If you want to hear 'my story' I have lots of
posts under "LoveMess". It's from over a year
ago. My ex is a police officer & ran off with
a police dispatcher. I of course was devistated
and tried everything I possibly could to save the marriage but it was just one sided. He didn't
try at all. We have twin girls that just turned
6 years old. I see now how much I was taken for granted. How a marriage is a job and it takes two people to make it work? I know I wasn't perfect but I was always the one putting 110% to the marriage. But maybe that was wrong too.
Maybe I was too good and too caring that made
my ex take me for granted. I can also see that my
ex was a very weak person, where he was drawn in by things because of his weakness. It also had a lot to do with his job as a police officer. I know he got drawn into that "God" mode that a lot of officers do. All I know is that
Dr. Harley's method's are VERY true and will
work to make love last forever. I've read so many books and article's that I just love and understand completely. I used some of these methods to heal. I've become a much stronger person. I've learned to be happy as a single person and single mother. I do not have any
hurtful or hateful feelings towards my ex when I see him. My feelings for him have been completely gone for some time now. When I see him
he seems like I was never married to him. He's
just someone who just takes the girls for a couple of days. He did get married immediately
right after the divorce to his mistress who has
been married three times with children from those
marriages. I can tell he has brought the same problems right into the marriage he has now plus
his wife has brought a lot of her problems with her too. I pray their marriage works out because
I couldn't bare to see the twins go through all the hurt again. I really don't have any problem
with my ex's new wife, I don't hate her for what
they've done, I do have problems with her because he is very maniplulative an possesive. I know
she is jealous and my ex sometimes gets evil with me because he hasn't healed. My ex and I have some joint bills together that I finally got my lawyer involved again because I my ex hasn't made any attempt to clear them up like our divorce decree states. When these joint bills come up that only when my ex gets evil with me. That's
why I am having my lawyer break all these times ASAP so he can heal it's been WAY too long the way it is.<p>I was really happy with myself and my single life. Then an old friend who I've known for over 8 years and worked with for 4 years called
out of the blue. He didn't hear about my divorce. He was very sincere & said if I ever needed an ear he would always be there. He said if I ever needed to just get out that I was more than welcome to go out with him and his friends.
So one weekend I did. Our friendship grew and we became best friends then we fell in love WITHOUT
sex. He's the best thing that ever happened to me. He's really a miracle to me and the twins.
He's never really dated. His friends and actually I have tried to set him up but it just never worked out. He's just 10 months older than me. He's just amazing. He's full of spirit and he's a VERY strong person. We have a lot of fun
together. I've NEVER felt this way in my entire life. I feel my life is finally complete now.
He has a WONDERFUL family who accepted me and the girls. His family is a very close Christian family & I thought they would look down on me because I was divorced with children. But they
just love the girls. I've grown to love his family very much. <p>He asked me to marry him. I was honored to accept. We are getting married November 16, 2002.
I know this with my whole heart that this will
work out. I have no doubts. <p>He moved most of his stuff to my acreage this past month. He has to sell his house that he owns yet. We are doing things at his house to fix it up a little bit. So now he is living with me
on the acreage. I've read Dr. Harley's articles
on "living with each other" but my fiance has never done this before. He knows what he wants.
Our relationship is solid and it's not the "rented" type where if things go bad or wrong he's out. My fiance is not that way. Yes, we will probably have our differences sometime
but we will work them out as they come. We've
made a life time commitment.<p>I'm sure this can not be an easy transition
for him. He loved the area where he lived.
He's never been around children that much but
he just gets along GREAT with my girls. Like any kids, kids will be kids. They drive me nuts sometimes. It's hard to hear them talk about
their dad and their step mom sometimes. They
have different rules there and I have different rules at home. They just turned 6 years old
I can tell the changes in them. I don't think
it's from them going to their dads and the rules there and coming back home & I have different rules I think it's just the changes children go
through during this age. My fiance said last week he felt the girls weren't as close to them as they were the week before. I told him I feel the same way sometimes. I'm sure all parents do divorced or not. <p>I am a very easy going and nice person. Maybe
this is a bad point which will make any one think
that they don't have to have any boundaries and can do what they want. But I also don't want
to be the opposite where most men say their wife won't let them do this or that and always *****.
I hear this all the time from men about their wives. <p>My fiances friends are very important to him. They are to me too. They are also the type of friends who give you crap if you are not out doing this and that. We can't always go out due to the kids. Yes we do when they are with their dad and sometimes we get a sitter. A lot of those friends are 30-34 and still have not realized that 'going out' is not everything anymore. They have not been giving my fiance crap because they know this is the one. They've NEVER seen my fiance like this before. They know
he's FINALLY got the right person, soul mate.<p>I think it's polite and showing you care if you call your loved one and tell them where you are going and that something has come up or your friend want to do something with you, I think it's
polite to call your loved on and ask them or tell them what you're doing. A lot of friends think
it's a 'permission' thing and you can't do anything first with out asking for 'permission'
I love all my fiances friends and they all love me. But I'm sure there will be some point in time where they may give a little crap here and there. <p>I just need help with knowing when too nice is too nice. I want someone to repect me too & are
concerned how I would feel. <p>Maybe you can help,
Thanks,
LoveMess.
