I am facing another weekend with son visiting a man who should be in jail for the crap he's done.

And not done.

Have done everything in my power to make living here in GA to be ok. But I am sick of it. Sick of going to work every day and spending a few hours with my son. Sick of waking up and feeling tired no matter what I do. Sick of having a death to my marriage drag on and on because of his dishonesty and treachery.

I want to just euthanize this marriage. It is dead. He killed everything. And yet I am supposed to put a good face on it. He thinks I should sweep everything under the rug...His gambling, his affairs, everything. He throws up at me "If you were a real Christian you'd forgive and just live now and forget about the past." Yea but Christians don't willingly perform lobotomies on themselves. Same for my Jewish friends too.

I cannot shake every day the way I feel when I look at intact families. I wonder if they are supporting each other? I see happiness and contentment. Am sick of going it alone. I've been alone for a year and a half now working on two years. He's never had one day alone. No guilt. Nothing.

I am sick of budgeting so tight that I totally avoid places like malls now. I haven't bought anything new in ...well I can't remember. And when I did buy something it was for my son.

My joy is being with my son and my few friends here. I just feel like a tiny minnow in a huge ocean of people here in ATL. And I'm in the suburbs.

When do we get happiness? Is Jethro always going to get his way? Am I going to ever not be alone?

Please pray along with us that God provides me with a medical sales/pharmaceutical sales job so I can work out of my home and have more flexibility and also possibly relocate to a smaller area here in Ga. That way we can be independent of Jethro and just be together and happy. We need space. And opportunity.

I am mad mad mad mad mad. How long do I have to keep suffering? Keep feeling exhausted? Keep feeling degraded? I am doing everything I can. I feel like there aren't enough hours in the day to even do the simple things and I am so frustrated. However, I did speak with two recruiters today and am emailing my resume and cover letter like a mad woman.

In my daydreams, there is my son and I walking hand in hand. We are in a small town, well smaller than metro Atlanta. We walk down the street to our home. A nice home. Doesn't have to be palatial like before but ours. And as we round the corner, a guy in a car (pretty cute) drives into our driveway and runs out to see us. He smiles and hugs us when he is near. I have imagined that again and again.

When is happiness coming? I am trying to bring it to us here and now but the stress is incredible. I understand how some of us feel here when someone else, the WS just disregards everything and not only are marriages ruined, but credit reports tainted and children are made more confused as the days drag along. We worry about little things we used to never even consider. We shoulder everything while a WS has someone else there with them to change the lightbulb, carry in groceries, and say "did you have a good day?".

THIS IS NOT FAIR. IT IS JUST NOT FAIR. My son has a part time playboy father and a stressed out overworked mom who tries to double as wonder woman. I can't even fit into the damn costume because I am...well the girl and the monthly thing ok?

I am getting I guess to the incredibly angry stage. More than incredibly angry.

He threw away our family. I picked what was left of our little family out of the trash and pieced it back together as best as I could. But not all of the pieces fit right and some are missing. A few days ago, my son watched Leilo and Stitch. The part where Stitch finds the photo of Leilo's family at the end he looks at her and says "this is my family. It is broken but still good." I began crying when I heard that. We are broken but still good. And my little one is everything to me. I want the world for him. I could work sun up to sun down and I can not give him an intact family no matter what I do. But I will give him a tiny and somewhat broken family that is filled with all the love in the world. We are broken, but good.

And I am just angry, hurt, sad, and bewildered. Confused also. Wondering about the future and a bit frightened too. I used to be totally fearless. A go getter. Life used to be a challenge instead of a fight to survive financially. And today we walked to the playground in our subdivision. We walked home hand in hand, my son and I. We rounded the corner and saw the house where we are now calling home. No guy in a car. Just us. And no daydreams. But it was ok. Despite everything I can make it when I see the love in my son's eyes. When I see this home, i am reminded of how horrible my life has been since moving in it. We are ready for a new and good beginning. I didn't want a divorce. But the man I was once married to is spiritually dead now. So I have to go on.

I am sorry for the angry and sad post. Sometimes I just don't know if I am really angrier or sadder right now.

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

((((((((( Peachy ))))))))))

I'm glad to see you venting it out here. It's vitally necessary. In fact, I was beginning to wonder how you were able to keep your latest posts so calm. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

When I would get angry, sometimes I would break pencils. If that didn't work, punching a pillow ... or better yet! SCREAMING into a pillow! THAT worked great!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> And then of course, if that didn't work, the old standby for me was to rearrange the living room furniture. There's something about shoving a couch that is so gratifying! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Karen

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Peachy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

just let me say I know exactly how you feel. Im sorry, and there is not anything that I can make better for you except to pray for our situations.

