My husband moved out two months ago and is living at our store (we have a retail business). We have been the victim of theft 3 times in the last six months. He is telling everyone that he is living up there because of security. He says he does not love me and does not care if he ever loves anyone again, he is just too old to care. We went on a business trip together and got along great for three days, however, he is not able to maintain an erection and says that he doesn't care about sex anymore. He says he just wasn't happy at home, and is fine with the current arrangements. He has no plans to divorce me, but is not interested in helping me save the marriage either. He absolutely refuses counseling. I have tried to make some positive changes in the hopes of getting him to love me again, however, I seem to up against a blank wall. As long as I pretend there is nothing wrong, we get along fine and an outsider would think everything is great. However, I am dying inside. How do save this marriage all by myself and how long can this go on?

Dear musiclover, what were the circumstances prior to his moving out? Were you argueing etc? Are there children involved? If I may be so bold, what are your ages?<BR>You say you want to "make" him love you. Not possible. For the most part, love is a decision, left only to the person giving the love. For now, I would suggest seeking counsel for yourself. If for no other reason but to gain a perspective on your situation, as a whole and to begin the healing process. You are obviously hurt and you need someone to talk to face to face. If you are religious at all, seek the counsel of a Pastor. His insights can provide you some comfort in these times of despair.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Love & thoughts,<BR>Lynn

My husband is 41 and I will 38 in a few weeks. We have been married for 17 years and have a 12 year old daughter and a 14 year old son. I have tried to defend their Dad to them, however, my daughter told me she would not be as patient as I have been. Yes over the years we have fought, however, I had no idea he was holding grudges for everything I have ever said or done. He is throwing things in my face that happened years ago.

Dear musiclover, give me an update on what is going on with your H. Have you sought counseling for yourself? How are the children doing?<BR>Talk to you soon,<BR>Lynn

I have talked to my pastor once and I have a very good support group of 4-5 friends who have been wonderful. Only 3 of them know the whole story but they have all been very supportive. The kids are doing ok. They are as confused as I am, but do understand that this is between my husband and me. I always tell them that I still believe their Dad is a good man but doesn't know what he wants to do. We own our own business and things are very stressful and I am sure this is a big part of the problem. However, he is looking for a no-hassle marriage and a no-hassle life. He is blaming most of his stress and unhappiness on me. As hard as I try, I can't be perfect (I'm not June Cleaver) and I am under the same stresses he is. I thank God for my support group, because I am not getting any support from him. He can't tell me what he wants because he doesn't know himself, but he expects me to know what he wants. If I cry, he gets mad at me. As long as things are going his way, he is the same person I have always known. But when things aren't going exactly like he wants or I don't totally agree with him, then he says, "This is what the problem is." Wife or business partner, I do not have to agree with him 100% of the time. Right now, I am still going to keep talking to my pastor, I can't afford to see anyone else.