Now Deucey is trying to immediately NOT PAY ME ANY ALIMONY but pay just our rent. That is 2100 less per month. And not is in terms of temporary agreement.

It is so amazing. He says he wants to send our child to a school costing 12k per year but after the d won't pay any child support or alimony. He says that the pittance he will pay me, 10k per year, is for our sons' expenses and that he will pay all of sons' expenses. He is lost and nuts. We have had an agreement where he payed 2k per month alimony and 2k per month child support. And that is now too much. He according to his new terms will only pay me 10k per year alimony and child support combined and will pay only one year of rent. And after this year, he would pay me only 10k per year period.

My attorneys are livid. He says he will not pay me the amount of the temporary agreement either. They are on the phone right now contacting his attorney to sort this out or we will get an emergency hearing from the judge.

He is mad, Deucey, about the financial questioning that was sent out to various institutions. He is not in control of things and he is throwing a temper tantrum.

I am so sick. My head is swirling. I couldn't open any emails over the weekend b/c of his threats to me earlier. It's made me a nervous wreck. And I am in plan B.

Why can't the ultimate betrayer, the man who promised my father, who is now dead, that if anything ever happened to our marriage that he would bring me home and make sure I am taken care of lied. He has done nothing but lie. He said when we filed that he would take care of me for a reasonable time frame and that things would be ok for me. But he lied again.

How could I trust him to be open about our finanaces? It's been a year and he hasn't sent in the financial information to my attorneys. And he wonders why I won't settle? How could I? Maybe if I didn't have a brain. Or maybe if I still trusted this man. But I don't. I don't even want to open another email from him muchless hear his voice. I felt dizzy after reading the three he sent me today. I got sick even opening them. So much dread.

I want nothing to do with him. He betrayed me, mentally and physically abused me and isn't done yet. Can't he just do the right thing and be fair? Of course not. He is Deucey. He is the man ho. He is more slippery than slick Willie ever could be. And had more women too.

I am praying so hard that this divorce will end and end soon for my emotional well being. Also pray hard that I am able to get a good or decent settlement in the end. Am growing too weak to fight him. And he is offering so much less than before. Been left with all bills and he's off scott free living in a 600k house with a luxury car (bmw) and a n suv.

np.....isn't there a law there that MAKES him pay a percentage of his salary? Surely he cannot just CHOOSE not to pay you?

In Australia, we have laws to protect us from this kind of heartless sh**. The percentage I receive is a precentage of his current wage, which, him being an expat worker, is astronomical. And we get to claim the payments they haven't made, which is in my case over $500 AU a month for 18 months. A LOT of money.

Okay your attorneys are livid....now ask them what they are gonna do about it? AND to save yourself money, do some searches on the net and take your results to them.

One thing I have learned over this....we cannot just let them do stuff like that....if they get mad, so what? WE are raising their kids, and we NEED that money!

Love and light,

Jacky

Jacky--

No, you are right. He has to pay me. That is the law here. But the problem is he hasn't given us any information about how much he makes. He is in business for himself and he can attempt to conceal how much he makes. He is probably making anywhere from 3-400k a year and will try to show he isn't making a profit from his business.

So they will get and find the money. What he doesn't seem to get is that child support is given to the mother. The mother or the primary custodian, in this case me, is the one who the money is given to. It is not shelled out as he would like it to be done. Just paid out by him instead of giving it to me. It doesn't work that way. And my attorneys are laughing that he wants to send our child to a school costing 12k a year and he says he can't pay me alimony any more. He is lying and just showed another lie via email.