Take care, go give your son a hug. He loves you!
Dawn

AS a friend of mine just recently (this weekend) told me, there is no good answer, there is no winning at this situation, the situation will pass, but you have to just sit in the corner and wait.

I know it sucks, by my X just bribed my daughter into not wanting to come to my house on my scheduled week of vacation. And then she didn't want to go to a party that she had wanted to go to because X bribed her with something else, I don't know what, and accused me of maybe not returning me to her mom's house because its my week.

I don't know what to even say to the child, as the mom did not take her to her test on Monday. . . right now, I am just waiting, and not doing anything, because i don't want to be accused of doing anything wrong, and X's lawyer is not responding to requests to meet, more games by lawyers and X.

ugh.

yeah, i know how it feels, it just sucks! but we just have to wait it out, it will get better, just we don't know when so we just have to wait.

There are no guarantees to life, no guarantees to anything, but at the moment, the courts work extremely slow, and panders to the bizarre and uncooperative. I know, there are so many games that can be played, i was even told by a lawyers office that they settle divorces very quickly when all the assets are gone. . . nothing for them to get paid with.

think about it.

wiftty

Your post caught my attention as I am in Ga too. I don't know your situation, however, as you stated you can be broken - but good. Live for your son right now, the rest is sure to come. Does your H have visitation w/ his son? If so, use that time to pamper yourself. I know doing it alone can be overwhelming at times. Be patient, pray, and post here at MB - there are a lot of great people on here. tew

"Tough times don't last, tough people do."

(Read it here on the MB forum first)

I'm glad you are getting angry! Stage two maybe or three, transition?

I have read how your stbx IM's you and what he has written has helped build your case as forwarded to your attorneys. I do have a grave concern, at what cost to you and your son? PLEASE do not allow him to harrass you in this way any more. Cut the rope. Check with your attorney first but I don't think IM'n with him is healthy for you at all and certainly no more since there is a restraining order in place. If you continue contact with him how is that going to play out?

Please take care and take back your life! Your son needs you to be strong! You WILL see brighter days, I promise!

(((((HUGS)))))

Gayle

This is the last thing you want to hear...

time.

time.

and more time.

wiffty is right...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> yeah, i know how it feels, it just sucks! but we just have to wait it out, it will get better, just we don't know when so we just have to wait.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">just hang on because it is worth the wait. i promise - and so does He.

{{Peachy}}
You are in many people's prayers. I'm glad you find peace in venting here. I've learned that sometimes venting reinforces the anger, and we get what we focus on. God is trying to teach you and I patience and to show us that our H's weren't good people.

I have a hard time visioning my future, even knowing that focusing on the positive is the right thing to do, and that I will have a good life.
And even in your vent, I'm happy to see that you can so clearly state your vision. It isn't a daydream, it is your future. I really needed to see this today, to become refocused.
God bless you and your family.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> In my daydreams, there is my son and I walking hand in hand. We are in a small town, well smaller than metro Atlanta. We walk down the street to our home. A nice home. Doesn't have to be palatial like before but ours. And as we round the corner, a guy in a car (pretty cute) drives into our driveway and runs out to see us. He smiles and hugs us when he is near. I have imagined that again and again.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Hi,
I just wanted to comment. Something I learned the hard way. If your x was as miserable as you, would it change your misery? Some things we focus on are things we can do nothing about.

I have found that if we identify our feelings and sort them out, write them down and look at the facts, it does us no justice to harbor anger over things we cannot control. It may seem justifieable and may be but it still does us no good to put all of our energy into something we cannot control. We have to find a way to let it go so it doesn't consume our very being.

Even tho he is gone and a no good, you are still giving him control over your life and happiness. Take control of your feelings and your life. I have been in misery before and it took me a very long time to get past it. Like 15 years!

We cannot change the past, we cannot change anybody else but we do have control over ourself. Not what happens to us but how we choose to react to it. We can either learn from it and become stronger or become a victim to our circumstances.

I know it is hard when there are so many negative aspects going on at once but we have to learn what to let go and what to change.

This sounds harsh, but sometimes it is easier to focus on someone else's mistakes and shortcomings rather than on our own. Blaming someone else for our misery only works for a while. Sooner or later we have to take responsibility for where we are if we are to change anything.This little saying helped me and may be helpful.

