If anyone here can remember me, well here goes. At last in December, WH was waffling back and forth with me and OW. He had been seeing her for almost a year at this point. He came home briefly for 2 days and announced he couldn't live without her..I crashed.

All poop hit the fan between us. One can only hold on so long until they collapse. Although he had moved out in August, he demande our son and I move out of the new house in GA and so I packed up my SUV and moved back to my family in TN with the intention of taking possession of our old home in TN still vacant and still paying the rent on. He wouldn't forward any of our furniture. I immediately contacted my lawyer again, as I had filed for divorce, ironically on the morning of 9/11, but never had H served so the divorce was legally "dead". She told me that I could no longer stay in TN, and if H had any objections at all b/c I was just barely over 6 mos. living in GA and that made me a legal resident. So, two and a half weeks later, my son and I were forced to relocate back to GA. For another two and a half weeks, we lived in an extended stay hotel. I had been a stay at home mom since son's birth and began looking for a job. I got a good one. About one week after in hotel, H this time had me served with D papers. I was devastated. Not only had he had an ongoing A, but he was totally unrepentant. Eventually, H realized that it wouldn't legally look so good for him to have thrown the wife and child into the street b/c he found a house for son and I and is paying for the monthly lease.

Time drags on. I am working in the medical profession again and ironically am elected state president elect of my society. I begin to gradually emerge back into the routine that is life and my son and I muddle through each day. It's like bungee jumping every morning on just faith alone. I don't have any family here, and I feel so very alone sometimes. For so long, I couldn't post here b/c I felt like somewhat of a failure. Why my H didn't value our marriage or me made me feel just plain worthless. It's not like I am unattractive or stupid. He just wanted someone else, that's all and he has made every excuse to do so.

So then I get served after several months of this poop with papers saying he wants to take me to court to obtain primary custody of our son, age 4 as of last weekend. That killed my soul. I am a good and faithful and truly committed mother. My son has been the greatest blessing in my life. At the 11th hour the day before the trial (I had already gotten off of work for that day and one of my good friends had even asked off also to be moral support for me there)his attny settled out of court. Now I get a set amount and it is ok of spousal support (although I know how much he really makes) and a good amount of child support and am primary legal and physical of our son now. Faith and our precious Lord has kept me going and God blessed me with a judge who is pro family and just won't tolerate this kind of stuff going on, so they were doomed to fail in their endeavor.

Do I still love him? Yes. I love the man I married, not this thing wearing a suit parading around as that man now. He has been dating other women and ironically, a few months back this woman whom he thought the sun rose and set with broke up with him. I've been separated for 14 months now and been filed since september and again since January. Our temporary hearing was a little over a month ago, and I'm not sure legally when the D will finally go through, but probably within 2 months.

This is utter agony. I swing like a see saw. One day upbeat and fine and optimistic, the next day guttersville. I've actually ventured out on a few dinner dates with very nice professional men and it is basically fruitless. Like someone just sucked my soul out with regard to even the possibility of moving on. STBX has recently come over one night and we actually were romantic with one another last night. It has been so long since this happened, but he alluded in the last 2 days that our D has to become final and then he might want to date and mentioned that there are many who've remarried. I don't believe him. Why was I so weak that I gave in to him?

I know I will always love him, because it is as if aliens have abducted him and his brain is mush now. He is living like Austin Powers and can justify with the eloquence of Clinton why his actions are for the best and why he was so right about his A, our D, and moving on. I know we call this the fog, but I want out of it now. I don't want him to suck me into it with him.

Please pray for this man. He is so lost. He claims he is seeing a Christian counselor, ironically my old one. He's even got her fooled. He's a master salesman. I miss the man I married. I've prayed tirelessly that God would intervene in this marriage and save it somehow. I think all is lost. Plan A and B did nothing. The LMBT approach didn't work either. After almost a year of living alone and filed, I went out and felt nothing. I love my H and this is killing me. Truthfully, I have no hope for us now. Maybe the only way would be to D, and see where God leads me.

So pray for this little family. I am one woman who is so broken and frustrated now. Is anyone out there sick and tired of the new age psychobabble poop being peddled out there saying that "Divorce will be better now b/c the kids won't see us fighting" or "the Divorce was never about the affair, just because we weren't meant to be"? It's just all plain wrong. Wrong.

