That long subject title says it all.

Let's hear from all you MB 2nd timers. How's your second marriage after experiencing infidelity in your first marriage. Any residual issues?

Lv,
Jo

<small>[ August 01, 2003, 01:08 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Gosh, so no one here has married again since their divorce which was related to infidelity in their first marriage? Not a one?

Jo

I have no direct proof my EX wife was having an affair.....but, I had a few signs....anyhow, I am remarried.......and things are fantastic. We both are lucky in that we get along with our EXs and our EXs have met us both. That tends to make things roll along much more smoothly.

Hi Jo, thanks for asking! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I remarried 7/10/02, we just celebrated our first anniversary!

We are both BS, he had been divorced for 15 years, myself 3 years.

At first, I have to tell you, his ex seemed like an OW to me. From what I could figure out she had emotionally leaned on him over the 15 year span. At 8 months of dating I blocked her number from calling mine because her calls had gotten ridiculous and often. My thinking was she could call him at home, she could call him at work but leave us alone the little time we shared at my house. The kids were grown! She didn't want him but she didn't want anyone else to have him either. My BIG trigger! I didn't leave it blocked for long but boy was she pi$$ed.

He dated 2 different people for 6 weeks each during the 15 years after the divorce. He had custody of his three kids so opted to stay out of the dating game until they were on their own.

Truly, I was ready to spend the rest of my life with my four legged critters. I was again happy with myself! I really liked me!

Trust took time although I had known "of him" since I was 13 years old.

We have between us 5 kids from ages 22 to 29, 2 inlaw kids, 1 fiance kid, 6 grandkids, 3 dogs, two cats and a fish!

He is one of five, I am an "only'. He is 46, I turn 49 next month.

Similar FOO issues.

Jo, I can't stress enough that reading the materials here didn't save my last marriage (serial cheater) but is building this marriage; one that "we" are taking to the grave! We both share the painful experience of being the recipient of infidelity.

Hope all is well with you!

Gayle

Hey Jo,

I remarried 3/8/2002. Just a little over a year ago. So far , things are really good. My husband's ex also had an affair and ended up pregnant.

The only thing that even remotely seems like it could possibly cause problems would be his lack of trust. Ya see, he was only separated for 3 months and divorced for 2 when we met. And we got married 4 months after that. But, I don't give him any reasons to not trust me. And he doesn't either.

And he's a very good step-father which is a major plus.

Oh, and there's a picture of me, him, his kids and my kids on faith1's MB photo album thread on GQII! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> His kids are the red heads. LOL

Take care,
Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I wanted to clarify this to not give the wrong impression:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I can't stress enough that reading the materials here didn't save my last marriage (serial cheater) </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I filed for divorce 4/98 and the divorce was granted 7/99. I joined MB's in 2000 to learn and try to understand why someone would start cheating 30 days after they took their vows. The past had to explored so I could move forward.

OT Jo but are you in the art/agency/pr field? I can't remember if it is you or I am thinking of someone else.

Thanks for the thread, I feel like it's a coming out party!

If you have any specific questions, I'll do my best to get back to you.

Hey Jo!!!

Not M yet, was supposed to be in April, but, as the date approached the kids [hers, mine are older and don't really care what the old man does] wanted to be included in the ceremony. We were just going to do the JP gig.

We have been together for two and a half years and there is no fear of straying. It helps being grads from MB!!!

I'm on my Second Marriage. I was involved in a EA back in '94 with my first wife, she in turn did PA on me in '96 and again in '98. We divorced.
I remarried in '00 and since then, my wife now has shown me what marriage is all about and she is LOVE IN ACTION. Basically, she's everything my first wife wasn't. Would you believe, we met online!? No horror story here - we emailed, then swapped addresses and phone numbers, then she came to visit me and we hit it off immediately.
COMMUNICATION is the Key to a successful marriage. Talk about everything! No matter how small it seems.
Just my story, Harold <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi everyone,

Well yes, I remarried August 27th. This lady is just about the best woman I ever met. The subject of infidelity never comes up.

We are a little older than most of you, I'm 61, she is 53. For my part, it is a lot easier to be faithful now that my hormones are no longer driving me nuts, today I'm a home body, a couch potato, part of the pipe and slippers crowd.

I was divorced for nearly twenty years. Probably dated over thirty women in that time. It finally occurred to me that the only common denominator in all those failed relationships was ME? I was beginning to wonder if it was possible that I was doing something wrong. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Good to hear from all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Resilient~
I have been delightfully divorced from a serial cheater for 14 years. I've been blissfully remarried for 12. We were both BS in our previous marriages.

There haven't been any issues to speak of. I mean DH's x tried to be a pain for awhile, but once I sent my attorney after her, she pretty much left us alone. As for kids, there are 5 between us (no "ours"). We moved 3000 miles away from both our x(s), which did mean we lived no where near DH's children while they were growing up. My DH would tell you that it was the BEST possible thing we could have done. It allowed his daughters to bond with their stepdad. Meanwhile, MY children would say that they appreciated being able to bond with DH as if he were their biological dad. I think MY children really benefitted from the relationship with DH (and lack of contact with THEIR dad), but, I have to be honest and say that as wonderful as my stepdaughters' stepdad was (he's divorced from their mom, now), I think they suffered enormously from not having DH in their lives on a regular basis. I don't think they understood that my DH was making a sacrifice that HE believed to be the right choice for them. All of our kids are now adults...and very happy, successful and loving people. I just think the distance between DH and his daughters was difficult for them, partly because their mother was not a good or healthy influence on them. She told them more lies about me (and our relationship) than I can begin to remember. At least being 3000 miles away, put us out of her immediate orbit, which was probably easier on DH's girls. Still, I'd have to say, DH's daughters suffered the most pain, as a result of their parents' divorce and their dad's remarriage.

