you can see my story in the infidelity section, i accidently posted it there........

Anyway, my name is robert 38 yo male, been married 16 years, 2 girls 9 and 5 yr old.
ever since my children have been born, i have been the stay at home spouse, 2 years with my 1st child, no work, just take care of her, last 7 years working part time on weekends graveyard fri,sat,sun,
my wife works mon-fri, days, makes more money and always will than me.
so i have the kids mon-fri get them to school, dance basketball, take care of house, laundry, have done this for 9 years, stopped doing it all when i went to work fulltime last year.
I still am the main caregiver of the children...... for the last year my wife has been very cold to me, says she does't love me, even hates me..... that she has always wanted a divorce, to get away from me......
went to counsilor last summer 3 times, he said she was burnt out, that it didn't look good.......
last week tried new counsilor, were there for about 30 min, she told my wife, that sounds like you have been drifting for 17 years, that what you need to do is see an attorney, and file for divorce, she said you need to show some backbone and just file, people do it all the time.....
when we left my wife said she couldn't believe the lady said that, that she does have backbone,,,,, and we should just try another councilor,,,,,,so last week i discovered marriage builders on line, ,,,,,,,,, to me it seemed like a amazing that this would and could make everything great again...... i read the info to my wife, she liked me reading to her, said her dad used to read to her made her feel safe......
even talked about going to the seminar in san franciso, in march,,,

today..... i came home from work to find my wife had already gone to work and that her mom was watching the kids till i got there, Ok that seemed ligit,,,,,, took my kids to school,,,,came home and got a few hours sleep,,,,,, went to pick up my 5 yr old,,,,,,and her teacher said i got bad news your daughter is not here..... i go what do you mean she is not here..... your wife picked her up at noon, she never picks them up.........
said my wife would be giving me papers,......
rush home to pick up my 9 yr old,,,,, same thing,,,,,,wife had picker her up,,,,,find out that restraining order is trying to be served to me,,,,,, not served yet, won't answer door....
no one knows where she is, she won't answer her cell phone or return messages,,,,, all her family lives here in oregon, my side lives 2000 miles away,,,,i am supposed to take my 9 yr old to basketball in the morning, supposidly my wife couldn't, she had a gun class to get a permit,,,,,, for her protection,,,,, from me......
i have no idea where my kids are at,,,,,,,,, for the first time ever.............
what do i do...........
how can i get her involved in this marriage builder process that she seemed only yesterday to be ready to do....
a marriage in trouble, the couple needs to spend alone time,,,,, something we haven't had for 10 years, yet this weekend was supposed to be the start,,,,,, i don't work weekends for the 1st time in 7 years,,,,,,,
and now they are gone............

continued.......
just a bit more,
my wife started a new job this past year, works mainly with women
last few months my wife is saying how she has been abused during entire marriage, that i am a danger to her, pretty much quoting from the local woman's abuse group,,,
i ask her who is giving her advice and she says that no one is that this is her own mind..........
but i truely think otherwise.........
last night at work.....i work in law enforcement.... i came across 1 of those cards on how to escape your abusive husband..... take records, kids records, where to go, what to do....
and guess what........ today my kids records and other paper work is gone.......... along with my kids.........
......I don't know what to do i am afraid to answer the door to be served papers....... my kids are not here......what happens when i am served and it says not to have contact with her,,,,,, how do we get the alone time then.........

robert

Robert-

It sounds like you're in a very difficult spot with the kids. There are people here who can help you with advice but we're going to need to know more about your situation. Have either of you had a affair during the course of your marriage? Have there been or are there any sort of abuse problems in the marriage? Sounds like she's hit the ground running so the first thing I'd do is retain a attorney if you afford it.

infidelity yes, her yes, me never
she has been telling me she has been abused for 17 years mental,physical,emotional........
both counsilors we saw 1 saw 3 times, 2nd last week one time for 30 minutes, the last one said my wife was spineless, that she needed to file for divorce.... my wife asked how do people do that........counsilor said simple contact an attorney and file.... it is easy......
as for an attorney..... i talked to one on the phone friday..... he said worst time to be served a restraining order is on friday..da......
so i am avoiding answering my door.........
my wife has been the main money maker, even though we both work.......attorney advised me to take money out of bank........ called bank.... i have 35 dollars in bank.......obvioulsly she has been saving money elsewhere.........
..........
i guess im going to try and find my daughters jersey now............go to game.......she probably wont be there.........
............
i saw on a divorce dad com site......
that whoever makes the first move has the upper hand.....i dont want an upper hand.......we have always shared responsibilitys for kids........
i just want marriage back........
...........
i just didn't have first strike capabilities............but apparently she did...........................................................................................................................................
robert

My system wasn't working well enough to respond to you on Sat. You should call your local police and file a report of abduction, since you have no knowledge of the location of your children. Then get to your lawyer, and begin to establish your parental rights.
Good Luck,