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Joined: Jul 2001
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Have any of you used a mediator rather than attorneys to work out your divorce?<p>My H and I met with one this morning, and I really liked the process and the methodology. The woman that we chose seemed very knowledgeable and professional. <p>You can choose to have an attorney review and file for you -- otherwise a paralegal can file it for you as co-petitioners. Its incredibly less expensive. <p>It seems like the way to go.<p>Unfortunately, my H is back to battling with me. He doesn't want to get divorced. My mind is made up. I'm so tired of having this fight over and over again. He doesn't listen to me.
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Joined: Feb 2002
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We are using a mediator, too. My H wanted to just use one lawyer at first, but that made me feel terribly uncomfortable, since he was acting so strangely. We will each have our own lawyer look over the paperwork when it's drawn up, which is also a good thing, because H keeps changing his mind about what I get from where. The lawyers only charge for the time spent with us, though, so we don't have to pay a retainer. I, too, am very impressed with the way our mediator is handling everything. If I feel uncomfortable about a situation, she very nicely finds a solution for me. She did say that my lawyer might recommend getting a private investigator and having an asset search done (there was lots of money moving going on.)<p>Best of luck!
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Joined: Jun 2000
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Hi Lexxxy,<p>I can't remember whether or not you and H ever separated during all this, but have you explored the possibilities of a trial separation?<p>Feelings change so much over time, Lexxx. And being separated can give you time away to think and get clarity on all this without feeling forced to make things final one way or another. Thing is, if you did try a separation first (pre-D) you'd have to keep NO CONTACT of OM during that time, it would only be fair. <p>Why don't you think about it. I know you've spent lots of years with unhappiness in your marriage, but you made the choice to be married and I would think you'd want to say you did evrything you could before coming to a final decision.<p>JMVHO.<p>Very best to you, Lexxx.
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Joined: Jul 2001
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Phoenix -- thanks. I've got money concerns too. H would have the ability and opportunity to hid assets from me also. So you really need to have some trust in this process.<p>Jo -- I just can't do a separation. I no longer want to work on this marriage. And I don't want to hold out any hope to H. He tends to overemphasize things and I'm tired of this whole thing. I can't live my life from the position I'm in anymore -- which is being labeled as a cheating wife.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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lexxy, if everything was the same, except you were not labeled the cheating wife...would it make any difference?<p>jo..Feelings change so much over time, Lexxx. And being separated can give you time away to think and get clarity on all this without feeling forced to make things final one way or another. <p>snl...Is this a generic statement, or do you think lexxy (or anyone in similar circumstances) is unable to make a decision for divorce without a seperation first? (just curious).
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Joined: Oct 2001
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First, sorry to jump in on this.<p>SNL-<p>Please don't add into what Jo has said. Make no more of it than she has stated. <p>FEELINGS CHANGE SO MUCH OVER TIME. <p>PERIOD.<p>I think it's important for ALL OF US to be very clear in our understanding of what we're saying and what we're hearing. That's been one of the problems in my marriage.<p>And now, back to your regularly scheduled thread.<p>K
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kevco, excuse me? reread my comment, it was a question to jo not a statement, so cannot be reading anything, that is why we have the word clarification in the english language.<p>btw, I don't think feelings (re intimate bonds) ever change. You either have it or you don't, can't be fabricated, can't be lost, can't be faked, etc. etc.... otherwise indeed it would make no difference who we are married too, all two would have to do is focus on each other, practive MB to perfection, and voila, in-love... there psychologies woul be irrelevant...how about you kevco, do you think that is true? Cause it has to be, if we don't rely on feelings as part of all this.
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