Gotta get some zzzz's and go to work tomorrow and see 11 patients in 6 hours and then be full time mommy to my little angel. He is so sweet and my heart is breaking for him. His father cannot remember all the nights our son screamed and cried for his daddy, knowing myself all too well where he was and who he was with those nights. And they say adultery doesn't cause divorce?

Pray that God speak to his heart and to the hearts of those WS's here to break and see the truth here.

And to you guys who prayed for us before, listened to me during my posts when I could barely write b/c of the tears, I truly thank you. God has been so good to me, despite all of this. Sometimes I look back and say "how did I do it?" The answer is simple, God did it and did it all. I was in Jeckyll Island two weeks ago visiting several area resorts with the board from our society to plan next years' state convention. I took my son there so we could have a mini getaway. We don't financially have too much now and it was such a blessing indeed. But when I sat one morning at a breakfast with new friends, my precious son sitting beside me playing with his toys, I was almost moved to tears. So far in so little time.

After our meetings there, I received an email from one of the board members. Although for years my H has repeatedly told me he just never respected me, I get this sweet letter saying that I'm doing a great job and that our next convention will be a huge success..And they went on to say that on behalf of the board, they cannot say they've ever met anyone they can respect more. I'm in tears again..Our God is so good and will see us through this dark time.

It is good to be back among friends and I will try, although I have much less time now, to be as supportive to you as I can. God bless you.

Oh, and STBX says that once this D is finished, that b/c so much "negativity" has happened over the last year, that the only way we could "date" or whatever (his words) would be after the D. I am so confused.

I guess that I will just carry on as before, not counting at all on him, just God and move on as best as I can each day.

Sometimes I think he has seen this new me, this woman worthy of respect, using her noggin' every day and helping others in a high tech medical career. It is funny guys, the other day he actually accused me of having been in the physical sense unfaithful to him. He actually thinks I did that..He also thinks I go out on the town (rarely and if I do it's with my girlfriends to a movie or to a trendy sushi type place). Oh I only wish my life wer so exciting. Just had to add this here.

NPIGA:

Oh, and STBX says that once this D is finished, that b/c so much "negativity" has happened over the last year, that the only way we could "date" or whatever (his words) would be after the D. I am so confused.

Don't worry, my ex said the SAME THING. Must be from the same alien race. The rest you relate is also classic stuff. I just want to encourage you to continue with your new life, and you seem to be doing so well! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Like someone just sucked my soul out with regard to even the possibility of moving on.

You are not alone.

STBX has recently come over one night and we actually were romantic with one another last night

You'd better explain this. Emotionally connecting?, or all huggy & kissy. This is dangerous, I don't have to tell you. I can't speak for your ex, but mine was merely flexing her control muscles, I think. Be wary.

He also thinks I go out on the town (rarely and if I do it's with my girlfriends to a movie or to a trendy sushi type place). Oh I only wish my life wer so exciting

Not all it's cut up to be, trust me. Let him thinks what he wants. Why should it bother him?
Obviously he has thoughts and some regrets of leaving you behind, now that the grass on the other side is a bit brown. ( YA-A-AAAY!!!!) The counselling may just be a part of the justification process. It may also be genuine. To be fair we can't really tell without being in the room. Their behaviour tends to make us cynics sometimes, so I understand how you feel.

Why was I so weak that I gave in to him?

OK. Out with it. What happened? Is it what I think? Don't beat yourself up about it. Sanity returns in the morning, and I'm sure you thought long & hard about it afterwards. Make peace with yourself about it, and decide what to do from here on. Consider also that you may have given him some hope of something. Why not just wait and see what HIS future actions will be based on what happened.

Lot's of classic stuff happening here. Best to distanve yourself from it, and live your new life. If H comes out of fog, it won't be because you've held his hand through it. My 2 cents.

Good luck
muzohead

Thanks muzo. You made so much sense. Guess there really is a world's oldest profession--and it's being either an OW or OM. ha ha. I didn't sleep too good, but when I finally did, almost never woke up this am.

That's also another wierd thing. I have been so exhausted constantly. Ever since I can remember. I work in the field of medicine and know it's not my health, just probably stress. I am awake and getting ready to bound out the door to work on too many patients in too little time (I only work 30 hours a week b/c I want to spend time with my son).

Thanks so much. Maybe you can refresh my brain and tell me what happened with you. This story of mine i know has happened to countless here, but just want to also hear yours as well.

