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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lupolady:
<strong>... Anger and depression are but two of the many ... emotions that can torment a ... soul. Often they are only an habitual way of thinking that has been given place over time. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have you ever had the feeling God is tapping you on the shoulder with a message?? Well, I've been seeing messages all over about controlling emotions and being the master of my emotions and so I either better LISTEN or God will bonk me on the head with a fry pan. I know Him--that's how He does it with me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

"OKAY, GOD, I'M LISTENING. YOU DON'T NEED TO HIT ME ON THE HEAD WITH THE FRY PAN THIS TIME. I KNOW IT'S PROGRESS BECAUSE YOU USED TO HAVE TO BONK ME AND NOW I KNOW TO LISTEN BEFORE THE BONK! THANK YOU FOR YOUR MESSAGE...SO WHAT IS IT??"

I saw a very interesting post recently about the tale of the two wolves: joy and anger. Do you know which wolf will rule in your heart?? The one you feed.

Then I saw this part of the prayer:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> ... I pray that (insert name here) would have faith in You to redeem their soul from negative emotions. May s/he never be controlled by depression, anger, anxiety, jealousy, hopelessness, fear, or suicidal thoughts. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now, I'm not trying to be selfish here, but do you know what message I see? "I pray that CJ would have faith in You to redeem her soul from her emotions. May she never be controlled by her emotions, be they sorrow, anger, jealousy, hopelessness, or fear -OR- excessive joy, unbridled happiness, trusting someone too quickly, hoping where there is not reason to, or boldly going where no man should go!"

Oh yes, folks, I am an emotional sea with waves of feelings rolling over me all the time. Sometimes they are gentle, soothing waves, and sometimes it's more like a tidal wave! Sorrow is diminishing, anger is mellowing, jealousy is still a struggle, hopelessess usually sneaks in when I'm not looking to God, and fear--OY--fear usually comes when I have $100 in the bank and the refrigerator just died! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Yet, we tend to think of the positive emotions as "good" and at least *I* tend to forget that even extremes of the positive emotions can be out of line with God. Like excessive joy and celebrating--taking the credit when God is the one who did the work! Or unbridled happiness and giddiness and school-girlishness which is unbecoming of a 40yo mother of two (okay--a little is nice, but a lot can be immature). Or trusting someone too quickly--I am FAMOUS for this (I get the Lifetime Achievement Award in the Trusting Too Soon Hall of Fame). Yes, I believe in trusting people, but it is WISDOM to trust them after they have shown themselves trustworthy. Gee, CJ, learn to wait! Same for hoping where there is not reason to hope--that's just Cinderella, pie-in-the-sky dreaming, not rooted, godly behavior. And finally there's boldly going where no man (or woman) should go (aka fearlessness). Yes, believe it or not, fear is not ALL bad. It can sneak in when it's inappropriate and stop you from trusting in God. But it can also stop you from jumping out of an airplane without a parachute!

Finally:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> Free (her) to share those deepest feelings with ... others who can help. Liberate (her)to ... not bottle (her) emotions inside. At the same time, give (her) the gift of laughter and ability to find humor in all circumstances and trust in you, regardless of how (she) is feeling. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Okay--I'd say the message there is that I need to share my feelings with others. Sometimes (believe it or not) that is hard for me to do, because it involves vulnerability and I hate being vulnerable. It's easier to keep them inside (good or bad) and deal with them myself then to try to open up and let others see.

And you know what?? How can I not laugh when I have a God who holds my hair as I puke when I pray for my OW (plural) and who bonks me on the head with a fry pan if I don't stop to listen?? He's FUNNY!! The pladipus proves that!!

CJ

<small>[ March 16, 2003, 10:37 PM: Message edited by: FaithfulWife ]</small>

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From "Experiencing God Day by Day" by Henry Blackaby.

RETURN TO GOD

Zechariah 1:3 Thus says the Lord of hosts: "Return to Me," says the Lord of host, "and I will return to you."

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> God places much of the burden of what will become on our response to Him. If we have drifted from God, His call is to return to Him. God promises that if we will return, He will immediately renew His relationship with us. James 4:8 promises that if we draw near to God, He will draw near to us. Mattew 7:7 guarantees that if we seek Christ, we will find Him. Much of the Christian life rests upon our response and our desire to experience God to the fullest.

