Just curious what the rest of you answered when asked this question.<p>I was recently asked this by someone who asked me out. I declined the offer as I'm not dating yet.<p>But I found myself a bit flustered as to what to say. My inclination was to say "My cheating, lieing, sleazebag husband fathered two children with two different women during our marriage blah blah blah ..." (J/K).<p>Anyhooo, how have you answered this question? I hope to gawd I don't hear that old standard of "We just grew apart" .... ughhhhhh. <p>Jo

The truth.<p>That my W had a affair and never wanted to reconcile.<p>Dino

Wow Dino ....<p>What is their reaction to that? More questions?<p>Jo

I found that with the longer you have been divorced the shorter the answer gets.<p>When I was first divorced I could go on for hours about what had happened.<p>Now it's: No love, No Communication, No touching, typical stuff, then I just shrug my shoulders and smile. <p>Tex.

That sounds about right, Tex.<p>I don't know if I should tell "males", or actually anyone, about my H's misdeeds (OCs). I fear they would think I'm a doormat extroidinaire or something. <p>Jo

X went crazy - whacko - nut case!<p>and the answer to why i don't have the kids?<p>because she has to be a convicted felon to get custody of the kids. . . of which she is not. . .<p>i answered just like that to someone the other day, although there was no dating intention, just some idle chit chat.. . . .<p>wiftty

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by WhenIfindthetime:
because she has to be a convicted felon to get custody of the kids. . . of which she is not. . .<p><hr></blockquote><p>Hey Wiftty,<p>Did you mean to say "cuz she has to be a convicted felon to lose custody of the kids ... of which she is not"????<p>[ April 01, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

ooops, yes, you are correct!

Jo,<p>I don't know how to answer that question either. <p>My husband didn't cheat, he's the one that left but I was physically abused. I don't want anyone I date at first to know this. It seems so personal and I don't want them forming opinions about me in this regard either.<p>This is a tough one, because I also do think that if I accept a date, they have a right to know.<p>I guess the thing I could tell them is that it's private but I did not cheat and neither did he, but he did file.<p>Well, again, it's just a tough one to answer.<p>ANNA

It is a tough one, Anna.<p>When I was still married this GF of mine was dating. She'd meet these Divorced guys and when she asked them what happened in their marriages, they'd answer "We grew apart" .... well, she told me that was a RED flag for her to run. What it meant to her was their reason was suspect and they may be hiding something Baaaaad.<p>I don't know what the friggin rules are, and I'm a fairly private person. I can't see telling some semi-stranger that I'm dating about my personal life in that depth. And then again, I want to be fair so they know. <p>And from what my GF has said, if you answer with the above pat answer, you're suspect of hiding worse than what may have really happened. <p>Anyone???<p>Jo<p>[ April 01, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Jo,<p>Yep, I met a guy who told me that the reason he divorced was because his wife got boring...Once the kids were born she wasn't fun anymore...<p>Oh boy what a RED flag!<p>ANNA

I tell people my wife met up with an old flame from HS and decided to leave me for him and that I did everything I could to hold my marriage together, but her mind was made up. She had no interest in preserving our marriage which in her words was "not unhappy".

I tell them my x got a better deal, so she left me and the kids. At least in her mind, its a better deal.

Nobody has ever asked me. I think pretty much everyone knows that men never leave long-term marriages (especially with six kids) unless there is someone else. <p>The question I am getting tired of being asked is why my H is still unemployed after almost two years. If I say I don't know, the next question is always, "Do you think he is really looking for another job?"

I have two favorite answers:<p>

• "We had different tastes. I liked Chinese food, she liked sports, I liked monogamy..."
• "She had a mid-life crisis and decided she'd rather be with her internet boyfriend."

<p>The only question I hate more than "why are you divorced?" is "are you dating?"... I had a very nice lady ask me last Sunday at church if I was dating because she has a lovely daughter she'd like me to meet. Scared the heck out of me!

I haven't been asked...why are you divorced...
But, I have been asked.."are you divorced yet?"
and when I reply yes, they ask.."what took so long?" <p>the sad thing is..I never told any of these ppl I was getting divorced..or even that we'd seperated...

I love your answer about having different tastes, O2bsane! I'll have to use that one. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I always feel like I have to explain that he had an affair and left the kids and I. Even though that sounds negatative towards me, that I was left, I'd rather people know it wasn't my choice. I just hate the word divorce so much - I still can't believe that is what I am and that is the life my children have to live. Most people don't know, since I have very young kids, and one just assumes there must be a husband somewhere!

"We had a management reorganization."<p>"He fired me. Or I fired him. Well, the judge said we could fire each other."<p>If pressed further,..... "Some things at work weren't going his way, he was stressed out by knowing his son was so much like him, and he met another woman in whom he was interested so he decided he had to take this chance at happiness. Basic mid-life crisis."<p>[ April 01, 2002: Message edited by: cinderella ]</p>

I'm not divorced but recently separated. Still, I feel like my "status" is very much changed. H was very good at pretending like everything was just peachy, and I was pretty tightlipped with friends for a long time. I kept a pretty low profile at first. Finally, on weekend number 7 or so of separation, I attended a social function without him. It's a group who knows us as a couple. I went prepared to "spill the beans." Finally I had a moment alone with a woman I consider a friend (as opposed to acquaintance). She inquired about my H. I told her we were separated. She expressed disappointment at the sad news. I lamented with her. She rattled off a few of her pet peeves about her own H, acknowledging how it's hard to be married even when you've got a "good one." I responded in agreement, that marriage isn't easy and I never expected that it would be easy. I found myself saying, "but there has to be *some* rewards." For me, that pretty well sums it up. To my knowledge, my H is not having any affairs (unless the garden counts, in which case the OW is outside my back door 24 hours a day!). If I were to choose one word to describe him, it would be non-participant. We were two parties of one, and I wanted a marriage that's one party of two. Y'know, members of the same team, sharing rewards and responsibilities. A relationship based on love, respect, affection and intimacy. <p>I really don't want to alienate any mutual friends or make them feel like they need to choose sides. If H ends up looking bad, he really doesn't need any help from me in that department. If I say anything bad, I try to make sure it's simply the truth, and I save that for my very closest of friends. No one has yet asked me why I'm separated. So far, I've told just a few people who know us well. None of them are surprised. Frankly, I spend more time wondering if he can make it on his own or if the men in white suits are gonna come get him. So many people here are dealing with infidelity. I'm dealing with a different flavor of abandonment, so I guess I'm sort of an oddball around here. Regardless of the circumstances, though, I think the answer to such a question really depends on how well you know the person asking... and how much you want that person to know you.

What if someone said something like "It just wasn't working...". Thats for starters and when you get to know that person you could feel more comfortable telling more if it is in a dating situation? <p>How would you guys take that? Because I think that in the situation thats all I'll be willing to say....<p>Pantha