Wife of eleven years wants to leave. We have two children boy is 8 daughter is 11. Wife works for airline (see post wife wants to leave for background info) Wife seems like a person I don't even know. She making all kinds of changes very fast. She is 43 had hysterectomy last fall. We had to switch our kids school after starting the year. Then she lost her airline job. Went to Dr. for meds, already on meds for hysterectomy. Got other airline job then, called back to previous airline job. Went to airlines court procedings (bankruptcy). Airline survived. I thought the worst was over now she wants divorce. We also have debt ($20,000) which we can refinance and make life easier. I made appt. with loan officer everythings workable there. She goes and buys cell phone, and has also been viewing naked woman on the internet. I got hold of her cell and wanted to see who she is calling. Someone named Pat a home and cell number were registered on her phone he is a man because I called his number to listen to his message. Then I went through her flight bag and found a note from "Pat" here is its contents: "Hi Gorgeous, Sorry I missed your call yesterday. I worked construction till 2:00 p.m. I had my cell on. Then I flew till 11:30pm. Friday the 14th sounds good for Whiskeys and the Joint' I did a trip trade for (Withheld) and will get in at 10:20pm on Thursday the 6th if that works. If not I fly on the 9th,10th,11th. The 16th,17th,18th and 24th. Pretty wide open schedule. So give me a call if you want to shoot the .... oops, talk. Or you can call if you ever get the urge." What do all you think about this discovery? This really hurts and I know many have been in this position here. I confronted her and she says he's a friend from work who is single I might add he's also a pilot and makes more money than I'll ever see. This is like a Twilight Zone episode!! I stood by her through all that and then this!!! Any advice?

What were her reasons for wanting a divorce?<p>I would suggest that you ask her to go to counseling with you or individually.<p>As far as the OM is concerned, without further proof he may just be that, her male friend from work.<p>Get a grip on your emotions because if you let them dictate your behavior they most certainly will betray your goal of reaching her. The worst you could do is to love bust her (angry outbursts, disrespectful judgements, selfish demands, annoying habits, etc.) because that will only give her more reasons to leave you, file for divorce, and - if she is having an affair - drive her into the arms of another man. Get a copy of the Harley books 'Love busters''Surviving an affair''His needs Her needs' and read, read, read.<p>If you find it hard to control your emotions I would suggest you go to a doctor to prescribe you some anti-depressants.<p>Keep on posting because it's a good way to vent your feelings and to know that what you are going thru we have all experienced at one point in our lives.<p>God bless.

Last night Wife said she would attend my counseling session however my counselor will not see both of us (confict of interest?) He recommended Lutheran social services and I set up an appt. for us Monday. Wife flys that day however they can still see me and arrange to see her at another time. I will then meet with my therapist Tuesday to discuss my issues. I'm trying hard to hold myself together.