Well,<p>My WH and his attorney are very proud of themselves right now. <p>They knew I was having the baby on Wed. and would be out of commission for a while, and so instead of allowing me and the kids some stability financially and custody wise, WH evaded service for an entire month of the petition that would have required him to go to court tomorrow to set temporary child support and visitation, so that he can keep control of the money and the kids.<p>He just keeps sinking lower and lower and lower.<p>Everything I do he takes offense at, so no matter what I do - save letting him have his way about everything - he will misconstrue for the court hearing, whenever that gets here. Probably in another 6 weeks - unless he wants me to come to court in a wheel chair.<p>Right now he has no heart as far as I'm concerned. He really was never there for the first 3 kids, so it won't be really any different as far as the new baby goes. But if he asks to discuss the finances/custody/divorce during the first week or so after the birth I'm going to spit nails.<p>If he didn't make such poor decisions with the kids concerning them spending time with the OW, then it wouldn't be so bad, but he's so far gone that he can't think of anyone but himself, no matter how the kids are affected.<p>I just wanted to enjoy the birth without having to deal with WH, and all the in family fighting that will be occuring.<p>I need a vacation from this already.<p>K<p>[ February 25, 2002: Message edited by: God is in Control ]</p>

Boy, what a [censored], but I've said that before. Try and forget for just a few days and greet your precious baby with a light heart. I'm still praying for you, and keeping you in my heart.<p>Elizabeth

Hi K-<p>First of all, I am so sorry to hear that he was able to do this. I have a question though, how was he able to do this? Granted, I don't know the law for your state, and with you being a lawyer I know that you do,but I don't see how this is legal. I live in WI and when I filed and requested a temporary hearing to establish (get what I was owed vs. what he felt I was entitled) support and set up scheduled visitation my now X was required to show and if he hadn't shown they would have made the rulings without him. It doesn't seem fair that he can do this. <p>As for wanting the time to recover after the baby is born without having to deal with this, I totally support you. You shouldn't have to deal with it, but this is a classic example of life not being fair. <p>Although this probably won't make you feel any better I will re-tell what happened to me to show that you aren't alone, there are jerks everywhere. <p>In June at 8 months pregnant I was finally able to prove my then WH's affair. At that time they claimed to break up and because of distance and a lot of other things I belived it. Of course I wanted to believe it as well. Anyway from June until the baby was born at the end of July my Wh spent a lot of time with the kids and I. Granted he never committed to the marriage, but he said he was working on stuff and didn't know where things would go. I was following the Harley's advice and wasn't pushing. I believed he was going through withdrawal, etc. and was optomistic that we had a chance. We continued a physical relationship right up to three days before the baby was born.<p>As you know the baby came really fast, I delivered her myself, and he missed the delivery. He stayed with the kids while I was in the hospital and stayed with us the night I came home, but then got nasty. Six days after she was born he came over and announced that he was going back to the OW and wanted a divorce. He said he had never had any intention of coming back, but didn't want to upset me at the end of my pregnancy (it's so much nobler to leave someone with a newborn and raging hormones you know!) He said he was going to file as soon as he had the money, but that it would take time. <p>I was devastated, I really believed we were going to make things work, but I decided that baby or no baby, hormones or no hormones, it was time for me to take charge of my life instead of waiting for him to control it. I filed and started my new life and things have gotten so much better. Granted, I am now divorced and he is still doing the same stuff as always, but I have changed and therefore, my life and the kids' lives for that matter are much better.<p>I guess what I am trying to say is that your Wh is in the fog, he is totally self centered, and is trying to break you. You can't change any of that, but you can change you. You are so strong! To go through this is bad enough, to go through it pregnant is almost unthinkable, but you are making it. I have total faith that you will get through this. By taking charge of your life you will be empowered and anybody knows an empowered mother is a force to be reckoned with!<p>One final point, I find it interesting that you say there won't be much change because he was never there for the first three. Isn't it amazing as we detatch from them that we realize how little they were ever there for us? And still we fought to save our marriages, we have done the right thing and God knows it. We will come out on top no matter what they do. Please remember that and keep your faith.<p>I know I have rambled, but your situation brings up a lot of emotions within me. Take care tomorrow and don't let the jerk spoil your wonderful day. You are in my prayers and you will get through this! Your kids have an incredible mom!<p>Take care and God bless!
K