I am actually envious of alot of us here. I can never be or have any sort of a future relationship with Deucey because he has burned every bridge. He has done everything you can do to a person period. I doubt that within 20 0r so years if should my son marry, that I could sit even in the same church with that maniac. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

notpeachyinga......wow this sounds familiar....my H hates what he has to pay me too...unfortunately, I make to much money myself to qualify for alimony in KY where I live....but he does pay a pretty good junk in childcare....just remember...(what is your real name if you dont mind) God is in control and you will get through this....I too am having to sale our home....uproot my 3 sons and try and find a home that is more affordable for me.....My H went out and bought us a huge new home while he knew he was involved with someone else...of course I had no clue to his infedility or I would not have agreed to buy new home....anyway, I had a home when we married and if we had stayed in the old home...which was fine...I would have had it paid off next year...now I am sitting on a huge mortgage and he is gone.....only paying me child support, nothing else....so I know how it feels to worry about loosing everything you have...I am going through the same thing......peachy...just let your lawyers deal with him...keep forwarding to them all of his correspondence, emails, whatever you can give them....I think Plan B is right for you....only contact should be in reference to your son....the lawyers will get to the bottom of this and where you have been a home maker not working outside the home...he WILL be paying you alimony....and he WILL be paying you child support based on whatever financial information can be confirmed at this time and adjusted once the discovery is complete.....if his emails upset you.....just forward them to your attorney...if they are anything like the ones you have discussed so far...they are just more support for your position.....take a deep breath and let it roll off of you.....I have had many sleepless nights worrying about everything....we can't do this to ourselves.....just relax and let your lawyers deal with your H.
hope this helps
f4u
(Dianne)

I am glad he pays good child support at least. I was a homemaker since 1996. So he will pay alimony. At least for six or seven years. And he will pay child support.

I am sickened by these guys who try to get out the financial obligations just because their marriage is over. They move onto new women and think presto! They can just start anew and that means financially as well. No sir. No way. They MADE A FAMILY AND THEY WILL TAKE CARE OF IT. That is their lot. He will be required by law to do his part. Plus GA is a fault state. He is awful. I am just sick.

I am in plan B and get nauseous whenver I have to open his email. I need to read it so I can get a better spin on it. He spins and lies so much.

Liars are liars I guess. How can we expect a liar and cheater to be honorable when our starting over is at stake. They could care less about us. And not as much for their children as they should.

Oh, and the judge's wife is the superindendent of our county's school system. He'll jus tlove the fact that Deucey wants to pay out 12k per year for a private school for son while not paying me a cent for alimony or proper child support while son lives with me. The judge will laugh at him.

You'll get the money in the end, and the courts won't like his stalling.
In our state, NJ, they differentiate between legal and residential custody. I assume you have residential custody - so you make everyday decisions. Most here have joint legal custody, which means that big decisions, such as schooling, would need to be decided between the two of you - not just him. He couldn't send your S to a private school without your agreement. But if he wanted your son to go, and you couldn't afford it, of course you'd appreciate him paying for a private school - in ADDITION to all court ordered Child support and Alimony. Just bring it up that way.
Let your lawyers handle it, and vent your frustrations here. I'm in the same boat about the business, just remove one zero from yours. And STBX claims that he makes 1/3 of what was reported on the last three years tax returns - who's he trying to kid.

Wanna know what's ironic? When he made HALF of what he makes now, we were so happy. When he began making alot more $$$ is when things really went south. $$$ is the root of all evil.

I would love to say "to hell with it and I want to just end this and make it w/o you" but financially he's left me with ovr 40k in bills and debt and I have a beautiful son to raise. I am not going to let him off easy b/c he has the $$ and he is going to do the right thing.

He went out and bought all new furniture and a bmw last year. He can afford alot of things. He is probably having his parents hide money. He keeps saying that some of the settlement money will come from his parents, probably b/c his parents are hiding it for him. lol..

btw, his parents WORK FOR HIM. He signs their paychecks...

Now in the future when debt's gone and I am happy and our future is financially brighter, I may tell him to go and stick the alimony where the sun doesn't shine. Nothing would give me more pleasure. I hate getting one cent from him. He makes a big deal of my getting the check. He has son hand it to me in front of him and I wwant to hurl.