Why is it some Christians seem to go so much deeper in their walk with God than others? Why have some had such powerful intercessory prayer ministries that have changed the courses of nations? Why has God chosen to anoint the words of some so that, when they speak or pray or preach, it is obvious that their words are consecrated by God? It is because these individuals have committed themselves to pursue God until His presence is powerful real in their lives. They have decided to settle for nothing less than vibrant relationship with God, and He has honored their desire.

Have you become complacent with your relationship with God, or are you hungering for more? Don't become satisfied with a relationship with God that is broken by sin and void of the power of the Holy Spirit. You have just as much of God's powerful presence available to you as the greatest saint in Christian history! Return to God. There is so much more in store for you if you will return to Him. He awaits your response. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Remember to pray for your marriage as well as everyone elses.

Love in Christ
cajunky

<small>[ March 17, 2003, 02:39 AM: Message edited by: cajunky ]</small>

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Very little of it is true. I'm not first string and she hasn't really closed the door in OM. I found out this weekend.

I feel like I'm back at square one 16 months ago. 16 months down the tubes. I have to start all over again. She still loves him. But if I force NC she'll resent it for a long time.

I felt so alone this weekend. I don't know what's the true any more. I can't trust it when she tells me she loves me, but she continues to say it. Hearing her say it hurt. I don't know if she stroked my hair and head last night because she might just love me or because she feels sorry for me.

I feel like God has schooled me enough for now. I'm tired of learning. I want Him to school her and OM for a while. I'm tired of hurting. They have lost nothing. I'm starting to think I'm losing my dignity. But I really think God wants me to hold on to this marriage. Is this really God's plan? I never thought that God's plans ever went back to square one. That it was a process and it only looks like it goes backward sometimes. But right now I having trouble believing that.

I've never asked for meds from my doctor before, but now I think it might be time.

This is going to be a tough week. Pray for me/us.

Thanks.

S&C

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by steadfast and committed:
<strong> I never thought that God's plans ever went back to square one. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?

Don't you remember that the Israelites went around the same, stupid mountain for 40 YEARS?!?!?!

What should have been an 11-day trip?!?!?!?!

Talk about going around "square one" again and again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

It's all about the journey. God wants the JOURNEY to be the most important thing. Ask Him what He is still trying to teach you. That's most likely what is holding "things" up. Something more for you to learn. You ain't there, yet, I guess.

Like many of us. Hang in there, S&C

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Wwwwaaaappp! The virtual 2x4 connects with S&C's head as he closes his daily reading and finishes Deuteronomy Chapter 34.

OK, so it's staring me right in front of the face and has been for the last few weeks. So where the heck have I been whilst the wondering has occured? Maybe focused on the wrong thing?

Well that's why I post here. God uses you in tremendous ways.

Then again, maybe he's telling me that I'm at a point where Plan-B will be effective and it's my W that is done wandering and is ready to cross back over when faced with the decision. I don't know. We'll see.

Lots for me to pray about. Just need to make sure God goes before me. Lupo, thanks for helping me up. I'm still tired of all of this, but at least I'm still on my feet (or is Christ carrying me now?). Thanks again.

Love in Christ

S&C

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by steadfast and committed:
<strong> I feel like God has schooled me enough for now. I'm tired of learning. I want Him to school her and OM for a while. I'm tired of hurting. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh, S&C, I am so sorry to hear that she is still in contact with the OM. For now, I will not even DISCUSS that, because I have a gentle word for you.

First, do you see the ONE pair of footprints in the sand? He's carrying you now.

Second, I sooooo identify with what you wrote above. It's been 3 years since my H strayed and I can distinctly remember one night feeling EXACTLY as you feel: defeated, tired, exhausted, stretched beyond your endurance... It's funny because I remember praying to God that night and telling Him, "I just can't do this anymore! I'm human and I can not do this!! My heart is dead and I don't even WANT to do this anymore. I'm tired of being patient. I have learned patience and longsuffering and all the rest of it. I don't need anymore lessons!"

Then God bonked me on the head with a fry pan. "I don't want YOU to do it anymore. You are getting in MY way. I wish you would let ME take over and give him to ME. Furthermore, you are right. You do not need anymore lessons in patience, but how presumptuous of you to assume that the lesson is FOR YOU! You are no longer just an individual--you have become ONE with your spouse and your spouse is the one who needs the lesson! Shame on you--you need to be quiet and wait until your spouse learns HIS lesson. Boy, you're really something thinking that the only person I would teach a lesson to is you. You are being patient for HIM not for you!!!"

