I only recently started frequenting the D/D board and I expect to have the same favorable experience as I've already had on other boards here at MB. But perhaps I'm naive to have been surprised that topics other than MB topics get a lot of air play here. Maybe I just stumbled into an aberration.<p>To be blunt, there are perhaps other forums on the internet for folks to debate political and religious topics or to promote a particular point of view on such topics.<p>If I am wrong and this is standard fare on this board, will someone please say so and I'll stay away?<p>[ April 06, 2002: Message edited by: worthatry ]</p>

Dave,<p>I don't get to read all that many posts, so I have probably not been exposed to what you have been reading. These are my thoughts: there are enough people here struggling with the fallout of divorce or pending divorce, we must surely have enough to keep us busy. <p>I doubt if you will stop folks from sharing their perspectives, and you know some folks just LOVE to debate issues. I just stay away from that which I feel is inappropriate or which just plain irritates me. I feel my efforts are better served to learn more about relationships and to share what I can from my own experiences. Most importantly, besides needing advice on how to handle issues as they arise, most of the folks here are in dire need of good emotional support and morale boosting. <p>Don't let the things you don't like run you off. You can learn and also help out here, too. I guess I hate to say it....but, welcome.<p>Desiree

Nope, WAT,<p>This isn't standard fare at all.....we usually try to stick to Marriage Builders here. The issue I believe you are referring to was one of a joint policy of agreement involving a very emotional issue. I guess there are just some topics that set people's blood boiling one way or the other. I have kept out of it, but have been watching in disbelief.<p>Also there have been some random attacks on Members lately, which I find very disheartening, because we are here for SUPPORT. I think some have forgotten that, and it is very sad.<p>Let's hope we can get back to normal soon. I am starting to be convinced there is something in the air, or the planets are aligning or something!!!<p>Please everyone,a little love and light!!!<p>Nina

Dave,<p>Respectfully,<p>If abortion had no impact on marriages/divorce...<p>If infidelity had no impact on marriages/divorce...<p>If immorality had no impact on marriages/divorce...<p>If depressioin had no impact on marriages/divorce...<p>If drug addiction had no impact on marriages/divorce...<p>If alcohol addiction had no impact on marriages/divorce...<p>If alcohol addiction had no impact on marriages/divorce...<p>If sexual addiction had no impact on marriages/divorce...<p>If in-laws had no impact on marriages/divorce...<p>If avarice had no impact on marriages/divorce...<p>If child rearing/problems avarice had no impact on marriages/divorce...<p>If children (born/unborn/OC) had no impact on marriages/divorce... <p>...why have this group of forums?<p>Caring people care to help... guide... love... pray for... and yes even admonish...<p>...because either we've been through it...
...or... in a world lost with NO common sense...
...truth offers a stark contrast... and a light to the darkness.<p>I hope truth will never become an abberation!... or as some would have it... abhor-ation!<p>I hope openess... and yes, freedom of speach...
...is not pushed out of MB...
To squelch a discussion/post because it's "political"... is to accept the notion that separation of church and state... implies...we should halt the religion... in favor of "state" sponosored moral values... even if those moral values oppose an individual's faith.<p>Did our founding fathers really believe that separation of church and state means what the media protrays?... or is it more of what Thomas Jeffereson believed?...separation?<p>Let's not shut down our own honesty to be open to each other... it's sometimes hard to take what some have to offer... and maybe there is a reason for that.<p>You WAT have been a help to so many here and the other forums...<p>Stay... Stand for MB... It's founded on honesty.<p>Your friend...<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim/NSR

Well I am no expert but I for one think I may have some insight to why somebody could not maintain an relationship, I dont blame her.

Shhhh, is is safe? I think what he was trying to say is let's not let the people who have no tolerance for anyone but themselves run amok. <p>Nina,
Email Nic for my address K? Installed.

DSimmons,<p>Normally I would not honor a post like yours with a response, but your comment is very uncalled for. It was borderline offensive, antagonistic and somewhat disrespectful. <p>I humbly and respectfully ask you, in the future to please stick to confronting the issues and not the people. <p>Thank you and God Bless,
Jo<p>[ April 06, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by dsimmons78025:
<strong>Well I am no expert but I for one think I may have some insight to why somebody could not maintain an relationship, I dont blame her.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Well, nothing like a drive by shooting to liven up Saturday evening. Very stimulating. Are you female? Want a date?<p>WAT

I am totally coming out of lurk mode. I will spank myself later.<p>Anyone not understand why I had to take a time out?<p>Man oh man.<p>I might have to reconsider lurking!

You know, my stomach is twisting as I begin this response. I am 100% in agreement with WAT, and I feel like I somehow have to justify why I feel that way. <p>What I don't understand is why a diversity of opinion is not tolerated. I know, I'll be told it is, but that right is right, and wrong is wrong. Sorry, but right and wrong are subjective with regard to personal decisions that do not affect society as a whole.<p>Again, as I've said before, I am a Christian (as in a believer in Christ) who just happens to believe that God gave me this brain to make my own decisions. I don't want to hear I'm a "bad" Christian because I happen to believe in personal responsibility. <p>I've read before that this is a site run by Christian's (the Harley's) but it is not a Christian site. I think we should remember that, before we run off some good people who don't share our beliefs, but need MB concepts to heal their marriage.