What has happened to WS's to believe that they aren't now responsible financially during a divorce? They weren't responsible for their own actions (adultery) which led to the divorce. Now they aren't going to be responsible either for the finances and well being of their children or former spouses. No marriage holding them back from their adulterous, james bond like happiness and swinging lifestyle. Oh, I almost forgot...In order to LIVE LIKE JAMES BOND YOU HAVE TO BUY THE TOYS...THAT COSTS $$$$ AND THEY CAN'T BE JAMES BOND (OR A JAMES BOND BABE) UNLESS THEY HAVE THE DINERO. AND GIVING IT TO US WON'T BUY THEM A SHAGUAR. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Deucey just emailed me. One very mean one saying "looks like you didn't miss any meals to me". I just started my monthly thing today. I am not 100 pounds anymore, but am about 125 and 5/4". So not a hefty one either. Forwarded that again to attorneys about his emotional abuse.

And he is once again denying denying denying everything financially.

Furthemore, he KEPT SON HOME FROM SCHOOL TODAY SO THAT HE WOULD HAVE TO COME OVER AND BRING SON TO ME. FORCED CONTACT. I AM LIVID WITH ANGER. Notified attorneys about how he did this deliberately to see me. I cannot stand him.

Attorneys said not to inflame him and gave a very stern response and called Deucey a jerk. They are sick of him too. I almost emailed him back saying that "I CAN ALWAYS SKIP MEALS BUT YOU CAN'T GROW BACK BRAIN CELLS." Thought that might inflame him as per attorneys.

That does it. I am going to get down to a size 2 again. I am going to the gym after work for an hour. I am going to make Deucey eat , get it EAT HIS WORDS. Let him have his waifs. I shall become the hottest hotty in hotlanta. Forget him and his verbal abuse. I will make him squirm with jealousy when he sees the new me at the trial. He hasn't seen me since Christmas. I had not worked out for a month and had been sick on my butt for three weeks. I've lost a bit since and frankly, only want to look good for me and our son.

His repeated verbal abuse is going to do nothing except make me become the most attractive single woman here. I am going to make it backfire on him. I shall live well, live morally, and be a great mom...And one HOT mom too!

Take that you evil, nasty gigolo....

np, you wrote:

"Wanna know what's ironic? When he made HALF of what he makes now, we were so happy. When he began making alot more $$$ is when things really went south. $$$ is the root of all evil."

Same thing happened to me. When we went overseas and he was earning big bucks X-pat wages, then became a Manager, it was like he said "Hmmmmm, now what ELSE do I want? Oh, yeah, single life again!"

Good that you are letting your anger out here, so it won't come out in front of your son.

As for the weight issue he has with women, that is his problem. You are 125? That is fine....forget it.

The best revenge is to live a good happy life...if that is happening it will show more than any diet will hon!

Love and light,

Jacky

{{{{{{{Peachy}}}}}}}
Don't you let him get to you!!! You don't have to lose weight, work out or do anything else!! Please don't give in to his "control" tactics. I am sure you are a beautiful person, inside and out, and THAT is driving him crazy.
It must drive him nuts to see you survive everything he is throwing at you, all the anger he is venting on you. You're so strong and obviously he is NOT. What else does he have?? He's using his words as weapons, as well as the money issue. Please don't let him do that. It's bad enough the hell he's putting you through with the $$, but to taunt you in other ways, meaningless ways, dear God, what is wrong with these guys??
My H too is saying no to even temporary spousal support. He earned a VERY GOOD salary, we have a big house and lots of expenses to settle, but I get no communication from him on what to do. He has been out of work for 9 months, the money is about depleted and he still hasn't found a job (have to believe maybe God is at work in this to bring him to a point where he has nothing else). His paperwork from the attorney said I can support the lifestyle we had for myself on my part time salary, just find full time work...yeah, like $7. per hour will even cover the electric bill on this place. I didn't get a chance to have a defined career because of our frequent moves for HIS career (yes, he is management level too!!) And now here I am, too late to really start anything that will pay well enough to do much of anything.
I got tears in my eyes when I was looking for apartments with my teenage daughter last week. She said "I guess I won't live in a house again until I get married." It broke my heart. WHY??
Why do this to us?? Just so they can run with other women and feel some sort of thrill from the adoration and the chase?? Be eighteen again? Oh no, it's all my fault, I made him so unhappy that he was compelled to do this. He never told me what I did, can't exactly, but it was miserable for years.
I didn't have a real clue how he felt about my failures until recently....but I'm paying now. I know I was not a "perfect" wife, but....oh well you know the rest.
Bottom line, stay strong. His weakness is magnified in view of your strength.
Walk tall and proud, because YOU CAN!

