OK Peeps,

Time for a regular update of my rollercoaster personal life.

Those of you who followed thread Plan A/B and thread Feeling crap bout DV Thread will know that despite my best efforts WW is with OM2 in a supposed "platonic" relationship.

I had a good weekend because I am now in quite good control of my life. I have made some significant progress in ways that I did not expect. Sadly as usual this has resulted in my STBX delivering more pain and suffering to me but it's water off a duck's back now.

At the weekend I dropped the Girls off to STBX's new house. She moved on friday to a small village a fair way from us, no longer just down the road which was a blessing in itself. Walking past her & OM2's house was a grim reminder. Later that day my daughter texts me on the phone to say it only has two rooms not three and that OM2 and STBX are sleeping in together. My daughter said that she was very unhappy about that. This made me very angry. After all this was only a week ago the woman "who was wanting to come home and I wouldn't let her".

So calmly and collectedly (sp?) I texted her to say Daughter was upset. The reply I got was shocking to say the least. Supposedly last Monday when in her mind I had said she could not come back (of course she never said "I want to come home to you" she said "would you still have me back") she became "very ill" because of my messages of rejection and cut herself up.

She didn't want to be in bed alone so went to OM2 as he looks after her and they have been together since. So even after all this time I am to blame. Absolutely amazing. OM2 has gotten exactly what he said he would get, that she will now see his love that she wasn't ready for blah blah blah.

In some small part my Plan B may have pushed them together but I am also probably deluding myself that it was not occurring prior to this and in truth there's evidence to suggest she was carrying on with Svengali even whilst with me.

In a BIG LB on my part I texted her on Sunday a message that was supposed to go to my best friend who has the same initial as her's and so she found out about my new Porsche 911 996 Carrera 2... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

You see it's now also about money. About how she doesn't get enough from me, about how she doesn't have enough to feed the children (she gets $600 a month for breakfast and dinner x 3 little kids) and how I should be paying her petrol, bills, phone, TV licence etc. Sorry I am not doing that. She can have her Divorce Settlement payout because I want her to have that. But I am not giving a penny to OM2's pocket where most of the food money is going.

Me? I'm quite happy with this. I have begun to talk more to the ladies slowly and try and regain my shattered self confidence. Many of you will probably say that it may constitute an EA just talking but I don't view it like that. I need to see that interaction with women can be normal, not a knife through skin or a body in the road. I am sorry if that disappoints you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

My Divorce Papers have been accepted by the court and should be on STBX's doorstep this week. It is now clear this is the best course of action. My love is gone, completely gone.

Best Wishes Neil.

<small>[ October 28, 2002, 10:13 AM: Message edited by: Porsche 911 996C2 ]</small>

I was wondering how you were doing.

I am glad that you are finally at peace with this.

I am also glad that you aren't buying that you are the cause of what she does.

I wish it had turned out another way.

Thanks Nurse B,

Yes it would have been nice if it had turned out better. But Better not Bitter eh?

There's someone out there who will want me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Neil.

Hi Neil.

I've caught up on your posts now, and glad to hear that you are in a better phase.

Life is not easy, as most people on these boards know. But you also know that you have done everything possible, and your WW is a very sick lady also in a fog and using any excuse about you in the book to justify her actions.

You know that one day you will come out of this stronger and better. She will always be the mother of your children, and hopefully you will get to a phase where can both enjoy that and their happiness.

Thinking of you in North London.

Lisa

P.S. I bought a new car this week too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Should be collecting it tomorrow. Not so grand as a Porsche, but a very nice V reg VW Polo which will suit me fine compared to the old one!!

Thanks all. I am now managing to stay away from STBX and am trying to keep out of her way also via text messages. Not easy with three kids but it's for the best.

Day by day I find myself feeling better and happier which is a blessing after so long.

Neil.

Now I'm feeling crap again. My STBX started a tirade of abuse at me this morning about how badly I have treated her, how I don't give her enough money. How I treat her like a child minder.

Her threats indicated that she is not going to sign the divorce petition and that she is going to try and take me to court <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> So much for her agreeing stuff and giving me her word.

It's once more knocked me sideways, despite trying to do the right thing us BS just keep getting hammered. It really is incredible the hurt someone can do to you and then take zero responsibility for it.

I think I am just going to refer her to my solicitor from now on. Is it normal to have to pay the WS if they are living with OM2 and working? It baffles belief.

Neil.

Neil

So sorry to hear about this downturn - those damn rollercoasters!!!!

I don't know if it is normal or not to pay for the WS, but obviously, you have to pay towards the girls. Whether OM2's salary comes into it and hers I'm not sure. Can you check with your Solicitor? If you are the major wage earner, you may end up having to give more to her irrespective of what she is earning. She may of course deny living with OM as well, which could well affect your payments.

Sorry to hear all this Neil. Keep you chin up, go out for a cruise round or something!

Lisa

Lisa, the girls live with me, I pay all the bills everything. She works, has had £7k lump sum to "keep her going", OM2 gives nothing, never seems to be at work. Solicitor already has said I have given her far more than I should. That doesn't ease the abuse tho'.

Neil.

If that's the case, then point out what your Solicitor has said. If OM2 isn't working, then whatever that's his lookout. Given what you have said to me, there is no reason for you to pay her bills at all. She chose to go and be somewhere else with OM2.

Maybe she's being difficult because she knows it's becoming reality and the papers will arrive soon, and she's really not sure what she's doing or if that's what she wants. If I remember correctly, it wasn't that long ago that she was saying she didn't want a divorce. Just keep reminding yourself, that it's not you at fault here, she's all foggy and doesn't know what she's doing. It doesn't lessen your hurt, I know.

Take care.

Lisa

P.S. Just been for a little spin myself <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks Lisa, see my other thread in this Form for the latest. "Need Help: WS to and fro - wants money".

Neil.
Hope your spin was fun.