I think MB's is a wonderful site with a lot of invaluable information. That said, I don't feel expressing views or opinions that someone may be offended by or not like is wrong. We are never all going to agree on everything. The fact that any of us are even here at all, shows we have some problems accepting others and their opinions. When I run across something that I find offensive, and I have, I try to examine myself and find out why I find it offensive. If I think I'm justified in my feelings then so be it, if I feel like maybe I didn't unerstand or agree I do some soul searching and find out why. You can find yourself and get to know who you are, even in adverse condidtions. You have to get your focus off of what you want and try to be honest with yourself, look for your short comings and develope ways to change, if needed. The people here are not a group of professional counselors, they're are hurting, healing, confusd,scared, worthy human beings. They are trying to find their way too. One shoud not expect them to fulfill their every need, this is a discussion forum. It is alwasy nice to get validation, encouragement and a pat on the back, but if you can't handle otherwise, then try and ask yourself why that is. I don't ever want to cause emotional pain to anyone, and I have. I am human just like everyone else here, trying to find ideas, answers and it is just a nice place to hang out and get a lot of different views. Even tho it is a MB site, I think it would be unrealistic to not get side tracked occasionally. I know we are supposed to stick with MB principles, but sometimes in getting our feelings out, we express otherwise.
I hope this, in itself is not offensive, as it was not meant to be. Sometimes, we need to think "out of the box"
[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] May each iof us get enough emotional strokes to have a great day!

WAT,
These little skirmishes kick up every once in a while. I've been on MBers for about 3 yrs and was one of the first on the D/D forum and have seen this before on both forums.<p>The result is usually someone will post as you and Sheryl have about keeping it from being personal and that seems to clear things up, for a while. <p>With the unfortunate influx of new people, this will continue to occur.<p>Past sore subjects, have been sex discussions, dirty jokes, dating, and the Christian/non-Christian website. This is about the third time I have seen this particular subject been debated.<p>So everybody, please continue to post to your experiences, beliefs, vents, etc. Just try to keep out the personal attacks. We are all hurting here, we don't need to be attacked from what should be a place of comfort.<p>Thanks!

Thanks, RWD and others for your recommendations.<p>I guess it wasn't so much that a different topic other than working within the marital conflict was being debated. What seemed out of place to me was the advice a poster was getting to change the mind of his spouse and suggested resources for doing so.<p>One of the very first things that was reinforced to me here at MB was accepting that we cannot change other people, we can only change ourselves. This is the main premise of Plan A. When we attempt to change others we are, as another poster recently said, going down the wrong road. We may get somewhere, but not where we wanted to go.<p>Thanks again,
WAT

WAT,
I agree with you in that we cannot try to change another person, but we can try to influence their decision making, especially when it comes down to a moral issue IMO.<p>Would you not try to stop someone from say robbing a bank if they were desparate for money?<p>There is another analogy here, but I'll stay away from that one as it would be sure to stir things up.<p>Bob

Do you see how your doing the very thing you are asking others not to do? <p>You are attempting to give advice to posters and change their minds on HOW to respond to threads. <p>Yes, you do need to accept that you cannot change other peoples responses. The best thing you can do if you don't "approve" of the way a thread is heading is to not respond. I try not to too but it is very difficult sometimes. However, if I respond and work myself into a tizzy - that is my fault and my responsibilty not how others reply to me.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by I LuvNprotect ME:
<strong>Do you see how your doing the very thing you are asking others not to do? <p>You are attempting to give advice to posters and change their minds on HOW to respond to threads. <p></strong><hr></blockquote><p>I understand your point, but I disagree. I wasn't giving advice to anybody or attempting to change anybody's mind.<p>All I asked was for advice on whether this was standard fare on this forum in order to determine if I should spend my time elsewhere. I appreciate the recommendations.<p>Thanks again,
WAT

Thanks for asking WAT. I'm new to the D/D board as well. Also trying to get a "feel" for how things are here.<p>I took it to be sorta like Nina said, we happened to see a highly emotional issue being discussed. I suppose our goal should be to strive to continue using the MB principles - no matter WHAT the issue is. POJA is the best way to handle disagreements in the marriage, and I believe many people suggested that on "that thread". <p>Like someone else said though, if your spouse wanted to jump off a bridge, you would do everything you could to stop them - not just let them do what they want and support them. Some people see "that issue" as just as serious - so emotions fly, and principles we've learned about detachment and LB's seem to take the back seat.<p>Just my take on all this (being new to D/D myself) [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>I think this forum is just like all the others here at MB - made up of good people - REAL people... trying to deal with our pain and help others best we can. <p>I'd like to say THANKS for asking a question that many others probably had as well, and for leading some of us (me!) to question ourselves, our intent, and our over-all purpose for being here. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>JMO [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ April 09, 2002: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>

Well, since this is a board of MBers, yet people still divorce anyway, I think there still needs to be MB encouragement and support, regardless. I mean, after the divorce, you can take time out to regroup and figure out what exactly went wrong and take all you gleaned into the next relationship.<p>Nobody gets married with the intention of divorcing, at least they shouldn't? We didn't get married to fail. Even tho I don't believe divorce means a person is a failure. I think it just means that it didn't work out. It takes two to make it work and like you said, you can't control another person. I don't think I would want to stay with someone who didn't want me anyways.<p>Stick around Dave, you have A LOT to offer. I think this board is like all the rest, with certain occasional "flare ups" but still MB-oriented--absolutely! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>HEY! Countdown to your fabulous vacation, HUH?! All right!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

BIN - thanks for your encouragement - since I'm replying it's a fair conclusion that I intend to stick around. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I've been participating here for approx. 17 months and I can say that it's been a gradual process for me to get where I am regarding personal interactions. I haven't been an angel, dishing out a few personal jabs here myself, but these are fading into the distant pass.<p>And yes, countdown to June 22 in progress.<p>Thanks again,
WAT

That's neat. Something to look forward to. I love planning trips, writing lists and checking everything off as the date draws near. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]