Giving Up and Letting Go

Giving up implies a struggle
Letting go implies a partnership

Giving up says there is something to lose
Letting go says there is something to gain

Giving up dreads the future
Letting go looks forward to the future

Giving up lives out of fear
Letting go lives out of grace and trust

Giving up is defeat
Letting go is victory

Giving up is unwillingly yielding control to forces beyond myself

Letting go is choosing to yield to forces beyond myself

Giving up believes that God is to be feared
Letting go trusts in God to care for me.

Wouldn't it be better to learn to let go and have some peace and find some happiness now, rather than waiting for the circumstances to change to provide this? You will have more energy and a better frame of mind if you can learn to let some things go. Don't focus on him anymore. He is not worth robbing you of the present any longer. When we are in a better frame of mind, we make better choices and have more contol on geting our life on the right track.

I hope this does not sound judgmental or critical. It wasn't meant to. It was meant to help you take control of your life and find some happiness and peace.

Free

peachy -

I feel for you but don't know what I can say that would be of much help. I know my situation felt hopeless, helpless and I felt trapped. I would also look at other happy couples and families and feel envious and see the stark contrast with my life. I finally took control of my situation and made changes. It was very scary and I'm still scared and sad. You have done and are doing all you can do. The rest is out of your control. Try not to worry about what you can't control. Things are tough and bad now, but they WILL get better. You're taking all of the steps to make that happen. Believe me, I've felt sorry for myself a lot and thought life was unfair. But those thoughts aren't productive in any way and only serve to make us feel worse and more negative. I'm trying to find something, even something almost trivial, positive to think about and make myself at least feel good for a little while. I'm glad you have your son, and he obviously loves you. Just try to stay strong and remember that while you're suffering now, its for the long term good.

Focus on your son and on yourself. Try to think as little as possible about your husband. Thinking about him can only make you feel worse.
I don't know if you have an IC or are taking any meds. Might be something to think about. It's helping me.

notpeachy,
I haven't posted in mb for quite some time. I'm familiar with the stories of people who have ultra sick puppies for a spouse. So sorry it's a description that applies to you.

There's one thing the previous posts didn't mention, so I logged in just to post on your thread. Anger is part of the grieving process! You of all people have plenty to be angry about! Pondscum is too good a description for your stbx. Something stinky and vile at the bottom of the pond is more appropriate. The stages of grief are denial, depression, anger, and eventually acceptance. There's no short cuts through any of the grieving. The good news is there's no posted speed limit that says you have to travel it in the granny gear. Being aware of the stages, the work to be done, and knowing that there *is* a point where you'll reach acceptance... these things won't let you leapfrog anything but it can shorten the time spent going through it.

My prayer for you is the most expeditious recovery possible and that you might have moments of genuine joy in each and every day.

As for jethro wanting you to forgive and forget, well, it sounds to me like the responses appropriate for his actions are a series of rebukes. If you feel compelled to put on a 'good face' when dealing with his abuse, I'd highly recommend reading Bold Love by Dan Allender.

TYhank you. And I am still mad. He is now attempting to foil the hearing next week by claiming another legal maneuver. But attorneys say he is just flapping his gums.

Anyhow, he got son this morning. Is NOT taking son to school either today or tomorrow or monday. And although it's preschool, it is important for my son and his routine and his daily stuff. He loves school too. It has helped him deal with this crap. On friday school was going to circus and he was excited. But...Jethro's own circumstances come first when Jethro has visitation. He is taking son out of state to SC on business. And the enabling grandparents/outlaws are going to be there (hilton head again) as they are sales reps for Jethro and will babysit for him as he does what he wants to. He claims he will be working alot and yet will spend time with our son. I am just sick of this crap.

I am now legally approaching this with lawyers as I emailed them after receiving his latest crapola. And then he sends me a lovely email later of get this one...jokes. Jokes? Oh he's hilarious all right. Jokes about marriage. And not nice ones.

So I emailed attorneys twice today about the new stuff and also presented an idea that Formerly Confused told me. It is a good one. I WILL LET JETHRO THINK HE HAS WON OR GOTTEN A BETTER DEAL THAN I DID. I told attorneys that we have to, from period after the hearing next week when judge comes down hard on him to right before the scheduled trial convince Jethro that we will mediate and then go into mediation and LET HIM THINK HE'S GETTING A SUPER DEAL COMPARED WITH WHAT THE JUDGE WILL GIVE HIM. I am even going to pretend to anguish during mediation as though it's killing me. Either way, we will change our approach. See if this makes him a bit more reasonable. He is very narcissistic and this may be just the ticket.

