Just found out that WH has been seeing OW2 all along & in addition they are both heavy into (substance) Another good friend of his is involved (doing basically the same thing) His wife found out about the drugs & kicked him out for a week.
It is said that WH is acting very arrogant, rude and flaunting what he is doing. <p>I'm done plan A & I'm done plan B. Onto plan D (or maybe legal separation) Not sure of ramifications either way???? We are in business together and we are on the brink of loosing everything (materially)My name is on everything UGGGH<p>As soon as I heard, I knew it had to end. He's done this before. Rehab in 92<p>Any words of wisdom? I have not confronted him yet. Wanted to have a clear action plan with certain things already in place. Have called my attorney. I know I need to change bank accounts.<p>All in all, I can say that I left no stone unturned, and I can look myself in the mirror. I am thankful for MB even though it turned out this way. I am a better person for it.<p>I've not even cried yet - it's like I'm super calm. (hard to explain) Right after I found out, I had to go into our business & play act all day. <p>Please pray for me. <p> <p>--------------------<p>[ May 31, 2002: Message edited by: WillGetThruThis ]<p>[ May 31, 2002: Message edited by: WillGetThruThis ]<p>[ June 23, 2002: Message edited by: WillGetThruThis ]</p>

Prayers are being sent your way.<p>It's tough when you make the move to this board. There are all sorts of emotions to feel - especially the grief of something coming to an end. <p>When you talk to you attorney make sure you protect your assets as much as you can especially of WH is on drugs. Also make sure that you are able to have enough money for you before you separate the property - who knows how much your WH has blown on drugs or has stashed away. Keeping things quiet for a while - although hard to do - may be in your best interest so that you have time to protect your assets and build a nest egg.<p>You may also want to get evidence of drug use for court - you may need it for the proceedings.<p>Sorry, I wanted to be more supportive and less practical in this reply, but you need a few days to let things set in. Just don't do anyting too hasty and take things one day at a time.<p>And remember - it's your party, you can cry if you want to........ K

Thanks for your response K.<p>I need practical help as well as support, so that helps. I'm not sure what kind of proof I should look for, he's not been arrested (yet). The City attorney (his good friend) is involved & probably the is some measure of protection that he is exercising. <p>I had actually hoped that starting this new phase of our business would give me financial nest egg just in case his A didn't end (didn't know about drugs) But now we are stretched so thin & in danger of a major breach of contract. <p>In reality, little by little during plan A, my love has been dying for this man. There has been very little effort on his part to put this M back together. Still it hurts and I know that more will come out as I can handle it.<p>Are there any condierations of whether to Dv or legally separate?<p>Any info would be appreciated.<p>Thanks,<p>D. <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" />

Go to Floridadivorce.com I'm not encouraging divorce but because of what my WS/W was doing to me it gave me some idea what I was up against. I don't suggest we go through these things in ignorance. My WS because she lost all morals was willing to pitch everything in the trash...to move on to this new brilliant life she talks about and leave the past [me] behind....to be with new future OM........<p>At one point she saw she was in Adultery and to avois alimony she at one point wanted to be a stripped woman with nothing to avoid it all...So thats why I say, you never know what there motives are, she was acting out based on what the law said, sometimes she was nice because she was caught in the law, sometimes she bold and vindictive because the law was on her side...just like she is trying to do to me now...<p>She told me yesterday, she was going to take me to the Law for "Contempt of Court" because I haven't sent her a copy of a insurance policy for D's showing she's the Beneficiary....This is what I mean stupid stuff....I do have a policy, I think I have both of us listed as benef....so she's constantly trying to do everything possible to get at me.....She feels she got the upperhand on me through Florida Law, she's happy I'm under a court order to pay $800 CS for the next 4 years while she sleeps around and parade these perverts in front of my kids, thats hard to deal with...<p>I was a family man, gave my kids all my attention and did things most dads won't do with there kids...Gave wife support in all sacrifice and this is what I get, in return for all those years...Hang in there

EC,<p>Thanks for the info, I'll look it up. Sorry for what you are going through. I hope now to get into the BS stuff but who knows. <p>I just talked to a friend who had moved away who had gone through the same thing & it hepls to be able to share.<p>God Bless,<p>D.

WGTT, I can relate to your situation! My H is an alcoholic. He was sober for 10 years during which time we also went into business together. 2.5 years ago he started drinking again (and there's been lots of evidence of drug use but he denies it). <p>He moved in with much younger OW 1.5 years ago and as far as I know they're still together. He hasn't worked during that time so now I'm running the business alone. He still receives money from the business and spends money like it's going out of style. <p>I plan A'd and plan B'd and took legal action to get the company in my name only, but what's gotten me through more than anything is Al-Anon. I've been able to slowly detach from him and accept that the man I loved is gone while rebuilding my own self-esteem.<p>His life is really falling apart now. He totalled his car and was air lifted to the hospital in a black-out last fall, but the case only came to light very recently - he has to serve jail time.<p>I have a restraining order because he's broken in and trashed the house several times and threatened me, also in black-outs. The most recent time, he was charged with 4 felonies and 1 misdeamenor and there will probably be a warrant for his arrest coming out very soon. <p>Take care of yourself. You can get through this.

LetsTry,<p>Thanks for your response. Alanon is very helpful.
We can only be responsible for our selves, we may desire that they get it, but we can't make them.<p>I too am a sober member of AA for almost 10 years. I went to my first AA mtg at family weekend when my HW was in rehab. The big mystery is that why do some get it & others don't? <p>I can't run the business by myself as I don't have the technical knowlege. Right now I'm trying to figure out if I should just pull out & let everything crash (probably loose home & everthing else) or figure out how to make this work.<p>He has been able to get money out of one of the companies but I'm going to put a stop to that. I makes me sick that my Mom put money into this recently & may not ever see it. (2nd time!)<p>Right now, I don't feel secure financially, and that is very unsettling. Once I get through this part (and it will be a bumpy flight) I know I will be much better.<p>God Bless

This all seems so overweming, how do you get through this.....it seems there are so many decisions to be made. And strategies, and this and that.<p>UGGGHHH and I don't want to be in this position but find myself here so must accept where I am. <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" />