt want the divorce, would rather me go through with it rather than have to pay a whole new fee. My attorney only charged 15.00 to go in front of the commissioner. So the whole crazy thing came down to money. The divorce only cost around 250.00. To me making your marriage work is worth more than worrying about having to put out another 250.00 in case it doesnt work.<P>Even though we did divorce and it was final Aug. 15, we are working on reconciling. More working on my own prblms for now. Hopefully in time we can get back together where we belong. Dont give up!!!

Bluestar,<BR>I was just reading your thread.....<BR>Thank you for replying. I'm glad you & your H are working on getting things right this time. I wish you all the best. <BR>I'm not it the best state of mind right at this moment to make any sence (at least not to myself), so I will try to respond later.<P>B

I was the same way you are now. But for some reason after a terrible argument and crying my eyes out (eyelids swollen the next day), I felt peace the next day. This is when my attorney called with my court date. Had not expected it, because my attorney is not on the ball most of the time, but went on through with it due to my husbs remarks. I think God finally gave me the peace I asked for, to finally quit mourning over him day and night and work on ME!!! The divorce hit him pretty hard to, although I did not think it would. I was upset with God before because I prayed over and over for his help for my marriage and such, and no response. Maybe just needed a wake up call, a nudge to start over and do things right this time. <P>Seems like when you start working on taking care of you and not getting upset in front of your spouse all the time, it makes them wake up. Just let your husb know you love him and how you feel about things, and just start taking care of YOU. Hit the gym, that always works for awhile. Very good stress reliever.<P>Best wishes. <BR>PS The kleenex with the lotion works best for soaking up the river of tears. Dont know about you, but I had some pretty raw eyes and a raw nose after the crying spells. :-)<BR>

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{B.fly}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>thinking of you, I'm so sorry you hurt.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Thanks bluestar...<P>I have been thinking about buying stock in kleenex, as much as I have been using lately, I figure their price must be going up. <BR>Have you considered that God answered by letting the divorce go through??? Might have seemed like an unanswered prayer, but it did the trick. But, I must say I know how you feel on that one. I have been trying to keep in mind that God will not give me what I cannot handle, and what is not best, even though sometimes it is a struggle. <P>DEB!<BR>Thanks for the hug! How have you been feeling?? Are things going better? <P>B <P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

My H told my son that he didn't want to "have had to have gotten a divorce". The wording confused and worried our son terribly, because he thought his father was saying that the divorce was final, which is not what he meant. Apparently my H thinks he doesn't have a choice.

Butterfly<BR>I'm too dopey right now to be of any help. Just know I'm thinking of you and praying.<BR>It's not over till the fat lady sings!<BR>Take care of yourself. I should be back to normal tomorrow. Talk to you then.

{{{{{{{butterfly hugs}}}}}}}<P>I hope you feel better tomorrow. Keep the faith - God is close to the brokenhearted.