If you did Plan B, can you answer these questions for me?

1) How long did you do plan A?
2) How long did you do plan B?
3) Were there any false recoveries?
4) Who made the final decision to file for Dv, you or your spouse?

Just curious, as I contemplate plan B and/or filing for Dv.

Jen

1 - 9 months plan A.
2 - 7 months plan B.
3 - No, but there was a false expression of interest in marriage counseling 4 months ago.
4 - I filed, because my plan B time limit expired.
4a - I am going to file again on fault grounds, in order to speed this up.

I planned Bed way too early and then went to a Plan A. Did this for about 5 months. Three false recoveries during that time. I'm in a plan B right now but physically see my H when he picks up one child each day. I filed the seperation papers and anticipate that I will be the one to file the divorce papers once we've been seperated a year. WH still wants "his family" and OW. Since I've entered Plan B, H has on a few occassions said things like, "do you think there is any chance in us working this out" I've responded "I don't think we need to talk about that, we know how that works..." WH doesn't want to come back, he just wants to know that I'm still in the game -- I'm not.

I Plan A'd for 5 months till I found out she was violating No Contact. Part of my rules for Plan A was that it was all over if that happened. With her, I found that setting rules worked best when she didn't know about them... as she would start splitting hairs. But, not knowing the rules, she saw my behavior CONSISTENTLY applied over time.

I assume you're asking Jen because you're wondering what to do about your husband. IMHO, your divorce is getting to the point where it's going to be about cutting losses, not preserving a relationship. I've said it before... I wish my xWW had shown even a tenth of the effort you have into making things right.

<sends good vibes your way>

Plan A'd from Aug 2000 to April 2001. From then on it was strict Plan B. Ex left the house Aug 2000, said he wanted to attempt to work things out in March 2001, then sat in counselors office and laughed about it. By this time the more extensive child abuse had begun to surface anyway, so Plan B was the only way to go.

The divorce is pretty much done as of Jan 2003, but no formal judgement signed yet as his attorney is still delaying everything.

Lori

Plan A, when I should of Plan B according to the Harleys. Then when I wanted to Plan A, husband was still in depression. And was emotionally not here. Plan B, was set, because there was so much anger, and hostility. Verbal abuse was so strong. But once again, Plan B didn't work out the way it was suppose to. Husband was controlling, and said he will do Plan B his way. I filed for Divorce, after physical abuse. And of course this Divorce has been a nightmare. Still is a nightmare.

The best scenario is to Plan A, work on it till you can't do it anymore. Then Plan B, your way, the way it is suppose to be. No contact, nothing. Just be civil on the phone for minimal contact, but better yet, no contact. And a true Plan B, awakens the betrayer up. The problem I had, was I had no choice in either Plan A or B. I was always under the remarks of husband in stating he would do each plan his way.

If I had to do it again, I would of told husband to leave, when the Harleys told him to leave. See he was still living in the house, and talking to the fat other woman, and not keeping thoughtfulness here in the house. He wouldn't even be considerate and leave the house when he was talking to the fat woman. It was all his way, and that hurt. I wish now, how to do things, cause I would of told him to leave, and if he didn't, I would of called the police. Cause I had the records to show that hew as violating our home with his lust and ballistic actions.