We shall see. I am going to try to use thinking cap here to deal with this nutso in the future.

And I am going to get my nails done later tonight. I've had it with him and saved up twenty two dollars to go and get a manicure. Eating in and saving money on gas and other luxuries. Oh how I adore coupons!

And we are going to get to the bottom of the outlaws and their living in my property.

I loved the poem sent about letting go and letting God. I relinquished control to God awhile back but am frustrated that resolution hasn't come sooner.

Had a bit of well. let's call it montezuma's revenge today and only believe it is due to the extreme stress. But I am eating a piece of fried chicken right now and counteracting anything a few lost ounces could do for me. Oh well. IF my stomach is still lurching later, then maybe this crap will leave my system also.

I am going to have a little me time tonight and today. I have a slow patient day tomorrow. Yea! And I am going to go home and do nothing but me stuff. I will pretend to be like a WS and feel "IT'S ALL ABOUT ME".

He's made me lose so much sleep, money, and precious time with my child. Not to mention I am growing weary of this celibacy thing. And it's not about him. That complaint is about me missing a part of my life that's just in limbo.

I have also another idea. See what you think. Whenever I have contact with him in the future, I will use Orchid's famous reverse babble/fog the fogger technique. I will let him think he's won and then agree with him and say uh huh. Yea. Right. Sure thing. But I don't believe as you do but what is the difference? It is what it is. And then I will leave him foggier than he made me by instantly changing the subject and making it all about me. We got along actually better when I made him think I saw things his way. But I don't want anything to do with him other than being a parent.

And he just called three times on my cell and I had to stop writing to answer it or he'd keep calling. Son is coughing again and he is complaining about this or that. Saying "when did he start coughing?" I say yesterday. Tell him that it is post nasal drip irritating his throat thus he deep hacking cough. That I listened to his chest and his lungs were clear and that he has bad allergies like his mother does. Told him to give son pediatric claritin syrup and also the cough medicine from the doc. That wway the drip stops the irritation and the cough stops and the throat begins to heal. He didn't get it. But I broke it down almost to the ridiculous so this giant brain of a man could get it.

He then says he will take son back to doctor in another week or two for "a complete workup". Yea right. And I suggest son may need to see allergy speciallist or EENT. He says he will get son a referral for one. (Hey aren't I the medical professional last time I checked? Maybe Jethro has decided to take up brain surgery like granny clampett did in the office next to Mr. Drysdale). So I try out my new theory. I say, yea, YOU SURE HAVE A GOOD IDEA. (he thinks now it was him who came up with idea to take son to specialist). I say "I AGREE WITH YOU AND WILL GET THE DOCS I WORK WITH TO GET US IN IMMEDIATELY WITH THE BEST." He buys it. This is great! I just act like he is the smart one. He gets off of phone and is not rude.

I am sick of pretending anything just to have a small, microscopic degree of peace in my life; in my son's life. Anything to keep Jethro at a far distance is good for me. Very good for me.

It is hilarious but last summer when I tried this approach first, he told people that "we had a great relationship and that I really understood him" but then he tried a few late night visits and I don't want that again.

So I will only have talk about son or preferably by email. He is something else. Definitely a wack job. But I feel sorry for Ms. Family Values b/c my goodness it is so hard to do anything when all of your decisions are made by such a brilliant man with gigantic bal..uh, er brain.. Yea. brain.

I am now I think delirious from anger and frustration and stress. This could be good though. This chicken sucks. No more of that for me. Once I kick the hillbilly to the curb, I will re-morph back into my babe mode and go back to the fun lovin' peachy I used to be.

My stomach is lurching again. Probably because I had that verbal conference with Einstein a little while ago.

I don't have any words of wisdom. You have heard everything and anything I would say.
You don't need advice right now. You know exactly what you are doing. You are a smart lady. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I'm just glad to hear how mad you are.
Vent, vent, vent!
You know we are here for you.
I'm praying for you.

Aly

When I get upset like this I go outside and run.