peachy, sounds like he's doing everything he can to get to you, so the best thing you can do is DON'T LET HIM! Do what you want to do for you, not as a reaction to his behavior and verbal abuse.

I know what you mean about money. Our M was best after H first got clean and sober 10 years ago. We had very little money and were just so happy to be back together again without the insanity of drugs and alcohol and verbal abuse.

When we started making money, he, too, tried to be 18 again, hanging around with 18 - 25 year olds (he's 50!), drinking and using drugs, bought a Harley Davidson, bought a used Porsche, started listening to rap music and talking like a teenaged gangster. He blamed me, success, and sobriety for his unhappiness and just took off with the OW two years ago and hasn't worked since.

So, I'm supporting him and OW, sending him $1400 every two weeks plus $1300 a month for rent and he tells anyone who'll listen (not many these days other than OW) that I'm a greedy b***h and I've "stolen" everything from him. No, he walked away from everything, including his family, our business, and our dream home (which will eventually have to be sold so that I can buy him our of our business, which I'm running alone now.

Don't expect rational behavior. But don't react (irrationally) to his irrational behavior either. Make your own choices. Do what you want to do for you and your son.

Last night Deucey came over to try to break the plan B and maybe have an attempt to "negotiate" his way. He didn't take son to school yesterday so he had to bring him over to house. I thought up a good way to deal with it.

When son came over, I opened the door just enough to see son. I said "hey sweetie, come on in to mommy". Son walked in. Then Deucey walked in through the cracked door. Tried to walk toward me but I turned my back on him politely without saying ANYTHING and walked into the kitchen. Son started playing and ignored him too. He turned and walked out. I never looked at him one time. No chance for him to break my plan b and my no contact.

He is going to have to live with it. His decisions. I am not playing his games.

Today I decided that I was going to become the best person I can. He still hasn't paid me alimony or child support this month. I am sick of it. Makes my bills late. And I am working on top of it too. He offered(how kind of him) via email yesterday for me to "hand over my credit card bills" to him so he could pay for them instead of giving us alimony or child support. Didn't respond. Just emailed the attorney. he isn't able to pay me yet wants to pay these cc bills? No. He wanted to see what I am doing, what am I spending etc. Which is nothing basically btw. Just paying minimums. Pay for everything with real money now. Can't afford to pay more than minimums. So he's using every angle to find out what I am up to. And he doesn't care. Probably looking for some legal loophole.

I have vowed to morph myself into looking better thanI did in college now. He's not going to like what I am doing and IT IS FOR ME NOW. I am soon going to be single and I want to be gorgeous. Am attractive already but am ready for the new life.

He's done it for the last time. What is different now vs. then is this one thing: I am now able to see his insults as challenges to make him eat his words and I use the insults to better myself instead. He is probably afraid of the very thing. That I financially succeed when the divorce is done, that I look better than ever, and that I move on without having one backward glance. So whenever they insult us, the WS, use it instead as an opportunity to make them eat their words. But do the changing for you.