But, for us, LOVE is definitely better the 2nd time around. We appreciate every single day we have together. We know that WE are very lucky to have gotten out from under the drama we lived in our former lives and we are blessed to have found each other.

~BTM

I divorced my ex in 1999 and got married again this May 27th (coincidentally my B-day) to a wonderful woman who, like me, was married to a multiple affair loving ex-H. I'm such a lucky man to have this woman as my wife that many times I feel like doing Snoopy's happy dance at the drop of a hat. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hey Coffee,
You said:
I divorced my ex in 1999 and got married again this May 27th (coincidentally my B-day) to a wonderful woman who, like me, was married to a multiple affair loving ex-H.

I am doing Snoopy's dance too because you are married to a woman this time and not an affair loving "ex-H"!!! LOL!!! (Just playing with ya!)

Oh I needed to add.......my new wife and I were friends before we became an item. We both were actually dating other people when we met. I have only been remarried for 1mo.....that is after dating for a year. My wife is nothing like my EX wife......Noone liked my EX.....not my friends, or even my family. Everyone loves my current wife....she is like a dream come true. She is beautiful, sweet, caring, stable......she is as close to ideal a woman I have ever seen. Boy do I LOVE HER!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by adgirl48:
<strong>Hey Coffee,
You said:
I divorced my ex in 1999 and got married again this May 27th (coincidentally my B-day) to a wonderful woman who, like me, was married to a multiple affair loving ex-H.

I am doing Snoopy's dance too because you are married to a woman this time and not an affair loving "ex-H"!!! LOL!!! (Just playing with ya!)</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ROTFLMAO <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks adgirl, I need to preview my posts more carefully otherwise folks might think I drink from the wrong cup. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Hey Guys,

S'cuse me while I but in here for a sec...

I usually spend all my time over on the Emotional Needs B. but this post caught my eye.

I was really surprised to hear how many of us are divorced, remarried and married only a year or so.. My 1st anniversary was this weekend. (1st marriage 21 years, no INF)

I have run across a lot of people on this board that have been married coming up on a year (second marriages). Maybe a whole new topic in itself?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I was encouraged to know that there are others that have come to MB maybe not in a "crisis" so much, as wanting to learn how to make this NEW marriage work.

Just thot I would say hello ..

Diamonzzz

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> ROTFLMAO

Thanks adgirl, I need to preview my posts more carefully otherwise folks might think I drink from the wrong cup. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just helping you out there and trying to give you a screen spew with that coffee!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">DH was making a sacrifice that HE believed to be the
right choice for them. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think it is terribly sad that, even in the case where the marriage did not result from an affair, the children were hurt. I very much doubt that the real reason he moved away from his children was that he thought he was doing what was best for them, though he may have even convinced himself of that. I think it is more likely that it was too painful for him to see his children but not be living with them, and it was easier to put distance between them.

The more I read here and elsewhere, the more I am convinced that it is extremely rare for remarriage, whether of the WS or the BS, to benefit the children. At the very least, a new partner almost always results in the parent spending too little time with their children. In most cases, the children would be better off if both biological parents remained single until their children are grown. In many cases, this is only a matter of a few years, and I don't see how that can be too much of a hardship for the parents.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Nellie1:
<strong>[QUOTE] The more I read here and elsewhere, the more I am convinced that it is extremely rare for remarriage, whether of the WS or the BS, to benefit the children. At the very least, a new partner almost always results in the parent spending too little time with their children. In most cases, the children would be better off if both biological parents remained single until their children are grown. In many cases, this is only a matter of a few years, and I don't see how that can be too much of a hardship for the parents.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I guess my remarriage is one of those rare cases. My new wifes EX rarely spent any time with her son......Im NOT his father, but Im more of a father to him than his dad. My kids on the other had no longer have to witness their parents arguing and fighting which in most cases really damages the kids......finally all kids have a normal home with parents who care enough about each other and them. Have a good day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I've been re-married for almost 6 years now. We were both the WS. At first it was very difficult due to the circumstances but that now seems like an eternity ago. My marriage to my second husband is awesome. Some of that I think has to do with learning from our mistakes and making our marriage first in our life. I have two kids that live with us and two step kids that are with us about 40% of the time. The kids are very close. My husband and my two kids are extremely close due to the fact that he does 90% of their parenting compared to their dad who doesn't have much interest. My husband and his wife do a good job co-parenting with each other. His ex has been dating the same man for over a year and my ex has been living with the same girlfriend for 6 years or so.

Great to hear there is hope out there for those of us who may be joining the D crowd. I know if there is a "next time" I'm going to be waiting in measurements of Years before jumping into the M boat again. Keep em coming!