Hi Peachy! I wanted to toss my $.02 in the ring: What you said: "I have also another idea. See what you think. Whenever I have contact with him in the future, I will use Orchid's famous reverse babble/fog the fogger technique. I will let him think he's won and then agree with him and say uh huh. Yea. Right. Sure thing. But I don't believe as you do but what is the difference? It is what it is. And then I will leave him foggier than he made me by instantly changing the subject and making it all about me. We got along actually better when I made him think I saw things his way. But I don't want anything to do with him other than being a parent."
Well, that sounds right on - and I know you have been strong and are tired of this loooong battle with Jethro. Does your cell phone have Caller ID, I think most of them have that now. My wife has a Nokia and it has free caller ID on it. If you see him, you just don't answer it. And the Instant Messaging thing - can't you just BLOCK him? I assume you have AOL IM. Seems like every time he IMs or calls you, it's to unload more BS on you. Peachy, you just don't need that! Spare yourself more misery from him - Lord knows you've sure had more than your share of it.
Just MHO is all. Hope it helps you some.
Love and HugZ to you, my Friend. Harold

Thanks Aly.

Did anyone watch the scott petersen interview tonight? I was watching in absolute fear. I remember when I busted my stbxh in Christmas of 00 with Ms. Monkeyho. He didn't come home the day before Christmas. And it lead to so much arguing and it ruined the holiday. He got physical with me and pushed me. Maybe he is that 1 in a billion WS who didn't kill but I doubt it.

So much came back to me when watching that interview. How he tried to convince Diane Sawyer that Laci was "non confrontational and ok basically" with the fact he had just disclosed an affair to his eight mo. preggo wife. Nope. I doubt she took it well. I remembered all the times a d day would come around. He would do something always...and any reaction from me would turn his affair into "my fault". He was "made" to push me down flights of stairs. Made to strike me or made to punch me in the forearm. Yes, he was abusive towards the end.

And I believed for so long it was because I made him do it. Now I know differently though. And my stbxh did not ever admit he hurt or harmed me. Despite the police report and photo taken by police one month before he moved out. Showed where he busted my lip.

But people don't assume that domestic abuse happens or adultery happens in such a nice looking family. In such a nice neighborhood. But it does behind closed doors daily.

I don't think I've ever posted about how he got out of control before. Guess I was just embarassed. And now I guess this is all part of the new anger phase thing I am entering into. I am mad. Damn mad. He lied to us about finances, kept us living minimally while he lived it up like a rich playboy. He slept with other women and denied me as a wife. He has been an unstable dad (great however in his mind) having allowed our son to be around both mistresses in one calendar year and now deliberately upsetting son's schedule (which he needs so badly...repitition and routine is important for little ones especially those enduring like ours are right now)dragging our son out of state on a whim and not doing the right thing just because he wants his "equal time". He plundered our assets and thinks now he is a loving and giving man because last saturday he brought to the easter egg hunt (along with mistress' child) three rather inexpensive outfits for our boy since I cannot afford to buy any with him leaving me in this financial state. So I am trying to get through this. And guess sooner or later this would come to the surface.

I thank my Lord God that I am safe right now. That my life was spared when it could have been tragically different. And the final outcome is yet to be seen. However, in light of this tragedy on the news, it might make some selfish WS's think twice before acting out the ultimate betrayal on their spouses.

And people think adultery hurts nobody. That is it about "finding the right person". And about "growing with someone else". I am personally sick of the foggy people out there who justify it and make all kind of excuses trying to make us buy it. Adultery hurts families. It makes people become very angry and emotional. When you betray the one closest to you, there's gonna always be anger and hurt. It's a given. Why else do they hide it and go to such lengths to lie and cover up and explain away?

I thank God right now that he has at least one restraining order against him. That will make him think before he ever barges into my home uninvited and unwelcomed again. Before he ever loses his temper with me verbally or in any other way. He won't have the chance to. I cut him off at the pass always. It's sad, but my stbxh really needs some help. He's a chronic gambler and liar and morally defunct. He maybe has even other addictions but I can't totally confirm it as of yet.

Plan B is good. I am not expending anything to his EN's. Thus he can get his EN's elsewhere and also take out his emotional frustration with Ms. Family Values or whoever is in the picture now.
And that is sad. She has a son. A little one. And she doesn't know who or what she's having an affair with. I know though. And she should be careful.

I hope and pray that the judge or through negotiations I am awarded this divorce on the grounds I have stated: adultery, cruel treatment, and irrevocable breakdown. That was there is a public record of his abuse so that future other women will be able to find out what could happen to them or their children.

