I hope someone can help me know what my H is really feeling. I hope this isn't too long. We've been married for almost nine years. I always thought we had a good marriage. Recently H told me that he is not sure if he ever loved me "the way a H should love his W". H says he loves me as a best friend but that is all. He wants a divorce or something& wants to stay best friends. Aren't you SUPPOSED to marry your best friend? I love him more than anything in this world(= billing to the kids of course <BR>!! He says I have no com. skills. I don't know what to do to help us stay together. All ideas are welcome.<BR>Oh yeah any ideas to relieve his boredom in the bedroom are appreciated. He stated that He doesn't find me sexually attractive anymore & boring yet we still have sex almost every night.<BR>HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

deed,<P>Greetings! Welcome to the board. I'm sure you will find some answers to your questions here along with a lot of support. Your post sounds very similar to the issues that my W and I had to face with a few differences.<P>The first thing, which you've seemed to have done, is to make a commitment to your marriage. With this in mind, meet your husband's needs without him meeting yours. Put your needs aside, for now, they [your needs] don't exist. This is hard to do, but it does work.<P>Try not to love bust. Keep your emotions warm, friendly and even. Prevent your anger and frustrations from showing. Let him just see the best in you. Again, had to do when you are hurting inside....use this board to vent your feelings.<P>As far as the bedroom, I can relate to your husband. I would suggest that you research the topic....your local book stores should have some books on sex and how to "rock" a man's world.<P>Lastly, read everything here in the other sections. Also, look for post from W.G.UP.H. from February and March of this year. She faced a similar situation as you and went into a major plan A....Also, Kam's post will be good to read. Karenna is very objective and LostVa is a rock of strength.<P>If you begin feeling like you're at the end of your rope....tie a knot in the end and hang on.<P>Hang in There!<P>ps<P>The relationship between my W and I has been improving over time. This material when applied does work.

It is hard to do, but meet his needs. Be the best you can be. Take care of yourself too.Come to this board often, read and post. Get the support here. These are wonderful people.

Thanx guys for your support. It helps alot. Good to know there are other people out there who know what I am going thru!! I have tried so many things in the bedroom it is hard to find something I haven't done!! I will try though. Trying to keep the LB's out of everything. Doing pretty good at it for now. I may vent here when I need to get it out. Again a big THANK YOU!!!

deed,<P>Vent any time you need to.....keep those LBers away!<P>Hang in There!

Hi "the deed",<P>Ask your spouse to explain or write down in detail what communication is lacking and what his sexual expectations are. What I mean is, you shouldn't have to be GUESSING! He is the only one who can tell you what's going on in his head and what his desires are!<P>In my opinion, making love is not just about bodies. When there is spiritual, mental, emotional oneness, sex follows, expressing all the other oneness between you both. That's why you have to get his feedback on what's missing in the relationship so you can re-connect in those areas and improve the sexlife. Don't let him make vague complaints!<P>I think the reason he wants to stay friends is because it's the sex area that is really bothering him most. He wants more sexually arousing communication/action that turns him on...<P>you see, the MIND is the real sex organ! If you are his recreational companion in the rest of your life, then it should be easier to be playful in the bedroom also...just take it farther...you know what your spouse likes in daily life, so go from there and use your CREATIVITY! Let the actress in you come out--act out a skit (he doesn't know what you're going to do)... for example, he's the type who flies on business trips?...so you meet him in the bedroom as one of the airline search people checking to make sure he isn't bringing anything he shouldn't be on the plane!! He could have weapons on him, you know, so you tell him you need to check him over! Act professional at first but in the process you're getting more and more attracted to his body parts!!... say what you're thinking as you touch him & are getting more attracted to every part!.... He will get caught up in the whole scene as you go along!! This is so fun!<P>Or talk out fantasies, say flirtaeous things, wear different perfumes, make-up, and erotic lingerie (mail order catologs?).... The bedroom doesn't have to be boring. Boredom stops when you've thought out (or be spontaneous) something new to get his sexy mind going! He can't wait to see what else you're capable of! <P>Best wishes,<BR>Renae<P>[This message has been edited by Renae (edited July 24, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by Renae (edited July 24, 2000).]

Time to vent. Had a BIG problem with containing the LB's. A little background first. I work at a cement plant and just got a bid job(union plant). Today was my second day alone on shift (out of training period). H is self- employed at home(mechanic). He left w/ friend to look for parts he needs for current job at 9:00 a.m. I had to be to work at 3:30 p.m. H calls from bar at 2:45p.m. to tell me to call in to work. Won't be coming home till late. I am VERY pissed off. H asks if I am mad. Well I couldn't figure out how to be completely honest AND prevent a LB!!! Then wants me to bring him ciggerettes 'cos he's out. So to meet his EN I called in to tell work I'd be late. Took him the cigs but was still mad. He said I was making a big deal out of nothing as I have never been late or missed a day of work. <BR>It still upsets me. I tried to be supportive and said that I understood. I said that if I call in for personal reasons and the kids were ging to bible school than I could just stay w/H & friend for a while. H says that they aren't doing anything wrong & I should go home & get together w/ one of my girlfriends. I went to work. Did I do the right thing and prevent a LB? I am not sure how to react to the situation. It is 12:30 a.m. just got off work an hour ago & H STILL not home!!! <BR>I hope that venting here will help prvent a LB when he gets home. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!

NOWHEREMAN<BR>I am a newbie to this site. How can I find the posts you were talking about? I would like to read about a problem similar to mine and see what was offered. But I don't know how to go about it.

If you're still on the page....give me a minute....I will think about your latest post and look for the materials you want to read....give me a few.....<P>Hang in There!

I gotta go H just called to pick him up from bar. Seems friend just left him. It is almost funny. I will read your post in the morning. I'm hangin in there!!! Thanx!!

deed,<P>To find the post I'm talking about, go to the Emotional Needs area....look for the box (right center) that says post from the past "x" days.....choose the past year and go to page 21....look for the post addressed to me from w.g.up.h.<P>This will give you a starting point and work youself towards page one.<P>Hope this helps.....<P>Hang in There!

Deed,<P>I'm not sure if missing work to bring him cigs is meeting and EN.....but, picking him up to avoid a DUI and just being a good W is.<P>I am really going to have to think about this. But, please look at the emotional needs list....see if he will rate his needs for you. If he won't, try to figure it out without him. Meet those needs.<P>Hope your morning goes well and the trip to the bar to pick up your H works out.<P>Hang in There!