Uhhhh...well I felt about an inch tall. Okay, I am only an inch tall, but that's another story (heehee). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

You know, those Israelites wandered around for 40 years because when they came out of Egypt, they went and spied on the inhabitants of the land, and 10 of the 12 guys came back and said, "Oh...I don't know...they're awfully big..." Only two guys (Joshua and Caleb) came back and said, "God told us He would be with us and we would defeat them--we trust in God--let's GO!" Joshua and Caleb wandered around with all those people as they all died, but guess what? They LIVED to not only get into the land of Israel, they LEAD THE PEOPLE IN THERE!

Don't you think they had reasonable reasons to complain during those 40 years?? "Oh God, COME ON! We trusted in you--do we HAVE to wander around too?? Couldn't we just sit here at the base of the mountain and watch those untrusting people wander around? I'm tired of dragging my stuff all over because they didn't believe in you. Hey...weren't we just here a year or two ago? GREAT--we're lost! God, we are sick and tired of these lessons and I'm sorry but I think we get patience now. HEY--why do WE have to have to wander around for 40 years! Are you punishing us or what?? It's been 30 years now...isn't that ENOUGH??? How long do you expect me to wait?"

Heehee.

I think you can see what I'm saying here.

Your true and faithful friend,

CJ

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Just reading everyone's posts is SO encouraging!! I thank everyone who fasts and prays on Wednesdays, because the prayer support is so important and doing so much!!

I feel God's presence every day and it is a privilege!! He has helped me hold on when I couldn't hold on any longer!! Financially, I am having a REAL struggle right now, no support, even temp support, and although he is paying the mortgage and a couple of credit card payments, that is all. The tuition at my D's school, a private Christian school is almost two months past due and I can't manage it. They have been very good and supportive of both my D and myself and I do not want to not pay them. Please pray that I can continue to meet as many obligations as possible while awaiting a support order decision! Thank you all!!

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Things are so bad right now that I cannot bear to post about them at the moment. My last shred of dignity is gone. Please pray for me.

Andy

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(((((((((((((((ANDY)))))))))))))))) & prayers

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Just an update, I put a friend of my parents in prayer at church. And this weekend my mother got a call from these friends, (my father is no longer with us here on earth), and the friend was diagnosed from a hospital here with esophagus cancer. They go south for the winter, and in Florida they did surgery and removed the tumor, and it was benign. This man is older, 89 going to be 90 this June. Praise the Lord.

I told my pastor, cause I have him and another friend of mine her husband has cancer of the brain. And my pastor, just shouted with joy, and hugged me and said, see God works in mysterious ways.

Praise the Lord everyone.

Then my mother just called tonight, and another friend of my parents, the wife called. And told her that her husband, has colon cancer. It is progressive, and he is to go into the hospital for treatment this Friday. They just found out about his cancer. So the wife is asking my mom about how my dad died, and the effects of treatment on my dad, and my fathers sudden differences in taste, moods, and illusions.

At least my mother can be of help to her, and help this woman get through the tough stages of her terminally ill husband.

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please pray for me, I'm getting very discouraged. I've been praying and I know it hasn't been long since I've made up my mind to be committed to waiting, but it has already been so long since this nightmare started. Also pray for my H. he has been more loving and kid to me but is upset about something I really don't have control over and something that was mainly his fault for opening a can of worms, but he is upset with me because I don't seem to care. So he is punishing me by not talking to me and being very formal. And I had thought we were getting along a lot better. I know satan is trying his hardest to cloud his mind, even tho he doesn't believe in any of that! but it is so hard not to take things oersonally and get hurt. Please pray I will be strong and loving towards him, so he can see I have changed. I know God has already answered prayer and things are changing. I just want it now! Just like all of us I guess. Thank you for this site and all the people who are praying for their marriages and not giving up. It seems like it's so easy for people to tell you to give up and get a life, Well my life is with my Husband and I don't want to give up.

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St. Patrick's Day is my MIL's B'day. My WH showed up with a gift. The last time he saw or spoke to his parents was sometime last summer, demanding money and when they refused, he walked out calling them names. He showed up apparently looking worse than ever. According to a family friend, he was drunk, fatter than she'd ever seen him, and looking "crazy" (she's known him since infancy and he didn't even speak to her when he saw her).

Once again, he was verbally abusive, especially to his father, but also to his sister who comes over daily to care for her parents (My MIL has Alzheimer's disease, which has progressed in my WH's absence so that she barely remembers what she said the moment she's said it and my FIL is not doing much better). My WH was making wild accusations about me, too.

