I thought I would startout by giving a little history on myself.<p>I have post on these boards off and on for years, so I have read most of the information on this site. Some of it I agree with..........<p>....some of it I don't.<p>I have been married and divorced twice. The first time, I was married for 4 years. I knew about six months into the marriage that I had made a terrible mistake. I filed for divorce. I found out after the divorce that my XW had been cheating on me.<p>My second marriage, resulted in my XW having a physical affair with someone outside of our race. Now I know that should not matter. That infidelity is infidelity......to me, it made a very big difference.<p>She also had a lot of computer affairs, including going so far as to escallate to phone conversations and planned meetings with these other men.<p>I tried for several years to work on and repair the marriage. Including trying to follow the principles of these boards.<p>It didn't work.<p>I ended up having an affair of my own about 5 years later. It wasn't done to get back at my XW. Thought there are those who felt that was the case.<p>My XW never knew about my affair. She suspected, but she never knew.<p>Rather than try to fight for the marriage, she chose to leave and file for divorce.<p>I haven't been on these boards since my divorce was finalized. I honestly do not know if I will maintain any meaningful attendance here, however, there may be times when I feel the need to talk with others who have been in the position I have been.......and since I have been both the betrayed and the betrayer, that should cover just about everyone.<p>I will answer any questions you may have of me.......other than who I was before when I posted here. That part of my life has crashed and burned, and can never be repaired.<p>.........I don't even know if the life I have now is salvageable......which explains my name.<p>I will be back tomorrow to see if anyone is interested in saying Hi.

As a former BS I know for a fact that life is salvageable after the hell I and my two girls went thru with a sexually addicted xW (she chose men with prison records). I am now in a relationship with another woman who also was a BS in her previous marriage. So hang in there.<p>Good luck and God bless.<p>Joe

Hey, Lifesucks: I guess I'm kind of lost here. Did you want the divorce from your 2nd wife or were you wanting to try to work it out?<p>Anything is salvageable. I just recently went thru my first divorce. Now I'm a single mother with 2 daughters and have to thank God every day for my 2 healthy kids and my own health. <p>Hang in there and make sure to come visit us. Your insight will be appreciated.<p>Dopey

Hi,<p>Well, yeah, your story sounds interesting, especially to this former BS and WS.<p>Welcome back!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

TooMuchCoffeeMan
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I am now in a relationship with another woman who also was a BS in her previous marriage.<hr></blockquote>The woman that I ended up getting involved with was also a BS, as was I at the time. She was also an abused woman.<p>------not an excuse, just a description.<p>dopey <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Did you want the divorce from your 2nd wife or were you wanting to try to work it out?<hr></blockquote>I had been trying to work on the marriage for several years. I had pretty much reached the point where I was married in name only. I had gotten to the point where I was questioning everything in my marriage.<p>I think the thing that bothered me most was that I had put so much effort into the marriage, when my XW simply decided to bail out.<p>So to answer your question.......yes and no.<p>new_beginning <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>your story sounds interesting, especially to this former BS and WS.<hr></blockquote>yours is a name I have been very familar with in my past life. Thank you for welcoming me back.<p>
Nothing more to offer at this point. Will check back later though.<p>[ May 06, 2002: Message edited by: Life Sucks ]</p>

Hi LS<p>I'm hoping that I (BS) can get past all of this and live a happy life. I think at some point you will be changing your name again! I am in a very positive mood today.<p>Welcome<p>MAX

Hi again Life Sucks,<p>I had an AHA moment last night after I wrote my reply, and almost came back. I decided to wait and see what you wrote today to be sure. <p>My friend, you are welcome here no matter what you call yourself. I realized last night who you were (let's face it, we've written so much over the years, how could I not?).<p>I don't want you to feel "unmasked" (and I'll never say another word about this) -- yet if I say I don't know who you are, I can't honestly write to you. <p>So, you tell me what you'd like me to do. <p>I think I've been supportive to you over the years, as well as a cyber-pal, and will certainly continue to be... if you would like me to be.<p>Up to you... just let me know.<p>Take care, and I wish you weren't feeling like "Life Sucks"... maybe next time you can be:"Life Has Meaning" or something like that.

Feeling So Alone<p> Thank you for your words of encouragement.<p>new_beginning <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I realized last night who you were (let's face it, we've written so much over the years, how could I not?).<hr></blockquote>Part of me hopes that you are correct in who you think I am, part of me hopes you don't.......<p>It is so hard to come to grips with what my life has entailed the last few years. There was a time when I knew exactly who I was and where I was going......<p>I sometimes very seriously wonder why I bother to get up in the mornings. It is so difficult to explain what it is I feel about my past, and where I think I am going, what I hope to accomplish, or attone for. <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I think I've been supportive to you over the years, as well as a cyber-pal, and will certainly continue to be... if you would like me to be.<hr></blockquote>You know Sheryl, you are one of the people who made me decide to come back to these boards.<p>When I think back over the time I have spent here.....the hours I have spent reading and posting on these boards......the lives and the pain I have witnessed.........<p>If you really do have me figured out, then you know it has been a while since I have really seriously posted. So much of my life has been completely uprooted and turned over in a mangled clump that used to be me.....<p>I have been on so many medications in order to try and cope with what I have lived through.....yet I still find myself wishing that I could just have all of the pain end once and for all.<p>It can be very difficult to past those feelings sometimes.<p>Where my life is at right now really does suck. there are so many things that I wish I had someone that I could talk to. Someone that I would not have to censor what I say to. There are so many things that I feel at this point in my life, and unfortunately, most of them are not at all positive.<p>The only problem is, that the things I would like to be able to talk with someone about most, even on the boards would not be capable of understanding.....I've even tried to explain some of my feelings to my XW (YES, we do still talk and for the most part get along better now than when we were married) but even she does not seem to understand.<p>Maybe one of these days I will post a thread on what I have really gone through....not to be used as a course to follow by any means, but more so in order to give an example of what not to do.<p>I will be online for a little while tonight.....maybe we can talk some.

Hey LS,<p>Hi again! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Sorry I missed this message last night. You're mostly on at night, huh? I'll be back on tonight (my H works nights).<p>From what you write here, I am now wondering if I was right after all. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>That all aside, let me say this now: It does NOT matter who you WERE, only who you are NOW. I have NO DESIRE to play a cat and mouse game, or to "out" you. <p>I too have felt like a template for what "not to do" so I understand that... but be careful what you wish for... I have been VERY BURNED sharing myself in that way. Maybe it *is* best that you remain forever-anonymous if you're truly going to help people with your story. <p>I hope you can find what you need to begin healing. <p>Peace,
Sheryl