I know I must not be the only one, but HOW do you cope with the feeling that the one and only person who you adored and loved rejects you? There is no going back now...although there is always hope. God, I am just sick about things...how do you pick up the pieces and get on with life? Is there ever hope after D?

1RED,
Yes, there is life after divorce!! Just takes some time. I have been divorced for 16 months, and am very happy in my life. I can't imagine ever being with someone again, who could have been so awful to me for so many years.

Like i said, give yourself time, and do lots of prayer.

Red, I ask myself the same questions everyday. I just adored my H and still do, despite the way he has cheated and cheated and cheated, lied and lied. I can't imagine life without him and everyday I wake up and face the fact that I am. And that life does go on. We don't deserve it, it's not fair and I don't imagine a day will pass in the near future that I don't ask 'why"? THEY don't even know why, just that they want out at all costs. They don't want to remember the love you shared, the memories, the sacrifices each of you made in the marriage, in my case our daughters, even though grown for the most part...his relationship will NEVER be the same with them, despite what he wants to believe. The trust and respect are gone.
I know the pain you are feeling...so physical it feels like your heart will truly break. You want to get away from your thoughts and there is no place to go. My H has been gone almost 2 months now, is absolutely insistent on D, and if I try to talk to him about working on our marriage, he pulls away even more. Don't make that mistake, hard as it is not to. It's true, you must take care of yourself. It's hard, but it is the only thing you can do right now. Keep reading and posting on this forum. People here have helped me on days when there was no where else for me to go. I thank God for them.
I hope to see you here again soon - in the meantime, you have my prayers.

Thanks Broken. I really needed some advice. Or maybe I should be more clear and say some sympathy. Sometimes you need a little bit of both!
I feel like I am stuck in a bad Shakespeare play...so much drama and heated emotions...You know, I am so tired of feeling sorry for myself and trying to love a non-responsive person that I almost don't care anymore. Ah, but then the "heart" comes into things. Gosh, how do you "unlove" someone you've been with for 11 years? It's almost too hard just sitting here and writing this...
I do pray and it helps, but sometimes the daily activities become so difficult..
I appreciate any advice or problem-sharing. I'm thinking of moving to Poland for several years...I'm serious! Should I wait?

Broken - you were married for a long time too, 28+ years. I was married for 25+ years. Divorce is what he wants. The day is coming soon, for the divorce to be final. He seems to be happy, smiles, and everything else. Yes, cause he is getting what he wants. I am not, but heck, I was the BS so why not get anything. All I know is we are meeting at my lawyers office, and I am giving my papers to my lawyer tomorrow morning, on settlement. For a stay at home mom, this is tough.

1Red - coping is hard to do. The only way I can get thorugh this is support. Talking to friends and family, and DRUGS!!!! I am thankful that I am taking pain meds, and other meds for my injury that my WH gave me. Cause those things help me sleep. Without them, I doubt I would be sleeping very well.

Coping, is to each individual. My WH is coping just fine. He goes to the gym, grocery shopping without any feelings of remorse or guilt. He doesn't have a hard time grocery shopping, and didn't have problems x-mas shopping this year. I did, couldn't find the energy to do much anything. But you see, we are the ones that are suffering the pain, and betrayal. They got what they want and they are happy and can't wait till they are free.

I am a stay at home mom, and worked at my husbands buisiness for years without pay. I have been kicked in the a** and thrown in the ditch. Times are tough, but I will tell you, I would not wish this scenario on my worst enemy. But actually my worst enemy right now is the other woman, and I told my pastor today, that I wish she was dead. He said very understandable, but she will get her time, just like your husband will get his payback. We don't know when, but he said, you won't want to be in their shoes when it happens. God has seen what has happened to all of us. And be glad you kept your vows, and committment. That is all I can say to help you. Good luck.

Faith and Red, I can so empathize (sp?). Lots of nights I have trouble sleeping too...I experience the same thing grocery shopping, as I pass things that I used to get for him because they were his favorites. One day at Walmart the clerk asked me if I was okay, because it was obvious I had been crying. I could have hugged her because I felt like someone cared. My H told me not long ago.."You shouldn't care about my life and I certainly don't care about yours."
It is inconceivable to me how you shut off a lifetime of feelings but they seem as you said to be "happy", just chomping at the bit to start their new life with no regard to you or your well being. I've often said, if he could just take a giant eraser and erase me out and insert whoever he wants, he would do it and feel just fine. It can't be that easy, no matter what they say. One day, I feel sure, it will catch up with them. And I have often said I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, even HER.
In church today, I felt such peace, I know God is watching over me and bringing people and support into my life. If we cling to our faith, we have something that they can't take no matter what. I try to treat my H with courtesy whenever I see him, but sometimes the anger threatens to tear me apart. I know with time this will pass and that this is a period of growth and discovery for me...as well as poverty!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> 1Red, don't make any drastic moving decisions yet, as tempting as they may be...think things through, it will take time. In the meantime, let your feelings out. Cry all you need to. It doesn't matter if your married 11 years or 20+, it's a grieving process and we each need to grieve in our own way. I find it's been a couple of steps forward, and one step back most days. I am seriously considering a move myself, but giving myself time and room to be sure it is the right move.
In the meantime, do something for yourself every day...hell, they do for themselves all the time. WE deserve at least the comfort of knowing that we are valuable and lovable people despite how they treat us and what they say.
Blessings to you both!! Don't count God out of this by any means - He has a wonderful way of working miracles, and I trust in His wisdom and timing. It's truly all we can do.

Red
You have to put everything into perspective. When something is over it is over. There is no sense in beating a dead horse. It may initially be painful but you will get over it. Do you have any children? If you do, you have to be strong for them. If you show any weakness in front of your kids they will not be able to handle the divorce. They need to see you confident and happy, so they don't feel guilty or sad. Even if you feel awful, your children should not know that. Vent as much as you want here, but don't lose hope. You will be fine. God be with you
Ruby

I am in the same boat, it is a very difficult thing to do. You can ask over and over for them to come home but unless they are willing to work then there is no hope.

Dont underestimate the need for Anti-D's either. I came off them thinking that I was doing good (and I probably was at the time) only to crumble again and need to go back on them which I am doing this week.

Its also easy to fantasise about the phone ringing and them wanting to work on recovery. Sadly such thoughts do no good other than to screw you up inside. So try and keep busy, and try and concentrate now on yourself and if you have them your children. People wiser than may say it gets easier, whilst we cannot see it yet I hope that it does.

Take care, Neil.