Here's why I'm writing. My H is drunk, high, still living with the OW and her daughter (and sometimes her husband as well from what I hear), he's abusive to everyone who cares about him (including OW) and has driven away almost everyone his family and most of his friends. So, why am I here on this marriage restoration thread?

Why I still loved him for so long, despite how horribly he treated me, is a mystery to me, but I've ever so gradually fallen out of love with him. Today, after hearing how abusively he treated his family on his mother's birthday, I had somewhat of an epiphany and realized that for the first time I can actually say that I no longer love him. I don't hate him either. I feel sorry for him, but mostly I just feel nothing for him.

I'm not divorced and I took my marital commitment very seriously. That's why I've hung on, using no contact in the MB way to preserve whatever love I had left, but also to gradually detach in case divorce became inevitable.

Although my H left with the OW, he's never made any move toward getting a divorce. I filed, I hired a forensic accountant to evalluate our business, I obtained all the property appraisals, I'm the one keeping the business going, I'm sending him money every two weeks and paying his rent, etc. My H seems satisfied as long as he gets his check every two weeks, even though he's told everyone that I've sold all his belongings and I'm forcing him to live in shelters. I haven't seen or spoken to him in almost a year.

To be honest, part of the reason I haven't pursued divorce more agressively is purely selfish and monetary. I live in our "dream house" and I'll have to sell it to pay him off for his half of our business. The house is beautiful and it's on a large piece of property with a dramatic view of the mountains. We have horses and the property backs up on access to trails that go forever. It's also less than a mile from our business.

I actually feel relief that after years of unfaithfulness, lies, substance abuse, verbal and emotional abuse, 2 years and 4 months after he moved out, 2 years after he moved back home, then kicked me AND THE KIDS out and moved the OW in the next day, almost 1 year after promising on our tenth anniversary that he would get sober and come home, I am finally able to move on.

Is that wrong? Is restoration of marriage always the best answer? Even if it's the best answer, is it the only answer if the WS isn't interested? Can't I turn my relationship over to God and go on with my life? How do I know where God is leading me? I know that God can work miracles, but am I supposed to live my life based on the expectation of miracles? Maybe the "miracle" God has in store for me is something other than restoration of marriage with a man who has beaten me down emotionally and spiritually for 20 years.

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I was having very bad financial troubles, then I went to this site, http://www.virtualrosary.org/index.php , and I put my intentions for a new Catholic Wife (my ex wife is Catholic, and if she comes back, SHE would be my NEW wife!) and for help with my
finances. Last night my exwife offered to loan me the money I need and then this morning I opened a letter from my mortgage company and find a check for an overage on my escrow account! I will be able to catch up with this check!!!!!!!!!

GOD HAS ANSWERED MY PRAYER!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you all here, especially cajunky, for your prayers, past, present and future.

God Bless You,
Andy

<small>[ March 19, 2003, 07:33 AM: Message edited by: Not My Will, But Thy Will Be Done ]</small>

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Hey guys.....I have had my children this week so I have been having a blast with them so I haven't been able to respond to anyone this week. I will try and do it tonite. This is really the first time I have sat in front of the puter this week and it is only for a few minutes. I am praying for all of you ,especially you S & C this week. There were some great responses to your situation that kind of hit me in the head too.

See you tonite...... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love in Christ
cajunky

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HI Letstry,
One of the most beautiful traits of God is that He is so awesome at changing people.
Leaving your WH in His hands will do marvelous things. Although you don't love him anymore, God will give you the love you need when the time is right. Giving yourself and your WH over to the Lord is the best thing you can do, Let Him do the work in both of you that is needed. It is amazing when we "let go and let God" the results that can happen. God is faithful, and if you are faithful in standing for your marriage, no matter how bad the situation has been in the past and looks now, God is the worker of miracles! When the time is His, God can restore your marriage with a brand new man in your now WH. And He is apt to change you as well, if you let Him.
He has done some marvelous things in my own life, and I so look forward to who He wants me to be, and the man He is preparing my husband to be.
God will be glorified when the restoration comes, we will both be totally new people, compared to who we were when we married!
If you have never checked this site out, web page[/URL] Rejoice Ministries
give it a try, it is very encouraging!
In the mean time, keep looking to the one who loves you and your WH more than you could even imagine! God Bless keep you strong!
Love in Christ, SW

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