If indeed this is as common as I think it is, then I'd like to hear outcomes from others who've gone before me and where they are now. At least he and OW are history...She sowed and now she is reaping...Back in my hometowh (where she is from) some of my girlfriends were attending a rooftop party (it's the thing to do there w/young yuppies). My friends went to the bathroom and one didn't have to. So she stayed in the hotel lobby waiting for them alone. Guess who she ran into and guess who didn't know that this person was my friend? The notorious OW. She struck a conversation up with my friend (they only casually knew each other) and the OW told her that she was get this--out "hunting again" b/c she had just ended a long relationship. My friend almost fell down when she heard this.

Trust me, these OW and OM are predators. They sees stability and relationships and think their self worth is only up to par when they have successfully torn the affection of a man or a woman away from their committed relationships. And in the end, they are usually lonely and alone anyway. Just had to relay these actual words from the OW, because it's time now the "hunters become the hunted". I've decided this am to start over as you said muzo, and work on me even so much more. Sunday morning I'm going to a huge thirties single bible study and am going to concentrate on my son and I. To heck with Austin. He can keep right on with his groovy life and drive the "shaguar" around for all females to see. I'm just going to attempt to live bravely and try to not remember anything about my marriage as though I have amnesia for a while. The amnesia approach has seemed to work with me before w hen I backslid and got all down again.

Sometimes it would be so great if we indeed were hit over the head by a 2 x 4 and could remember nothing of the past just of us at our present time and our existing families, for me my son. That would be great. Sure, I've dealt wth all of this poop, but just once and all forgetting would be blessed ignorance for a change. Gotta go have a good day! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

not Peachy in GA

Please pray for this man. He is so lost. He claims he is seeing a Christian counselor, ironically my old one. He's even got her fooled. He's a master salesman. I miss the man I married. I've prayed tirelessly that God would intervene in this marriage and save it somehow

Can I ever relate! I don't know if you have ever seen this website so here's the link -

Rejoice Ministries

I am in the Panhandle of Florida near the beach, what part of Ga are you in? I have to get to work (I work out of my home, which I love, but have projects that need to be finished) I'll check back later & post more.

God Bless,

D.

Hey folks! Thanks so much muzo and willgetthru this. I am in no. suburb area of ATL.

Work went well today as usual. Helping others especially when it is serious, such as nuclear cardiology which is my specialty (I'm a technologist) is so healing to the soul. The opportunity to listen to others each day and aid in their healing is so healing indeed for me.

I love the FL panhandle. Took my son to Panama City over Memorial Day. We are having a Happy Son and Mommy weekend. Since son was with WH last weekend during the actual date of his birthday (gosh that was so hard. I cried all day), we are going tonight to get ourselves a small cake and party hats and eat at a sushi/teppanaki restaurant where the chef makes mickey mouse faces out of the rice and flips eggs/shrimp in the air and does all kind of magic tricks. Have decided to pack up my suv on Sunday after church and maybe head to Chattanooga just for the night. THinking about taking son to see the aquarium and rock city. We like to take little adventures together. When I picked son up from preschool today, he asked me if we were going to go have another adventure like we did before (two weeks ago we went to Jeckyll Island for the weekend) and I said, maybe. Now I'm leaning towards the yes part. Come back on Monday and then do housework and rest. If we decide to stay here the whole holiday weekend, then we'll still do something fun and might visit Callaway Gardens. To be a girly girl, I like to get outdoors..

Last night after I logged off here so late, I prayed and prayed. I feel the weight temporarily lifted and I don't know why. The situation is still present, but think instead it is the Holy Spirit just comforting me. Got a sweet offer from a friend of mine (guy doc I work near) to go to see a movie, but said this was a weekend for son and I. My girlfriends called me and asked me to join them tomorrow evening to go line dancing at a popular country hangout. I know all the dances, but it's been about 9 years since I dusted off my boots and went out. In college at the med center, after test blocks, the school would rent out this huge Gilly's type place and the whole school would go dancing along with the law school. Do I have to add that we had fun, but when you get a bunch of med and law people, you don't excactly have the soul train dancers (ha ha)but we had so much fun. The girls thought this would be a fun time, so I'm gonna find a babysitter just for a few hours tomorrow night. Even us full time moms need a tiny bit of alone time. When son is visiting his dad, I'll get a manicure or pedicure, or do my thing to basically while away the lonliness.

