How do I follow Dr. Harleys advice about being totally honest w/H and yet prevent a LB? H really ticked me off this time!!! then asked if I was mad. H really needs me to meet his EN right now. Understanding is a major EN for him. So what do I say when he asks me this stuff?? Advice Please!!!

Deed,<P>You may want to start posting in the Emotional Needs area....there is more traffic there. And some very wise members. They have helped me alot.

the deed,<P> I am not an expert, and I am a newbie. But I have been married 28 yrs and I was stunned at your post. First of all "mad" is not the correct term. Only dogs get mad. So what I might say is, "No, I am not mad, I am however upset that you show little consideration for my feelings, or the importance of my job." Ask your H to put himself in your place, could he call in late to work because you didn't remember to buy tampons. LB is not expressing your feelings, it is expressing them in an inappropriate way, ie. cursing, yelling, etc. <BR> <BR> To me, (and this is a personal opinion), your H seems very controlling, and you are enabling him to stay that why, by not making him accountable for his own behavior. My counselor told me that my H had no reason to change as long as I kept him happy. If he never felt the consequences of his behavior, how would he know that what he was doing was innapropriate. <P> Also, I have been a store mgr for 11 yrs.<BR>I had an employee once tell me, my H said I can't work tonight. I told her, then I hope he is ready to support you, because you no longer work here. Your job is your responsibility, not your H's. The accountability for not showing up is yours.<P> Sorry if this sounds like preaching<BR> Toni