My ex is making such a jerk out of himself I don't think the coach will want my son on his team next year.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

How do I keep from hating someone so mean?

ANNA

One thing that popped into my mind when I read this is that you can use him as the base upon which all other men will forever be judged against.

Also, I have recently begun to see that even though I feel my wife has hurt my children dreadfully for her own carnal lust, I realize that she has done it in such a manner that I am free of her. Had she just slowly pulled away from me and not repeatedly betrayed our family, I might have remained attached to her for years and years to come. I look at her and where I once had love I have pity. Where I once had anger I have resolution. Where I once had care I have resolve. I look at her and feel that I could so easily hate her beyond measure, but then I realize that she just can't be anything other than what she is and cannot overcome her limitations as a person, parent, and spouse.

Sometimes I think that this is the reason that we, MBers, all have such difficulty in understanding our spouses. We give them too much credit for being other than what they are. I always gave my wife credit for being smarter than she is. I always gave her credit for being more capable in her career than she is truly capable. I always believed that she was more responsible and caring to her family, in spite of how many times she disproved my thoughts, simply because I WANTED to believe that she was those things. I didn't want to admit that I had chosen someone that wasn't capable. Wasn't any better than the people that she shook her head at in the grocery store.

Just realize that he is a prime example of what we find wrong with the world, and he is right there for you to judge everyone else against. Use him, don't hate him. Pity him, don't rail against him. Understand that he cannot be who he isn't any more than you can, it is just that his situation is not of your world.

I don't know, but I have really began to feel badly for my wife. Because no matter what happens, I fear that she will be miserable. She WILL remarry, without a doubt, because she is so insecure and incapable of being able to rely upon herself. Now I hope to remarry, but because I really want someone to spend my time with. I want someone to put forth all this energy I have upon. I want to be able to love someone so much and be loved by someone so much that just the thought of her will make me chill.

I can judge everyone that I see against my wife. My wife was the perfect foil to what I want in a wife. Although I loved her beyond anything, I realize that it was a one way street. I want the two way love. I deserve someone that wants me, not needs me.

You do as well.

Anna - that was a vent? Come on - if you are going to vent then let it out and spill all the juicy horrid details - it will make you feel better, hence the term vent - to let out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

My ExH does the same thing - and to top it off they may not let him be a den leader because he isn't the kind of example that the boys in scouting need - go figure.

"Sometimes I think that this is the reason that we, MBers, all have such difficulty in understanding our spouses. We give them too much credit for being other than what they are. I always gave my wife credit for being smarter than she is. I always gave her credit for being more capable in her career than she is truly capable. I always believed that she was more responsible and caring to her family, in spite of how many times she disproved my thoughts, simply because I WANTED to believe that she was those things. I didn't want to admit that I had chosen someone that wasn't capable. Wasn't any better than the people that she shook her head at in the grocery store."

Congratulations FC - It took me actually paying for a therapist to learn that about my marriage and my ExH. We still grieve - but it's mostly at the loss of the picture or dream of the marriage that was in our minds - if we were focused on the reality of the marriage then we wouldn't be grieving at all - we'd be doing a happy dance! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

And then of course we're left to parent or to attempt to parent with our Exs. There's the rub.

K

Very good point FC. When I look back at the times I was desperately trying to save my marriage, now I just think "Why would I want someone like this back?" They just keep digging themselves into a deeper hole.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by God is in Control:
[QB]Anna - that was a vent? Come on - if you are going to vent then let it out and spill all the juicy horrid details - it will make you feel better, hence the term vent - to let out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I'm going to try....

Okay, I hate him, I hate his controlling behavior. Why doesn't he just take a chill pill? I hate his rigid schedule. Why can't he just go with the flow.... and his false accusations, Why does he think there's alternative reasons behind every thing I do??? If I ask "Could you take the kids a little later because they have sports going on, that's exactly what I mean...there's no hidden agenda there...I mean what I say dang it!...nothing else to it...If I say I need to go to the bathroom, it's cause I have to use the potty for Goodness sake....there's no hidden agenda there either.... and I especially hate him hurting the kids...Why doesn't he pay his child support on time, why does he think his cel phone bill is more important than child support, and why doesn't he see the kids more often? So what if he says he doesn't have money to take them out...the park is free!

AND Why does he have to yell so much? Why does he have to make mountains out of molehills....and Who does he think he's fooling when he's nice when he wants something and back to Mr. Jerk, I'm going to try to find every way possible to screw you after he gets it!!!!

Whewww....okay that's a little better....

I am on a roll...I just sent ex a "I could have been nicer but wasn't email."...I'm just sick of his crazy, off the wall emails....

My ex stated this to me tonight in an email regarding child support...

You can't squeeze blood out of a turnip.

So I went back to yesterdays many emails he had sent me, found a quote, copied and pasted and appended with my words...

Ex said....

I submitted the required paper work and was later told it had to be submitted at the other building only to receive a call my employer had received paperwork directly from the court. I suspect my next check will be garnished 50% which will leave me with basically nothing to live on.

I wrote underneath it this....

I guess you can squeeze blood out of a turnip after all....

Ex wrote...

I wish I could pay this out over time

I wrote...

An offer you never gave me, yet, I do remember you saying over and over, "You can't squeeze blood out of a turnip..."

Ex wrote...

but I guess my state of poverty makes you happy

I wrote...

If you're in poverty, then I want to be also....Boy we are a spoiled country....cel phone....living in a $300,000 house, having two nice trucks, using DSL.....that's poverty????....now there's America for you.

Tonight, I am just so fed up with him and the last straw is when the coach called me to say son had practice and oh btw, your ex called the league AGAIN complaining... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

So if you have a choice....one child has wonderful cooperative parents, the other child calls league and complains....Which would you want on the team the following year? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Is that a little better GIC?

ANNA