When do they ever stop the destruction? Do WS's, the really bad ones ever stop it? And the funny part is when he was "found out" he tried to portray me as insane. Even trying to go only once to a counselor (by himself of course and not with me) and played her voice messages of me distraught trying to convince her that I was unstable. When things looked bad for him, all he could do was label me "unstable" and try to make everything appear as if it was him being the good guy staying with me so long and not realizing that everyone knew that he had an affair, that he was cruel. He went to great lengths to not prove, or at least to always cover up and deny his being abusive.

My old counselor had told me this day would come. I had worked through alot last year. She said I was at that time far off from the total anger thing and that I was still in denial somewhat then. That there was too much shock and as revelations about what he was really doing kept coming up, I couldn't get the closure needed to move to the anger phase and closer to healing. Guess what? I think finding out the financial information which shed so much light on his horrid lifestyle and lies has helped me inch closer to anger. Now it's all confirmed. And it's ugly truth. The lies are being exposed and I am getting that closure. And those lies and hurts and betrayals are making me one angry woman now.

Well at least next wednesday there may be one WS and abuser behind bars. We'll see if the one in CA gets found guilty too. God I had prayed for that family and the wife and the little baby. I had prayed for a return like Elizabeth Smart's.

A friend of mine IM'd me and said that "it sure was funny that the peterson woman disappeared on Christmas Eve and was found on Good Friday." I think it is God's way of bringing those guilty to justice. Showing us He that although man was given the gift of free will, we are messing everything up. And our sovreign Lord is in control. He will only let these things go for so long.

Keep praying. I am praying for all of us here too.

I hope you know you are not alone.
It's a lonely time for some of us.
I feel it too.
I keep praying. I know I'm never alone.
I know God has a plan for me.
I'm learning "Gods time"
I know moving on is the right answer.
It's just hard.
Change is hard.
I miss my kids when they are with him.
I'm so used to noise in the house.

Aly

Aly I am praying for you too. My house is a quiet one too this weekend. But we're not alone <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I have a huge praise! Got a request for a callback interview (30 minute one this time) from another pharmaceutical company! So that means my resume is working and that I am not the loser that Jethro thought I was...hee hee.

Ask that you pray hard that God blesses son and I with a job in pharma sales right now. Would afford me to work from home (yea more time with son!) And definitely better earning potential although I have ok job now. But I want total independence soon from Jethro. Ultimately I would love to slap him with papers saying "I don't need your stinkin' alimony...Just pay the child support and be done with it. Your former stay at home wifey is moving up to the executive office!".

I know with my work ethic and ability I will move up pretty fast. It is amazing how fear can be a very formidible driver in achieving success..Unfortunatley us women who are forced to make these kind of decisions know all too well. Two years ago I was a stay at home mom. Now I am pursuing a career where I will within hopefully a few years be making what Jethro made about four years ago. Before he went into business with his partner and started this company. He did well and we lived very comfortably. But doing it myself. For my son and I. That will be a blessing.

Keep praying. Oh. I will unfortunately be in court next wednesday again. Second contempt hearing.

That will be the time when Jethro may have to don orange and beg for soap on a rope!

Somehow I am stronger tonight. I know that the rollercoaster ride is still going on as long as things aren't finalized and the legal battle ensues, but God is good.

And I am having a "PRETEND I AM A WS WEEKEND--THE OFFICIAL IT'S ALL ABOUT ME WEEKEND HAS BEGUN!". Tomorrow i am getting a manicure and pedicure. Going to tanning bed and to gym. Then going out w/girlfriends tomorrow night. And sleeping in and doing what I want. Hee hee. Tonight's forensic night on court t.v. and I love it!

Jethro is out of state with our son and is with the outlaws. Lawyers are playing hardball with him now. He needs it.

Check in with you later tonight ok? And you have your own "IT'S ALL ABOUT ME WEEKEND TOO IF YOU CAN".

The weather is awful here. Sis and bro and friend in Alabama worry me--tornadoes. Pray for those there ok?

Been coughing all night long. Guess what? I have strep. Son has strep too.

But my bro in law says it is weird that I don't have a fever though. I am back on antibiotics. He says to rest a bit today and exercise if I feel like it.

But itsn't this supposed to be the "ALL ABOUT ME WEEKEND?"

Why. I want some good times here. And I will get them.

I am going to take a nap now and then go get my manicure and go jogging (if I feel better) at the greenbelt. And then to clean house and get ready, again if I feel like it, to go on girls' night out.

I am mad and angry that this is second go round with strep. It's not my fault that Jethro or the outlaws cannot properly administer antibiotics to my son.