Today is a good day, but I know this feeling just doesn't last. I try to, it seems, fill up this awful void with whatever I can. My grandmother called me today and she said I should slow up and relax and I told her, I can't. Because when I slow up is when I backslide and the tears and pain just float up to the surface again.

STBX did indeed spend the night and was wierd. He stayed, but asked him to go before son woke and because I have to go to work much earlier than he does. That was very strange. I'm not used to nor have I ever had a guy stay over and then have them leave. Maybe it made him think..Didn't hear at all from him the next day, but today he sent an email saying for our son and I to have a good weekend and that it was nice to be together. That was unexpected. So I replied nicely back and was sweet also, but in NO WAY seeming that I wanted to pressure him, or try to sway his opinion, etc. I think having the shoe on the other foot now may be a good change here. Decided basically that, although it has been months since we've spent the night together, that it can't happen again. I've got to show him the new me and the new me is not a woman to be taken lightly or for granted. I still pray. I've been to the website restorem but STBX insists that in no way am I to shove the God/faith thing in conversation or emails anymore. He must surely know what he is doing is wrong and against God's way deep down, but he cannot face God at all. So I will live and move on and just be responsible for my son, myself, and that's about it for now. I can't feel responsible for his stupid choices now.

It feels funny, but I'm going to give him what he wants now. He wants a D, ok, I'll follow through if he is this non-repentant Austin Powers-wanna be. I'll continue moving forward and get somewhat of a life on my own now. He has to stand back and see that the little poor housewife has gone back and entered the real world. I'm no longer that woman just like he's no longer that man I loved. Instead of becoming amoral, I'm just going to move on and yes, go out with my friends, have a dinner date if I want to (I draw the line at just that though). He said I looked pretty the other night and well, he is right. He must have forgotten that in college I did win a few Miss Am. preliminaries and that at one time, he had a fistfight with my ex college boyfriend over me. Let's see how he likes it now that I am looking well and most importantly, living well and getting on with it. I may not be wealthy in his terms, but I am rich in love as the mother of my son and as a child of God and a good friend to my family and friends.

I don't know where God is taking me, I have to bunjee jump every day. It's a challenge. Some days like today I'm up to it, others not up to it at all.

I want to know how you guys make it through these horrible thrill rides. Last year at a theme park, I rode this ride where they drop you over 30 stories at almost 70 mph. This is so much more scary than that and I live this feeling every day. How do you get over this feeling? Please offer advice and I would like to hear about your situation and what has worked/what has not.

Although I am committed to moving on, I can't stop looking back now and then. I pray all the time that God will bring him around, but I don't know if it will ever happen. I waited for an entire year to see if he would come back to his family and he did not. Please offer advice.

Peach,

Wow, been wondering about you!!! I am sorry he is still in the fog and so hurtful. I lost your # and then your e-mail.

Glad to hear that you and your son are moving forward. Sure want to hear more from the 'state president'?!?!??! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Write or call, ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hugz,
L.

Peach:

My heart goes out to you! The WS's, as far as I have been reading here, are always going to want to have the best of everything. They are truly cake-eaters!

When I was in the Navy, I had to go to a school to learn how to be a POW (I was a Bombardier/Navigator in the A-6 Intruder). One of they things they taught us was "HOTSU". This stands for "He's out to Screw You"; meaning, that, never believe a word they say (for me it would be "SOTSU"--"She's out to Screw You"). When WS's are deep in the fog (and mine is in really deep due to drugs), they will say anything to convince themselves and others they are not to blame.

Remember, it is not your fault!! It was his choice! Just focus on yourself and your son. Your WS made the bed, now let him sleep in it. I would bet you an RC and a Moon Pie that whenever you start another relationship, he will be jealous as all get out...that's because they (WS's) always seem to want us to be alone and on the back burner for them.

The heck with that!!! Life is too short! I waited three years for my wife to change, I prayed, read all the books, tried to help as much as I could, and she just sucked me dry. Not any more!!

There will always be good days and bad days. But know this...We lost our second son 8 days after birth. At the time, I thought the pain would never go away. Guess what? I still have memories, but they are wonderful memories of the time we spent in the hospital with our precious son. The human mind has this wonderful ability to allow the pain to dissipate. Be patient and God Bless!!

Pete