Broken--I am so sorry about the finances. You btw, can get probably great student aid. Consider working nights somewhere and trying part time professional school or college. I know one lady who went to school after her divorce (got royally screwed) and became a psychologist. She was living kinda tight for about three years, but she and her daughter are doing more than fine now and she works in this building and has helped lots of people just like us. Find out what you CAN do now. God's blessed you with alot. Find your strengths. It is easy and sometimes I feel so beaten down by this poop. But we will succeed if we believe, BELIEVE WE CAN.

Nina--Love you and God bless you. posted to you a bit earlier.

Let'sTry--So, he's a fiftysomething trying to be 20ish? That's not going to fly. Is your state a fault state? I would absolutely NOT SUPPORT HIM OR HIS MISTRESS. Why do you have to? If he left and he is tooling around riding his bike, pretending he is Eminem with his flygirl, I think you should tell him a big NO. What does your attorney say? I think you should use that money to keep the house and for the business. Let Mr. Harleyman and his bikerchick Flygirl just see how life on the open road is WITHOUT ANY DINERO.

Why aren't there penalties for those who leave and ruin marriages and families? They want luxury still. They want money. They should have to at least pay a fine or something. Like parking in a handicapped space or speeding. My stbx drives a luxury bmw 745I and has a very, very luxurious suv to the extreme shagmobile. Complete with global gps, dvd player, and a stereo system that would make a 16 yo green with envy. And lives in a half a million dollar house. And I scrimp and save. Haven't flown in a plane in two years. He just flew to St. Lucia last mo. with his new honey, Ms. family values. And he says he's broke? Come on. Who's the gigolo fooling?

I wasn't born yesterday and am immune to his sales pitches now.

Boy I am recovering quite a bit! Today is actually, just now remembered, a huge trigger and D DAY for me. It was TWO YEARS AGO TODAY that I found out about Deucey and his affair with Ms. MOnkeyho. She's no longer around but it was sooooo awful. They were busted by my best friend by accident. She passed him driving my suv and I told her he was at his office. She was in a new volvo and followed them instead to her house and watched him walk in and took pictures. Accidentally had her camera with her to go and develop Christmas pics.

So because I am not wallowing in grief or bombarded by this awful memory but am moving on nicely. Finally realized that I DO NOT NEED HIM ANY MORE. NOT EMOTIONALLY. HE HINDERED ME AND KEPT ME FROM THIS RECOVERY FOR ALMOST TWO YEARS AFTER THIS D DAY. But I am ok.

WANNA KNOW WHAT IS IRONIC? Originally, Jacky and I were supposed to have the same date of divorce. Had I been granted that day, it would have made almost two years exactly of the biggest D day of my life.

I will survive. I have survived. And I am feeling better and looking pretty good while doing so.

Still a huge uphill climb ahead but I am going to make it. Still huge financial issues with this self centered idiotic gigolo. But I will make it through and will do whatever it takes for my son and I to start over in the best manner possible. This is our one Mulligan in life and I am going to make the next shot a hole in one...

Deucey is legal toast. I am going after him now. The tables have turned. I am no longer weeping. After just sitting a bit after writing the last paragraph, I realized that he has DONE EVERYTHING BAD THAT YOU CAN DO TO A PERSON SHORT OF TURNING O.J. ON THEM. And I am not taking this anymore. I want him gone. He isn't the man I knew. I want a divorce from this man now. This wierdo that he is.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Giggle to myself. If some guy showed up wearing the ridiculous outfits that Deucey has worn in front of me: bee like striped shirt, paint splattered bell bottoms (that way on purpose), I would laugh and probably not go out with them.

Divorcing this guy he is NOW is easy. We have to make the mental switch from who they WERE TO WHO THEY ARE NOW. That person is dead emotionally and spiritually. Until God enters their lives, we are unable to do anything if they've progressed to the point of extreme plan b.

Peachy,

I read your post with dread and sadness. I am sorry for what he is putting you and your son through. You really are better off without a man like him! He concerns me, but I have to say your attorney does too. Is your attorney telling you that you can get more than the "fair and equitable" amount because of adultry? If that is the impression he is giving you, get a new attorney now and demand your money back! You live in GA right? While you can file under the statute of adultry, it isn't likely to get you a dime that you aren't already entitled to. The only thing that you must be aware of is that you won't be able to get alimony if you commit adultry. And of course in custody disputes adultry matters. This is especially true for mothers. Not a level playing field for women even in 2003! Doesn't sound like he is trying to get full custody though. Your STBX is a true jerk for sure! Just don't want your attorney to give you the screws too. Ask him pointblank what he can GUARANTEE you. You are throwing away your money going to court over this. The judge is very unlikely to award you anymore assets because of it. Or any additional alimony than you would be entitled to. It is so commonplace that they don't even bat an eye anymore. The only time you *could* do better is if you had a 20+ year marriage and been SAHM for all those years. Alimony in GA is determined by length of marriage, over 20 means something to the courts, health of spouses, earning potential, age. Generally, the courts look at it that a woman should support herself if she is able to. Your child is in school right? Has your attorney told you that if you go to court that a judge could easily rule that you get NO alimony? Child support is based upon his salary. You are entitled to 17%. The only way you get more than this is if your child has health or other problems that require additional monies to provide for him. Talk to another attorney peachy. Don't throw your money away, while being stressed out all the time, for a court battle that is going to get you nothing.

((((( PEACHY))))))

<small>[ January 07, 2003, 12:13 PM: Message edited by: TheFeminineSide ]</small>

TFS

Thanks and I have been down that road. He has not even paid the fair amount for child support based on the percentages. I was a sahm. Was since son was born and only went to work when he forced us out of our home due to abuse and didn't pay me. You have to work then. Plus our judge is more than fair. In the suburbs, not in the city. Very amenable to situation. Plus there is enough assets to go around. All I wish is for fair amount. Not alot trust me. Just reasonable. To be on the percentage books would be nice.

My attorneys are very good. My stbx has lied and lied and lied. We have to compel them to get documents and had to go to judge to do that. He is a liar and has hid money and finances from me for 3 years. Sometimes it is better to go to court. This is the rare case. Of course, I prefer negotiations and we will also be sent to mediation. His attorney thinks he is a nut case.

I am doing all I can to protect son and I for the future. That is all. Nothing unfair and I am not litigous. So don't think this is about revenge. I don't want any of it from him. Just want him away and a chance for son and I to start over.

Peachy,

I too live in the "Burbs" of Atlanta. So I guess we are kinda neighbors! Not from the South either, but do love it here.

If the man is refusing to give you your fair share, then you have no choice. He has pushed you into a corner. He is wasting his time trying to get out of the 17% CS. The judge will whack him hard for this. You are entitled to half of the equity in the house he is in. Do you have an appraisal for it? Because you were a SAHM, given your age and the time of your marriage, I really don't think it will make any difference on alimony. The courst have changed their stance on alimony. Would be very surprised if you got much more than a year. I am only telling you these things to help you. Never did I think, or say, that you were doing this for revenge. Don't forget to make the X purchase a life insurance policy that would go to your son if something happens to him. It should be a policy of substantial amount considering what he is making.

Hope you day is going well!

IF you think he's screwing you now, wait til you total your legal fees. I just realized that I've already paid $8,000 to lawyers, and now owe $2,000 on retainer for the psychological evaluations, and owe the lawyer another $5,000 in retainer to continue. And because H is a conflict avoider, we've made absolutely no progress. Court dates just blow by since he refuses to discuss anything.
I plan to start a new thread, how much did this fiasco cost you?
PS. I strongly suggest you seek out an individual counselor and if possible a divorce support group. You still sound angry, and need to begin to recover for yourself and your son.
My support group and the friends I've made from it have been instrumental in supporting me and continuing my growth process.